This morning, I delayed, if not excused, the video I’ve been doing with the Psalms and Proverb a day because I was greatly grieved in my stomach.

It felt like sick, but my head felt heavy, my shoulders felt burdened, my solar plexus felt like many burning knives were dancing there.  My every muscle was tight, and trying to relax them was so far from my thinking because I wasn’t even sure I could survive the “knives”.

There are some situations in my life that are greatly volatile, and chaotic that affect my decisions.  There are people that I have to take into account, and relationships that I have to navigate.  There are wounds that are so deep that they are hard to even vocalize.

Then there are memories, tangible places that pull emotions out of my heart and psyche only to force me to look at them again whether I want to or not.  Some memories are good, but most are overshadowed by deep dark grey with streaks and streams of bitter tears that flow through it but don’t thin it’s thickness.

My mental health does affect my physical health and vice versa.

I am planning a trip in April. There is one specific place that I will be attending, the Psychiatric Service Dog Partners 2023 Convention in Rock Hill, SC.

Another place I’d like to go is my brother’s house in Raleigh, NC.

Ohio is always on my hope and prayer list.

But could all of this be why my body is in rebellion today?

Well, I decided to put some things into practice that I’ve been learning.

Breathe – let go of the tension

Get my internal self more open to possibilities, don’t hold on so tightly to MY plans

Cry out to God for being missing in this (every see how much an object is covered when you hold on tight compared to when you open your hand?) – I couldn’t see past the trip I was clinging t6o.

I placed my worry about the truck on the altar.

I placed my worry about the hotels on the altar.

I placed my worry about managing the suitcases on the altar.

I placed my worry about my anxiety and potential freak outs on the altar.

I placed me on the altar.

This took hours – honestly.

My stomach started to release and open up.  The pain started to subside.  My brain started being clearer, and I could see that God had not left me.  I had focused so much on this trip and all that is wrapped up in it that I lost sight of God.

I’m flying.  Still a few things to work out, but that settles many things.  Yes, Gabby is able to fly AND I still have plenty of time to get all of the paperwork in order before the convention.

So, I start to be almost giddy that God was waiting right there for me to open my hand and look up.  But it gets better!

The Psalms and Proverb for today!

• Psalm 13
  • Lord, how long will You forget me?Forever?
    How long will You hide Your face from me?
    ² How long will I store up anxious concerns^[a] within me,
    agony in my mind every day?
    How long will my enemy dominate me?
  • Consider me and answer, Lord my God.
    Restore brightness to my eyes;
    otherwise, I will sleep in death.
    ⁴ My enemy will say, “I have triumphed over him,”
    and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.
  • But I have trusted in Your faithful love;
    my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance.
    ⁶ I will sing to the Lord
    because He has treated me generously.

this is almost exactly what happened! I cried out(in my blindness), I prayed for intervention then I was declaring God’s faithful love!

There’s more!

• Psalm 43
  • Vindicate me, God, and defend my cause
    against an ungodly nation;
    rescue me from the deceitful and unjust man.
    ² For You are the God of my refuge.
    Why have You rejected me?
    Why must I go about in sorrow
    because of the enemy’s oppression?
  • Send Your light and Your truth; let them lead me.
    Let them bring me to Your holy mountain,
    to Your dwelling place.
    ⁴ Then I will come to the altar of God,
    to God, my greatest joy.
    I will praise You with the lyre,
    God, my God.
  • Why am I so depressed?
    Why this turmoil within me?
    Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
    my Savior and my God.

Again, before I even looked at the Psalms for today, God knew that what HE had planned for me would line up and the deliverance would be confirmed in HIS word!

Eph 2:10 NKJV For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

I wrote about Ephesians 2 in Itty Bitty Bible Study – so it just kind of jumps out at me!

Even more – another Psalm!

• Psalm 73
  • 2-3 But as for me, my feet almost slipped;
    my steps nearly went astray.
    ³ For I envied the arrogant;
    I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
  • 13 Did I purify my heart
    and wash my hands in innocence for nothing?
  • I exposed my authentic self in my despair.
  • 23 – 24 Yet I am always with You;
    You hold my right hand.
    ²⁴ You guide me with Your counsel,
    and afterward You will take me up in glory.^[h]
  • 25-26 KJV Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none on earth that I desire beside thee.  My flesh and my heart faileth: But God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
  • 25 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

Then came

Psalm 103: 8-9 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger and rich in faithful love.
⁹ He will not always accuse us
or be angry forever.
¹⁰ He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve
or repaid us according to our offenses.

 

And that is preceded by Psalm 103:1-5 KJV

103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

² Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

³ Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

⁴ Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

⁵ Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

 

One more Psalm to go for today – well? Yes, God did show up again!

Psalm 133:1-3 A beautiful Psalm about being in the presence of God.

How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in harmony!
2 It is like fine oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down Aaron’s beard
onto his robes.
3 It is like the dew of Hermon[a]
falling on the mountains of Zion.
For there the Lord has appointed the blessing—
life forevermore.

I had been holding onto something so hard that my heart was hardening to the Lord’s voice, and I wasn’t even seeing that I wasn’t entering into the joy of the Lord!
Rememeber I said that my eyes had gone dark with despair?
Psalm 13:3 – restore the brightness to my eyes with Proverb 13:9 The light of the righteous shines brightly.

Proverb 13:12 KJV is very well known to me –

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life.

A promise, or a desire that takes more time than I want it to makes my heart sick. Of course, there’s the lesson of patience, but I want that desire. I wanted that Eastern trip. I wanted it since I got back from my western trip.
I had to let go of the big idea when I had to sell(let go) my RV trailer.
Today, I had to let go of the middle idea when I had to let go of the driving idea.
There is a sad in my heart that I’m not driving to Ohio. I really want to see my kids and grandkids. But there is a peace in letting God guide my path.
Proverb 13:14 A wise man’s instruction is a fountain of life, turning people away from the snares of death.
and
Proverb 13:20 The one that walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
By spending time every day in the Psalms and Proverbs, I am listening to a wise man’s instruction, and I am walking with the wise.

~~~~~~~

Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:

• Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
• Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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