AFTER SOME SERIOUS MERRY-GO-ROUND ISSUES THIS WEEKEND – THESE ARE THE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD:

Giant alone
Afraid of being alone
SA victim more than most…totally alone even in their own skin
The secret and the threat of revealing the secret keep the victim from those that should be for them more than any others.
How much worse when the secret is because of one that should have protected her from such secrets, and kept her from sharing with the only other that should have been there for her?

And then, when one knows that one is broken, not good enough for anyone that nature says should love her and want to be with her…or even for one that made the choice to be with her, that aloneness is thick like blood, matted together and stinking.

And if nature points to, and imitates and shadows the divine, and common nature doesn’t wasn’t to be with this one, why would a perfect divine choose to be with common that is unloved and unwanted by it’s own?

How can one so unlovable find a well of love to love others from, when their own cistern continues to be sucked dry, with only mud and refuse replaced?

Why lie about love, and then act out hatter, trying to pretend that the very hatefull act is love itself? When a child is taught from the first breath that hate is love, and that their feelings are only pawns in their ‘lovers’ chess game, the pawn understands that they are disposable for the good of the game…always protect the king and queen, if not the family. 

And should such a pawn exclaim for some minute acknowledgment of existence or need, it is quickly sacrificed with the twist of guilt for not playing properly.  The fault is fully that wicked pawn’s…for it was all a game….and the secret is a lie, and the damage is all your fault.

Disposable
abandonable
blameable

These are the thoughts running through my head….on this 21st day of the 28 day journey.
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi