Category Archives: Choose Life

The First 100 days – Day 71 – Am I Dying?

severe stomach pains
sweating
dizziness
nausea
blurred vision
what is it?

I thought I had food poisoning! But my friend was fine, and we split the whole meal! Apparently, the place I ate lunch also served some things that I am allergic to…shellfish. People on the gulf LOVE their shrimp! Cross contamination can be deadly for me.

2 Cor 6:14-16a Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols?

Cross contamination in our Christian walk is deadly. Reading the Old Testament…the Hebrews messed up when they took wives from outside the faith. Solomon messed up with all the wives that drew him away. King upon King, man upon man…even Rachel took her father’s idols and hid them! Cross contamination!

There is a solution:

I died on the imaging table as they pumped IVP(iodine) into my blood system. I was told the rescue was quite exciting, probably only because I survived! They did the huge needle with ‘adrenalin’ and stuck it right into my heart. I’m told that the reaction is eerie…like seeing someone raised from the dead. Understand, I didn’t see it, but I am here now, because of it!

2 Cor 6:16b-18 for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in [them]; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you,
And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

The solution for cross contamination in our spiritual life is to cut it out. I became allergic to IVP dye, and eventually Iodine totally, because when they did one of the exams, my spine wouldn’t let go of the last bit of iodine dye. A nerve got stuck on the needle, and they were not able to get that last bit. BTW, needles pulling on spinal nerves seems to wake the dead…I screamed and jumped, while being totally sedated! They had to leave that dye in my spine, because ‘I’ wouldn’t let go. That bit of dye caused the code reaction with the next test…and now, 32 years later…my system does not react well to any type of iodine! It makes me sick.

Just like that iodine dye, we need to let go of the things that compromise our walks with Christ. We need to remember that we are the temple of the Holy Ghost, and we should bring no ‘unclean’ thing into the temple. So often, we cannot do it alone…we need a big shot of ‘Holy Ghost adrenaline’ right into our hearts. We need to be raised up from the cross contamination death we are headed into!

Sometimes, like when we have yucky stuff in our system – we need to purge. Nausea and diarrhea are natural ways for our bodies to purge uncleanness.
Repentance – true repentance and turning way from the unclean things(sin – from murder all the way to lying) – is the only way to rid our spiritual lives from the weakness that comes from being cross contaminated!

Kingdoms were destroyed because of cross contamination. But God is merciful. Just like He gave Israel chances, over and over and over and over…so He will with us.

Lamentations 3:22-23 [It is of] the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. [They are] new every morning: great [is] thy faithfulness.

I have tended to make excuses. Isn’t that why our country is in the state it is in? And our nation? And especially our churches, families, and marriages? We’ve made excuses for our cross contamination.

Go back to the cross…put down the garbage things that are holding us down. Cry out for forgiveness, pray for forgiveness and put everything on the altar and pray for God’s fire to come down and burn off the dross. Then, take up ONLY those things that survive HIS cleansing fire.

This is a matter of life, or death!
Choose Life!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

100 days of moving challenge – day 69
100 days challenge- blog – check
25 verses in 52 weeks – Phil 4:8
90 days Bible Reading – Isaiah – very behind.
50 days T-Tapp – AL

The First 100 Days – day 69 – flying by!

For those that actually read this, I apologize for my lack of consistency.

For those that appreciate the smaller bytes of my voracious loquaciousness, enjoy.

What has been filling my hours? Nancy DeMoss’s 30 Days of Encouraging Your Husband. Why would that be taking up so much of my time?
Here’s the challenge:

For the next 30 days, purpose not to say anything negative about your husband – not to him and not to anyone else about him.
For the next 30 days, tell your husband something that you admire or appreciate about him, something you’re grateful for.
And – tell someone else what you appreciate about him, as well.

Nancy’s team sends you a daily reminder…and of course, there are days that I just look at the reminder and say ‘seriously?’ And, my heart says ‘Seriously!’

So, this month, since I wasn’t able to fulfill this challenge with just the email notes, I have a journal – the Revive Our Hearts’ 30 Days of Encouraging Your Husband Journal.

So – I am writing something, almost every day…but it’s in this journal..and some days, it’s just hard. It’s not hard to figure out how to say something nice to Jim, it’s hard to figure out how to do so within the parameters of the challenge!

It’s also been hard to not say anything negative when we are both working hard to complete several major projects in the next few months.

Pack up the apartment to RV size
My trip to Germany(April-May)
Our move into the RV(May)
Our vacation trip(June)
Our daughter’s trip here(July)

The visit from our daughter Faith, with her son, is the least difficult! That will be a joy at the end of all of our projects!

As anyone who has traveled internationally, moved, and taken a long vacation with traveling most days, knows…there is a lot of things that go on behind the scenes!

As anyone who has moved from a three bedroom apartment to a, well lets just say one bedroom apartment, knows…there’s a lot of stuff to paw through to downsize.

So, those are my excuses for NOT writing consistently.

Think that will get GOD off my back? probably not.

Today’s husband encouragement verse is

Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31

I’m trying to remain calm in the midst of several storms…and the stress gets to me…because I look at the storms. And in the midst of all of this…things keep pointing to FOOD!

1 Cor 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

I tend to go to food for comfort when under stress…and I need to think through, is that ‘to the glory of God’?

And, as I published a previously written blog, I came across Phil 4:8 again(it’s been showing up ALL OVER THE PLACE!)

Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren,
whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things [are] honest,
whatsoever things [are] just,
whatsoever things [are] pure,
whatsoever things [are] lovely,
whatsoever things [are] of good report;
if [there be] any virtue,
and if [there be] any praise,
think on these things.

If I think on ONLY these things…wouldn’t I have no trouble praising and encouraging my husband?

Do you ever think that there are some negative things that are TRUE and HONEST about your husband? those are only 2/8s, or 1/4th of the things to focus on…and if you utilize the other 6/8s, or 3/4ths of the qualifiers…those negative truths don’t qualify to be thought on!

Here’s the tricky, think deeper thought – If I think only on these things, would I have the mind of Christ? And if the answer is YES, then, does this mean, that these are the only things that Christ thinks about when He thinks of me and you? There are some VERY UGLY truths about me…more than the lovely. But if this is the mind of Christ…He chooses NOT to think on these things. And by the blood of Jesus Christ, God the Father does not see those things. And this is why there is no more condemnation! God really does see us as NEW CREATURES! while giving us the time to grow into the man or woman HE intended, HE can see us to be!

Phil 4:20 Now unto God and our Father [be] glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

100 days of moving challenge – day 69
100 days challenge- blog – check
25 verses in 52 weeks – Phil 4:8
90 days Bible Reading – Isaiah – very behind.
50 days T-Tapp – AL

The First 100 days – day 25 – depression

Job 3:1-4 After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day. And Job spake, and said, Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night [in which] it was said, There is a man child conceived. Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.

In my life, I am responsible for my choices.

In my life, my choices affect others.

When my choices affect others in a negative way, I get sad.

When my choices affect others in a negative way, and I cannot fix it…I get depressed.

Depression is a disease. I have what is called Major Depressive Disorder, or Unipolar Depression. In me, it’s mostly under control now, but sometimes, it sneaks up on me like a snake in tall grass..

The problem with an issue that causes depression flare ups, is that sometimes, the issue doesn’t make any sense to anyone other than me(the depressive person). It’s like a washing machine going around and around in my head…getting faster and faster…and everyone else is on the outside saying “just turn it off”. Hello – there’s no off switch on the inside of the washer!!!!

Job 3:20-24 “Oh, why should light be given to the weary, and life to those in misery? They long for death, and it won’t come. They search for death more eagerly than for hidden treasure. It is a blessed relief when they finally die, when they find the grave. Why is life given to those with no future, those destined by God to live in distress? I cannot eat for sighing; my groans pour out like water.

I’m not suicidal – this time. Though as I wrote in my prior essay on Job, I have been there…countless times.

So – cutting doesn’t work.

drugs doesn’t work.

alcohol doesn’t work

Suicide won’t work.

Binge eating won’t work.

Movie marathons don’t work.

Crying just comes…tears just roll down my cheeks….

I can’t concentrate on my blog in progress.

I don’t want to eat(not a really bad thing for me).

I am overwhelmed with “I HAVE FAILED, AGAIN” feelings.

The ‘silly’ issues are so huge.

Giving up my books – they have been a grounding point for me all through my struggles since the memories triggered the depression.

Not being able to provide Jim with a lovely home in the RV…

Not being able to be focused in one mindset….being double minded(in more ways than one).

I have no faith in me.

Which means, I have no faith in God’s ability to work in me.

Well – there’s another Christi failure.

Sarah.

Rachel.

Rahab.

Three female failures that God used.

Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Depression is a valley in the shadow of death. That’s the truth.

Jesus walks with me in the valley. That’s truth.

I have spent money on things that stare me in the face…money that could have been spent on something better…money that could have done more good. But I chose to spend that money, because I thought it was the right thing to do in the circumstance. I made the choice I thought was right, given the information I had at the time. So, now, looking back, I regret that I didn’t have prophetic wisdom?

So, now my cry is…am I hearing God’s voice?

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

The Israelite’s knew when God wasn’t with them…they went out and fought, and if they lost even 1 man…they came back and fell on their knees to the Lord. But even after repenting.. that one man, 10 men, 30 men, were still dead.

That’s the thing about messing up…circumstances remain.

Sarah had Hagar and Ishmael to deal with – and look at what that has done to our world.

Rebekah deceived her husband, and didn’t live to see Jacob and his children, and the deception send Esau towards the Ishmaelites…more enemies for the Jews.

Rachel brought the idols away from her father’s house…interestingly, she died in childbirth.

Peter denied Christ…and almost gave up.

Stephen was still dead when Saul turned to Paul.

Our circumstances always follow us…as signs saying

DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!!!

Prov 26:2 As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse causeless shall not come.

I’ll straighten out that KJV –

a curse doesn’t come without a cause.
A curse that comes is not without cause.
If a curse comes, there is a cause.

I’m not saying that I am cursed….I’m saying that circumstances come for a reason. Deut 28 is a great chapter to see cause and effect. Proverbs is good, too!

Prov 26:6 He that sendeth a message by the hand of a fool cutteth off the feet, [and] drinketh damage.

Prov 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, [so] a fool returneth to his folly.

BUT GOD!

As I was looking at the cause and effect of my choices, an angel called. Yes, an angel named Faith called me on the phone. Since she is my daughter, with a newborn baby, married to a soldier that is away for the week, I had promised her that I would answer the phone when she called. I try to always keep my promises, no matter how sad I feel.

Faith was my Elihu. And because of her ability to speak the truth, in love, I was able to hear the Lord’s voice and walk out of this valley of the shadow of death.

I have had to endure the Lord speaking to me out of a whirlwind before…of course, I think I was the one that created the whirlwind of chaos!

Today, through prayer, and crying out as I searched through the scriptures, God answered me through the sweet sounds of our daughter. She was even used as a rod in God’s hands to point out a blind spot – that I was able to repent over, and be freed from that bondage. I was also able to hear the real size of the issues, and rest in the Lord, to be content in peace.

3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

I have a thorn in my flesh – like Paul – though not for the same reason: 2 Cor 12:7 – And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

But more so that in my weakness, I can turn to HIM. 2 Cor 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This ‘infirmity’ may never leave me. But neither will the Lord Jesus Christ.

Is 41:10 NLT Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Is 41:13 NLT I am holding you by your right hand–I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, `Do not be afraid. I am here to help you.

Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Savior be honor and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. Jude 24-25

With this kind of God – and the enormous love He sheds upon me – how can I give up? How can I quit? I can…but I am compelled by His great love – to love. I love, because He first loved me(1 John 4:19).

I do have past mistakes, and I’m pretty sure I will make future mistakes, and I have even made mistakes today. But God knew all about them, and MY God is BIG enough to handle MY mistakes, an make sure that all things work together for my good and His glory! Anything less is a lack of faith…as in, my God is too small. I got to let Him out of the box I keep putting Him in! It’s when I let HIM be God that I truly enjoy the joy of the Lord.

I praise God that He had Faith call. I praise God that I had a human voice that was Jesus to me. I praise God for His great love, compassion, and patience with me.

A year ago, this may have turned out differently, but by God’s grace, I am here, and I shall live to declare the glory of God!(Ps 118:17)

Thanks for joining me in this journey,

In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

100 days challenge – moving, a dog walk
100 days challenge- blog – check
90 days Bible Reading – catching up
50 days T-Tapp – check – HD & AL

The First 100 Days – Day 21-WLVS

At a Counseling Seminar, Dr. Marcus Warner of Deeper Walk International, taught the WLVS process of working through issues. Here is my first attempt, with references to Job. This is a very personal reflection.

WLVS 06Jan09

This is my first attempt during this journey to follow the Wound/Lie/Vow/Sin process of removing giants. First, I must identify a problem. I found one as I was reading Job today.

Problem:

Suicide, desire death, echoing Job’s cries:

And for 26 verses.

Similar thoughts: Why died I not from the womb? (Vs 11)

My thoughts: The same, or each time I have had a near death experience, I wonder why I was resuscitated. Following every suicide attempt, at the next attack of giants, I’d think “why wasn’t I better at my attempt the last time?” “Long for death but it doth cometh not…”(vs 21)

Job talks about the blessings of the peace of heaven in vs 13-19. Even the wicked cease from troubling (vs 17).

The freedom of heaven….the rest of the next life…to be loosed from the oppression of this life…this has been my cry. The pains that have wracked me mentally, spiritually, and then physically has brought me to the place many times, that I would rather die than live another minute.

NLT follows that with this:

I have cried this…prayed this…..breathed this. Lord, this is too much for me to bear!!!!! (there’s a lie in there I’ll have to deal with!)

Then – here’s Job’s cause:

Job 3:25-26 For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.

NLT: Job 3:26 I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest; instead, only trouble comes.”

So – what is my cause?

Fear…..fear of failure, and in the face of failure, total collapse.

THE WOUND:

What’s my wound? The horrible memories of monsters in the night, then the failure of my mother to protect me, and having to be the adult at 13, and care for my brother…and I had to do it right…because everything I did, had to be right. Nothing was ever good enough…and I was told to go do it again, and get it right. I thought if I was good enough, such things wouldn’t happen to me.

THE LIES:

I didn’t do it right, and monsters came in the night.

I didn’t do it right, and I chose to forsake a scholarship for art and music at OSU

I didn’t do it right, and I went into the Navy, got paralyzed, and was discharged with missing medical papers.

I left my mom and my brother to join the Navy. That wasn’t what I was supposed to do.

I didn’t do it right, and my brother got drunk in high school.

I didn’t do it right, and my mother committed suicide.

I didn’t do it right, and my husband was angry.

I didn’t do it right, and my house wasn’t as clean as Martha Stewart’s.

I didn’t do it right, and my brother fell away from his walk with Jesus for a while.

I didn’t do it right, and my children became free thinkers with minds of their own that did not follow the path of Christ as I had envisioned.

I didn’t do it right, and all three daughters have life long diseases, as well as memories and scars that they will carry forever.

I didn’t do it right, and I turned to food and food and, well, food for my comfort, my emotional support and I am 120 pounds overweight.

I didn’t do it right, and I have health issues.

And, I can go on and on and on…..I can even explain the sin in the world as a failure of mine (oh yes, I can!).

THE VOW

The vow is that I should die, to relieve the world of my burdensome, failing self. Or, I will stop failing, and succeed at ONE thing – to die.

THE SIN

Suicidal thoughts and attempts. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…so even to think of suicide is a sin – if you entertain the thought. Those thoughts that come and were kicked out were just temptations.

Attempts, including – eating stuff that is not good for me, because I’ll eventually die from it, and maybe God won’t notice I killed myself.

Red Lobster’s all you can eat shrimp feast looks like a great way to die! It only takes 6 to start my mouth and tongue to swelling…….

Over dosing on chocolate – 2 pound bags….yes, that says bagS.

A friend’s mom or Dad went to the hospital for heart issues, because of eating too many Fritos…

I could go like that…just get me a bucket of dip or salsa! Maybe a 2 liter of pop to wash it down!

Basically, not taking care of myself has been a passive way of killing myself. And you know what? It hasn’t worked. My heart is strong, just under exercised. “Deconditioned.” My bones have lost density…but I still can turn that around. My liver, though fatty, recovers very well. Gall bladder is fine, lungs have recovered from pneumonia twice. I do have Fibromyalgia (a dormant, then trauma induced, progressive chronic illness). BUT God has gotten me to a doc that prescribed some good meds that are making even that manageable. I barely have an official Dx of Diabetes 2 – my insulin stuff is just messed up.

The messed up parts? My mind.

Other methods have included an overdose, and intense cutting on my arms. Mostly, I have been hospitalized for suicide ideations….my mind has gone wacky and tried to kill me. The spirit within, that has been trained to turn to God, found ways to stop me. I have learned to call out for help when needed. It would have been great if my body had reacted to the pain in the right manner, but like I said, my mind went a bit wacky.

What’s the Solution?

FORGIVE THOSE THAT CAUSED THE WOUND

REPLACE THE LIES WITH TRUTH

RENOUNCE THE VOWS

REPENT OF THE SINS.

FORGIVE THOSE THAT CAUSED THE WOUND – Done(or so I thought)

REPLACE THE LIES:

I didn’t do it right, and monsters came in the night.

No child is responsible for what happens to them in the night, or day by adults.

I didn’t do it right, and I chose to forsake a scholarship for art and music at OSU.

For the gifts and calling of God [are] without repentance. Romans 11:29

I didn’t do it right, and I went into the Navy, got paralyzed, and was discharged with missing papers.

There is forgiveness for our sins...1 John 1:9-10

I left my mom and my brother. That wasn’t what I was supposed to do.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

I didn’t do it right, and my brother got drunk in high school.

It was not my responsibility to raise my brother, he had a mother and a father.

I didn’t do it right, and my mother committed suicide.

My mother was an adult, and she made her own decision…I was where I was supposed to be, with my husband.

I didn’t do it right, and my husband was angry.

I cannot make someone happy or sad, angry or calm. That comes from the fruit of the Spirit.

I didn’t do it right, and my house wasn’t as clean as Martha Stewart’s.

I’m still working on this….but I try to remind myself, she has servants. Besides, I am not going to be judged by the cleanliness of my house….but on whether I have trusted the Lord Jesus as my Savior.

I didn’t do it right, and my brother fell away from his walk with Jesus for a while.

But, my prayers, our grandmother’s prayers, and prayers of others brought him back…it wasn’t my responsibility, it was his story with God.

I didn’t do it right, and my children became free thinkers with minds of their own that did not follow the path of Christ as I had planned.

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. 2 Tim 1:12 among many promises to save our children.

I didn’t do it right, and all three daughters have life long diseases, as well as memories that they will carry forever.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. Rom 8:28

I didn’t do it right, and I turned to food and food and, well, food for my comfort, my emotional support and I am 120 pounds overweight.

I didn’t do it right, and I have health issues.

For the wages of sin [is] death; but the gift of God [is] eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Rom 6:23

But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. Rom 6:22

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 2

Here’s what God can do!

Eze 37:1 The hand of the LORD was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley which [was] full of bones,

Eze 37:2 And caused me to pass by them round about: and, behold, [there were] very many in the open valley; and, lo, [they were] very dry.

Eze 37:3 And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live? And I answered, O Lord GOD, thou knowest.

Eze 37:4 Again he said unto me, Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them, O ye dry bones, hear the word of the LORD.

Eze 37:5 Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:

Eze 37:6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I [am] the LORD.

And I still have sinews and flesh and skin…..but this is my ‘put on’(what I need to ‘put on’ to move forward).

Eph 4:21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:

Eph 4:22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;

Eph 4:23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;

Eph 4:24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

RENOUNCE THE VOW & REPENT OF THE SIN

In the name of Jesus, I put off the old man’s ways of death, suicide and self destruction.

I renounce my vow of self destruction and declare it of none effect in Jesus’ name. I confess these thoughts and actions as sin, and place them under the blood of Jesus. Please forgive me, cleanse me and make me whole.

In the name of Jesus, I put on Life, and I pray that YOU, Lord will breath upon me, and I shall live, just as the dry bones, just as Elijah and the widow’s son, Just as you did at creation when you breathed life into Adam.

The only person left to forgive in all those wounds and lies is……….ME.

How does one forgive themselves?

Have I repented? Yes, then:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

He Who? The God Who will sit on the white throne of judgment, to judge both the living and the dead.

Eph 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.

1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

Rev 1:5 And from Jesus Christ, [who is] the faithful witness, [and] the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,

Moses sinned – and God forgave him, before the law of the sacrifice was known.

David sinned – and God forgave him, before the blood of Christ was shed.

The woman at the well sinned – and Jesus forgave her, when she didn’t even have the promise.

The woman caught in adultery sinned – and Jesus forgave her, and said go and sin no more.

Peter sinned – and Jesus forgave him, before He went to the cross.

The thief sinned – and Jesus forgave him, as they hung dying.

Jhn 3:14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:

Jhn 3:15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Jhn 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Jhn 3:17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Jhn 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Rom 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Rom 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

Rom 8:10 And if Christ [be] in you, the body [is] dead because of sin; but the Spirit [is] life because of righteousness.

Rom 8:11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.

Rom 8:34 Who [is] he that condemneth? [It is] Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [shall] tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Rom 8:36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Rom 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Rom 8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Who am I to think that I can hold a grudge against my self – when the Most High God has declared it null and void?

Psalm 103, especially:

Psa 103:8 The LORD [is] merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

Psa 103:9 He will not always chide: neither will he keep [his anger] for ever.

Psa 103:10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

Psa 103:11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, [so] great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, [so] far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

And this was written BEFORE Christ’s blood was shed…so how much more NOW will He deal with me in mercy?

So, I repent of my false humility that held a grudge against myself, which in truth, called God a liar and dismissed the efficacy of Christ’s blood to cover MY sin. What arrogance…and I repent, and ask the Lord for forgiveness….and I accept it, for me, and I release myself from that burden.

Psa 103:1 [[[A Psalm] of David.]] Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, [bless] his holy name.

Psa 103:2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

Psa 103:3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

Psa 103:4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

Psa 103:5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good [things; so that] thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Isai 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

Psal 46:10 Be still, and know that I [am] God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Psal 46:11 The LORD of hosts [is] with us; the God of Jacob [is] our refuge. Selah.

Lord, I will wait upon you….and believe that you will heal all my diseases, redeem my life from destruction, my youth will be renewed and I will mount up with wings as eagles…I will run and walk and not faint. Lord, upon you, I wait. ~Christi

This was a journal entry that was at a turning point in my life. My suicidal issues did not get resolved until I arrived non-responsive in the ER, November 17th, 2009. That day, something in me died…but it was something that needed to die so that I could move forward. My husband, my pastor Earl and my best friend Sue were instrumental in helping me move forward, and to this day, I have no suicidal thoughts. For the first time, as long as I can remember, I have spent a year with NO suicidal thoughts. The meds aren’t different. The people aren’t different. My head is different, because my heart is set on Jesus.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,

In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

100 days challenge – moving – check walked 30 minutes.
100 days challenge- blog – check
90 days Bible Reading – I’m going to reset my program.
50 days T-Tapp – check
21 days Fasting for Food – check – Done.

Almighty Music Video

I went to a conference and met a young man that is using his talents to further the Kingdom of God, and ministering to young people about courtship, and standing up for the unborn.

His family has produced this amazing music video. Please watch.