Category Archives: Joy in the Journey

Depression Journal – Feb 6, 2018

author’s note – this post is a bit depressing…but if you hold on until the end, there is hope! I promise! ~C

It’s February.
my seriously difficult time for depression is between September and February.

This year, I’ve made it to February – though last month, I did ask my doc if we should up my medicine. He said no…to see if I could make it to the end of this season.

And yet, the season of trials is just beginning.
We find out Saturday about what treatment I should be looking at for the kidney cancer.
Jim is looking at what treatment he should be looking at for the prostate cancer.
And, I’m looking at a moody man that will be taking a shot that is supposed to make him moody, have more anger issues, and such like.
I think I need more medicine.

I’m applying the scriptures…
God will not give you any more than you can handle…but the other part of that scripture is often ignore….

1 Corinthians 10:13 King James Version (KJV)
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Where is my escape….?
Getting in the presence of the Lord – I should be being filled with the strength of His joy…maybe I am, and that is why I’m not suicidal right now!

Entering into His gates with thanksgiving….Ps 100:4
I am so filled with gratitude for all the things he has done for me…I go to sleep thanking God and I wake up thanking God and I am amazed at how many ways his hand is upon me during the day, and I am grateful for those as well!

He is my hiding place….Ps 32:7
The name of the Lord is a strong tower – the righteous run into it and are safe. Pr 18:10
He will not leave me nor forsake me. 1 Kings 8:57, deut 31:6, heb 13:5
All things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purposes. Romans 8:28
In this world ye shall have tribulation, but, be of good cheer – I have over come the world. John 16:33

In the Beginning….God which goes with the ending:

Revelation 22:16-17
16 I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.
17 And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

The End – the end of all suffering.
the end of all sorrow.
the end of all tears.

The end of struggle – a glorified body for eternity.
No more pain
no more shame
no more guilt
no more …. no more.

I’ve found a diary from 12/2013 leading up to the suicide attempt on Christmas of 2014.
The heart cry is the same as today.
The issues causing the heart cry are the same today.
The mental hospitals are the same today.
My husband is the same today.
God is the same today.
What is different?

I am.

It’s 3 plus years since those days….the hospital stay, the inpatient stay at the resident treatment.
I’d had surgery on my neck…and now I’m looking at surgery on my kidney.
I’ve done much work on applying scriptures to the negative voices in my head.
I’ve done much work on applying principles I’ve been taught to help myself to not degrade into the despair that drags me down, down, down into the devastating quagmire of suicidal depression.
Each day, I fight something.
Sometimes, each minute.
But I am fighting….

Yet, there are times that I’m just exhausted.

Where is my escape button?
Where is my release?
When do I get released from this valley of the shadow of death?
I am truly grateful that YOU, oh Lord, are with me!
Yes – truly, your rod and your staff they comfort me, because I know you are there.
Where is the table, though?
Where is the anointing of my head?

Why am I not certain of where are the green pastures and the still waters?
Where are you leading me, Oh Lord?

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

Psalm 51:
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Psalm 37:
3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

and

23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

I know these truths to be true…
My wounded heart is bleeding.
My wounded soul is screaming…
and, I know that I have to walk through this darkness to get through to the light.

I can’t make it, Lord.
I can’t do it, Lord.
I have no strength in me.

You promised to finish the work you began in me. phil 1:6
You promised that you would hold me in the palm of your hand. John 10:29, Psalm 95:7
You promised that my enemies would fall at my side. Psalm 91:7
You promised that I would never be alone…that you would never leave me nor forsake me. Heb 13:5
You promised that I am seated in the heavenlies with Christ Jesus! Ephesians 2:6
You promised me that you would make an escape.

I cry out, Lord, for you to make good on your promises….
I humble myself before you,
I confess my sins before the brothers and sisters that read this,
I declare that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and that HE redeemed me from the pit!
I declare that My God is an awesome God!

Secrets will be revealed.
Darkness will be lightened.
Hidden things will be exposed.

But Thou oh Lord are a shield for me, the glory and the lifter of My head!Psalm 3:3
I will dwell in the secret place of the most high, Psalm 91
and abide under the shadow of HIS wings…
This is my hiding place…You are my hiding place…Psalm 32:7
you shall preserve me from trouble!
You will comfort me, with songs of deliverance!
What time I am afraid, I will trust in you! Psalm 56:3

Psalm 32:8
8 I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

Psalm 56:1-5
56 1 Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me.
2 Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High.
3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
5 Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil.

Psalm 64:1-4
64 1 Hear my voice, O God, in my prayer: preserve my life from fear of the enemy.
2 Hide me from the secret counsel of the wicked; from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity:
3 Who whet their tongue like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words:
4 That they may shoot in secret at the perfect: suddenly do they shoot at him, and fear not.

Psalm 27:1-4
27 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.
3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.

Confession
Prayer
Bible Verses….
These are the tools that have brought me thus far….
and they have NO power, except for the ONE that wrote them down and instructed us…and taught us to pray and confess our sins.

I don’t feel like it’s a way to escape the temptation…but, on the other hand, it’s worked so far!
Each day that I do not take my own life is one day stronger to not take my own life.
Each day that I don’t think about suicide is one day stronger to be free from those voices.

Many quote this verse…Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – and yet, ignore the previous verses…Paul is talking about being flexible in want or plenty, in weakness or in strength. He’s talking about being strong in trials.

Even those verses apply now…to my being content in whatever place I find myself.
Whether in sorrow or rejoicing
whether in pain or in health
whether in weakness or in strength.

Just like the downward suction of depression is like the spiral of a powerful whirlpool…to climb up out of the depression takes a spiral turn, like the spiraling staircase that seems to go on forever. Maybe it does…but, each step up is another not taken downward!

I was praying as I wrote this, and after the draft…while going through the day, and I was reminded of

Psalm 16:11 King James Version (KJV)
11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

God promises to show me the path of life…and this…is also where my joy is sourced…HIS PRESENCE!
This is one of Jesus’s promises, one of His goals for his time here.

John 17:13 King James Version (KJV)
13 And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.

While driving, the Song In the eye of the storm came on the radio.

We are the body of Christ – and the most wonderful thing about being part of a body is that other members get to know you….and notice, or are led to touch your heart when it’s hurting.

Here are some of the things that dear sisters in Christ did for me yesterday, as I continued to struggle with my heart:

Dear Sister Tori sent me an article from Daily Devotionals written by Sheila Walsh. It reminded me of Project SemiColon, and the Christian movement against suicide. It’s based on the concept that when an author could end a sentence, but chooses not to, she uses a semi-colon.

There are tattoo semicolon projects – this youtube is filled with less than perfect language…beware.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Sister Melinda sent me a song to listen to. Fighting Words by Ellie Holcomb.

This led me to The Broken Beautiful, and Wonderfully Made.

Here is the prayer I’m ending this blog with – He’s a Chain Breaker!

My confession of Victory is Mandisa’s Overcomer!

I’ve written a Basic plan for understanding how to obtain Joy in Oil of Joy.
I’ve written other things about depression. If you want to read more, please do a search on my blog for depression.

I’ve also written about Suicide – my major piece being about the Day I committed Suicide.

There is another ministry for helping – To Write Love On Her Arms.

If you have come to this page because you are contemplating suicide, please dial 1-800-273-TALK or visit the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine.

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Morning Worship – Joyful Joyful – 2/1/2018

Joyful joyful we adore thee…

the lyrics….Oh my!

The Methodist church provides these lyrics:

Ode to Joy

I love the piano guys….and my favorite christmas carol is Joy to the world!

many years ago, in the midst of my darkest depression, I wrote Oil of Joy

Jesus – the core of my Joy!

https://youtu.be/iPeVIuRjUi4

The Lyrics to Jesu, Joy of Man’s desiring.

This is my confession – that I am responsible for my joy, by leaning on Jesus!

and here is my prayer:

and my profession of Faith

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 16:24 Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

The first named fruit of the spirit are LOVE, JOY, PEACE.
Love the Lord your God, and He will fill you with Joy, and in that Joy and Love, you will find Peace!

Philippians 4:7 English Standard Version (ESV)
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace!

Psalm 16:11 English Standard Version (ESV)
11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

We have access to HIS PRESENCE through Jesus Christ!

1 John 4:19 English Standard Version (ESV)
19 We love because he first loved us.

We are able to love, because HE LOVES US!

My husband sings this song to me when I am struggling with depression…and has song this to our children.

1 Corinthians 13: 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Galatians 5:22-23 English Standard Version (ESV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Because of HIS love, I can enter into His presence.
In His presence is the fullness of Joy.
He will keep me in perfect peace because, in His presence, my mind is stayed on HIM.
Confidence that HE will complete the work HE began gives me patience.
Because of HIS great love, I can treat others with kindness, goodness, gentleness.
Because HE is faithful, I am able to believe, by grace, and through HIM, I can be faithful!
Because He lives in Me, and by Him, I am dead to sin, I can grow in Self Control.

If this is not something worth rejoicing, I do not know what is!

And I found this lovely art piece from Jan Marvin Art of Joy!

Find Joy today!
 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Itty Bitty Bible Study – Philippians 1:18-21

My thoughts for the Itty Bitty Bible Study group on Facebook. (join if you’d like to get these in fb!)

Philippians 1

To catch up, the links are at the end of the blog, or all the Itty Bitty Bible Studies are listed on this page.

Philippians 1:18b – 26
Yes, and I will rejoice, 19 for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, 20 as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. 22 If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. 23 I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. 24 But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again.

First, focus on what Paul is saying here:

Yes, and I will rejoice,
19 for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance,

This sounds very familiar!!!!!
Maybe because Paul wrote ROMANS!!!

He’s in Jail.
He’s chained to a guard. Or possibly on house arrest.
Blue Letter Bible provides a very nice Timeline of Paul’s Life and Ministry
He’s had so many things happen to him…and he’s still looking at these things from the point of view that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to HIS purposes! Romans 8:28
The whole chapter of Romans 8 could be written, and summarized in this thought…that no matter how badly things look, we can know that it is bringing about OUR salvation. Not in the sense that we get saved again and again, but more in the sense that we work out our salvation with fear and trembling, that this is a walk, a journey, and the fullness of Christ is to be worked out in us.

In Philippians 1:12 he is pointing out to everyone that is concerned that this is all for the furtherance of the gospel! This is his first and foremost concern.
In Philippians 4, we’ll hear about how it’s not about him having his needs met.
It’s to comfort those that are concerned, and to speak of HIS confidence in Christ.

I started that part with verse 18b – and yes, I will rejoice!
It reminds me of the letter that James wrote:

James 1:2-4
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James knew Paul, Paul knew James – James was the head of the church at Jerusalem. Bible Odyssey goes into much more detail.
It makes sense that James and Paul were thinking alike!

I wrote about the Oil of Joy

To understand a little bit more of verse 20, we have to read it with verse 19.

Phil 1:19-20
19 for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, 20 as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.

  • I will not be at all ashamed,
  • but that with full courage now
  • as always
  • Christ will be honored
  • in my body,
  • whether by life
  • or by death.

He’s not talking about him being ashamed of the gospel. To confirm this, read

Romans 1:16
16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

He’s talking about being ashamed of himself – because his first love is Christ Jesus, and he wants to glorify Him in all that he does, whether by living, or by dying.

Philippians 1:21English Standard Version (ESV)
21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

And, with that, we will stop here. There’s too much to consider with the next 5 verses!
I pray that this will bless you.

Have you ever had to choose joy in the face of a “prison” surrounding you?

Have you every been “trapped” because of your faith?

Have you ever been concerned about YOUR behavior – ashamed of Your behavior as an ambassador of Christ?

Do you know that we have an advocate with the Father?

1 John 2:1-2
2:1 My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

Please share your thoughts with me in comments!

It is Well With My Soul
Worship Video
and
Chris Rice with a beautiful video

One of my rivers:

Philippians Itty Bitty Bible Study

Glimpses of Heaven – a Glimpse of Jesus

A Glimpse of Jesus

disclaimer –
I’m not saying that I WENT to heaven.
I’m not saying that THIS is what heaven looks like.
This is MY experience in response to a situation for which I was seeking God.
My intent is to offer comfort.

Back in the 1980’s, when we had five children, and didn’t know what we were doing. One night, our oldest son got sick. The ugly, throw up down the side of the bed, kind of sick. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I was having difficulties breathing, and I was lying down in my bed, on the other side of the house. I couldn’t move to help Jim with our son. Things kept coming into and out of view.
All of the sudden, I realized that I was walking on this beautiful green hill, with a beautiful blue sky above my head. The grass was the greenest green I’d ever seen. The river below me was babbling along, with that sweet sound of water just lazily flowing over round rocks, a musical sound that nothing can replicate. In the far distance were purple mountains rising up to meet the blue sky, with bits of white on the tops, mixing in with the white clouds so that it wasn’t obvious where the mountains ended and the clouds began.

“Hello, Christi” a warm, friendly voice spoke. The voice sounded familiar, but it almost didn’t sound at all. It was if everything, including me, resonated with this voice. I turned around.
“Jesus!” I exclaimed! “Where am I?”
“With me, child”

We seemed to take a walk, though we seemed to stay in one place. I thought I was moving, and yet, there was no effort, just a flowing, being, kind of movement. As we walked, I told Him of my concerns for my children, and them growing up to serve him. I told Him of my concerns about being good enough to be their mom. I told Him how I felt worthless as a woman, a wife, a mom and a child of God. I told Him how I felt I was failing Jim and Him.
He listened to all I said, and would interject loving words that seemed to wash away all of my concerns.

“Jesus – I have a question, please.”
“Yes…” He replied, looking me in the eyes, with more love that any mother ever had for her child.
“Am I dead? Is this heaven?”
“Almost, my dear. You are almost dead, but this is just outside of heaven.”
I started asking him questions, and I wasn’t bothered at all that I was mostly dead. I just loved hearing his voice, and feeling that love roll over me like a wave of the ocean on a warm summer day. I wanted to lie down in that green grass, feel the breeze flow over me, and enjoy the musical melody of the water. I don’t remember all that He told me, but for that period of time, nothing matter, except that I was with Jesus. I knew everything I needed to know, I feared nothing, and I was so full of love and joy that I thought I was going to burst!

As I was listening to Jesus, there came a buzz in my ear…like a mosquito that just won’t let you fall asleep. I started waving it off, and it got louder and louder. I didn’t even stop to grasp, why are there mosquitoes in heaven? I just kept swatting it away. I was getting annoyed!
I looked up at Jesus, about to ask why, and saw that He had this interesting, understanding grin on his face.
“christi” – I heard, as if it was far away, as if it were from someone on those mountains…someone yelling my name. The voice was pulling me away from standing there with Jesus. The voice was taking my attention away from focusing on Jesus and this beautiful place. It was if a pull that I could not control were trying to drag me away. I just wanted to be right there, in the sweet green grass, beside the still waters, and enjoy the restoring of my soul!
“Go away”
“Christi”
“Be Quiet!” I said…trying to wave off that pesky voice.
“Christi” – I heard it again, even louder. NOOOOOOooooooooo!

“Jesus, it’s Jim’s voice…why is he interrupting us? Doesn’t he know I’m with you? How dare he interrupt my time with You!”
“Yes, dear, he does. But he’s calling you back.”
“Jesus, NO – I don’t want to go back there…it’s beautiful here, YOU are here,” and I fell on my knees and begged him…tears falling down my cheeks.
“We agreed a long ago that if you called one of us home, we would not demand that they come back…doesn’t he remember that?”
Jesus took my hands in his, and smiled into my face. I could feel the warmth of His glory fall upon me.
“I haven’t call you home yet, my dear.”
As he wiped away my tears, He said,
“My child, you have to go back, he can’t raise the five children without you. He can’t make it without you.”
“Oh, Jesus – sure he can…he’s got the Bible, family and You…just let me stay here. They’ll be fine!”
“CHRistiiiii” – Jim’s voice was getting louder. I turned to see if he was walking up the hill to meet us.
“Lord – I want to stay here with you…please”
“I’m sorry, my child – it’s not your time to come here yet. You have work to do”

As Jim’s voice pulled me closer and closer…I realized that I was being pulled away from the presence of Jesus. It was like one of those sci-fi vortex things from which you cannot escape – crossing dimensions. I reached out for Jesus’ hands, but he was far, far away now, and was disappearing into the vision. The hills were just faded green, I could not smell the grass anymore. I couldn’t make out the mountains from the clouds anymore. The water was so distant, and so soft now that I could barely hear it. I was being pulled back, back to…..

“CHRISTIIII – COME BACK!”
I jerked, and looked up, and a female EMT was on top of me with her hands on my sternum. Her face was white, but a glimmer came across her face and she exclaimed
“We got her!”
I looked to my left, and Jim’s mouth was right at my ear – he’d been shouting in my ear the whole time.
I looked to my right, and saw another EMT, just as white as the first one, taking deep breaths.
“Good – “ and started rattling off those things EMT’s rattle off in emergencies.

I closed my eyes and tried to see the hills, the meadows, the mountains, the river…and Jesus.
They were gone.
The colors had faded.
The touch was gone.
The warmth of His glory was gone.
The peace of that quiet hillside was crashed with the noise of people, children, instructions, machines…and I don’t know what else. It was just loud.

“We thought we’d lost you” Jim said.
I don’t remember right now if I told him, or if I was even able to speak.
All I remember is that I had met with Jesus, seen a glimpse of heaven, and knew that heaven was my home.
All I knew was that I wanted to get back there.
And I knew that Jesus had told me that I was supposed to finish raising my five children.

But He left me with a memory:

Ps 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Phil 3:20
20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,

Matthew 4:17
17 From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

My heart was filled with a song that my husband, Jim, taught me:
This World is not My Home, three ways.

Have you had a talk with Jesus?

Have you felt His presence in YOUR life in times of struggle, or times of joy?

Have you been near death, and known that Jesus was with you?

please share your comments with me!

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Glimpses of Heaven – Stairway to Heaven

A glimpse of Heaven.

disclaimer –
I’m not saying that I WENT to heaven.
I’m not saying that THIS is what heaven looks like.
This is MY experience in response to a situation for which I was seeking God.
My intent is to offer comfort.

Many years ago while I was struggling with various things, I was having a conversation with the Lord. It seems like I was climbing up the stairway and just as I would get to the top stair of what I could see, that step would fall down and before me would be even more steps that I needed to climb. Each step seemed to start out way over my head where I could just barely reach with my hands, and then as I struggled my way up I could get to where I could see a little bit over and eventually I could pull myself up and be on that next step. Before there was much time to rest or relax, the step I was on would seemingly drop from beneath my feet, and I would be facing another step, reaching up above me, almost higher than I could reach. For each step, I had to claw, pull, and drag myself up and over that step. Today it seems a little like American Ninja Warrior and that curved wall thing.

I told the Lord that I was getting a little bit discouraged about how whenever I made it to the top of a step, the step I was on would fall or that next step would fall suddenly down and the step before me would be so overwhelmingly tall. As I was praying for encouragement the Lord said look over the next step and as I did I got a glimpse of Heaven.

There was a wall before me, but in the center of the wall, I saw the throne, at least what looked to be the throne. The wall was made out of stones that seemed to breathe, they were unlike any stones I’ve seen on earth. The thrown was made of a white material that glistened. Out of the foot of the throne flowed water that was crystal clear and pure. It looked like molten silver that had no impurities, and you could see right through it.

The water flowed down and into a basin flowing out from the foot of the throne. The basin had a fountain like the Fountain of Youth. As the water sprayed up in the fountain it was as if there were diamonds and pearls mixed in with the water spray. As the water was sprayed up, or spashed down, the glistening and gleaming and sparkling water drops danced with joy.

On either side of this water basin were roads that were paved in Gold. This gold shown with such intensity that our own sun was darkness in comparison. The gleam seemed to eb and flow as if undulating with life. I could not comprehend walking on those streets!

As I gazed upon the beauty that I could barely comprehend, I heard the Lord’s voice say, in a way that seemed to emanate from the gold, the stones, the water…

“this is the joy that is set before you.
This is the table that is set on the other side of the Valley of the shadow of death,
this is the blessing that comes from enduring to the end.”

Hebrews 12:2
2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Psalm 23
Matthew 10:22
And you will be hated by all on account of My name; but the one having endured to the end, he will be saved.
Matthew 24:13
Revelation 2:10

Hebrews 12:1-2
1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

I pray that I am always reminded that by enduring the trials of today, we can see the joy of tomorrow.
James 1:2-4 says to

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

When I do see Jesus face to face…on that final day…I want to hear him say “well done, thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Lord.”

Have you ever wondered what heaven looked like?

If so, can you describe it?

Are you going to heaven? If you think so, here is a little quiz that can help you confirm it.

Is Jesus your Shepherd? Whether the answer is yes or no, here are some thoughts based on Psalm 23.

Please share your thoughts with me in the comments!

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Midnight Musings – How Long, Jesus? – Jan 7-8, 2018

Often, I am given things in the middle of the night. Most of the time, I just lie there and beg to go back to sleep! Recently, I’ve been convicted to share these ramblings, and I’ve had some encouraging responses. So – here goes obedience! ~Christi

This is day 6 of 100 in 2018
and this fits into my one word(phrase) be like Jesus.

How Long, Jesus?

I just want to quit,
I’m so tired of the pain,
I’m tired of the questions,
I’m tired of the shame.

YOU said to be saved
One must endure to the end,
That’s not what the banners
All say, “let’s be friends!”

Jesus will heal
Jesus will give
Jesus will bless
You with good things to live.

But what about pain?
What about doubt?
What about those
That never make it out

Out of the darkness
Of mental dispair
Out of the treatments
Or with nothing to wear?

What about those that
Never see “good”
And struggle and grab
For each morsle of food?

What about those
That pray underground?
Or those that have
Financially drowned?

Some wait for the miracle,
But the miracle does not come.
Is this the end we endure?
That we get to go home?

I know YOU aren’t Santa,
Or even welfare!
I know you are focused
On getting me where…

Where I can see
Your hand when I look,
When I can hear
Your voice when you’ve spoke.

I just want to sleep,
But my legs won’t relax
My arms want to twitch,
And my skins feels like tacks.

I know there’s an enemy,
And he’s out to destroy,
Whatever good YOU create
In my life, it’s his ploy.

I know he has to ask You
For whatever he plans,
And there’s nothing he can do,
Except it comes from your hands.

There are so many concerns,
So many deep longings,
So many heart cries,
But time keeps on rolling.

Rolling along,
Toward whatever the end,
And that’s when I’ll see
Jesus, My Friend.

YOU stand by my side,
When I whine and complain,
YOU sit near my seat,
When I can’t move from the pain.

I know in my heart,
That you would if you would…
Heal me, and free me
So that I could do good.

The issue isn’t the can
But the will,
But I’m tired of hearing,
Peace, child, be still.

You’ve given so much,
No one can compare,
To the blessings around me,
And my soul, you did spare.

I’m tired, dear Jesus,
I just want to rest,
Can you lesson this pain,
From off of my chest?

Can you tell my legs CEASE
Be STill, and at rest,
Can you tell my head,
Stop fearing the test.

What test? You might ask,
For the Christian to pass?
Yes, but it’s easy,
Because he IS the class.

There is a test
For all to take,
And it’s about Jesus
Our Lord to make.

If we choose Him,
And allow the Spirit
To be our guide to make
Us for heaven – fit.

HE says COME
HE says LOVE
HE says GRACE
Coming from above.

No matter how tired
No matter how hurt
To HIM I will offer
All of my heart.

JOB is my hero
In the midst of his trials
He cried out to God
And his tears could fill vials

Yes he complained
HE argued His case
And God reprimanded
And got in his face.

The end result
Was Job fell contrite
I’ll shut up,
You, LORD, are right!

My God is not small,
He can handle my why’s
He loves me enough
To listen to my cries.

He always wins,
Because I always give in
Sometimes it’s the hard way
Because I do sin.

He guides me, And leads me
Along my life’s way
To finish the work
Prepared for His day.

I love Him, I need Him
To reign in my heart.
So that I am empowered
To yeild to my part

My part in this grand plan,
This eternal choice
To connect with His people
And give HIM a voice.

And it’s His voice I cherish,
His voice I crave
His voice that has saved me
From a suicidal grave.

Yesterday, today
And forever the same
My God loves me always,
I am safe in His NAME.

So whether I’m tired,
depressed or in pain,
He loves me, and holds me
And whispers my name.

I love you, dear Christi,
And I came for your heart,
I know that you’re hurting,
I’ll do my part.

To hold you, and love you,
And pour out mercy and grace,
I will prepare you,
To see me by face.

My glory you’ll share,
As we reign and we rule,
Because you endured
Life’s rocky, tough school.

You’ll hear my voice say
Well done, my dear girl,
And we finish this journey,
Together and sure.

You see, I won’t leave you,
No matter your words,
I want you to know that
Your pain has been heard.

My reasons are mine,
My purposes sure,
To grow you in goodness,
And make your heart pure.

Sometimes the fire,
Gets painful with heat,
But you’ve asked to be seated
At my holy feet.

You will come out holy,
You will come out pure,
As seven times silver
Is refined to be sure.

Your face will reflect mine,
You light it will sihine,
As my love in you,
Is completely refined.

I love you dear daughter,
I won’t leave you alone,
My plans, they are good,
To bring you to HOME.

Thank you, Dear Jesus,
For letting me see,
Again, of your favor,
To meet all my needs.

I love you, dear Jesus,
I ask you to stay,
Close by me forever,
And keep me I pray.

Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And fate us for heaven
To live with Thee there.

Amen.
© 2018 MCWildman

Credit to Martin Luther for the lyrics to Away in the Manger

Home Free – Away in the Manger

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2018 first 100 days – day 3 – Priority to Love

I started this year with wondering what my word 2018 would be.

I was impressed with “the time is short” and “the end is near”.
My question to Jesus was “for what?”
His answer was “to be like me”.
My first thought was – does that mean my word for this year is “JESUS?”
Can’t be…that’s so WWJD, and cliche’.
I couldn’t pick a WORD last year, either…basically, I got a verse!

This year, I keep getting VERSES…and the word Jesus just keeps popping up!
And I kept refusing it (ok, today is only Jan 3, and I started this after Christmas, so I haven’t been sinning quite that long…it just feels like it!)

Then, yesterday, dear Ann Voscamp wrote her word for the year. Jesus.

Great – now it’s going to look like my obedience is actually imitating Ann Voscamp!
I can see it now…all those bracelets with the name JESUS on them…everyone wearing them….

GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!
HOW GREAT WOULD 2018 BE IF EVERYONE FOCUSED UPON BEING LIKE JESUS???
Ok, attitude checked.
Repentance requested, Forgiveness received.
Moving forward!

My focus this year – is BE LIKE JESUS.
And, yes, my memory word will be…..

And, today, I’m working on my priorities to be like Jesus…#5.

  1. Praise
  2. Prayer
  3. Promises (Bible READING – PRAISE FOR THE PROMISES)
  4. Purpose (writing)
  5. Priorities(those things that God brings to mind each day – family, self care, others, etc.)

Priorities – THOSE THINGS THAT GOD BRINGS TO MIND EACH DAY
Last night, God brought to mind that my husband said something very sweet to me:

Your hair is aging very lovely

I have had years of getting strange types of comments from my husband.
He has a different way of expressing himself than most.
Because of that, I’ve not accepted many of the compliments he gives me.
There is also the issue of horrible self worth, negative self talk, and all those self-condemning voices in my head that out number and out yell him!

This time…THIS TIME…I heard Jesus whisper…listen.

What is he saying?
He likes my long hair – even if I feel it’s stringy
He likes my grey hair – even if I keep trying to convince myself they are tinsel!
He likes my hair, as it’s aging, and he’s not hankering for the day when my hair was young, fresh and …well, I’ve never been happy with my hair! He, on the other hand, has loved my hair from the start!
In fact, it was my hair that almost gave away that he intended to marry me!

Story time:
It was 1979. I’d been out of the Navy for a couple of months. Therefore, I could let my hair grow!

 

I went to dinner with my best friend, Jim – my bible buddy.
He looked across the diner table and said “are you letting your hair grow?”
“yes” I replied…we talked about anything and everything, so this was not strange.


“Great, I always wanted a wife with long hair”

WAIT! WHAT???
My immediate reaction was “I’ll never marry you, it would ruin our friendship!”
Little did I know how close that was to prophecy!
Understand, I was reacting out of the mouth of a child of divorce…I didn’t know married couples could be friends!
Besides, he was the guy I asked about all the other guys that were proposing to me…”is this the one?” “No, I don’t think he is the one”

Hmmm, all along, he had ulterior motives! And, one year later, give or take a month – we were married!

 
So, a comment about my hair goes all the way to the beginning.
GOD wanted me to HEAR Jim’s heart! And I felt loved.
My love languages are quality time and words of affirmation.
His aren’t. hahaha! Isn’t that about the truth for most of everyone?
I need to hear HIS words, trying to speak to me in MY language.

Now, what does this have to do with what God led me to do today?
Remember my word for the year…yep – Jesus.

Colossians 3:23-24King James Version (KJV)
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Ministering to MY husband.
Guess what HIS love languages are?
Acts of Service and Physical Touch…
These are troubling for me for several reasons.

  • I don’t do the hold on until we melt into each other hugs…they are vulnerable.
  • I have physical issues that make hugging painful.
  • We used to live in a cold environment – and kissing too much caused chapped lips.
  • I have physical issues that cause me pain when I do cleaning, decorating, moving – acts of service.

Those who have followed this blog for any length of time, know that I am a broken mess!

I want love, but I’m afraid of it.
I want trust, but I’m afraid to trust.
I want peace, but I’m afraid…period.

So, God told me to listen to the words my husband said – so that I could hear love.
And this morning, God pointed out something that blesses Jim.
He asked me to do it way back in the beginning.
Many life organizers list it as one of the first things to do in the day.
I did it every day in the Navy boot camp – on the top bunk(and I’m short).
WHAT IS IT?
MAKE THE BED!

Yes, something my mom was always telling me how to do.
So, I know the nurses way to make a bed(yes, with flat sheet corners)
I know the Navy way to make a bed (and, no, the quarter didn’t have to bounce, but the top of the bottom sheet and the roll down of the top sheet both had to be 7 inches exactly. the distance between my thumb and my little finger spread out is almost exactly 7 inches).


I know the OCD way – lines must be straight, each side must be exactly the same distance…
I’m learning the ‘IT’S OK TO BE REAL’ way…here’s today’s work:

I lost one of the shams when I was matching colors for the house.
The pillows should not be showing…but I don’t have the strength to pull the quilt up further.
I never intended to have that many sleeping pillows on the bed…and, interestingly enough, I have a similar colored bed at our daughters, with cute extra pillows that the dog loves to walk around with!
I even cleaned up the dresser before taking a photo…
and I can go on and on and on about how this is not up to my standards.

But it is…IT IS…up to my dear husband’s standards!
THIS blesses him.
Actually, me just pulling it up and straightening a bit blesses him.

I get hung up on doing this as unto the Lord, therefore it needs to be perfect.
You know that verse?

Matthew 5:48King James Version (KJV)
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

or this one?

1 Peter 1:15-17King James Version (KJV)
15 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;
16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

I get so hung up on doing something perfect, or being holy about doing something…that I just don’t.
a quote from my earthly father:

If I can’t do it right, it’s not worth doing.

I do know that neither my earthly nor heavenly father meant for me to just quit.
I do know that OCD, anxiety, and such are Giants in my Land that I need to slay.
I do know that pain prevents me from doing some of the bigger, more impressing things I used to do for my husband(moving whole rooms while he was gone..yeah, that’s not happening anymore!).

What I needed to learn – from listening to God tell me to LISTEN to my husband’s attempt to speak my language was that I don’t have to be perfect in result…I just have to perfectly try.

Language – several years ago, I made a trip to Germany.
I created a cheat sheet of some words I thought I might need to say.
I listened to some of those language trainers to get a feel for the sound.
I was told that the nationals would be offended by me trying to speak their language without getting it right.
My experience? 100% of the time, I might get a smile, but I always got a very warm thank you, and an attempt to communicate – even if they knew no English.

I don’t speak Jim’s love languages.
Jim doesn’t speak mine.
We are as different as black and white, cold and hot, wet and dry…etc.
We’ve been hung up on the other speaking our language.
I’VE been hung up on JIM speaking MY language – and my inability to DO things…or be touched, as a failure as a wife.

I’m not perfect.
Jim’s not perfect.
Jesus IS perfect…and I don’t believe he expects me to BE PERFECT – NOT AS HIM….BUT AS THE FATHER!
And yes, there are plenty of Bible studies about this…and the word meaning and such.
But, I’m simple…this is what the Bible says…and I know that one of Jesus’s love languages is GRACE!!!

Jesus doesn’t ask me to speak the language myself.
He will be my cheat sheet!

He’s commanded me to Love!

John 13:34-35English Standard Version (ESV)
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Because HE IS LOVE!
Therefore, if I let Jesus reign in me, work on being like Jesus – I will be able to speak Jesus’s love languages of LOVE, GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, LONGSUFFERING….you get the point!
Because of JESUS in me – I can love.

1 John 4:19English Standard Version (ESV)
19 We love because he first loved us.

1 John 3:1
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

and of course:

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8English Standard Version (ESV)
8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus asks me to Love my husband.
yes, there are others, too.

If Jesus can choose to come and die for me, while I am yet a sinner, because HE LOVED ME…THE FATHER LOVED ME, THE HOLY SPIRIT even chose to MOVE ME BY GRACE…then to be like Jesus – surely I can love one that is not as ugly to me as my sin was to MY FATHER.

AND surely I can extend grace to my human husband(I have no other), as he attempts to speak love to me.

I made our bed today.
Jim – I love you, and Jesus Loves You! Thank you for loving me, too!

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission.
The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, follow me on Pinterest, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Why do I write? a poem about me. 2018 day 3

Why do I write?
Because I can’t breathe?
Because I can’t think?
Because I can’t see?
Why do I write?
To get it out of my head?
To get it out of my heart?
To get it out to share!

I write because I have words to say
I write because sometimes there’s no other way
To get the noise that is in my head
Out into the world, whether for good or for bad.

I write because I must sing a song
I write because I must point out wrong
I write because my heart wants to break
For all of those that suffer and shake.

I write because I know of the pain
I write because I feel how it weighs.
I write because I want to lift up those hands
Those feeble knees, and those struggling to stand.

I write because God gives me the words
I write because something inside just yearns
To speak of the Truth so that others can live
To share of the joy that only Jesus could give.

I write because my heart has been broken
I write because my mind still is broken.
I write because no Spirit is broken –
Because words can heal, once they are spoken.

I write because Jesus is the Word
When he speaks to me, I want him to be heard.
I write because He has healed my pain
And I want his love to flow down like rain.

Why do I write?
Because others may hear,
And reach out to Jesus,
And know that He is near.
(c)1/3/2018 mcwildman

A nice reminder from Daily Bible Verse

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission.
The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, follow me on Pinterest, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Jan 2, 2018 reflecting on Jan 2, 2014

Thanks to Facebook, I was reminded of my thoughts four years ago.
Because it is just as pertinent now as it was then, I’m going to repost it here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January 2, 2014 – Welcome 2014

I may be a bit strange…well, yes, I am peculiar….but I have a way of looking at the new year that sort of gets some folks down.

It is like a new salvation confession.

During December, in the midst of all the celebrations, I look at my life as if I am going to meet the Lord Jesus. Of course, that IS what folks supposedly celebrate on Dec 25, welcoming the Lord Jesus into their lives – but that discussion is for another blog!

I look at the Old year as, well, my old life….it is passed away by 2014…and I look it over as if I was preparing for my confession of Christ as my savior. Sort of like one would do before their public baptism.

What things troubled me last year?

What things needed help last year?

What were my weak areas?

What were, if any, my strong areas?

DID MY LIFE SCREAM JESUS EVERYWHERE I WENT?

Well, of course, there are times that our lives should just whisper Jesus – but the point is, did I shine the light of Jesus to those around me? Or did I hide my light under a bushel?

2013 was a year of recovery.

2013 was a year of acceptance.

2013 was a year of resting and leaning on Jesus.

Yes, I failed.

  • I failed in my consistency of blogging.
  • I failed in my consistency of painting.
  • I failed in my consistency of writing…or writing the books at all!
  • and those are just the public failures!

But were those my goals or God’s goals????

  • I was blessed to help out our daughter, Faith, around her baby boy’s birth.
  • I was blessed to enjoy a week of vacation with our son and his family here in Florida.
  • I was blessed to visit some ‘old’ friends in Ohio.
  • I was blessed to take a road trip with my daughter, Rachel.
  • I was blessed to go on some trips with my husband.
  • I was blessed to walk up FOUR lighthouses!
  • I was blessed to get to see two cousins that I hadn’t seen in years…one that was my ‘older sister’ cousin, and one that was my ‘younger sister’ cousin.
  • I was blessed to learn that milk and bread mess up my body and cause pain.
  • I was blessed to learn about alkaline ionized water, and how it benefits my body to enable me to do many more things with my chronic illnesses.
  • I was blessed to learn that I could choose my food…my food did not dictate or, rather, my emotions did not dictate my food.
  • I was blessed to learn that my husband and I love each other more and more than we did when we got married…with 34 years of experiences, good and bad, shared.

In all of those, I learned many things.

Did I get done the things I thought I was supposed to get done? no.

Some of that is my fault…some of that is what God brought down my path.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. (Ps 16:11)

I say I want to walk the path God gives me…that I want Him to lead me and be the light unto my feet, and the lamp unto my path…but

  • do I follow? or,
  • do I follow willingly? or,
  • do I follow unbegrudgedly? or,
  • do I whine? or,
  • do I embrace JOY? and accept HIS pleasures (listed above as blessings)?

The sheep don’t whine about following the shepherd.

Those that wander, he breaks their leg, so that they learn to stay near…

I have had several years of learning to be still….the last surgery was a HUGE be still lesson.

But, that was last year.

Just as someone that is going to their baptism, their public confession of Faith…that is in the past. When I confess my sins, he is faithful to forgive and to cleanse me of all my sins (1 John 1:9).

That is what my evaluation of last year is all about.

Then, 2014 – all things are new….I have been washed in the blood – and my time before me is NEW…just as after my confession of sin, and confession of the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior, I am a new creation…old things are passed away, all things become new(2 Cor 5:17)!!!

So, I start this year with some new goals…I’ll write about that in another blog. But, 1/1 seems to be a great time for a NEW start.

I will fail…but He is the glory and the lifter of my head(Ps 3:3).

I will succeed…but I am weak, success is because HE is strong(2 Cor 12:10)…

and I will flounder…I still live in this body of flesh…Romans 7

But I will work out my own salvation with fear and trembling(Phil 2:12)…I will press on towards the mark of the prize of the high calling of Christ Jesus…I will continue to run this race….because I know what is at stake! Eternity! 1 cor 9:24; Heb 12:1-2; Phil 3:14

BTW – every evening can be a re-eval of your day, and every morning can be a new day – weeping may be for the night, but joy comes in the morning.(Ps 30:5)

May each of my readers be blessed this year with a new and fresh knowledge of Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess I’ve had that quote for a while!
I know I’ve had that life verse for a while.
I still spend December looking back over the year.
I still make a fresh confession to Jesus on New Year’s Eve.
This year, it came out in the form of a Poem.

I again pray that my readers will be blessed by these thoughts of mine, focused upon my Savior, Jesus Christ, and His plan for our lives.

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission.
The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, follow me on Pinterest, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2018 – Prioritize – one of my five goals

This is day 2 of 2018 – I’m attempting another 100 days! I started one in 2011.

Today, I’m going to talk about how I set up a priority prayer calendar.
It’s not that difficult…and to be honest, if I utilized it more, I would be praying so much more!
I guess first, we have to decide that praying is important – a priority!

In 2018, I’m going to be focusing on doing the work God has placed before me.
I’m still not sure what my word for 2018 will be…hmmmm.

I’m going to be focusing on the important things upon which to focus:

  1. Prayer
  2. Praise
  3. Promises (Bible READING)
  4. Purpose (writing)
  5. Priorities(those things that God brings to mind each day – family, self care, others, etc.)

My first priority, as led by my Savior, Jesus Christ, is to pray.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18English Standard Version (ESV)
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

WAIT! HOLD THE PRESSES! CORRECTION!

Actually – I”m going to confess a bit of a change right here….based upon 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18!

Praise, Prayer and Praise(Thanks for the promises)

  1. Praise
  2. Prayer
  3. Promises (Bible READING – PRAISE FOR THE PROMISES)
  4. Purpose (writing)
  5. Priorities(those things that God brings to mind each day – family, self care, others, etc.)

And yet – today I’m going to talk about prayer.
As 1 Thess 5 tells us – PRAYER is crucial…and we should do it ALWAYS! WITHOUT CEASING!

Recently, a friend of mine was wondering how we do such a thing, pray without ceasing.

We all know about how Jesus taught us to pray:

Matthew 6:9
“This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

Here’s a print for you from The Catholic Resource

There is a nice little study about the Lord’s Prayer in many versions at The Lord’s Prayer Words.

I admit that this is our guide line for prayer.

  • Our Father – declaring WHO our Father is
  • Who art in Heaven – declaring His Kingdom Home
  • Hallowed(Holy) Be your name – declaring our reverence for His name.
  • Thy Kingdom Come – declaring his Kingship
  • Thy Will be done – declaring his Soverignty
  • On earth as it is in Heaven – declaring his rule over heaven and earth.
  • It goes on – to request our needs –
    daily bread
    forgiveness (with admission of OUR responsibility both for our sins and to forgive)
    help to avoid sin
  • Then PRAISE
    THINE IS THE KINGDOM
    THINE IS THE POWER
    THINE IS THE GLORY
    FOREVER!

so does Jesus mean for us to be praying the Our Father without ceasing?
I don’t think so. I know the Catholics do their rosaries with this and the Magnificat…and I admire the tenacity of their focus. They keep themselves focused, with these prayers and others in the common prayer book. I guess I just fine myself needs to talk to God…ALL THE TIME! and the Our Father doesn’t always say what I want to say.

And, it doesn’t give me room to pray for my family, friends and events, and national leaders, etc.
Understand, I am not saying that Catholics, or liturgically based faiths don’t pray for these things! I was raised Episcopalian, and when I need to focus my prayer life, I have gone back to the prayer book.

I have also utilized a wonderful took by Sylvia Gunter.

4 R


YOu can purchase this at her store. The Father’s Business I have no affiliation with her other than my deep and abiding respect for her ministry.

These resources did not help me to know how to pray for my family and friends on a regular basis.
Do I sit down and list off the 100’s of people I’ve met over the years? When I try, I usually fall asleep.
Praying is a great way to fall asleep – if you are like me, you will wake up praying!

So, here’s what I did.

  1. Meranda
  2. Daniel
  3. open
  4. open
  5. Miheret(a sponsored child)
  6. Adam
  7. Open
  8. Jim & I
  9. Rachel, Sarah G
  10. Asha, John, Connie

So, this isn’t a really hard to figure out concept. Pray for people on their birth DATE – if born on the 2nd of December – pray for them every 2nd!
Now, this handles the people, based upon their birthdates.
What about other dates?

Again, I pray for couples on their anniversaries (my brother John and his beautiful wife, JeanMarie, were married on the 15th of May – I pray for their marriage on the 15th of every month).

  1. Faith & Steven anniversary
  2. Jim & Christi anniversary

One could add a due date to remember to pray for a pregnant mamma!
I have a dear friend who died of breast cancer years ago…her family remembers her on the anniversary of her death(Jewish tradition), I remember her, and pray for her children on her birthday.
It is what YOU need it to be to help YOU pray consistently for others!

I could and should have these written down on printed calendars, but what I have done is on the google calendar.
If you set the event as all day, it just gives you a banner at the top of the day.
If you sent the repeat monthly, you get the repeat notification monthly.
To be honest – sometimes I forget the more distant people’s MONTH of their birthday! /o\

To prevent that, you could also use those yearly calendar things in the back of a printed calendar planner – but that gets too complicated for me to put into days. On the other hand, you could use those dates to remember the special days…and transfer them to a basic calendar, and print it. There’s a very flexible option at Print-A-Calendar.
I think I’ll do this with my yearly calendar when it comes!(I’m a calendar snob…yes, I admit it).

Another tool that I am using this year, comes from the blog “My Beautiful Ugly”, and it’s a January Challenge with a free set of printables, and another set, I just bought for myself – for only $5(the price of these things helps to support the blogger/artist for their work – I’m not affiliated with her other than my respect and love of her work).

Please check out My beautiful Ugly 2018 planner and love challenge blog.

I’m going to go print them out right now!

Now, to comment on my friends wonderment…Prayer is talking with God.
Enoch walked with God and was not…probably didn’t want to end the conversation!
Moses talked to God like a friend.
Abraham talked to God, even respectfully arguing with God about his concern for his adopted son Lot, in Sodom and Gomorrah.
David sang to God.
Peter, James and John walked with God…while Jesus lived here…and talked with Him ALOT! If I can take anything from the interaction the disciples had with Jesus, it’s that I can say anything to Him, as long as I remember to listen for His answer.

There’s another way to pray without ceasing…

Romans 8:26-27English Standard Version (ESV)
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[a] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

This comes right before Romans 8:28 –

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

A perfect reminder that when we pray – we have confidence with the Father that ALL things work together for good….not that it will work out the way we want it, but that it will work out the way HE wants it!

I guess that is the main point for me to remember with prayer.
Prayer is not about me telling God what to do in my, or my family or friends lives…
Prayer is letting God know the desires of my heart…and sometimes, Ps 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Prayer is about letting God take charge of my heart.
In fact, Psalm 37 is a great Psalm about a prayer and a prayerful heart. Psalm 37 talks about rearranging our heart, too! Be forewarned…there are requirements…here’s a couple for starters!

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

verse 40
The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

Prayer is NOT just about when I pray, how I pray(kneel? stand? lie face down?), or even WHAT I say –
Prayer is the outcome of my relationship with Jesus Christ.
Prayer is the connection with my Best Friend and Savior, Whom I know intercedes for me, and will intercede with Our Father for others.
Prayer is my time with Jesus!
Prayer is Love…
love of God
love of Jesus
love for those I pray for.

I mean, seriously, if prayer is spending time with someone, sharing your joys, sorrows, hurts, victories, and concerns – isn’t that what you do with the one you love?

And what great a privileged it is for we creation to humbly go to Our Creator and ask….because he has asked us to do so.

The book of James gives us so much to think about in our relationship with God, and prayer.
Pray without ceasing – no, not by James…but still as important.

and writing down those we do not want to forget to remember to the Lord in prayer – that can help with the “not ceasing” part.

I do hope this will help you, I know writing this down has reminded me. Here’s to a prayerful 2018!

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission.
The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, follow me on Pinterest, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.