Category Archives: Jounral

Where art thou, Christi?

so many things I planned to do – and then, things came up.
and then, I rewrote what I planned to do to take those things into consideration – and then, things came up.

Sometimes stupid stuff, like today – I left the toilet without making sure it flushed completely, and our whole RV is flooded – water running freely from 11 p, to 8 am. This was not what I planned for today.

Last Tuesday, I was planning to walk my 10k steps a day – to keep up what I had done at camp…but, I shut my foot in the car door – yes, I had to open the door to get it out.
Apparently, feet were not made for being shut into such tight spaces without at least being bruised.

Anyway – for various reasons, specifically my eyes, I did not start the Isaiah course I planned – and therefore – it is not here.

Because of a detox program by my doctor – I stopped the Plexus stuff – and therefore, stopped writing up those thoughts – though, I will be writing up some health journal stuff to bring this up to date. I have stopped the Plexus – because I don’t need it. But, that means, I haven’t kept up my health journal.

Because of travel – and only having a tablet that does not seem to put my blogs in the right place, and is not as convenient to type on for long thoughtful things(and, I can’t switch back and forth to have blue letter bible, google and photos easily added) – I haven’t kept up anything here!

Oh, the art? yeah – it’s sitting on the easels – untouched.

In two weeks, I have surgery on my neck. Am I scared? well, let’s just say that I feel like I am choosing the lesser of two evils. And, I’m not looking forward to it, so I’m not thinking about it, I’m thinking about November…not October 13!!!

And my mental situation? This week, I start dealing with past wounds and memories – to try to eliminate the triggers and heal – and, this is the scariest thing of all.
I think I’d rather go back and let the Navy do exploratory surgery on my back than go through this wound exploration – a lot is in journals – that I refuse to read – and now, I’m going to be discussing it with a therapist for an hour, after an hour of driving, and then, an hour of driving home.

My eyes keep dripping…my heart keeps racing…and nothing that I had planned is going to happen – and while this should be the place that I put all those wonderful no fear scriptures and memos and thoughts and sayings – right now – my mind is flooded – as I said, so flooded that my eyes are leaking.

But, if there is anyone that reads this – this is my short explanation as to where I’ve been and where I am.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

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Barbs Drawing

Naomi’s Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

how many is too many?

How much is enough?

    8 surgeries in three years….too much.
    3 headaches in 7days…too much.
    250 pounds – too much.
    5 children and 2 miscarriages in 6 years…too much.
    2 meds, 4 meds, 6 meds, 10 meds?
    VITAMINS?????
    cars in the front yard?
    houses on every continent?
    $$$$?
    how many things,
    how many crises,
    how many children,
    how many difficulties, 
    how many traumas….

how many, how much is too much?

Starting my continuing care medical appointments feels like too much.

    Primary care
    ortho
    neuro
    fibro
    rheuma
    podiatrist
    opthamologist
    gynocologist
    dentist
    and a  pain specialist that makes me feel like a drug addict.

But, how much is enough?

    enough to stop the pain?
    enough to block the memories?
    enough to feel satiated?
    enough to feel appreciated?
    enough to feel safe…

We live in an RV, but have lived in 2000+ sq ft houses.
We have had a new car…but now have older cars with all the bugs worked out of them.

Too much or too little?

    I want to walk – I’d like to walk the recommended 10000 steps  per day…but I broke a bone in my left foot.
    I want to swim – but the outside pools are too full of people, or the weather does not cooperate.
    I want to bike – but I injured my knee on a recumbent bike.
    I want to do body weight exercises – but my elbows never fully recovered from prior injuries.

how many surgeries, injuries are enough? Too many?  enough to get things to work well?

    How much bible reading is enough?
    How much is not enough?
    How much prayer is enough?
    How much is not enough?
    How many smiles are enough? not enough?
    How many tears are enough? Not enough?
    If I wear a covering? or not?
    If I wear a dress? or jeans?
    If i don’t wear make-up? or do?
    If I grow my hair long? or cut it?
    If I eat kosher? or just clean?

If I give all to the poor – ALL – if I have not love…I am a noisy gong.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though

I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. 1 Cor 13:3

But that doesn’t answer my question. How much is too much? How much is enough?

    GRACE
    MERCY
    FORGIVENESS
    PATIENCE
    LONG-SUFFERING …

The fruit of the Spirit!

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness AND Self-control.

The Love Chapter in the Bible.

    love is patient
    love is kind
    love is not envious
    not conceited
    not rude

Think on these things:

    whatsoever things are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.

That is a lot to keep in mind….
Then there’s

    modesty,
    humility,
    compassion,
    actions and
    non actions…
    how to BE MORE than you ARE!

How much is enough?

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

In the work out realm…the balanced answer is:

just do one more than you did yesterday.

But am I able to accept that what I am doing right now is enough?
Probably not.

Am I able to accept that right now, my life is revolving around doctors – helping to fix the things that have been broken?
I’m trying.

Am I able to rest in the fact that Jesus died for me – and that believing in Him is all that is needed for salvation? The Bible Tells me so:

Rom 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
(and Rom 5:9-10; Acts 16:31; John 3:16-17; 1 John 3:23)

But there are times that I think I should DO more…

And then, I think about the Apostle Paul. His life was rough.
But he writes and encourages the church to be content in all things.

Reading the list of things that he went through – I think, it is too much!
Reading the times of suffering want – I think, it’s not enough!
But, Paul says – it is enough – I am content.
HOW???

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phil 4:13

Doing all things through Christ?

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;Col 3:23

So –

    If I go to the doctor because I have not been miraculously healed – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
    If I workout to strengthen my body – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
    If I choose to dress in one way or the other – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
    And if I go to bed, and I have done all that has been presented to me, I have attempted to be better today than I was yesterday, then I can be content.

    AND If I stumble and fall – I have the promise that he will forgive, and pick me up – His mercies are new every morning.

How much is too much? more than I can handle. And He promised not to give me more than I can handle.

How much is too little? less effort than I can give. Less than what I have.

I’m not done with these thoughts…but this is a good place to close this for further processing.

Apparently, I need to work on being content.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! And you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Barbs Drawing

Naomi’s Heart Mission

 
Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

depression digs deep with drugs

Hello.
My name is Christi.
I live with depression.
Not by choice – but by genetics and some environment, and nurture.  Mostly, genetics. And training through the nurture.
I Live.
I choose to LIVE.
and yet, I’ve lived with voices in my head since I was 16, telling me that I’m not good enough for this world, and I should just take myself out of the equation and make everyone elses lives better.  sometimes it’s a screaming all incompassing voice.  sometimes just a quiet whisper.  sometimes I recognize that it is not MY desire and I can fight it.  sometimes, it can over power the other, more sensible voices in my head.  But, even though it can be quieted for a while, I have found that the voice is not dead.

I Have one attempt that I have written about. In 2009, that voice was too loud for sense to break through.

But I tried to ask for help for years…and was told, at 16, “that’s normal – all teens go through that. ”
Later, I was told: “stop being dramatic, stop demanding attention.”
I knew very few people that really thought about dying, much less HOW to do it, and WHY.
I didn’t really find this group of people for which it was normal, except in a psychiatric hospital…but, those of us that need to be hospitalized are not the social norm, are we?  Or we wouldn’t be hospitalized, right?

Ok – so, here’s the current situation.
I have pain – I fibromyalgia – AND I have issues with tendons at the insertion points.  This has meant multiple surgeries – AND a standard set of medications that have psychiatric effects as well. 
The most recent tests had me looking back to a medicine that had been prescribed to help with migraines…to relax muscles. I was supposed to take this twice a day.
Another doctor had me taking a medication that was to prevent migraines…and I was supposed to titrate that up to three pills a day.

WARNING: ALWAYS CHECK MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS, AND HOW THEY CAN EFFECT EACH OTHER BEFORE TAKING NEW MEDS!  MAYBE EVEN BEFORE GETTING THE SCRIPT FILLED!

I guess that could be a spoiler.

I also suffer from S.A.D. – Seasonal Affective Disorder.  In Ohio, in the winter – I used a light box to counter act the effects.  But I live in sunny florida!
This winter has been very rough – much grey sky and rainy weather.   Not snow – but the grey was our part of the 2014 winter.
two children moving further away, one with two grandchildren as well.
one child having scary health issues
one child having children issues
hips back and knee continued to limit my ability…I hurt my knee trying to ride a stationary bike!
moving out of an apartment back into the RV
Thinking we were getting a new RV that would address some issues of the old RV – and getting denied(actually, too high interest rate).
Jim traveling much more than we had originally planned
I broke my foot. I’m stuck in a boot, which limited my walking in the ‘sunshine’ when it was out!
And just all around malaise that comes with fibro, with the addition of migraines from the weather fronts.

Writing this up, it doesn’t sound like much…but, it added up – and I had a low level depression.
I saw doctors for the pain – and the prescribed the above treatments.
And I got depressed.
I have not had voices telling me to kill myself loud enough for a few years…until this past fall.
And, I fought them. And, usually, I won.
but I started losing more and more often.

I talked to my husband – and we agreed that there is the concern that if I went to a new psychiatrist,
a. it is going to have to start all over with the whole story…which is traumatizing to me
b. they will choose to give me more medicine OR
c. they will hospitalize me – and they will misdiagnose me again…with wrong meds that cause problems.

Several times, I was close – but last weekend – I was very close – VERY CLOSE.
Jim was going to Atlanta – we had decided not to go together – because I was so depressed there was nothing that could comfort me…
BUTGOD
Now, lots of people say that God comes shining in and talks to them and saves them.
That’s not me.
BUTGOD –
On Saturday night – the night I told Jim that I was NOT going to Atlanta and Alabama with him, I had a perfect plan.
BUTGOD –
I have been a Christian for 45 of my 54 years.
I confess that Jesus is my Lord and Savior – and that I want HIM to be in charge of MY life.
I believe the scriptures are truth – for today – and applicable.
And as I went to sleep, talking to God as I do each night, I was explaining that I didn’t have any other choice…
BUTGOD –
“way of escape”
“what?”
“ask for a way of escape”
Oh, bleep – He’s quoting His word to me…the Word that I believe is true, and that at this moment I believe does not have any comfort for me.
1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,
but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

“Ok, Lord, please show me a way of escape.” and I went to sleep.
Sunday morning – I woke up – “go with Jim”
In my mental state, that was the last thing I wanted to do – but I prayed for a way of escape – and here it was. If I didn’t take it…I knew I would be dead, possibly in more ways than one.

I became friends with some others on NerdFitness that are fighting the same struggle.
While driving – I was useful to Jim to drive so that he could work as he traveled. Plus!
While I was in Birmingham – I met a long time friend – and had a great time. PLUS!
While in the hotel – I did a one hour water workout and remembered what it felt like to be in water! BIGPLUS!
When I got home, I found out that I had been mentioned in an article by a man that I admire – and has Jim’s ear – and could open the door for my life to help others. UBER BIG PLUS!!
In the mean time, I got an inkling that my medications were possibly iffy.
side effects – not complications of combinations – just the side effects of both were enhanced depression – which often leads to suicide thoughts!!! ARRGGHH!!
so, I stopped it.
REBOUND HEADACHE!!!
BUT – I knew what it was.
And I started laughing again. Jim commented – it’s nice to hear your laugh again!
And as the medicine left my body – my mind began to clear – I don’t want to die…I WANT TO LIVE!
And I want to touch people that are hurting – because I know about hurting – physical, mental, emotional and social.
I did not die – I did not have the tools in the hotel room!
BUTGOD – gave me a way of escape –
BUTGOD – even reminded me to ASK for that way of escape.

My life line scripture –

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, FOR YOU ARE WITH ME;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me!
Ps 23:4

I have a coin with that inscribed upon it – and I have put it back on.
will I fight this battle again? probably.
but this time, I have a few more friends that will hold my hand.
I have a few more tools.
and I have the experience that if I cry out to God for a way of escape – HE IS FAITHFUL.
If I am faithful to believe, HE IS FAITHFUL TO DELIVER!

thank you for reading this.
May you know the shepherd of Psalm 23 as YOUR personal savior!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! And you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Barbs Drawing

Naomi’s Heart Mission

 
Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

Drafty posts – and splitting up

It’s almost December, and I have quite a few post drafts sitting in my post log.

Here’s what’s going to happen.

By the new year, I will be designating different urls for different themes.
The WildBerry Patch was always supposed to be my clearing house for my art, my writing, my witnessing, and discipleship.

I have three other options –
MCWildman
christartist
ChristiWildman

I’m thinking that christartist should be my art, but my signature is Christi Wildman on my art.
MCWildman would probably be my writing/author website.
so, what would christartist be? probably a compilation of things that don’t fit in the business of art or writing!

I will be blogging and displaying art and sharing Bible Thoughts…but for the business point of view, I need to separate things a little bit.

2013 will be the beginning of me moving into ministry with these areas, and I’d like your prayers for these endeavors. This is not the best time for starting up a small business.

Eventually, I will be listing talks that I have available to come and present to women’s groups.

We are moving again, posts will be showing up, and I pray that our lives will be a light to those that are sitting in darkness, or even, just a joy to those that are abiding in the Light!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! And you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Barbs Drawing

Naomi's Heart Mission

 

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

I believe

I
I believe
I believe God
I believe God is
I believe God is big
I believe God is big enough
I believe God is big enough to use
Me!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! Just sign up for an account, and you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Barbs Drawing

Naomi's Heart Mission

 

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

My response in Light of a 13 yo’s suicide in MN

A post I wrote on May 10, 2012, in response to hearing of a young girl’s suicide – and complaints that no one did enough:

I survived a suicide attempt…I was considered dead at the scene(beyond non-responsive)…and God revived me…in the ER on 11/17/2009
I know what goes on inside the mind of one that does this….
I did everything I could to prevent it from happening to my mom
I did everything I could to keep Anna from succeeding (can we spell familiar spirit????)
And, yes, those around me missed some things, but I kept them hidden.
Those around me were tired…and made a few missteps…but, in their minds, they did everything they were able to do –
My voices were voices from the past…doubled by some ‘bullying’ in the present…but mostly, my voices in my head were voices I’d believed, and had internalized…and any external voice just made the internal voice scream louder, and validated that internal voice.

No, those dealing with this precious child probably didn’t do ‘everything’ they could…because they probably could not conceive of what goes on inside a head that REALLY believes that suicide is the only way. But, they may have done ALL that they knew to do.

I have had to forgive those that were not able to hold my hand and pull me up from the sinking sand that sucked me into suicide that day.

I have had to forgive myself for thinking that my mom had gotten over her voices. I have had to thank God that Anna never succeeded, and yet, I’ve had to forgive myself for whatever brought things to that point(I know some of them now, and each time I learn of something new, I go through horrible grief, and have to take it to the Lord again).

Bullying will never stop…though it needs to be dealt with. The battle is to strengthen the minds and hearts of these wounded ones, so that they have an armor against the attacks of the enemy!

I think I’m supposed to be speaking to people about this…and the death of this child has stirred up an urgency in my heart.
I will be preparing my talks ASAP – and I pray that I will have an audience – and if I can save ONE from suicide…then, I know that my life has had purpose in Jesus.

Praying…praying, praying…..
~Christi

5/16/2012 – once the mind is made up to commit suicide, it is too late, unless the person is placed into a mental hospital that will protect them while helping them get past that mental state. There is nowhere safe enough to prevent a suicide, other than those places created to do just that.

I don’t know all the details about this young person, except that she was apparently at home, doing normal family things and walked out of the room with the family, and went to her bedroom and hung herself. At what point could the family have intervened? I don’t know…Once the hopelessness takes over, then the plan to protect others from having to listen to you anymore sets in, and then, the hiding, and the secrecy takes over….and unless someone can read minds, it is probably too late.

The time to intervene is MUCH earlier…IF there is any indication.
Sometimes, as in another suicide of a young man, there is NO indication, at least, not enough to add up to ‘suicidal thoughts’.

Prov 16:25 There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof [are] the ways of death.

This is NOT an answer for WHY
This is NOT an excuse for those that ignore
This IS a reply to the guilt of those that didn’t SEE because the victim chose to keep it hidden.
For those that read this, please pray for me to know what I am to do with my experiences…to follow God’s calling in my life.
The answer to protect children from suicide is to instill in them their worth, so that they have the armor to stand up to bullying, and have a positive mental sound track to take down the negative voices.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.
Soon, we’ll have email subscription, and maybe a newsletter.
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Barbs Drawing

Naomi's Heart Mission

 

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

I’m still a terrorist – to America as it is today, 3/12/2012 – reposted 11/11/2016

note – 11/11/2016 – In this election, I’ve been branded an uneducated, ignorant, deplorable, KKK lover, xenophobic, misogynist, bigot because of my vote.  In 2008 and 2012, I was branded as well.  This is to state, on Veterans Day, some of my beliefs as an American.

mcwusn78 1979mcw0005 1979mcw0006

I took an oath –

“I, My name, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”

I have never rescinded that oath.  Here is what my country has thought of me.

note – 3/12/2012 I wrote essay this April 2009. Today, there are youtube videos being shared that the CIA is watching us on Facebook. Even a news mimicking satire is scaring people!

There are anti Christian, anti Biblical things going on all around us, and Bible believers are the bad guys…and I don’t mean the whack jobs that kill abortion doctors or protest at veterans funerals!
Here’s my original post – and I did send it to Washington, DC. when Obama asked for us to turn in our neighbors.

This is in the Washington Times news – April 16th, 2009. You tell me if I’m over reacting.

Napolotano Stands by Controversial Report
PDF of the publication is available.

Original, written in 2009.

My country now considers me a terrorist.

I am commenting on the Department of Homeland Security report on “Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment.” Dated 7 April 2009 note:”(U) Prepared by the Extremism and Radicalization Branch, Homeland Environment Threat Analysis Division. Coordinated with the FBI.”

The report starts with this clear statement:
“The DHS/Office of Intelligence and Analysis (I&A) has no specific information that domestic rightwing* terrorists are currently planning acts of violence,
but rightwing extremists may be gaining new recruits by playing on their fears about several emergent issues.” pg 2/9

The report also clearly defines Right-wing extremism:
“*Right-wing extremism in the United States can be broadly divided into those groups, movements, and adherents that are primarily hate-oriented (based on hatred of particular religious, racial or ethnic groups), and those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.” pg 2/9

I don’t hate, but believe that other religions are not inline with what I believe to be truth.

  • I am antigovernment, in the manner of rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority.
  • I am against abortion as a flippant convenience, or birth control option.
  • I am against illegal immigrants getting monies without paying taxes, and benefits that should be given to the families that are legal, and do pay taxes.
  • I agree “with the “belief in the prophecies of a …one world government” pg 3/9 based on Revelation and end-time prophecies in the Bible.
  • Our family has purchased a gun since the election of Barak Obama pg 3/9
  • I “perceive” and “discuss on the internet the economy, the perceived loss of U.S. jobs in the manufacturing and construction sectors, and home foreclosures.” pg 3/9
    Doesn’t everyone?

While I would not say I am antagonistic toward the new presidential administration, I am antagonistic toward its PUBLISHED “stance on a range of issues, including immigration and citizenship, the expansion of social programs to minorities, and restrictions on firearms, ownership and use.” pgs 3&4/9

“Antigovernment conspiracy theories and “end times” prophecies could motivate extremist individuals and groups to stockpile food, ammunition, and weapons.” pg 4/9

I believe that it is prudent to have resources to provide for your family in the event of a crisis,
and I believe that an economic collapse, or an end-time apocalypse, or even an unbelievable hurricane would be a crisis.

I held these views in 1990, 1980, & 1970…
“Prominent among these themes were the militia movement”s opposition to gun control efforts, criticism of free trade agreements (particularly those with Mexico), and highlighting perceived government infringement on civil liberties as well as white supremacists” longstanding exploitation of social issues such as abortion, inter-racial crimes, and same-sex marriage.” 4/9

…and hold the same ones today….and will until the day I die. I have never been part of any more of a militia than the United States Navy.

“The dissolution of Communist countries in Eastern Europe and the end of the Soviet Union in the 1990s led some rightwing extremists to believe that a “New World Order” would bring about a world government that would usurp the sovereignty of the United States and its Constitution, thus infringing upon their liberty.” pg 6/9

I do believe that the United States is giving over its sovereignty to various organizations such as the UN, NAFTA, NATO and others rather than protecting the rights and liberty of Americans.

“Rightwing extremist views bemoan the decline of U.S. stature and have recently focused on themes such as the loss of U.S. manufacturing capability to China and India, Russia”s control of energy resources and use of these to pressure other countries, and China”s investment in U.S. real estate and corporations as a part of subversion strategy.” pg 7/9
While maybe not a subversion strategy, I believe we are weakening the US with these practices. I believe that is why we are in the crisis we are in today. We haven”t taken care of our own house first – then gone outside.

I am appalled that our government would consider the men and women that return from fighting battles, giving various degrees of sacrifices as potential terrorist threats. This is explained under the heading Disgruntled Military Veterans, pg 7/9. H

  • Have YOU tried to get medical service at the VA????
  • Have YOU experienced the VA and the Military mysteriously losing YOUR medical records?
  • Are YOU suffering from something that should have been taken care of before you were discharged, but you were just a kid and didn”t know any better?
  • Have YOU been homeless because of PTSD from a war that the military is refusing to acknowledge????

Just ask me about Disgruntled Military Vets. I’m one of them. And I’m not alone.

Then, page 8/9 blames the internet as providing the “information related to bomb-making, weapons training, and tactics, as well as targeting of individuals, organizations, and facilities, potentially making extremist individuals and groups more dangerous and the consequences of their violence more severe.”
The internet has made it easier for child porn, child abductions and stalkings, but I don”t see it blamed for that!

I’ve read all 9 pages of this Department of Homeland Security report on “Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment.” 7 April 2009 (U) Prepared by the Extremism and Radicalization Branch, Homeland Environment Threat Analysis Division, Coordinated with the FBI.

NO WHERE Does it Talk about the REAL TERRORIST THREATS, those that have repeatedly been committed against our people.

  • I don’t care if our president is black, white, green or purple.
  • I don.t care if our president is male or female.
  • I do not want race to be a card played – though it has been played so often since the preliminaries I am ashamed that we have not come farther, on either side.
  • The only thing I care about is our Constitutional Rights – and how we are losing them day by day – and now, I could be watched as a potential terrorist threat!

Ok, let me use my 1st amendment right while I still have it.

  • I believe the Bible from the very first verse….
  • And all the way to the very last verse.
  • I believe that we are all one blood, we all have pains inflicted upon us, and some have familial pains and generational pains – no matter what color our skin is, or how rich or poor we are, or whether we are legal or illegal in this country. We all need healing, forgiveness, and to let go of bitterness and open up a dialogue for trust.
  • I believe that when God is finished with His plan with this earth – there will be an Armageddon and many will die.
  • I believe that it will center on the middle eastern lands, with a horrific nature we have never seen.
  • I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and that HE is the only way to heaven.
  • I believe that life begins at conception, and responsibility begins before consummation.
  • I believe that everyone will face a day of judgment, and on that day, they will face the Creator God as supreme judge, and defend themselves or have Christ defend them.
  • There is only ONE judge – God the Father.
  • There is only one choice for a defender, and there is only one fee to be paid – your life.
  • There are only two rulings on that day – Heaven, or Hell.

2nd Amendment

  • I have a gun in my home, and ammo. I know how to use it.
  • And if the colonists did not bear their own arms, they would not have been able to pull together a militia to fight an oppressive government. That was called the Revolutionary War…..when we became the Americas!

4th Amendment should give me the freedom to do whatever I want in my home….secure in my person, house, papers and effects. So – most of my papers are online now….and they should not be searched or seized without probably cause and a warrant.

10th Amendment: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” The US Government has many fingers in the state government”s oversight. This is unconstitutional. Oh, that may include federal taxes as well, but that is taken care of by giving up our rights and ratifying the 16th amendment.

13th Amendment – everyone likes this one – the abolishment of slavery. But if the government can tell you what you can think, what you can say, and what you can do…..and enforce discipline upon you, or martial law….doesn’t that sound like slavery?

And for some great quotes for our times, and not from the Bible for those that would be offended, I have chosen these from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  1. An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  2. He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  3. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  4. Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  5. One who breaks an unjust law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  6. Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  7. The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  8. We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

And my favorites for such a time as this:
9. The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be… The nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
10. When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

I AM AN EXTREMIST!

If you want the version with Bible References added – give me a day or two, and I’ll have the verses in place….there are so many to choose from! Of course, I don’t want to be recruiting anyone to my terrorist cell of those who might happen to think like me.

Team Wildman

Team Wildman

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” –
from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
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Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

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Eternity in our Midst – Step #44

Life seems to flow constantly.
When it stops suddenly, our every cell screams “NOOOOOOO!”
In an instant, one mother is in the hospital praising God for the protection of her daughter in a car crash,
and in the next, another is crying out to God over the daughter being hit by a car and not surviving.
Life is made up of many linked instants…cherish them.

A friend’s daughter is protected..my heart rejoices with her mom and dad.
A friend’s daughter just moved into eternity….my heart hurts for her mom and dad.
They have the hope of heaven, but the flesh still weeps.

I look forward to meeting you, Lesley Fay Dingwall – 1979 – 2012

In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

WildBerry Patch’s 100th post

Christi at Edelweis

Me at Edelweis in April

I was told that a blog needed 100 posts to really be considered a blog.
This is my 100th post.
I wanted it to be great, pithy, important, insightful.
But – it’s just a post.

I’m hoping that I can get some folks to comment on this post…as I move forward sharing my heart and my journey.

I know some think these are too long.
I know some think I should not post the scriptures clearly in the text.
I know some just do not agree with me.

But, if you are reading this, please post, and let me know…and post here…not on FB…go to the bottom of this post, and find the small link that says comment!

Thank you!
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

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Naomi's Heart Mission

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The First 100 days – day 62 – storms

I have failed to write this blog consistently…and this response is more personal…this is my life.

Life is happening here…but after reading about a friend’s  life…I am reminded of the story about the woman that met with Jesus about how heavy her burdens were.  He showed her the burdens of those around her, that she could not see – and everyone of those that she picked up were too big, too heavy for her.  Then she saw this small burden and asked who’s that was…she was told to pick it up, and she said “it’s so light? Whose is this?”  Yours, my child…

So, life is happening here…I have a disability that makes these difficulties challenging…but, I have a God that is greater than all these things…and I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

I have to remember, like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress…the lions are chained.
I haven’t been able to T-Tapp, because for some reason, my energy levels, my strength, my heart rate and my breathing have all continued down hill.  I haven’t even been able to take walks.
I will be taking my walker to Germany, and we are talking about some sort of braces for my ankles.
Apparently, my Fibromyalgia is in rare form, and I’ve had to add Mobix to aid the pain issues.

Other than that, this is all I have to get done:

  • planning the downsizing(Katy Christian Ministries is getting lots and lots of stuff),
  • preparing for the trip(April 18-May 18),
  • doing training for Gabe in prep for Germany(classes and trainers),
  • preparing for the move at the end of May(which has to be ready before I leave for Germany),
  • planning the June trip to Ohio(where I will meet a man that wants to confirm face to face what my father was – as in, validate the memories that have ‘destroyed’ my life), and that trip needs to be planned before I leave for Germany,
  • plan for Faith and Daniel’s visit here in July(because when I get back, I will be too busy moving and vacation to mess with tickets then), and
  • prepare for medical issues that have come up – in the mean time.

I haven’t blogged.
I haven’t kept up with the scripture memorization.
I’m not T-tapping much more than once a week, though sometimes I skin brush
I’m not walking much – energy issues
I’m not checking in here, or encouraging folks on the my initiated 50 challenge, or even doing the second 50 day challenge.
My blood work came back worse…even though I have eaten better, and exercised better during that 3 months. I KNOW that becoming fully diabetic is my fault.  God gave me 7 years…and I failed.
I need to find that money tree…oh right, my God shall provide all my needs….
I’m failing commitments all over.

Anxiety? A little.
Physically – things seem to have gone backwards.
Making progress? definitely…but not as fast, or as well as I’d like…see that noun?

I ‘need’ a foundation…and I have put much of my roots into certain physical things that make me feel at home.  God is shaking those roots…and reminding me that my roots need to be grounded somewhere even deeper…and I KNOW that I will get through this…

BUT – in the mean time…I feel like I am going through an earthquake, hurricane, and forest fire all at the same time.  Sometimes, daily. I need to remember Elijah…in the cave…God is not in all of this, I need to be still, and wait for HIS still small voice.

The problem – when I get still, and hear his still small voice…I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE!!!  I want to stay in HIS presence! LOL, I don’t want to go back to the storms!!!  But, they still keep raging…and I am learning that while there are times that I need to turn my back on the storms, and look into Jesus’ face…apparently, there are times that I need to face the storms…Sometimes, I need to face my enemies…knowing that HE has my back…and when it’s too dangerous, HE will command the storms to cease.

Still, I daily find myself to be human, weak, and struggling with my inabilities.  Technically, in the Biblical and Spiritual world, that means that I am learning that when I am weak, HE is strong.  Military Boot Camp was hard…but I learned my weaknesses, and the Navy showed me how to become strong.  This is like God’s boot camp for me…and I KNOW that I will come out stronger.  I KNOW that HE is with me.  I KNOW that THIS is to help me put off those fleshly rags, and put on the garments that HE purchased for me.

I also KNOW that I should be counting all these things gifts, and rejoicing in these trials, testings…because HE is making me into what HE has planned for me.  I KNOW that I will be better for these things.  But, I also KNOW that I am human. These things hurt, like Eustace’s shedding of the dragon skin – he couldn’t do it alone – Aslan had to use his claws to cut through the layers.  My God, My Christ, My Savior, My redeemer Jesus is answering my prayer to be more like HIM.  right now, HE is clawing through the layers of fleshly baggage…because I can’t do it alone.

Sometimes, my heart holds on to “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”
Sometimes, I remember “I shall not die, but live to declare the glory of God.”
I’m trying to just stand – simply stand, and wait to see the deliverance of God.
Sometimes, I just acquiesce to the process…which implies some pride still.
I don’t know that I have totally yielded to this process….which probably means I’m not being still. Actually, re-reading that – duh…I haven’t’ yielded yet!

One thing I know – God knows that I am but dust, and still, He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling…and to present you faultless …FAULTLESS…before the presence of HIS glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God, be glory and majesty, dominion and power both now and ever. Amen.

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,

In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

  1. 100 days of moving challenge – day 62
  2. 100 days challenge- blog – check
  3. 25 verses in 52 weeks – Ps 15:3-5(didn’t set up verse 4)
  4. 90 days Bible Reading – Isaiah – very behind.
  5. 50 days T-Tapp – ???