My friend Trisch shared this today, in light of several of us having multiple crises in our lives.  I asked if I could put it here…I want to keep this thought around forever! At least, while the internet exists! ~C

I used to wonder how Job did so well then spent 30+ chapters whining!

Almost 7 years ago, when Dallas nearly was killed in his bad accident (caused by a driver on cocaine and marijuana), I found out and understood Job better!

Worship is just what you’re saying, C(another person’s comment).  Saying, “I might not understand, I might not like it or feel good, but I believe You are still on the Throne, and although it doesn’t make sense in my world, You have a greater plan and it will be beautiful in Your plan.”

We can’t make sense of things here, because we’re seeing them temporally and through finite eyes.  We need His “eyes” to see the Eternal and the infinite.  By worship we say I trust You in this.

Just Friday the Lord showed me how I had a small piece of my heart still hardened from one of my miscarriages that was almost 22 years ago.  I felt “dead” emotionally.  At the time I just thought it was due to the loss, the hormones, etc.  It was right before Christmas, 1989, and of course, right before Jessica’s birthday (24th).   It seemed that although I got over it and have even asked God’s forgiveness for my bitterness over the years, I reserved a little piece for me–walled it off.  Deep down was the “how could God be good when we’ve given Him total control of our fertility and He keeps taking babies to Heaven?” (I’d lost 4 by that point…..little did I know….)

Friday morning I asked Him to show me, why. Why was there this little “dead spot” within me.  He had already told me a year ago my struggles were with His Sovereignty, especially since the last miscarriage (almost 3 years ago) and the unexpected death of my mom.

Ladies, when I asked Him that question, I had just been worshiping Him.  I have felt Him drawing me more and more into worship.  Worship as the main part of my prayer time.  Worship before petition, intercession, supplication.  Praise and worship.  I’m using Psalms, praying one Psalm a day and sometimes even half a one. Really slowing it down!

I read over the names of God in a little booklet I have–several for each day.  To remind me of Who He *really* is.

I’ve been giving a lot of things up to Him, my mom being one of them, and I thought I had given all our losses of babies to Him, too.  So when I asked Him that question, really wanting to know, really ready to give it all up to Him, that is what He showed me.

“Thou art good, and doest good; teach me Thy statutes.”  Psalm 119:68

The night of Dallas’ accident, when I couldn’t go to sleep in the ICU waiting lounge, I read my Bible and this verse stood out.

That is what I told Him when He showed me my heart Friday morning.  YOU are good.  EVERYTHING You do is GOOD. Whether I understand it, see the reason for it, like it, whatever, I will speak Truth in my heart.

I can’t trust Him if I don’t speak the Truth about Who He is in my heart.  That has really come out a
lot in the past week in my quiet time.

When I make the “faith declaration”, as our pastor calls it, it moves His heart.  David made a lot of faith declarations when things weren’t exactly going great!

The feelings come later.

I’ve  been making these declarations and feeling a bit freer each time, but Friday it was like I realized that *I* was the one holding the chains on!   He had already unlocked them….I needed to speak the Truth to my heart that He is trustworthy, even in tragedy, even in losses upon losses…..then I see that I can walk out of this self-made prison and be FREE and ALIVE!

I can’t begin to explain the LIFE I feel in my heart since Friday!

I am not saying I’m perfected now and will never sin again and not trust Him! 😛  I know it is a constant process. Remember Otto Konig?  How he thought he’d learned the lesson of the “pineapples” and then he realized that was first grade, and now he was in second grade?!   I think that is how it is. We learn it, then another layer is peeled back.  We confess, make a faith declaration of trust and worship, another layer peeled back.

I want to deal with the flesh, because I love Him.   Not to get anything from Him other than the openness of relationship with Him.

I can’t make anyone else change, but I can worship Him and pray Scripture for them (that way I don’t pray my own will!).

I am realizing that I am to be lifting Him up, and HE does the drawing of all men.  So the first place I need to lift Him up is in my own heart–to worship Him.

I am reminded that there is Eternity to live for–there are rewards and glories there that I can’t begin to fathom!  I’ve recently gotten tiny, tiny glimpses of the glory that awaits me there–of course Jesus Himself is enough of a reason!  But 14 children with Him….losing both my parents before I am even 50 years old…..the accidents, auto-immune disorders, Dad’s disease robbing me of his relationship for 4 years before he died….

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Well, I’m rambling, but I thought it interesting that this came up in light of what He’s been showing
me in my own life lately!

~Trisch
Trisch writes a blog called “Never a Dull Moment”
~ I commented to this thread ~

I have found in my experience that every time I fall down and worship, I have the right response to a situation.  I may be able to fake a right response sometimes.  I have gotten to the point where I am able to say to Jim, when I am ‘out of sorts’ about something, “I need some alone time with Jesus on this one before I say something I might regret.”

“We enter into HIS presence with praise and thanksgiving – and in HIS presence we find the joy and the strength to deal with the world – which definitely IS NOT in His presence!”

Thank you, Trisch!
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

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