I have written quite a lot about suicide.

I live with the thoughts almost daily.

Sometimes, the thoughts are loud enough to convince me.

Sometimes, the deception, manipulation, disrespect, and difficulties just present this as the only way out.

Sometimes, I feel trapped in a world where the ones that are closest to me are the ones that hurt me the most – and the most frequently.

Depression is serious – and if you know someone that is depressed, and talking suicide, or not…stop reading this blog and go straight to the WebMD page about suicide and depression!

If YOU are thinking of suicide – leave this page and call
1-800-SUICIDE(800-784-2433) or 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)

What would a doctor do?

If I were to have a migraine only 1 time a week – a doctor would(and has) prescribe medicine to prevent this constant pain.

If I were to have nagging pain that comes and goes, but when it comes, it takes me down to my knees, a doctor would(and has) prescribe pain medicine.

If I were to have a chronic pain that would prevent me from moving forward because it holds me in the past, a doctor would(and has) prescribed constant pain relief.

Switching it up;

If I had someone trick me into doing something that compromised my security once a month – a counselor would(and has)counseled to not be around this person.

If I had someone that hurt me so badly that I doubted my sanity once a year(like holidays) – a counselor would(and has) counseled that I not be around that person.

If I had someone in my life that hurt me in the same way, causing the suicide thoughts to come up as a way of escape – a counselor would(and has) counseled me to separate myself from that someone.

But what if there is no hope of separation? What if the medicine doesn’t work?

What if there is no hope of being in a safe place, away from the lies, deceit, mental trickery, or underhanded difficulties?

What if the only way to not be a burden and stress on those that you love was to remove yourself?

What if the only prospect of freedom from despair is to cross the river Jordan?

What if the only way of escape is to hope and pray that suicide does not end up in hell?

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. Prov 13:12

I have talked before about Job being suicidal.

Job 3:3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.
Job3:11 Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?
Job 3:13 For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest,
Job 3:19 The small and great are there; and the servant is free from his master.

And then:

Job 6:9 Even that it would please God to destroy me; that he would let loose his hand, and cut me off!
Job 6:10 Then should I yet have comfort; yea, I would harden myself in sorrow: let him not spare; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One.
Job 6:11 What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?

The word “perish” in Job 3:3 means:
perish, destroy, lose, fail, surely, utterly, broken, destruction, escape, flee, spendeth, take, undone, void

What is up with Job?
Everything that he had spent his life doing was totally collapsed upon him.
All that he had done to raise children, to be productive with his life was destroyed in what could have been a matter of a week – if not weeks.
He had lived faithfully to God – WITHOUT the benefit of the New Testament – and since this is probably the earliest book of the Bible – maybe even before MOSES got the law! I don’t know.

He lost his children, his lively hood, and even his health.
And now his friends were pointing to him telling him to repent…but, of what? That’s not the point of THIS blog!

He felt that he had done something wrong – and yet, he could not grasp what it was, and so, in the despair of depression, he desired to end his life. He was begging GOD to take his life…because he could not figure out a way out.

This is despair – despairing of life itself – overwhelmed by the circumstances that are presented, and clueless to any way to move through it.

This is, in my opinion, a key to when to know someone is seriously suicidal. They are in such despair that they see no other way out.
And in this case –

it is NOT to get even

it is NOT revenge

it is NOT to teach someone a lesson

IT IS TO BE SET FREE FROM A PAIN THAT CANNOT BE ENDURED!

On the other hand –
there are those that would say “I’ll kill myself if you don’t…..”
Or those that would tell you that they want thus and such, and if it isn’t given, they will kill themselves.

THIS IS MANIPULATION.

A person that is faced with these situations cannot allow themselves to be manipulated – and yet – there is a very real danger.

How do you know the difference?
In my opinion – if someone is saying “I’ll kill myself unless you….”, this is manipulation.
If someone is depressed – shows all the signs of depression – you may never hear the words “I will kill myself”.
In Job’s case – he didn’t say “I will kill myself” – he says “I wish I had never been born.”

In Job’s case – he was visited by friends – most of them weren’t much good, but in my opinion – just having the friends there was enough to cause Job to have to talk out what was going on! And, I don’t know for sure, but in my case, if there is another human with me – I’m not going to do anything to harm myself. This could be different for others, but, this is my case.
Job did have one friend that spoke truth to him…and got him into the mindset that GOD could speak to him…and that is what Job needed – to HEAR FROM GOD!

Why? because Job was a believer…and he believed that God had a purpose for all that happened in his life.
The answer was not comforting – Job repented!
But, the repentance brought with him a new since of faith – an new reverence for God – and a lesson for his friends!

But, that doesn’t mean that all depression is because of sin in our lives – I do not want to be understood as saying that.
Depression is depression.
despair is despair.
pain is pain.
and wanting out of pain is the basic component of suicide.

It could be a relationship issue that really needs to be ended, or repaired.
It could be life events that have piled up, until one feels they cannot breathe.
It could be not wanting to watch themselves and others suffer through another medical situation, mental situation, physical situation.

Unfortunately, it could be a situation where they only way someone feels they can be taken seriously is to threaten to take their own life.
Even in an attempt to manipulate the situation to ‘get out’ from under what seems to be too big, too unfathomable, too deep, too long, too far to get through.

The thing is, not all suicidal statements are manipulative…
The thing is, even the manipulative suicidal threats are dangerous…
It only takes one attempt, even if that attempt was not serious, to end a life.

How can you know?
Unfortunately, you cannot.
What do you do?
Offer help – be available – insist on professional help – and then, take care of yourself.

As someone that was the monthly deliverer for my mother’s repeated attempts(or just simply overdoses from self medicating her bi-polar) – the caregiver needs to take care of themselves.

The responsibility for suicide lies firmly upon the person making that choice. It is a self inflicted injury that ends in death.
It is NOT murder – no matter what may have been said before or on some letter, fb page, or text. It is a personal choice.

I am pro choice –
choosing to have sex means you choose to have a baby.
choosing to play with suicide means you choose to put your life in danger.
And, we all have this choice.

You cannot know for sure – and therefore, each vocalization has to be taken for truth –
the issue is how do you deal with it?

GET HELP – DEMAND THAT THIS TYPE OF TALK MEANS THAT THEY ARE SENT TO THE HOSPITAL!

The caregivers cannot prevent anything.
The caregivers need to set boundaries up to protect themselves.
The caregivers need to be able to state what they are able to give someone in a time of crises.
But the caregivers cannot allow themselves to be manipulated by the threats…they must care for themselves first.

again…I repeat this information:
Depression is serious – and if you know someone that is depressed, and talking suicide, or not…stop reading this blog and go straight to the WebMD page about suicide and depression!

If YOU are thinking of suicide – leave this page and call
1-800-SUICIDE(800-784-2433) or 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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