I do not Understand

By M. Christine Wildman, copyright 2018 – all rights reserved without permission.

I do not understand
How God can give me a plan
And allow me to withstand
Pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How God can send a call
Add I tried to give my all
In pain uncontrollable

How can I be
The type of she
To honor he
With pain uncontrollable?

I do not understand
Though I confess my sin
And the spirit is within
Yet pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How to walk by faith
And yet not disgrace
By pain uncontrollable

I want to speak the words
I want to write the verse
His glory be immersed
But pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How I am in his plan
When I can barely stand
For pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
Why God does not heal
My fruit the devil steals
Because of pain uncontrollable

How do I Rise
Without a lie
Knowing by his stripes
I am healed?

Yet in my pain
I feel such a shame
There is no gain
In pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
Yet David did decree
That though he could not see
God’s hand in Victory

David still declared
And almost he did dare
God’s promises that were shared
To be undeniable

I do not understand
God’s purpose or his plan
Please Lord hold my hand
Through pain inconceivable

I don’t like pills
I don’t like drugs
My Saviour bought
Healing on the cross

So why is there pain
That hinders God’s plan
For me to be more
Then pain undeniable

I don’t have an answer
I don’t have a clue
But I know there are blessings
I have just from you

It isn’t the pain
But causes me grief
It’s the job that you asked me
To do for your sheep

I know you are mighty
You are the all knowing
Each name that you’ve given
Your character is showing

I know you are able
I know you are here
But the difficulty comes
With guidance unclear

I do not understand
Why you called me to write
Then allowed me the trial
Of pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
I do not comprehend
But I know My Savior Lives
On that I can depend

And like the three young children
Said to the king of old
You’re able to deliver
But if not, I will hold

You are the Great Vine dresser
You are the giving King
My gifts are in your service
This pain, disrupting

Speak to me dear father
Guide me Holy Spirit
Leave me dear Lord Jesus
All to you to give it

You give me plans to follow
Then add a unique twist
Then double down with sickness
And pain does always exist

I know my pain is nothing
Compared to what you bore
But Lord your pain if ended
When the Temple curtain was torn

I’m sorry Lord for Grumbling
I am sorry that I whine
I want to serve you Faithfully
Until the end of time

But I do not understand
How this can be your plans
No matter how I stand
Pain all encompassing

I spoke to the devil
In Jesus name
I said Stand Down
I now see your game!

I Now understand
The enemy’s plans
To have me lay down
To say that I can’t

I said devil Stand Down
Release me my peace
Or staying awake
I’ll Proclaim in speech

Jesus is Lord
And I will not deny
His love and His glory
So give up, or I’ll try

With the gift of pain
I’ll stay up and write
And declare his name
In darkness, His light

I drew near to Jesus
I humble myself
I begged him for help
He poured out his wealth

The treasures of Heaven
Of Peace So Sublime
Love, Grace and mercy
From him, these are mine

The devil stood down
The pain did subside
While praying for you
My Lord sleep did provide

Oh sweet Jesus, my Lord
Into your name I hide
And you never leave me
You are right by my side

My gethsemane moment
My Cries in the night
Into my darkness
You shown your bright light!

Spirits engrave
On my heart from this night
The victory of Christ
Of my soul’s true Delight

For I lay down my head
At my Shepherds pierced feet
And the sleep that he gave me
Was so pure and so sweet

Now I understand
A little? And in part?
The point of the pain
As training my heart

I was being a victim
I was suffering by hours
Until the Lord showed me
He is giving me power!

I am more than a warrior
I am more than a voice
I am a Victor in Jesus
If I just make the choice

To remember what happened
On a cross long ago
How is death set free captives
How his life frees us so

Death your Concord
Pain you must cease
The work of the Kingdom
It’s what brings relief

We do have an enemy
Who roars at us so
But abiding in Jesus
Puts me in the know

Now I do understand
A part of God’s plan
Peace my story
In pain I can stand

The name of Jesus
A strong tower it is
The righteous run to him
He declares I am his

By standing on ground
That’s already been won
I lay down in Green Pastures
As he sings me his song

“I love you dear Christi,
And I always will stay
Close by you forever
And here when you pray”

If knowing my Jesus
Comes out of my pain
And bring on the Storm
I shall not be the same!

MCWildman (c) 2018

For More of these, go to Midnight Musings

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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