Itty Bitty Bible Study – Nahum – 1:2a

Nahum

My thoughts for the Itty Bitty Bible Study group on Facebook. (join if you’d like to get these in fb!) The conversation starts Monday, August 20.

Nahum 1 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
1 The oracle concerning Nineveh. The book of the vision of Nahum the Elkoshite.

God’s Vengeance
2 The Lord is a jealous and avenging God;
the Lord takes vengeance
and is fierce in[a] wrath.
The Lord takes vengeance against His foes;
He is furious with His enemies.
3 The Lord is slow to anger but great in power;
the Lord will never leave the guilty unpunished.
His path is in the whirlwind and storm,
and clouds are the dust beneath His feet.
4 He rebukes the sea so that it dries up,
and He makes all the rivers run dry.
Bashan and Carmel wither;
even the flower of Lebanon withers.
5 The mountains quake before Him,
and the hills melt;
the earth trembles[b][c] at His presence—
the world and all who live in it.
6 Who can withstand His indignation?
Who can endure His burning anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire,
even rocks are shattered before Him

One of the basic things I see missing in Christians lives is the KNOWING of WHO God is.
Nahum starts out this prophecy telling us!

NOTE – I am using Blue Letter Bible to do the work research….I could do it in a Strong’s, but then I don’t have a nice link, and I have to type it all in! Therefore, I’m giving them credit, and sharing one of my Bible Study tools with you!

Jealous

Exodus 34:14 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
14 You are never to bow down to another god because Yahweh, being jealous by nature,[a] is a jealous God.

Here’s the Amplified version of Exodus 20:5 – the 10 commandments…this is the second commandment.

Exodus 20:5 Amplified Bible (AMP)
5 You shall not worship them nor serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous (impassioned) God [[a]demanding what is rightfully and uniquely mine], visiting (avenging) the iniquity (sin, guilt) of the fathers on the children [that is, calling the children to account for the sins of their fathers], to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me,

Footnotes:
Exodus 20:5 God does not tolerate the transfer of the honor and worship that is due Him to any other being or object.
Amplified Bible (AMP)
Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.
Exodus 20:5 in all English translations

The full commandment goes like this:

4 “You shall not make for yourself any idol, or any likeness (form, manifestation) of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth [as an object to worship].
5 You shall not worship them nor serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous (impassioned) God [[a]demanding what is rightfully and uniquely mine], visiting (avenging) the iniquity (sin, guilt) of the fathers on the children [that is, calling the children to account for the sins of their fathers], to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me,
6 but showing graciousness and steadfast lovingkindness to thousands [of generations] of those who love Me and keep My commandments.

The Strong’s definition isn’t much help…H7072 – qannow = jealous or angry.

Webster’s defines Jealous this way:
Definition of jealous
1 : hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage : envious His success made his old friends jealous. They were jealous of his success.
2 a : intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness
jealous of the slightest interference in household management —Havelock Ellis
b : disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness a jealous husband
3 : vigilant in guarding a possession
new colonies were jealous of their new independence —Scott Buchanan

The Book of Joshua gives us a bit more insight…

Joshua 24:19 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
19 But Joshua told the people, “You will not be able to worship Yahweh, because He is a holy God. He is a jealous God; He will not remove your transgressions and sins.

This is where Joshua was calling them out to follow God again…to repent…read the whole chapter for context. They cry out that they will follow the Lord…Joshua 24

For what is God jealous?
I don’t believe it’s for HIS respect and honor and glory..though he totally deserves it all.
He’s intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness (Webster’s)
God doesn’t want to share his creation with, well, created creation!

Even more to the point, I think, is that God knows how desperate we are for a god to serve….and we will do anything to create one we can see.

I have found this list of scriptures about idols…I don’t know about this site, I just know this is a great list. It was in this list I found the verse I was remembering:

Psalm 135:15-18 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
15 The idols of the nations are of silver and gold,
made by human hands.
16 They have mouths but cannot speak,
eyes, but cannot see.
17 They have ears but cannot hear;
indeed, there is no breath in their mouths.
18 Those who make them are just like them,
as are all who trust in them.

How many idols do we have in our lives? You may not have a statue of some deity on our shelf, but what is an idol?

Yesterday, during service, my pastor, Keith Brunner, defined idols as:

anything we trust more than God.

Pretty simple, right?

Here’s my story from my recent struggles.

I know the Lord, I have Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
I know the Word of God, and I continue to fill my mind with it.
I know I have the Holy Spirit residing in me, and it is my prayer that I don’t grieve Him.

BUT
When the pain comes…I hear the words of fear…that I am not going to make it, that I’m going to get an infection, that I’m going to be in more pain than ever before.

So, what did I do?
Sometimes, I quoted scripture, and prayed and turned on the worship music.
Other times, I whined.
I cried.
I called the doctors and said why do I have this pain….
and then got mad when they said if the pain is so bad go to the emergency room!
I wrote about my struggle in Pain/Peace.

So, where is my little “g” god?
I cried to the doctor FIRST.
I leaned on the emotional eating…and I did this often…even yesterday.
I put more pressure on my husband to pray for me…as if his prayers were better than mine. (this is not to say that you cannot join together, or ask for prayer…I’m confessing my focus)

I’ve put more trust in a car than God at times.
I’ve put more trust in our finances than God at times.
I’ve put more trust in food than God for comfort.
I have put my husband and my family before God before.

and, the ultimate idolatry, I put myself, and my decisions before God when I attempted suicide.

Some folks may have difficulty with alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, lifestyles…
The question is…would you give it up if God asked you to?
If it was all taken away today, would you serve God tomorrow?
That is how I check my heart.

Jesus said:(Matthew 10)

37 The person who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; the person who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
38 And whoever doesn’t take up his cross and follow[b] Me is not worthy of Me.
39 Anyone finding[c] his life will lose it, and anyone losing[d] his life because of Me will find it.

Jesus also said

Matthew 22:34-40 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
The Primary Commands
34 When the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they came together. 35 And one of them, an expert in the law, asked a question to test Him: 36 “Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?”[a]
37 He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.[b] 38 This is the greatest and most important[c] command. 39 The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.[d] 40 All the Law and the Prophets depend[e] on these two commands.”

Luke 10:27 says it this way:

He answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

What happened that God had to tell us this?
The fall.
Eve and the serpent.
Adam and the serpent….
choosing to believe someone OTHER THAN God….

You can read about that in Genesis 3.

In Genesis 2, we get the description of the Garden that God created for mankind.

As an artist, I put a lot of my heart and soul, as well as mental and physical energy into a painting.
As a writer, I put a lot of myself into what I write.
God is so much MORE than I am.
As I am connected to my creation, so HE is MORE connected.
As I love my creation despite it’s faults, so HE is so much MORE loving with HIS creation.
As I see a mistake, and find ways to correct it, which may change the original plan, but makes that piece more unique, God looks at our mistakes and has a plan to bring about the good HE planned for us, in spite of our mistakes.

God created this perfect world, with beauty we cannot comprehend, and gave ONLY ONE RULE… ONLY ONE!
And Eve put the words of the serpent over the words that she had heard daily, while walking in the garden with GOD!
Adam put the words of Eve, the lust of his flesh, the lust of his eyes and the pride of life over the beautiful relationship he had with God, walking daily in the garden.

Now, let’s say you and I have a special relationship with someone…like a child that we have brought into this world, given blood sweat and tears to raise them up…and they go to others and call them mother or father.
They put their confidence in the other people, instead of you. Those others that do not know the story of the early years, the struggles, the joys, the costs paid, the tears shed…they just know the results of the years of relationship, and benefit from all that went before without paying the cost.
What if, that child chose to spend more time with the others than to be with the ones that held them when they were sick, carried them when they were weak, prayed for them when there were fevers, and unexplained illnesses, and broken hearts and outside wounds from others. What if they broke off relations with you entirely?
What if they denied the good that they had been given to fulfill their desires.
The parents would struggle with jealousy.

God gave Adam and Eve Good…so much good it was excellent beyond our comprehension.
Eve chose a fruit, THE ONLY FRUIT that was forbidden – because it was more beautiful than the ones she had, to have wisdom and to be ‘like God’.
I do wonder about Adam…since it doesn’t say that he was beguiled by the serpent…he just took it and ate!
He’d been with God longer than Eve(ok, not much longer…she was created the same day).

Here we have the two most perfect humans, other than Christ, living in the most perfect environment, having a personal relationship with God by walking with him daily…talking with him daily…AND THEY CHOSE SOMETHING OTHER!

Yes – God would be jealous.

But, that is a human emotion.
And I think that God’s jealousy is even more holy than we, as humans can imagine.
He sees that HIS beautiful creation just chose to die.
He sees that HIS beautiful creation just chose confusion over peace.
He sees that HIS beautiful creation just chose struggle over contentment.
He sees that HIS beautiful creation just chose guilt and fear over relationship.

HE COULD SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN BECAUSE OF THESE CHOICES!
And, He knew he’d send His son to pay this price.

1 Corinthians 6:20 King James Version (KJV)
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Ephesians 2:8-9 King James Version (KJV)
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Why is God a jealous God?
I believe it goes back to the third definitions of jealousy by Webster:
vigilant in guarding a possession.

If you are a parent…how do you look at your child?
I don’t mean as a possession…I mean, in the face of possible danger?
Children are taken away and sold into slavery every day. The sex trade is huge here in Ohio, unfortunately, this is a hub.
I was vigilant in watching out for my children.
I made rules for them when we were out in public.

One of my daughters tells folks that if they mess with her, they’ll have to deal with her mom.
While she makes it sound like I’ll come and beat them up…she knows that I will pray, I will fight, I will turn every stone to make sure my daughter is safe…even today.
I hate those that harm my children…so I have to pray for them…and heal my heart.
I hate those that have pulled my children away from the one true God…so again, I have to pray, and work on MY heart.

I have found that vigilance has returned now that I am around my grandchildren.

Why do I feel so passionate about my children and children’s children?
Because I love them more than life itself.

That is why God is a jealous God…because he is a good good father, and wants the best for us.
This says it very well!

and a Capella:

I’ve written much here about God and jealousy.
Nahum can be read to put God in a horrible light.
We need to read it with the eyes of the New Testament – and understand what Nahum is saying.
I’ll be talking about the rest of this chapter all of this week!

I also pointed to the 10 commandments. I have a help that I have found:

If you are interested in memorizing the 10 commandments, Beyond Today has some ideas.

If you need to catch up…Nahum – introduction
Thanks for joining me!

Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Itty Bitty Bible Study – Nahum – Introduction

Nahum

My thoughts for the Itty Bitty Bible Study group on Facebook. (join if you’d like to get these in fb!) The conversation starts Monday, August 20.

Nahum is preaching destruction to Nineveh.

Where have we heard that before? Oh, right…Jonah!
So, did God want to redeem Nineveh or not?

Here’s a couple things that I’ve learned looking at Nineveh…

It was the capital of Assyria.

Our prophet Jonah was told to go and preach to them…to give them the opportunity to repent…and they did…and he got angry.

According to my research, Nahum prophesied between 600 and 740 BC.
Jonah was written in the 8th century BC.

There could be 200 years between Jonah and Nahum!
Just look at the effect 200 years has had on the United States in our focus on faith.

The First Great Awakening was in the mid 1700’s.

Second Great Awakening was in the 1800’s

Then, the third great awakening….1900’s

And the latest was the Pentecostal Awakening:

The most recent Great Awakening (1904 onwards) had its roots in the holiness movement which had developed in the late 19th century. The Pentecostal revival movement began, out of a passion for more power and a greater outpouring of the Holy Spirit. In 1902 the American evangelists Reuben Archer Torrey and Charles McCallon Alexander conducted meetings in Melbourne, Australia, resulting in more than 8,000 converts. News of this revival travelled fast, igniting a passion for prayer and an expectation that God would work in similar ways elsewhere.

Torrey and Alexander were involved in the beginnings of the great Welsh revival (1904).

In 1906 the modern Pentecostal movement was born in Azusa Street, in Los Angeles.

I have to mention the Brownsville Revival – Because it has effected many…though I’m not sure it has had the effect on calling to Godliness that the previous awakenings did. What I mean by this, is that this revival did not have an effect on the culture of our society in the way that the previous awakenings did.

My point for discussing these, is not for a history lesson, but for comparison.

2018 back 200 years is 1818 – the second great awakening, the camp meetings.
This was the time of Charles Finney

Then we look at the 50’s, the 60’s…and the downward spiral of our social culture towards what even the writers of our constitution expected as the moral code of the common man.

Here’s some other information about Nineveh, and Assyria…if you look at that Wikipedia link above, you will see that Nineveh was where current Mosul is now. Mosul is in Northern Iraq…and the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant destroyed much of the history of this city in 2010s and the Iraqi military recovered this city in 2017.

ISIL is a very cruel group.
The responses of the then current allies of Nineveh were very casual towards Nineveh’s destruction…because of the cruelty.

In Itty Bitty Bible Study – Jonah, I talk about Jonah having prophesied during a time when the Hebrews were under extreme curel oppression.

2 Kings 14:25-26 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
25 He restored Israel’s border from Lebo-hamath as far as the Sea of the Arabah, according to the word the Lord, the God of Israel, had spoken through His servant, the prophet Jonah son of Amittai from Gath-hepher. 26 For the Lord saw that the affliction of Israel was very bitter. There was no one to help Israel, neither bond nor free.

In the introduction to Jonah, some of the theories to which I link mentioned that Jonah may have been a victim of the cruelty of Sennacherib.

Whatever the truth is about the timing of Jonah, we do have a historical evidence that there was a great fall!

Wikipedea on Nineveh

Biblical:
The Prophet Jonah before the Walls of Nineveh, drawing by Rembrandt, c. 1655
Nineveh was the flourishing capital of the Assyrian Empire[28] and was the home of King Sennacherib, King of Assyria, during the Biblical reign of King Hezekiah (יְחִזְקִיָּהוּ) and the lifetime of Judean prophet Isaiah (ישעיה). As recorded in Hebrew scripture, Nineveh was also the place where Sennacherib died at the hands of his two sons, who then fled to the vassal land of `rrt Urartu.[29] The book of the prophet Nahum is almost exclusively taken up with prophetic denunciations against Nineveh. Its ruin and utter desolation are foretold.[30][31] Its end was strange, sudden, and tragic.[32] According to the Bible, it was God’s doing, His judgment on Assyria’s pride (Isaiah 10:5–19). In fulfillment of prophecy, God made “an utter end of the place”. It became a “desolation”. The prophet Zephaniah also[33] predicts its destruction along with the fall of the empire of which it was the capital. Nineveh is also the setting of the Book of Tobit.

Historical
After Ashurbanipal
Nineveh’s greatness was short-lived. In around 627 BC, after the death of its last great king Ashurbanipal, the Neo-Assyrian empire began to unravel through a series of bitter civil wars between rival claimants for the throne, and in 616 BC Assyria was attacked by its own former vassals, the Babylonians, Chaldeans, Medes, Persians, Scythians and Cimmerians. In about 616 BC Kalhu was sacked, the allied forces eventually reached Nineveh, besieging and sacking the city in 612 BC, following bitter house-to-house fighting, after which it was razed. Most of the people in the city who could not escape to the last Assyrian strongholds in the north and west were either massacred or deported out of the city and into the countryside where they founded new settlements. Many unburied skeletons were found by the archaeologists at the site. The Assyrian empire then came to an end by 605 BC, the Medes and Babylonians dividing its colonies between themselves.

My point is that even the pagans were given a chance to repent(via Jonah), and centuries later, their repentance was not in evidence in their children’s children.

My story….
I was a United States Sailor.
When I watched the towers fall, I KNEW it would be war…and I demanded it…from my military heart, while my spiritual heart was praying for those I knew in the area, and even for those I didn’t.
I grieved for those that went into eternity that day, not knowing Jesus.
and I wanted revenge.

Recently, we received a letter from one of our old pastors, that he and his wife were being brought into a ministry to share the gospel with Muslims that were coming into our country. I am disgusted and ashamed of my initial reaction…they are the enemy, and ….well, at that point, thank God, my Christian heart stopped me!

What I realized was that I would have difficulty committing to a ministry with this sole focus.
Yes, I have shared with Muslims that God has brought into my life…because, I share one on one with anyone.
Jim took a photo of me talking, and serving water to runners with a Muslim woman whose son was running.
I have never had any negative reaction to anyone based on their evident, or even nonevident faith, when I’ve met them.
I have sat and spoken with every type of faith, sharing what we believe, and finding common ground.
This is who I am…I don’t even think about it.
I’m not saying this to be prideful…I’m saying this to share how I thought I had my heart in a good place…until the possibility of going to Muslim Immigrants was presented…and ugliness in my heart reared up! It was racist, and whatever judging someone by the actions performed by their people group is called. I was stereotyping all and I hated seeing that in my heart!

That is what Jonah was feeling! All in Nineveh deserved to die for the atrocities. And yet, God gave them the grace to repent.
Years later, Nahum preaches the destruction…and there is no repentance as a nation/city/area.

As we, as Christians, know, God does not see people groups…He sees hearts…and there is a revival within Muslim peoples…I guess it’s not a revival if it’s recognition of Jesus as Lord for the first time. Their lives are at stake when they choose Christ. They must count the cost. God is giving the Muslims the opportunity to repent, and to believe, and who am I to stand in His way> (as if I could…duh!)

I could also talk about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah here…as Abraham was a prophet, and the angels that were to destroy those cities spoke to him before hand, and Abraham interceded for those cities…more clearly, for the righteous within them. His concern WAS his nephew, who had left his guidance and moved to this area.

Genesis 18 and Genesis 19.

Abraham prays for the deliverance of the cities for 50, 45, 40, 30, 20, 10 righteous men.
When the angels get there, they don’t even find 10.
Lot recognizes the angels, invites them in…and then, the angels have to PULL him from the city!
His wife turns to look back…an indication of her heart?…and she is destroyed.
His daughters have some crazy concepts about what they should do…and become pregnant by their father…and they birth the Moabites and Ammonites…two groups that cause problems for years to the Hebrew people! There is no evidence of repentance in this family, just that they were saved because of God’s promise to care for Abraham’s nephew – based  upon Abraham’s faith!

Given a chance to repent, in the midst of seeing everything they knew destroyed…and, possibily, because of being raised in such a deplorable place, the girls created children that would be written about throughout the Bible!

There were sins in Nineveh.
There were sins in Sodom and Gomorrah.
There are sins in the United States of America.
And God has called out man times for us to repent.

God promised Noah that he would never destroy the earth with a flood again.

Yet, we have Jesus letting us know that there is another judgement coming…and Peter writs about it. And we need to be aware!

2 Peter 3:3-7 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
3 First, be aware of this: Scoffers will come in the last days to scoff, living according to their own desires, 4 saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? Ever since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they have been since the beginning of creation.” 5 They willfully ignore this: Long ago the heavens and the earth were brought about from water and through water by the word of God. 6 Through these waters the world of that time perished when it was flooded. 7 But by the same word, the present heavens and earth are stored up for fire, being kept until the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men.

The churches around the world are having revival in huge numbers.
The churches in the United States are not showing the power of the end time age.
I confess, I am not walking in the power of the end time age!

The main thing that Nahum is speaking to me is that, in light of the opportunities we are given as Christians to repent…do we? Do we get lazy?

There’s also the point of view of the Hebrews…God has decided that they have suffered enough, and He brings judgement upon their enemies, and speaks life to Judah.

another bit from Wikipedia:

Hezekiah (/ˌhɛzɪˈkaɪ.ə/)[a] was, according to the Hebrew Bible, the son of Ahaz and the 13th king of Judah.[1] Edwin Thiele has concluded that his reign was between c. 715 and 686 BC.[2] He is considered a very righteous king by the author of the Books of Kings.[3] He is also one of the most prominent kings of Judah mentioned in the Bible and is one of the kings mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew.[4]

According to the Bible, Hezekiah witnessed the destruction of the northern Kingdom of Israel by Sargon’s Assyrians in c. 722 BC and was king of Judah during the siege of Jerusalem by Sennacherib in 701 BC.[5] Hezekiah enacted sweeping religious reforms, including a strict mandate for the sole worship of Yahweh and a prohibition on venerating other deities within the Temple of Jerusalem.[1] Isaiah and Micah prophesied during his reign.[1]

Hezekiah brought spiritual reform to Judah…repentance, and a change of their hearts.
God heard, and answered.

We can be ministers of peace, by preaching repentance…but only if we are repentant and not lazy about our walk with Christ.

Philippians 2:12 King James Version (KJV)
12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

The warnings of Jonah, and the promises of Nahum are to help us to be more like Christ in our world.

Isaiah 50 gives us a picture of Christ…but also, some instruction for our own lives, to be like Christ.

Isaiah 50:4 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
The Obedient Servant
4 The Lord God has given Me
the tongue of those who are instructed
to know how to sustain the weary with a word.
He awakens Me each morning;
He awakens My ear to listen like those being instructed.

This is why I study the Bible.
This is why I share what the Lord speaks to me, through His word and prayer, and study guides, and yes, even Wikipedia!

I want to make sure that I, and anyone who reads this, prepare our hearts, and that we have the blessing of the Lord fighting for us…not the curse of being destroyed for being an enemy of God!

I hope you will join me for Nahum!

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Surgery Scuttlebutt – The finale

If you don’t know what scuttlebutt is, please check out

Intro, part one, part two, part three and part four

If you want a great book to help you prepare for, and recover with, please check out Healing and Hope by Christine Carter. Tell her Christi sent you!

Here is my latest video to the Wildberry Patch group on facebook…

GREAT NEWS!
The Cancer is gone
the Kidney is healing
the kidney is working like a healthy kidney!
YAY!

With that said and done…What was the journey from part six, to this one, the finale?

Well, there was the struggle with confusion with the pain and doctor’s instructions, as I share in Pain/Peace.

There is so many things that I;ve learned on this journey, and I’m still learning, because the wound site for the JP Tube is still an open wound. My skin is bleeding from the tape used to keep the bandages on it for the last, going on 6 weeks. BUT GOD!

God is our creator, and He made us in His image (just read Genesis 1 and 2), so He infused us with creativity! Once the major drainage stopped…I was waiting for an answer…and he has given me one that is giving my skin relief. Also, someone was given creativity for the super special sensitive skin tape…when I have to use tape, I use that now!

That said, I’ve also learned that I need to set boundaries…for myself and others.
What? you say? Boundaries? Christi, of what do you speak??? HAHAHA!

Yes, I have to realize that without that tube in me, I do not have the continual pull on skin that caused sheering pain, and could drive me to my knees! Now, I just get tired. And some base pain from the muscles that have been in rest mode for 6 weeks! First day…I walked out to the garden, and into the garden, to my daughters house, and then back to my herb garden.
This was after I straightened up my own office… yep…putting things away, bending and reaching.

OW! Boundaries…who knew?

I’m going to finish up this series by sharing what I’ve learned, by going through the final chapters in this book. Christine Carter has really been a Godsend to help me take this journey step by step!

Chapter 8 – Own it, Laugh a Little and Get Out.

“Here’s the thing: you are physically broken right now.
You might not have showered for days, and the stench you exude proves it”

Personally, I lived with baby wipes and those neat cloths that hospital gave me to bathe with.
I did wear deodorant.
My hair was always up…because if it was down, folks would know just how dirty it was!

Showering was a torment…and the last shower before the tube came out seemed to almost pull the stitch that held the tube in out of the skin. I mean, seriously…who thought ONE stitch would keep this tube connected to me…ME, the one that hates to sit still so God has allowed some physical ailments to MAKE me sit still. I was afraid that I’d torn something inside…I was afraid I’d caused infection…I was afraid. Period.

This chapter helped me to NOT compare myself to other able bodied people, or even others going through physical trials. I needed to OWN IT…this was the current NORMAL for me…and the only way to get through this valley was to MOVE through it! Not exercise type moving…but, mentally moving.

GO OUT – yes, I chose some opportunities to go out.
With my husband for our anniversary

With a friend to Olive Garden, and a few others places.
Do you know what I struggled with?
The stupid JP Tube showing as a bump under my clothes…no matter how bulky the clothing was.
I didn’t want anyone to look at me and wonder “what’s that under her shirt/dress?”

“You need to be okay with where you’re at right now”

I wasn’t…and I was vain!
God spoke to my heart…how do you respond to someone you see with a catheter? Oxygen? any other health related addition?
“Lord, I would look at them, not the appliance…let them know they are human, and I see them!”

Then humble yourself to learn how they truly feel, and be thankful for such tools for your healing.

This all happened in a matter of seconds, between getting out of the car, and stepping up on the curb.
Just to really drive it home…when the tube was removed, Jim was going to take me out for dinner. As I got out of the car, I started walking into the restaurant, and noticed that the side of my dress where the tube was had gotten soaked with bodily fluid. The little bandage the doctor had put on was in no way ready for the flow…and my dress caught the rest.

“oh no, let’s just go home!”
Ever supportive, Jim started to turn around, and he said Ok…but I remembered this earlier lesson….
“No – I’ll go into the bathroom and see what I can do…and it’s not so big I can’t cover it with my purse. Let’s go in”

Sometimes, when we are given lessons, we get a retest later, to see if we were really listening!

I’m thankful for the mornings I’ve spent on my swing.

And, I’ve found that if I smile at someone…they don’t notice the JP tube sticking out of my shirt, the wet stain on the side of my dress, or the wheelchair that I’m in. They smile back.

I also planned from the beginning to enjoy two FB shows…
Returning the Favor with Mike Rowe
Drybar comedy show

These have helped me laugh, and rejoice in others outside of myself.

Chapter 9 – Prayer and Spirituality

“Religion/spirituality is a significant part of many people’s lives. This is one area that should not be neglected, especially now. …
For me, Christ is the only answer and true source of peace”

Christine allows that there are other faiths that one may be a part of, and encourages all to seek their faith in times such as these, but clearly speaks to her faith as a Christian.

This may be the first time God has had you all to Himself

Not quite true…but, often true that I’m too busy to just be still.
This has been a learning about being still…knowing that HE is God…
declaring that HE is God
acknowledging that I AM NOT God!

Here are a few of my lessons learned:

  • My worth is based on WHOSE I am, not who I am
  • asking for help is part of life
  • Saying No can be healthy
  • Speak LIFE -scriptures – over my life, body, husband, children, friends…SPEAK LIFE not death
  • My messenger group of prayer partners…I would get an encouragement every day!

And a huge change in my view point:
Let It Go…Let them go!
Some people are in my life for a time
others for eternity.
let those that want to leave, leave.
If I have tried to make sure I didn’t offend, and gotten a response that I did not, then…
It’s not personal, so don’t take it personal.

Seriously – I’ve spend so much wasted time worrying over folks that I thought I had a connection with that just dropped me like a hot potato.
Some that I thought would be prayer partners with me that didn’t even want to receive notifications of the surgery(and they had asked for them).
Some I thought were my best friends, that decided that a hurt, misunderstanding or whatever was far more important than restoring our friendship.

If I have done what I could do…I cannot change their minds.   Here’s the Bible on my responsibility:

Matthew 5:23-24 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
23 So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

There are more scriptures.
I cannot force anyone to forgive me, I can only apologize, and try to make amends.
If I don’t know what I’ve done, I can’t fix it…and in that case, again, I need to let it go, I need to let them go.

Christine has a great outline for prayer in this chapter, with fill in spaces for one to write them in.

Chapter 10 – A new Day

“Wherever you are on this healing journey, I want to promise you something:
There will be a day when you are done healing.”

I’m not there yet…but, I’m closer than I was 6 weeks ago!

“you will treasure what you discovered during the long, quiet moments of reflection, dreaming and digging deep to find passion, purpose, and new ideas for the road ahead.”

That is what these surgery scuttlebutt stories are all about.
I have restored my faith in Jesus Christ.
I have remembered my calling to write a book.
I have received the love of many, virtual and physical as I’ve healed.
and I rejoice in the way the Lord has met me on each step!

“Some things need to be broken, opened and taken apart to let light in.
Look for the light, my friend. It is shining somewhere in you.”

Amen!

Chapter 11 – And another thing

“After you are all healed and life has returned to its rapid pace, you may still have those lovely little reminders of this difficult season:
that twinge of pain comes along now and again, or maybe your arm doesn’t quite boast the strength it once did….”

I have a 12 inch scar now….and no idea how the JP tube hole will heal.
I have a kidney that I need to treat carefully…I need to seriously consider my diet options.
I have muscles that are achy…and, there are a whole set of side muscles that have been cut that will not like doing side bends, or anything else!

This is my new normal.
And, I thank God for it.
If I had not gone through all the stuff to get to Cleveland Clinic….The End is Near explains the journey…I would not even have this kidney!

I’ve learned to rejoice in hearing the birds.
I’ve learned to laugh with my grandchildren, and my husband, and my friends.
I’ve learned that I can love others from my bed because I live in the age of social media!
I’ve learned that others love me.
And even more so, I’ve learned again, that Jesus loves me!

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Pain/Peace

Pain
Sharp
Knife
Breathtaking
Sight blurring
Pain

Doctor?
Support?
Guidance?
Brush off
Exhausting
Pain

Why can’t they just give me information so that I can make an informed decision?

Pain
Wait
Concern
Knowledge
Not bad enough
Brush off

Pain
ER
No help
No information
No confirmation
Just “go”

I know there is no infection from the basic Natural Signs.
But I don’t know what doctors know and can’t make up my mind.

Pain
Normal
Don’t move
Be still
Just lay around
And wait

Two
Weeks
Past
Schedule
Need removal
Need compassion

Pain?
ER!
Won’t touch me!
Cyob doc
Why call him?
No help.

But if there is a deep infection for which this pain does tell,
it’s me that is going to suffer and go through the physical hell.

Pain
Common
Breakthrough
Ignored
The answer?
Wait.

Pain
No pain
Health
No health
Ask for help
Brushed away

But God has promised to give me wisdom if I ask of him.
God gives me Godly counselors and I can ask of them.

Pain
Love
Tiring
Energizing
Counselors
Encouragement

Joy
Peace
Decision
Confirmation
Unwavering
Love

God gives me counselors to comfort and to guide.
God gives me soul mates to settle my insides.

Peace
Quiet
Be still
And know
That I am
God.

This poem was written one day when I was confused and struggling after my surgery, and waiting for the last step of my post op. This was written during my time, in which I prepared for  the finale.
The story of my weeks of surgery and recovery is shared in Surgery Scuttlebutt.

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Surgery Scuttlebutt, part six – surgery and recovery

I’m home! It’s been over two weeks since I’ve shared anything…and I wanted to share the update! Surgery was July 17th. I was in the hospital for 7 days.

If you don’t know what scuttlebutt is, please check out

Intro, part one, part two, part three and part four

If you want a great book to help you prepare for, and recover with, please check out Healing and Hope by Christine Carter. Tell her Christi sent you!

I finally got to Chapter 7. Adjust your lens.

The day before surgery, Jim took me to a very unique hotel, the Tudor Arms in Cleveland, Ohio…just down the road from the Cleveland Clinic.

I wanted to have a restful evening with my husband, and that is exactly what we did.

The outside of the hotel is beautiful.

The history of the hotel is amazing.

The entry was intriguing!


We loved the room.

We had a great supper,


And then we went exploring.
In the rooms that were for banquets and balls, there were details that were amazing, but when you stepped back, you could see the whole picture! Go to the website and look at the beautiful weddings!





 

The next day would be my surgery. This whole surgery scuttlebutt series has been how I could be focused upon the minutia of the issue, but instead, I have been encouraged to widen my focus to see the larger picture, and in that larger picture, I have seen the hand of God.

When I widen my focus, then, when I narrow down into the details, I can see God’s hand, even in the little things.
I was unaware of doing this, until I read chapter 7 – Adjust your lens.

Christine had been encouraging me to be intentional in my healing…via the book.

We must be intentional with our thoughts and expand our vision to include the full scenery we are leaving out.

Here are a few of the things that happened while in the hospital:

  • Our daughter Faith was able to be at the hospital with me because of a scheduling boon with her mother-in-law, making it possible to have the children babysat. She braided my hair after the surgery. Big Picture? LOVE!
  • A dear friend came to visit – and one night, it was so perfect because Jim was exhausted and he felt free to go to the hotel, since our friend Suzanne was there with me! The Big Picture? God will provide for our needs!
  • Jim’s cancer treatment got messed up and he had to have some medicine shipped, and it arrived the day after my surgery. Jim and I had forgotten my CPAP for recovery in the hospital. The day of the surgery, our daughter Faith had been asked to bring it, but she forgot. We were able to not make this detail a bit thing. God took these details, and the big picture was that Jim drove back home for the CPAP, was able to pick up his medicine and continue his treatment while staying at the hotel near the hospital! The Big Picture? God had it under control, with all of our frailties in mind, and the possibility that Jim would not have driven home for the medicine except that he needed to pick up the CPAP!
  • My first roommate was apparently a very angry person. I barely remember. Jim remembers her well. He was trying to figure out how he was going to get me transferred so that I was not with her yelling angry presence. She decided to get up, pack, and leave AMA – he says she walked out of the room, yelling, someone get here and take this IV out of my arm…I’m going home! Big Picture? I know that I felt bad for her, and was praying in my drugged state, but God had already made sure that I would have a peaceful room…the woman made her own choice to leave.
  • I had two other roommates during the 7 days, and as they were preparing to leave, they came over to my bedside and sat down and visited with me. I was drugged, so I have no idea why they became so friendly. the Big Picture? When you pray that you will be Christ like, sharing Christ’s love no matter what, people are drawn to you. Jim says that my character was gracious, compassionate and apologetic for bothering the nurses, even drugged.

From Help and Hope:

I finally discovered that if you can broaden your view – expanding the moments when your vision seems stuck – a massive shift in perspective happens.

When I think about my view, I think about this little house that God has provided us.
Out my bedroom window

Out the bay window….

On the swing and from the swing!

There are parks, and places that I can go to immerse myself in beauty. (these were taken on our 38th anniversary, less than one mile from our home!)

There are many other beautiful views…
My grandchildren, who love to come and say hi.
My friends on the internet that check on me daily, from all over the world.
I just have to look outside of myself – see the big picture, and then, I can drill down the focus and see the beauty of a butterfly, a vine ripe tomato plucked by my grandson, or a marigold that he brings me to cheer me up.

Looking at the big picture reminds me that

  • Even though there is pain…there is no infection.
  • Even though there is pain, there is no cancer.
  • Even though there is limited mobility, THERE IS MOBILITY!

The choice is to be grateful, to acknowledge my blessings, and then, my heart is content!

Isn’t that like looking at the stars and seeing HIS handiwork….

Psalm 19:1 King James Version (KJV)
19 The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.

and after reading the whole of Psalm 19, I drill down to MY response:

Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)
14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Part of adjusting my lens also deals with my mental illnesses – depression, PTSD, and anxiety. When I am in a ‘normal’ state, I feel – MUCH.
But I have been drugged…to help me not feel the pain.
I appreciate the “not feeling” pain, as much as the meds were able to help, but this also effects my emotional state, which is tied to the mental illnesses.

One of the concerns for this journey has been the chemical upset that the various medications will cause to my mental health. Even if one didn’t have mental illnesses, the normal mental person would have struggles with depression and being homebound and such. Therefore, we took measures to insure that I would not succumb to the enemy of my mind.

Just the other day, I read a blog by a dear lady that is also struggling with mental illnesses, and writes about her struggle. She opened my eyes to one of the things that I was experiencing…numbness. What is normal for us is to FEEL – BIG. Take that away, and we don’t feel alive. This can bring in some other issues, for me, such as cutting and bingeing…just to feel. These are some of my enemies.

Katie wrote Wait in the Middle, that so clearly explains this strange situation that effects those of us with emotional issues. I encourage you to go read this!

Back to the book, Help and Hope …I prepared.
I saw the big picture – I have illnesses that need medication.
I saw the big problem – without addressing it, I could relapse into suicidal depression.
I made small, detailed plans – meds were laid out for three weeks, photos of joy were put into photo albums, music to encourage was downloaded, a cd player was set up in my bedroom, and my medical providers were aware of the situation.

Have I had thoughts? not of suicide, Praise God – but I’ve started to have a pity party or two…and by being prepared, I was able to stop that party!
Have I gotten down? yes – and I started counting my blessings, because they were all around me…so the enemy couldn’t lie!
Have I had pain? Yes, and I was able to quote verse as things were being taken care of…to mentally handle the pain.

No matter where you find yourself in this journey, there are those that are willing to help!
In Surgery Scuttlebutt, part two, I talked about how I was afraid I’d be alone…and I have not been!

I hope that you have found something in my story to help you in yours. I have one more blog to share with you the various other things that I have learned…please stay tuned!

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Introducing BlackWaterFalls Testimony – a book in progress

Why write a book about my past? is it relevant?
The purpose of this book is to shine a light on Darkness that is in our midst. Children are sexually abused every single day and it is ignored. Currently there’s even political people saying that it is okay for an adult to have sex with a child if a child is consenting. This absolutely blows my mind. How can a 12 month old, 18 month old, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 year old(for me, to age 12) actually know what they’re consenting to in the realm of sexual interactions.?

Think the church is safe? I tried to hide out in the church! Protect my children in the church!

And then there’s the church. Because the church is spotless and pure obviously there is no childhood sexual abuse within here! At least that was the false believe until we saw the Catholic Church go through serious problems with priests and nuns, and then the various Protestant churches, and then even in a group that we were part of that was very very intent on keeping girls and boys apart until marriage, it was exposed that the leader and his brother had had sexual situations with secretaries and children who were entrusted to him in his ministry.

What is my purpose? What is my goal?

I hope that my story can be used to take what has been whispered in Dark Places, in secret and shout it from the rooftops to bring truth and light into that darkness. It is because of knowing this truth and bringing this truth and shining the light of God’s word onto it in my life that I have been able to overcome. I hope, and I pray, that this book will help others to seek out the truth, release themselves from the guilt and shame, and even get to the point that they can forgive their abuser so that they are completely released from the chains of Darkness.

The break through came while I was hospitalized when the memories resurfaced.  Yes, there was a memory there for years, like one of those little tags at the back of the shirt that is irritating, but you ignore it.

For those that may wonder – the memories were confirmed by 6 different people – all of whom have gone on to their eternal reward.  

Here’s the Summary – created for a writing conference:

My Blackwater Falls Testimony, by M. Christine Wildman

The painting “Blackwater Falls” illustrates the river of my life journey.  The river journeys from hidden abuses, to a chaotic childhood and Christian confusion crashing me about in rock strewn rapids of teenage responsibility.  I am placed into a precarious life as a woman, with five children, and a marriage on the rocks, and I am propelled towards the waterfall plummet that ends in a violent crash.     The onslaught of repressed memories, the rejection from the church and family, and repeated self abuse issues threaten my ability to survive to serve God again.

How does a child handle 13 years of sexual abuse? What does that do to a teen as she looks forward to a future? Can a marriage make it with millions of IEDs lying in wait to destroy every tenet of trust? Can a human being learn to trust a God that allowed such things to happen?  And can a suicidal, mentally ill person become whole again?

As I learned to apply scripture to my situations, I learned to be still in the storms, embrace the storms, and even dive into the storms to obtain the nourishment for my recovery.  On the other side of the valley of the shadow of death, God is setting up a table for me in the presence of my enemies. It’s my job to walk with Him in the valley, so that I can get to the party!

Here is the painting that came out of me, and helped to set me free:

I’ll make a page to link the updates for this book…and I’d love to have your input!

 
Hi! Thanks for coming!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Surgery Scuttlebutt, part five

If you don’t know what scuttlebutt is, please check out

Intro, part one, part two, part three and part four

If you want a great book to help you prepare for, and recover with, please check out Help and Hope by Christine Carter. Tell her Christi sent you!

Tomorrow is S-day! my surgery. 

In part four, I talked about finding(being led to) our new church, and being blessed by the current sermon series.
I mentioned that I prayed that Pastor Keith would continue for this past Sunday.
AND HE DID!

He taught out of Psalm 91….

If you have never read Psalm 91, please bless yourself and do so now! I’ll wait! This blog will be here when you come back!

I wrote this blog in 2011 – What does Sonic Flood and Psalm 91 have in common?

This blog talks about how important it is that we confess with our mouth to obtain salvation.

That was the focus yesterday of Pastor Keith’s message….
SAY –
life and death are in the power of the tongue.

Proverbs 18:21 King James Version (KJV)

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

There were four points to his sermon, but SAY – SPEAK were the big take aways for me!  There was faith not fear…and two others…but, SAY!!!

Jesus said speak to this mountain and it shall be removed.

Mark 11:23 King James Version (KJV)

23 For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.

  • shall say….
  • and not doubt….but believe
  • HE SHALL HAVE WHATSOEVER HE SAITH!

Now – this is not a name it claim it thing…been there, done that. Never got the t-shirt! But, I did get burned!
God is bound to His word and His plans…it’s not saying I have a Ferrari and poof – I have a Ferrari….
No – it must line up with the promises that GOD has given us…AND, that the devil wants to steal, kill and destroy!

1 Peter 5:8-9 King James Version (KJV)

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.

John 10:10 King James Version (KJV)

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Jesus was giving us power – over the enemy! Not to get rich!

Luke 10:19 King James Version (KJV)

19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

Dear ones, we have an enemy…but Jesus has defeated him, and IN CHRIST… we have victory!

  • We can claim the promises of Abraham…
  • We can speak life to the death he wants to cause.
  • We can speak peace to the chaos that he wants to cause.
  • We can speak faith to the fear he wants to cause.
  • We can speak truth to the lies that he wants to make us believe.

we can…
WE CAN…
WE CAN…

IT’S A CHOICE!!!

We choose whom we listen to! – I wrote about this in Are you a Judas?

We have to choose Christ – I wrote about this in Lent day eight.

This past year, as I did the study on Lent, I studied Peter – and his choices.

The thing is…

    • we have a choice what comes out of our mouth.
    • we have a choice what goes into our minds AND STAYS!
    • we do have a choice what WE put into our minds!

Looking at this upcoming surgery..I HAVE A CHOICE!
I can be Christ like or I can be Christi like.
I can serve Christ or I can serve Christi.
Christi needs to be CHRISTi…Christ is greater, i am lesser.

Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)

14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Jesus said that I could speak to a mountain, and it would be removed.
I don’t have a mountain that needs to be moved…I have a cyst…a mass…a ‘suspicious’ mass that off the record has been called cancer. (legalese about why they can’t call it cancer without a biopsy, which won’t happen until after the surgery).

Yesterday, as the pastor was preaching about life and death in our tongues…I received a word…I believe…for me.

This preparation for surgery has been very interesting.

  • FIRST – God waited until the demon of suicide was defeated in my life(well, until I let go of that demon I’d known for many years…sometimes we become familiar with our demons and don’t know how to let go!)
  • SECOND – God waited until I was settled in with wanting to LIVE! (there is a difference between not wanting to die and wanting to live).
  • THIRD – God waited until I was ready to give up everything to follow his call – back to Ohio – to Youngstown, Ohio! (seriously, from my hometown, we didn’t have much good to say about Youngstown – and if I was coming back to Ohio, I was expecting to go back to MY hometown)
  • FOURTH – God timed the whole thing, from Faith’s house, to the timing of finding the mass, to finding the doctor that is the most experienced in the nation with this type of specialized removal of the mass and saving the kidney.
  • FIFTH – HE BROUGHT ME TO THE CHURCH HE CALLED ME TO 2 YEARS AGO JUST AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO MOVE INTO THE FULFILLMENT OF THE VISION OF A BUILDING…which I was a part of the announcement meeting!( I have to write up an update…because the Lord has orchestrated so much more since April!)

The word I received was to speak to the cyst that it would be removed.
I asked God to heal me…and that took a work of God to get me to the point that I even asked for that!
He didn’t “poof” heal me…and I have experienced that before, but rather, he orchestrated the above steps to get me to this doctor!
If he’d wanted the whole kidney out…he could have just had me do the surgery in January in Florida!
No, HE orchestrated events so that I met THIS doctor, that has THIS skill, and I am here.
I speak to the mass – MOVE!
I speak to the cancer – LEAVE!
I speak to all those that are involved in my surgery and care tomorrow – PEACE – CLARITY – WISDOM
and I speak to the enemy – GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN – YOU HAVE NO PLACE IN THIS STORY OTHER THAN THE BEATEN FALLEN FOE.
IN JESUS’ NAME
BY JESUS’ BLOOD
BECAUSE GOD PROMISED ME, IN CHRIST, BECAUSE OF THE PROMISE TO ABRAHAM AND HIS SEED!

Back to Sunday’s sermon. Pastor Keith shared a vision, very similar to a vision that I have had about that church…meaning that this is where I belong, for such a time as this! I can join in with the vision, but the reason I am sharing this is that Pastor sharing His vision, that was so similar to the one I’ve been given, just confirms that I am right in the middle of the will of God! That’s not always the case… it’s is what my heart desires, but, my flesh often sways my off track. I AM WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE TIME IN WHICH I AM TO BE!

I want to do a study on Psalm 91…but, my pastor just did an amazing one! In Part four, I gave all the instructions on how to find that sermon. look at the podcasts at Your Greater Life.

Better yet – read Psalm 91. IN THE AMPLIFIED VERSION!

And here’s a few bits that are crucial:
HE THAT DWELLS… do you dwell in the secret place of the most high? He is preparing a place in his mansion for me. Are you even invited into His presence? I was. and am. Do you know what that means? Do you think you are going to heaven?

I WILL SAY…I think I’ve covered that above.
TRUST …believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved. Acts 16:11

Here’s the thing I’m getting at. Death is a risk whenever anyone goes into surgery.
I am at peace. I don’t fear the surgery, I don’t fear death. Why not? because I know where I am going!
Philippians 1:21 King James Version (KJV)

21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Go ahead, read it in context….and for more info, I have shared my thoughts on Philippians 1:18-21.

YOU CAN KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING! I pray that each one that reads this will take this seriously.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation

Now, I do not believe that I will die…but rather live to declare the glory of God!

Psalm 118:17 King James Version (KJV)

17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.

God has not given me a spirit of fear….
2 Timothy 1:7 King James Version (KJV)

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18 New International Version (NIV)

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

And God is perfect in Love!
Proverbs 18:10 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

10 The name of Yahweh is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are protected.

It is in the name of Jesus that I dwell in the secret place of the most high, and I am protected.

I pray that each person that reads this will also know the name of Jesus, by inviting HIM into your heart to be Lord and Savior, and to choose to dwell in HIS secret place.
He is my hiding place! And he can be yours!
Psalm 32:7 New International Version (NIV)

7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.

You are my Hiding place

He that dwelleth in the Secret Place.

A song to help memorize Psalm 91:

In looking for a Psalm 91 image, I ran across this lady’s blog about Psalm 91 – with free lock screens for your phone!

here’s an example

I also found this art by Hannah Pagel – that is absolutely beautiful…please check it out! And, yes, I did order one to keep in my bible!

I also found the image for ordering small cards of Psalm 91 at the Father’s Business. Great to have in your purse to share with those you pray for!

I also found a place for Bible Verse art….called, the Bible Verse Images!

another way that I have made images is via the youversion app. GREAT app for having your bible at your fingertips and bible studies, and our pastor puts our sermon series notes in there so that we can take notes right on the phone with the scriptures! woo hoo!

Freedom Word Ministries has a beautiful depiction of Psalm 91 – pray it out loud!

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

surgery scuttlebutt, part four

Definition of scuttlebutt
1 a : a cask on shipboard to contain fresh water for a day’s use
b : a drinking fountain on a ship or at a naval or marine installation
2 : rumor, gossip

I’m not really planning on this being gossip, or rumor…but, hopefully a drink of fresh water.
Think of this as the Naval equivalent of a water cooler conversation.

My surgery is scheduled for July 17th, 2018.

In this book, Help and Hope while you are healing…no, I don’t get any kickbacks…just the pleasure of sharing this powerful book with anyone that will listen, Christine shares about discovering your passion and purpose.

For Christine’s Story about her book, read her blog, A story about a book!

Chapter 3 is managing the pain…great tool for planning ahead.
Chapter 4 is find your people.
Chapter 5 is discovering your passion and purpose…which I talked about in part three.

I wasn’t done sharing how God has led me through this surgery/cancer/move thing!
I wrote about The End is near in March…updated it a bit in April, and there is a huge list of things I should update to this blog!

here’s part of that hand of God orchestrating my life, to create a beautiful symphony!

I was chatting with a young lady that is training a YWAM to be a missionary.
She was sharing with me how the Lord have been guiding her, and what a joy it is to be in the place which God had planned.

here’s my comment:

One very large prayer is being answered. I am at the church the God called me to 2 years ago. God set me up for going back to the church, by having the pastor be at a doctors appointment that I was at, and I recognized him and I prayed for him.
So I have been able to tell them that I was there when he announced his vision for ministering to the unchurched, the marginalized, and the under cared for in this area. And he was stating that two years ago when I was here helping with my daughter while she had their third baby. At that time they had been praying for a church building, as they were meeting in the back of some government offices. I’ve been praying for this church and for their vision and for the Lord to provide this new church building well new to them because it’s a church building that another church is moving out of, but I’ve been praying for 2 years.

When Faith, our daughter, was telling me about this house that God wanted us to move into, one of the things she said was “oh by the way, your church is just around the corner from your house. Around the corner here does not mean always around the corner, the church is just around the corner on Bears den road” (less Than 3 miles away from our house). That is, the new church building that we are going to be renovating the inside and such and the first sermon is supposed to be the first Sunday in September!!!

THIS was just about the clincher to my saying yes to this house. There are so many other things…but this was KEY!

The other thing, it is such a blessing to sit under a pastor that preaches from God’s word. The United States has so many churches and there are many whose pastors do not preach the word of God. At some point God is going to pour out his judgement on America because we have been given so much in the way of his word, and freedom to live under his word and to share his word. This current generation in our country, has gotten the heart that says if he’s not going to correct me now he’s not going to say anything so go on and sin because God’s not watching. There’s a verse of scripture verse, the talks about that.

Yes, this is me…can’t keep me from stating something about the spiritual needs of the people around me…AND ME!

So what’s the big news about this? It’s that the Lord has allowed us to meet people from the church, and have a real connection between the pastor and his wife, right before I end up going into surgery! There are people in this church that will know of me and that know how to pray to God, how to pray the scriptures, and how to lift me up as I am lying unconscious on the surgery table.

I have had peace about the surgery and the surgeon all along, because I believe God set that up, but now on top of the peace, my heart is again, bursting with joy, that God had my church family planned out for this time, 2 years ago!

the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and He Delights in his ways! Though he fall he shall not be cast down, but the Lord holds him up with his right hand.

The points.

  • 2 years ago – I met a chiropractor, Suzanne Shaw, that shared with me about her church.
  • I attended while staying here for three months to enjoy my daughter and her sons.
  • The pastor shared his vision, his leading, his confidence that God had provided a church building for them, in which to reach and minister to more people!
  • My heart was touched…and I hated going back to Florida, because we did not have a church there at the time.
  • Two years go by, I’ve prayed for the church, but not had contact, other than visits with Dr Shaw when I’ve been here.
  • The Lord provides a house for our daughter and son-in-law.
  • The Lord provides a house for us, right next to their property.
  • The Lord planted all of us within easy driving of the new church building.
  • The Lord put the pastor and I at the doctors at the same time!
  • I attend my first service, and he is preaching on covenant…being covenant minded, knowing who we are in Christ and why…speaking life with my tongue, NOT DEATH!! timely message!

Here’s the church website, for Greater Life.
You can follow the instructions on obtaining the podcasts at the greater life website.

The specific sermons are in the Summer of Spiritual Growth, Covenant. So far, there are two parts…though he’s wondering about doing a third next Sunday.
On the youversion app, under events, search for greater life church – boardman. there you will find the notes for these sermons!

What has this to do with my surgery?
Well, to be honest, I would not have moved to Ohio if it weren’t for the cancer.
I would not be having surgery in Cleveland Clinic, if it weren’t for my daughter, and the house near her.
I would not be attending this church if I were in Florida.

My purpose.
There are several.

  • To be in a living church to serve.
  • To be in close contact with my children and grandchildren.
  • To share the gospel.
  • To write my story.
  • To serve others and help them to know the peace that passes understanding that is Christ Jesus

Now, a quick touch on chapter 6 – honor your healing. This chapter was NOT what I expected.
Christine set me up!

“the following exercise will help you find your worth in what may feel like wreckage. Instead of wallowing in all the things you cannot do and the ways you feel you are failing, how about you focus on those things you can do and celebrate that?”

28 years of therapy, if not more…and not one has gotten me to do this exercise.
I’m going through this innocent little book…thinking about how I do need to focus upon honoring the pain, so that I don’t undo the surgery(unlike the pelvic lift surgery in which I lifted things too early and felt the ties inside tear!).

“You are not without purpose in who you are and what you can do. We’ve established many ways for you to discover that truth, and I want you to find more!”

Thanks, Christine! You snuck that one in on me!
Seriously…the exercise had you write the gifts that I have that I love.
She has 10 lines.
Turn the page, AND SHE HAS ME FIGURE OUT A PURPOSE FOR EACH GIFT!!!
So, not only have I done an exercise that therapists have begged me to do for decades…I HAVE CREATED AN ACTION PLAN FOR THOSE GIFTS!

If that wasn’t sneaky enough…she inserts poetry here and there…and this one is titled “You are beautiful”.
She follows that poem with Psalm 139:14
Psalm 139:14 King James Version (KJV)

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Those that know me know that if you really want to get my attention…speak scripture!!!
So, I yeild!

And please, join me in worship!!

Beautiful Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli  

I cannot do this without my relationship with Jesus. I did not say BELIEF in Jesus…that’s not enough. I needed a REAL relationship…and that is what HE wants with us. if you are interested, follow these links!

Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Surgery Scuttlebutt, part three

Definition of scuttlebutt
1 a : a cask on shipboard to contain fresh water for a day’s use
b : a drinking fountain on a ship or at a naval or marine installation
2 : rumor, gossip

I’m not really planning on this being gossip, or rumor…but, hopefully a drink of fresh water.
Think of this as the Naval equivalent of a water cooler conversation.

My surgery is scheduled for July 17th, 2018.

In part two I mentioned that I am finding some of my people on facebook. Ok, don’t look so horrified! There are many of us Christians that are trying to shine a light into the darkness of social media. BTW, with the live streaming…how do you think God is going to have Revelation 11 fulfilled? The part where the whole world will be able to see it????

Ok, back to my story.

In this book, Help and Hope while you are healing…no, I don’t get any kickbacks…just the pleasure of sharing this powerful book with anyone that will listen, Christine shares about discovering your passion and purpose.

Chapter 3 is managing the pain…great tool for planning ahead.
Chapter 4 is find your people.

In the midst of finding my people, I have also settled into my passion.
I want to share a few chats I’ve had with a couple friends lately…and, a bit about what God is preparing in me.

A dear friend from the early 2000’s had remained my friend. And, God was so gracious to reconnect us on facebook.

Here’s our chat…mostly my part:

When I was in ICU after my suicide, Jim played music on my phone right next to my bed for hours. I believe that is what pullws me back from the brink.

I know when I don’t listen to my music and read my scriptures my mind starts picking up with the world puts out there and then I’m a mess.

Friend: You have been an inspiration to many as you openly share your trials and triumphs. I thank God for you

Oh dear friend, thank you so much for saying that. I have had people tell me I ought not share so much so openly. But in my mind, one of the tools that the devil tries to destroy me with is to silence me, and how much better to give him a black eye and silence him by telling others that they can have Victory in Jesus!

Oh Shirley, I love you so much! Our time there at Cross Creek with a very very tumultuous time and yet out of that tumult cut me such a friend as you and I praise him for his amazing way of orchestrating multiple things! I am so thankful that he brought you into my life! And then brought you back via Facebook!

I have doubted that my story has any power…I know that my story talks about how the devil tried to destroy me…and I was in cahoots with him! I know that my story helps those that are abused, in chronic pain, depressed, anxious, struggling with life’s pressures. And even then, in my mind, I hear….”no one cares…shut up”.

Passion – to share my story to give other’s hope!

Sometimes, i ask why…give me a glimpse into the purpose.
I KNOW there is a purpose…
I KNOW that my Father only plans good for me…
I KNOW that whatever comes to me has to go through my Father’s hand first…
My Father is the father of lights…

We quote James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

and we focus upon the good…the gift…perfect is missed….
perfect
PERFECT – complete…fulfilled…HIS PLAN!

Isaiah 55:10-11 King James Version (KJV)

10 For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

Are we so much better than Job…who walked perfectly before the Lord…and endured great loss, to be made even MORE perfect…and to be put into our lives as an example of how to go through trials?

Jehovah God is NOT a Santa Clause…the scriptures about ask what you will and it shall be….ARE PART OF THE WHOLE SCRIPTURE!!! you have not because you ask amiss….

James 4:2-3 New International Version (NIV)

2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

have I asked God to heal me?
yes.
Have I claimed my healing as per the scriptures?
yes.
Do I think that God has abandoned me because I have to have surgery?
Oh, Lord, NO!!! God orchestrated this whole move so that I would have the BEST surgeon…and, honestly, if he had miraculously healed me, there is much that I would not have learned. These last 7 months have been full of fruit and meat and even some milk of the word that has caused me to grow.

Continued chat with my friend Shirley – who was talking bout how she had learned to lean on Jesus during her trials,and felt him closer than ever.
Me:

I know what you mean! It has been years since I have felt a very close relationship with Jesus, and I’ve always been close but there was something not quite the same. And I’ve been seeking his face about a lot of things this year, yeah, going from January planning on teaching in a church down in Florida and by the first week of March I’m moving to Ohio and everything in between and finding out about cancer and knowing that the Jim’s prostate cancer journey is not over yet and etc., etc., etc. This morning I woke up and it was as if Jesus was right here with me and God was just talking to me and I hadn’t felt that in years.

Such a sweet experience! I was asking Jesus about a few things, and it felt like he came in my room and sat down on my bed and was talking to me. Just like having a friend, an old friend, sit and talk to you, and listen, and full love, and no judgement. Ah, I wish my heart would be more open to this type of visit with Jesus! Anyway…

One of the things I’m learning is that he put me here for a reason oh, and one of those reasons is to be a Godly influence in my grandchildren and my children’s lives. On top of that, I am having to learn that he is the one that orders my steps and I need to be grateful humble and patient with those steps.

Another thing I’ve just learned, and I need to write this up on my next surgery scuttlebutt blog, is that the fear that I had that I would not do what I need to do for the recovery was me putting my trust in me. And obviously knowing that I am not trustworthy!
I haven’t feared the hospital, the doctor, the surgery, and I know that God’s in control of all of this, but I was freaking out about whether or not I was going to walk through the recovery to glorify him and with integrity.
I am very familiar with my failures and my weaknesses and I know that I get very tired of hurting and not being able to take care of myself.

All of the sudden I realized who I was putting my trust in for the recovery! And it wasn’t God! So I am laying that down at the altar and asking him to reign and rule over the recovery, and literally, today has been the first day that I’ve been at peace about the recovery. I am so grateful that he drew me to him when I was 9 years old, and he placed people in my life all along that spoke life into my being so that when the trials came I knew who was in the boat with me!

My view of Job was that God needed to take him down a little notch…and I am in no way equating myself with Job…perfect in all his ways, but i think God needed to put me in this position to learn, to see, that I was trusting in myself…NOT in HIM!

Psalm 20:7 King James Version (KJV)

7 Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God.

Is 31:3

Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!

There are many sermons about trusting in the flesh and not in God…though, being of the mindset that I am responsible for my choices, and that while my salvation is secure, I want to do right by God in all my words…

One of my heart cries is this:
Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)

14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

My fear was that I would fail.
My fear is/was that I would not live the fruit of the spirit in recovery.
My fear is that I would not be diligent in my care during the recovery.
and, I’ve written that I have had fear that I would be alone.

As I said to my grandson the other day…I am never alone…Jesus will not leave me nor forsake me!

MY PASSION?
to live for Christ, all the days, moments, of my life.
to glorify HIM in all I do…in a manner that shares his light and his love!

MY PURPOSE?
to tell my story…

PEACE…PEACE…PEACE...in my heart that keeps my heart and mind in Christ Jesus!

worship with me!

If you don’t know Jesus the way I do…here’s some links:
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Surgery scuttlebutt, part two

Definition of scuttlebutt
1 a : a cask on shipboard to contain fresh water for a day’s use
b : a drinking fountain on a ship or at a naval or marine installation
2 : rumor, gossip

I’m not really planning on this being gossip, or rumor…but, hopefully a drink of fresh water.
Think of this as the Naval equivalent of a water cooler conversation.

My surgery is scheduled for July 17th, 2018.

This is part two. My People….
The introduction explained what’s happening
Part One explained how a book is helping me to focus.

My thoughts from 6/29/2018

Friends, as I work through the book “help and hope while you’re healing” by Christine Carter, I am aware that I’m not hooked into a community for the follow up help. Haven’t joined a church, haven’t made friends other than Faith Gibson’s in laws… And I’ve probably got at least 6 weeks of intense recovery.

Chapter Four is “REACH FOR YOUR PEOPLE” and it exposed some things….

This is a source of fear.

Fear hinders healing.

Fear is the opposite of faith.

Trusting in myself is pride and arrogance, and in this case, probably stupid. And, the Bible says some things about TRUSTING God! Psalm 125:1 is a great one!

Patience is trusting in God’s timing.  I can’t change time.

Faith is trusting in God’s plan. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen! Hebrews 11:1 King James Version (KJV) I can’t see what’s going to happen!

Courage is facing fear and not letting it control your choices.

The Peace of Christ passes all understanding… It keeps my heart and be mind in Christ Jesus… Who IS the PRINCE OF PEACE.

I don’t know what will happen in the surgery… But God does.

I don’t know what will need to happen after the surgery, but God does.

Everything that led us to get to this house, this doctor, this hospital has been supernaturally orchestrated.

This symphony had been exciting and beautiful. Right now, the music is low, stirring, and anticipating something big. Crescendo, it’s coming… And the full compilation of all the different interludes is coming. The big finale that shouts “God is not dead, here’s surely alive!” is coming!

Stay tuned for the final chapter!!!

Update – I found some of my people on facebook!
I was struggling…and I confessed it….in light of

James 5:16 King James Version (KJV)
16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

For Christine’s Story about her book, read her blog, A story about a book!

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.