On March 8th, some things happened that really shook me, in the middle of my shook life. It was like a straw that threatened to break this camel’s back. But with the prayers of friends, and the voices from a mental health group I am part of, I got through it.
Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Here’s my poem, The Cavern
They say don’t move. They say we’re going to turn out the lights They say everything will be alright Just don’t move.
Darkness hits. Darkness that surrounds and envelopes your flesh Darkness that can be felt Just don’t move.
This is a cavern. This is a cave. This is a place so deep and down Just don’t move.
No one is near, or that is my fear. Or am I afraid I might spin out and fall Where was that edge after all?
Cold seeping in It envelopes my skin The screams I screamed in the night Are pushed down within.
The lights will come back The day will arise But right now, I can’t trust my eyes Just don’t move.
Where is that rail? Where is that edge? Did I place myself in the center of This death defying ledge?
I hear someone “Turn on the light’ We have seen what we came for, Now just stop this fright.”
But the tour guide is gone He’s left us alone We realize that we are now on our own.
Where is that switch? Where can it be? And do I risk death to move, try to see?
Someone starts to cry Someone else says “I’m cold” We reach out to touch each other, to give us some hope.
Where is the light? Where is the guide? Why is this tour turning into a fright?
What did I do? What did I say That made the tour guide leave us that day?
“I have the rail” says someone in dark, I think this is where we can get a spark.” “I’m right behind you, I’ll hold you on land” “We’ll do this together, and move hand by hand.”
Single file We walked slowly along Then someone broke into a song
But it’s dark! It’s so damp and cold. Being afraid to move is getting very old.
We know we are here Together as one The song lifted up, and Marching on, one by one.
“I feel wires behind the rail” The excitement caused a rustle, “Maybe we will get out of this jail! And some began to tussle
“The thing we need to remember, Is we are in this all together. Calm down, and steady on.” While the one continued song.
It’s so dark It’s so damp, You can’t see your hand, not even where you should stand.
The guide let us down. In the cavern alone Deep down in the ground No idea if we’ll be found.
The tension is rising, The hope to despair With each adding moment Doubts that we’ll be spared.
“Wait! I think I’ve got it,” Says the one in the front, And with that we hear a click, And the light is on
The guide stood there Looking proud as could be “You took on the challenge From your fears you are free.”
I stood in amazement Full of anger, and dread What was he saying, Did he get in my head.
I didn’t ask for a challenge I just paid for a tour What is this freedom he speaks of Terror du jour?
But wait, all those people. Where are they, I said. “You were the one walking This valley of death.”
I was alone the whole time, So who did I hear? Did the dark point out parts of me t That i didn’t know near?
What is this valley, This cavern of death? Where I could hear every heart beat And taste every breath.
“Your heart that is wounded, Your thoughts of the end. You are stronger together And over darkness you’ve won.”
“I’ll guide you and teach you, But I’ll test you to see If you have been listening And following me.”
“I know where you are healed, I know where you are strong. You were never near the edge You were in front of me all along.”
“I sent you those voices To encourage your walk And I timed the tests specifically, So alone you won’t walk.”
“Now rest, my little one Enjoy the sun I’m always with you, Even when I seem gone.”
“The cavern is your heart With the wounds oh so deep, But I have built a path That will, with time, set you free.”
It was me that walked bravely It was me that held strong It was me that spoke encouragement And from my mouth was the song.
(c)2023 M. Christine Wildman, all rights reserved.
I have written about suicide, but here’s my thoughts on what’s the big deal.
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
M. Christine Wildman
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
It doesn’t matter which version you choose. It can be digital or paper. You can use one of those fancy coloring bibles and do a page or coloring along with the passage.
I will mostly do Holman Christian Standard Bible because of their copyright freedoms.
2 Then He replied to them, “Don’t you see all these things? I assure you: Not one stone will be left here on another that will not be thrown down!”
Mt 24:3- 35 When are these things going to happen?
4 Then Jesus replied to them: “Watch out that no one deceives you.5 For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and they will deceive many.
wars and rumors of wars
nation rise against nation
famines
earthquakes
BIRTHPAINS
.8 All these events are the beginning of birth pains.
PERSECUTIONS
9 “Then they will hand you over for persecution,[b] and they will kill you. You will be hated by all nations because of My name.
13 But the one who endures to the end will be delivered.
14 This good news of the kingdom will be proclaimed in all the world[d] as a testimony to all nations. And then the end will come.
ABOMINATION THAT CAUSES DESOLATION
Flee to the mountains
GREAT TRIBULATION
21 For at that time there will be great tribulation, the kind that hasn’t taken place from the beginning of the world until now and never will again!
22 Unless those days were limited, no one would[i] survive.[j] But those days will be limited because of the elect.
FALSE PROPHETS AND FALSE MESSIAHS
24 False messiahs[k] and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.25 Take note: I have told you in advance.
RETURN OF CHRIST
27 For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.
AFTER TRIBULATION
The sun will be darkened, and the moon will not shed its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the celestial powers will be shaken.
30 “Then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and then all the peoples of the earth[m] will mourn;[n] and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
31 He will send out His angels with a loud trumpet, and they will gather His elect from the four winds, from one end of the sky to the other.
This passage alone supports the post tribulation rapture of the saints.
The Fig Tree lesson
33 In the same way, when you see all these things, recognize[o] that He[p] is near—at the door!
35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away.
46 That slave whose master finds him working when he comes will be rewarded.47 I assure you: He will put him in charge of all his possessions.
Evil
50 that slave’s master will come on a day he does not expect and at an hour he does not know.51 He will cut him to pieces[u] and assign him a place with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
One place where I’ve written my thoughts on the end times is in IBBS Habakkuk , about the tribulation and signs of the End.
When I had Covid, I wrote about whether it was one of the final plagues of the End – Covid and Me
Mindful Meditating
choose a verse,
set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever works for you.
example: Matt 24:13
repeat to yourself, and at each word, enunciate the next word in the sentence starting with the first word…
example:
13 But the one who endures to the end will be delivered.
NIV but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
BUT the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
But THE one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
But the ONE who stands firm to the end will be saved.
But the one WHO stands firm to the end will be saved.
But the one who STANDS firm to the end will be saved.
But the one who stands FIRM to the end will be saved.
…and so on. This will cause you to look at the verse more intently, and may have you memorize it before your five minutes are done.
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
M. Christine Wildman
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
This morning, I delayed, if not excused, the video I’ve been doing with the Psalms and Proverb a day because I was greatly grieved in my stomach.
It felt like sick, but my head felt heavy, my shoulders felt burdened, my solar plexus felt like many burning knives were dancing there. My every muscle was tight, and trying to relax them was so far from my thinking because I wasn’t even sure I could survive the “knives”.
There are some situations in my life that are greatly volatile, and chaotic that affect my decisions. There are people that I have to take into account, and relationships that I have to navigate. There are wounds that are so deep that they are hard to even vocalize.
Then there are memories, tangible places that pull emotions out of my heart and psyche only to force me to look at them again whether I want to or not. Some memories are good, but most are overshadowed by deep dark grey with streaks and streams of bitter tears that flow through it but don’t thin it’s thickness.
My mental health does affect my physical health and vice versa.
Another place I’d like to go is my brother’s house in Raleigh, NC.
Ohio is always on my hope and prayer list.
But could all of this be why my body is in rebellion today?
Well, I decided to put some things into practice that I’ve been learning.
Breathe – let go of the tension
Get my internal self more open to possibilities, don’t hold on so tightly to MY plans
Cry out to God for being missing in this (every see how much an object is covered when you hold on tight compared to when you open your hand?) – I couldn’t see past the trip I was clinging t6o.
I placed my worry about the truck on the altar.
I placed my worry about the hotels on the altar.
I placed my worry about managing the suitcases on the altar.
I placed my worry about my anxiety and potential freak outs on the altar.
I placed me on the altar.
This took hours – honestly.
2023(C) M. Christine Warren Wildman, all rights reserved
My stomach started to release and open up. The pain started to subside. My brain started being clearer, and I could see that God had not left me. I had focused so much on this trip and all that is wrapped up in it that I lost sight of God.
I’m flying. Still a few things to work out, but that settles many things. Yes, Gabby is able to fly AND I still have plenty of time to get all of the paperwork in order before the convention.
So, I start to be almost giddy that God was waiting right there for me to open my hand and look up. But it gets better!
Lord, how long will You forget me?Forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? 2 How long will I store up anxious concerns[a] within me, agony in my mind every day? How long will my enemy dominate me?
Consider me and answer, Lord my God. Restore brightness to my eyes; otherwise, I will sleep in death. 4 My enemy will say, “I have triumphed over him,” and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in Your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance. 6 I will sing to the Lord because He has treated me generously.
this is almost exactly what happened! I cried out(in my blindness), I prayed for intervention then I was declaring God’s faithful love!
Vindicate me, God, and defend my cause against an ungodly nation; rescue me from the deceitful and unjust man. 2 For You are the God of my refuge. Why have You rejected me? Why must I go about in sorrow because of the enemy’s oppression?
Send Your light and Your truth; let them lead me. Let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to Your dwelling place. 4 Then I will come to the altar of God, to God, my greatest joy. I will praise You with the lyre, God, my God.
Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Again, before I even looked at the Psalms for today, God knew that what HE had planned for me would line up and the deliverance would be confirmed in HIS word!
Eph 2:10 NKJV For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
2-3 But as for me, my feet almost slipped; my steps nearly went astray. 3 For I envied the arrogant; I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
13 Did I purify my heart and wash my hands in innocence for nothing?
I exposed my authentic self in my despair.
23 – 24 Yet I am always with You; You hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me up in glory.[h]
25-26 KJV Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none on earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: But God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
25 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.
Then came
Psalm 103: 8-9The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and rich in faithful love. 9 He will not always accuse us or be angry forever. 10 He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our offenses.
103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
One more Psalm to go for today – well? Yes, God did show up again!
Psalm 133:1-3 A beautiful Psalm about being in the presence of God.
How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in harmony!
2 It is like fine oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down Aaron’s beard
onto his robes.
3 It is like the dew of Hermon[a]
falling on the mountains of Zion.
For there the Lord has appointed the blessing—
life forevermore.
I had been holding onto something so hard that my heart was hardening to the Lord’s voice, and I wasn’t even seeing that I wasn’t entering into the joy of the Lord!
Rememeber I said that my eyes had gone dark with despair?
Psalm 13:3 – restore the brightness to my eyes with Proverb 13:9 The light of the righteous shines brightly.
Proverb 13:12 KJV is very well known to me –
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life.
A promise, or a desire that takes more time than I want it to makes my heart sick. Of course, there’s the lesson of patience, but I want that desire. I wanted that Eastern trip. I wanted it since I got back from my western trip.
I had to let go of the big idea when I had to sell(let go) my RV trailer.
Today, I had to let go of the middle idea when I had to let go of the driving idea.
There is a sad in my heart that I’m not driving to Ohio. I really want to see my kids and grandkids. But there is a peace in letting God guide my path.
Proverb 13:14 A wise man’s instruction is a fountain of life, turning people away from the snares of death.
and
Proverb 13:20 The one that walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
By spending time every day in the Psalms and Proverbs, I am listening to a wise man’s instruction, and I am walking with the wise.
~~~~~~~
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
Ps 3:1 Lord, how my foes increase! There are many who attack me. 2 Many say about me, “There is no help for him in God.”Selah 3 But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head. 4 I cry aloud to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain.Selah
Psalm 33: 6 The heavens were made by the word of the Lord, and all the stars, by the breath of His mouth. 7 He gathers the waters of the sea into a heap;[a] He puts the depths into storehouses. 8 Let the whole earth tremble before the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. 9 For He spoke, and it came into being; He commanded, and it came into existence.
Psalm 63– One of my favorites – I’ll write more later.
I lift my eyes to You, the One enthroned in heaven.
the Prayer for today,
Psalm 63:1-4
God, You are my God; I eagerly seek You.
I thirst for You; my body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water. 2 So I gaze on You in the sanctuary to see Your strength and Your glory.
3 My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. 4 So I will praise You as long as I live; at Your name, I will lift up my hands
Proverbs 3 begins with author crying out “My son, don’t forget my teaching”. It goes on to talk about wisdomm, and how to set oneself up for a happy life, a secure life. Here’s a bit that is familiar:
Proverbs 3: 5-7 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; 6 think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.[b] 7 Don’t consider yourself to be wise; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
I said I’d write more about Psalms 63. It is one of my favorite Psalms. It gave and gives me great comfort in times of struggle, with those with whom I interact.
So I gaze on You in the sanctuary to see Your strength and Your glory. 3 My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. 4 So I will praise You as long as I live; at Your name, I will lift up my hands. 5 You satisfy me as with rich food;[a] my mouth will praise You with joyful lips.
There is then, a confession of belief: Psalm 63:6-8
When I think of You as I lie on my bed, I meditate on You during the night watches 7 because You are my helper; I will rejoice in the shadow of Your wings. 8 I follow close to You; Your right hand holds on to me.
7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
Psalm 63:9-11 is a profession of deliverance from these things that are disrupting, destroying, and causing despair. Ps 63:11(NIV)
11 But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God will glory in him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced.
Do you hear the release of the struggle? At least a momentary reprieve in the midst of the pain? Do you feel the strength being breathed into the soul that they have a deliverer on their side? Someone has their back. In times when I have felt that there is no way out of the intense despair that I am feeling, Psalm 63 is a life line for me.
This webpage has been a place where I have shared my history with suicide,depression, and such. Today, one of my lifelines is part of reading wisdom and praise. Reading the Word of God daily is a lifeline for me. If you are struggling, I hope that you can find your psalm or proverb that can be your lifeline or lifelineS.
Hi! My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings,~ChristiPs 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
There is a saying, “it’s always darkest before the dawn.”
That saying never made much sense to me. Sitting on the beach, watching the sun rise, the darkness flees to the degree the light is coming.
Pre-Sunrise Beach at Ft Lauderdale.
Sunrise Beach at Ft Lauderdale
The one thing I noticed while watching the sunrise in the various resort towns is that prior to the sun rising, there is an almost agreed upon hush. Those that are out at this time, even the workers around the pools and restaurants, speak in hushed tones until the sun rises. There is almost an air of the sacred in those moments.
I know that there are those that worship the sun, and therefore, to them, it is sacred.
For me, it illustrates the light of Christ shining into my darkness.
Isaiah 60:1-3 speaks of the promise of light to those who seek him.
1 “Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
Actually, it’s speaking of Zion, and when the Lord will return. Is 9:2, prior to the great Christmas passage, says this:
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.
Jesus said
“I am the Light of the World; he who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12
In the believing Jews’ world, Jesus definitely changed things from dark to light. For those that did not believe, their worlds changed as well, because now they had to answer to this new development.
In my world,
in 1969, Jesus came into my life, and turned my heart from one of seeking my own will to one of seeking to please Him.
In 1973, I met an evangelist that explained more fully what had happened when I asked Jesus to come live and rule in my heart.
In 1975, I was introduced to a fellowship that believed in following Jesus, and learning by reading their Bibles.
In 1977, I learned that the Holy Spirit was still alive and well and powerful on planet earth.
And year after year after year, I continued to grow in knowledge of the Word of God, understanding of His love for me, and in how to control my appetites.
The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
Growing in Christ is growing brighter and brighter, more and more like Jesus.
When Moses saw God, his face shown with a great light.
Which reminds me of an explanation given by a musician from the 70’s Jesus movement, Barry MaGuire.
There is no light IN us.
God is the Sun, and we are the moon, we just reflect HIS light.
This explanation helps me to remember that every good gift and every perfect gift comes from above, from the father of lights, in whom is no shadow or turning.(James 1:17)
Just like I cannot take credit for my own salvation, being saved by grace through faith, and that not of my own, it is the gift of God (Eph 2:1-9), I cannot take credit for any good gift, shining light or godliness in my life. I am merely reflecting the light that God shines into my life.
I’ve had my share of depression and despair – darkness that surrounds my heart and my mind. I am not naive enough to say that the light of Christ causes all those dark shadows to flee, because, they haven’t. Oh how I wish they would! And yet, I daily have to choose to enter into His presence for the light unto my path for that day. I daily have to choose not to embrace the depression that would have me dwell in the dark past, or upon wounds long gone. Yes, there are chemical imbalances within me that God could heal if He chose to. And Yes, I have yelled at him for not choosing to do so. And yes, I have to repent for yelling at my King!
Another saying:
The soul would have no rainbow
if the eye no tear.
Those that have suffered depression, and despair are more appreciative of joy and hope, because they know the lack thereof.
I see it as my calling to share my stories of darkness in order to find others in darkness, and then, help them to find joy and hope. Not always do they find Jesus, but Jesus is my joy, hope and light.
A Sunrise or Day-Spring is the symbol for this day.
A Rising Sun
Dear Lord, please help me to remember your light will rise upon my darkness when it threatens to take over my heart and mind. Please help me to share your hope with those that suffer in the darkness. For me, that darkness is depression and suicide and pain. None of these things are the promised gifts of the cross, and yet, I know that you have never ignored me when I yield to your plan for my life. When I seek you, I have always found you. I may not agree with your plans, but I have always found them to be the best, in my limited hindsight. Please continue to use me, and deliver me from the enemy, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
note – I am fully aware that most would consider this symbol of Christ to mean delivering a person out of the darkness of sin and into the light of the Kingdom of Christ. Obviously, that happened to me in 1969. There are many resources for such symbolism. This is my story, my calling, and my heart cry – to set free the captives of such darkness as depression and mental illness, and if anyone cares to join me in that journey – welcome!
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
But for me, ours is the end of the year countdown with reminders of the past year, looking forward to the next year and remembering how Christ has helped me through the year.
In church history, advent is about waiting for the light in the darkness…Jesus Christ is that light.
We have done an advent log that had up to 28 candles,
Advent Log in progress
Advent Log, made from 2×4
Advent Log completed
2×4 Advent Log decorated
and we lit one candle an evening. It was always fun when we could read by the light of the candles. But in the beginning, it was dark.
The lights on the tree, I prefer pure white, remind me out that light that comes into my life in my darkest moments, and gave me hope. That light is Jesus, the light of the world.
John 8:12 12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
This year(2015) started out very dark, suicide last Christmas, marriage in crisis, Jim’s cancer, and my pain issues. But one thing brought us through those dark times, the light of Christ that shines in the darkness and gives us hope.
2018 started out with new darkness – I was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer with the prognosis of losing a whole kidney. I wrote about that in March and I wrote about how God was with me in a series of posts titled Surgery Scuttlebutt.
Day two is the day to turn on the lights, and light candle #2. It’s amazing how much more light 2 candles are than one. There’s a sermon right there!
Advent Day 2
Advent Day 2
To remember about the Light – we have candle ornaments – because, we need to remember that We also are lights –
Matt 5:14 14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
laser cut candle
bead kit candle – white
bead kit candle wreath
bead kit candle – large
Lord Jesus, please help me to remember that your light is available in any darkness I face. Father God, You have delivered me out of the kingdom of Darkness into the kingdom of your dear Son. I have only to open my eyes to see your light.
Lord, help me to remember that I am a light – that the light of your love can shine through me if I choose to let it. Help me to not get so bowed over by the darkness that tries to destroy me that I forget there are others in darkness that need to see a light of hope.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
Depression is as depression does
Is that how the saying goes?
Or can depression just be
And I can choose what I will see?
Depression comes and depression goes
And for why, no one knows
But when it comes my thoughts go dim
And my choices planned, become Slim
Depression muddies up the brain
And makes me think that I’m insane
Sometimes I think it’s just a game
Other times chemistry’s to blame
If left alone, it might subside
do I have the strength with it to bide?
And if I tell someone my fears
Will they fill me up with cheer?
Depression is not being sad
And cheering up not always bad
yet sometimes, there is just no clue
What help for me can come from you.
Biology may need one cure,
Triggers can trip me, that’s for sure!
sugar load can cause a crash.
Overdoing it, though it was a blast.
Pain is often a main event
That steals my hope and makes me vent.
Emotional wounds can lead to downs
But even exhaustion makes a sad sound
The joy of the Lord is my strength
But when ears are dull, I’m on the brink
My mind and flesh are often too weeak
But the spirit of God, will often speak
Sometimes in a song, sometimes in a verse
Sometimes in a place that I just traverse
Sometimes in a breeze, sometimes in the still
Sometimes just a touch to strengthen my will
I have stumbled and fallen and needed help to get up
I have struggled and clawed to not drink this cup
I’ve hated the way my body is formed
But I can’t hate the One for whom I was born
I believe I was known in my mother’s womb
I believe there were plans before my parents were two
I believe there’s a purpose for me to be here
And I know God has saved me to share of that cheer
It isn’t about Christmas it isn’t about works
It isn’t about where you call your church
It’s about knowing Jesus as Savior and Lord
And filling my heart with his wonderful word
Because when the darkness comes in like a flood
When my mind can’t remember the love of his words
The Holy Spirit descends like a dove
And reminds me of his Heavenly love
(c) m. c. wildman 2018
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
In IBBS Habakkuk 1, we discussed that sometimes bad things happen to discipline us. that is not always the case.
Sometimes, it’s to test us…(though we are told not to blame God for our temptations!
James 1:12-15 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
12 A man who endures trials[a] is blessed, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God[b] has promised to those who love Him.
13 No one undergoing a trial should say, “I am being tempted by God.” For God is not tempted by evil,[c] and He Himself doesn’t tempt anyone. 14 But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. 15 Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.
There are those that fall because of their own lusts…and they need Psalm 38
The truth is, that there are those that are refined by the fire, and that refining has a higher purpose!
Habakkuk is not happy with the answers by God in the first chapter…
Habakkuk 1:13 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
13 Your eyes are too pure to look on evil,
and You cannot tolerate wrongdoing.
So why do You tolerate those who are treacherous?
Why are You silent
while one[a] who is wicked swallows up
one[b] who is more righteous than himself?
He decides to:
Habakkuk 2 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Habakkuk Waits for God’s Response
2 I will stand at my guard post
and station myself on the lookout tower.
I will watch to see what He will say to me
and what I should[a] reply about my complaint.
Here’s a few of the clarifications that God gives in Chapter 2, for what His purposes are:
Habakkuk 2
8 Since you have plundered many nations, all the peoples who remain will plunder you—
because of human bloodshed
and violence against lands, cities,
and all who live in them.
11 For the stones will cry out from the wall,
and the rafters will answer them
from the woodwork.
13-14 Is it not from the Lord of Hosts
that the peoples labor only to fuel the fire
and countries exhaust themselves for nothing? 14 For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord’s glory, as the waters cover the sea.
16 You will be filled with disgrace instead of glory.
You also—drink,
and expose your uncircumcision![i]
The cup in the Lord’s right hand
will come around to you,
and utter disgrace will cover your glory.
Bottom Line?
Habakkuk 2:20 But the Lord is in His holy temple; let everyone on earth be silent in His presence.
God sees us, even in the midst of darkness!
Here’s some examples:
Daniel and the Three Hebrew Children
Daniel 1 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
6 Among them, from the descendants of Judah, were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. 7 The chief official gave them other names: he gave the name Belteshazzar to Daniel, Shadrach to Hananiah, Meshach to Mishael, and Abednego to Azariah.
Daniel and the three Hebrew children and many others were taken away in Babylon and they were made eunuchs, which to be very graphic and specific means they were neutered. Everything that they understood from their religion was taken away from them and they had a reason to cry out like Habakkuk!
The three Hebrew children were thrown into the fiery furnace, because they would not bow down and choose fleshly comforts in exchange their lives.
Daniel 3 – their declaration of faith.
16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to the king, “Nebuchadnezzar, we don’t need to give you an answer to this question.
17 If the God we serve exists,[f] then He can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and He can rescue us from the power of you, the king.
18 But even if He does not rescue us,[g] we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.”
The rest of the story is that they were not delivered from the fiery furnace, but another walked with them who was like the son of God. later in the Bible we find out it was the pre incarnate Christ that walked with them and protected them from the fire while they were in the furnace. Those that were unrighteous and had been trying to destroy the righteous Hebrew children, thought they had one, and those that cranked up the fire were actually swallowed with the heat. The three Hebrew children were pulled out. When they were not consumed, Nebuchadnezzar declared praises to their God, and freedoms to serve their own God!
Dan 3
28 Nebuchadnezzar exclaimed, “Praise to the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego! He sent His angel[m] and rescued His servants who trusted in Him. They violated the king’s command and risked their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. 29 Therefore I issue a decree that anyone of any people, nation, or language who says anything offensive against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego will be torn limb from limb and his house made a garbage dump. For there is no other god who is able to deliver like this.” 30 Then the king rewarded Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the province of Babylon.
Would that have happened if the Three men had not endured this fire?
Daniel in the Lions den. Daniel 6
Daniel was recognized as being a very gifted leader, and he actually served under a couple of the leaders of his day. And then there were those people that set him up that he should not pray to any God other than Darius. Not only did he continue to pray, it says he opened his window, and knelt by his window to pray to God. Daniel didn’t go into hiding!
It horrified the king that he had been duped to put this law into effect and he worried about Daniel being thrown into the lions den. The rest of that story is the unrighteous thought they were winning the day as they threw Daniel in, but God sent the angel of the Lord to keep the Lions from eating Daniel. So the righteous was pulled out of the Lion’s Den and the unrighteous were thrown in afterwards.
The end of this chapter has Darius, not a Hebrew, God worshiper, giving God, Yahweh, YHWH, Jehovah, praise! Daniel 6:25-28
Would that have happened if Daniel had not endured this trial?
Jesus and Judas
Judas was one of Jesus’s top 12. Judas was given the responsibilities of finances. He went out with the others and apparently was able to do the same Miracles that the others. If he didn’t, whoever he was sent out with would come back and say
“yeah well whenever we go with Judas he just can’t do anything! I have to do all the work!”
The thing about the story at the Last Supper was that no one had any idea that it was Judas that was going to turn in Jesus.
So we have the Last Supper and then some very ugly days of thinking everything has gone wrong and that the wicked have won!
We, as Christians, know that the rest of the story is that on that third day Jesus rose from the dead and some days after that He rose to sit beside his father and to intervene, and to pray on our behalf. They didn’t have this Bible from which to draw strength!
If Judas had not betrayed Christ, there wouldn’t have been the crucifixion and there would not have been the days where everyone questioned their loyalty to Christ.
There are others!
Moses on the back side of the desert – or he would not have experienced the burning bush! Paul in prison – Purposes for his suffering were to spread the gospel!
I’ve shared this testimony before and some of my stories specifically in IBBS Jonah, but it fits here as well.
My life was rough, but there’s many who had lives worse than mine. I had a very, very difficult ability in pushing for things or believing things that I believed were God’s call for me because I had no one in my life that actually was hearing God’s call and following it. I didn’t know how to embrace God’s calling!
So when I was told to go to Ohio State University for art and music and English, because of varying scholarships for the different schools, I told God He didn’t know what he was talking about, I wasn’t good enough for college. I joined the Navy. I want to get this very clear. I joined the United States Navy in direct opposition to what I knew God wanted me to do. At the time, I was attending churches, I was attending youth groups, I was attending Bible study. My life had gotten very rough in my senior year of high school, and I could not see any way that I could go to college. So I decided (I DECIDED) that I should go in the Navy to get an education and to learn a trade and to serve my country. Also to be clear, I don’t think the serving my country was where I was wrong. Where I was wrong was knowing God’s direction for me, and having probably half a dozen Bibles and even more Bible studies available to me to tell me how to hear God’s voice, and I told God no. I TOLD GOD NO! that is the error, the mistake, the sin. In Jonah, I talk about what happened.
If you look at Moses and the burning bush and God telling him that he is being sent to deliver his people, Moses says “I can’t speak send somebody else!”
If we look at Jonah, which I did in itty bitty Bible study about Jonah, Jonah said “no I’m not going to Nineveh!”
In both of these guys’ lives, God used some very interesting techniques to get their attention. We all know Jonah was thrown over the side of the boat and was swallowed by a fish and was spit up on the shores of Nineveh.
What did God use for Moses? Well for one his brother Aaron showed up having walked all the way across the desert and he finds Moses whom the Pharaoh wanted Dead! There’s also the little thing where Moses is almost being killed on his way back and God speaks to Zipporah who circumcises her sons and throws the foreskins at Moses and says “a bloody husband out art.”
If there was any doubt of the seriousness of God’s call for Moses or Jonah, that would get their attention.
Me, well, I ended up paralyzed from the waist down after a fall the third day of boot camp. I still struggle with the physical ramifications of that choice! Kind of like Jacob walking with a limp because he wrestled with God.
There is a history book that we had when our children were being homeschooled that shared how history when looked at from above from the big picture, can be seen as the varying ways God uses the wicked to orchestrate his greater plan.
Providential History disclaimer – I do not get any benefit for sharing an amazon link.
One such example is Nazi Germany and the extermination of Jews.
If there had not been such a horrid Event that was documented by photographs and newsreels, the global mentality would not have been such that they would have the outcry to create the nation of Israel. The nation of Israel being reestablished is a crucial point in the Fulfillment of the end time prophecies. The whole aspect of what was done to the Jews was horrific. I don’t know what the spiritual status was of the Jews in the way that we know by God’s word back in the time of Saul and David and Solomon and Josiah and Hezekiah. But I do know that this one event caused sympathy for this one nationality and everyone agreed to the creation of the nation of Israel.
Why does God allow evil? Rabi Ravi Zacharias explains this so well in his answer to Gun violence.
Habakkuk 2:20 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
20 But the Lord is in His holy temple;
let everyone on earth
be silent in His presence. But the Lord is in His holy temple;
let everyone on earth
be silent in His presence.
In honor of the three Hebrew children, I’m going to put Even If by Mercy Me here again.
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
But if there is a deep infection for which this pain does tell,
it’s me that is going to suffer and go through the physical hell.
Pain
Common
Breakthrough
Ignored
The answer?
Wait.
Pain
No pain
Health
No health
Ask for help
Brushed away
But God has promised to give me wisdom if I ask of him.
God gives me Godly counselors and I can ask of them.
Pain
Love
Tiring
Energizing
Counselors
Encouragement
Joy
Peace
Decision
Confirmation
Unwavering
Love
God gives me counselors to comfort and to guide.
God gives me soul mates to settle my insides.
Peace
Quiet
Be still
And know
That I am
God.
This poem was written one day when I was confused and struggling after my surgery, and waiting for the last step of my post op. This was written during my time, in which I prepared for the finale.
The story of my weeks of surgery and recovery is shared in Surgery Scuttlebutt.
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
I’m home! It’s been over two weeks since I’ve shared anything…and I wanted to share the update! Surgery was July 17th. I was in the hospital for 7 days.
If you don’t know what scuttlebutt is, please check out
And then we went exploring.
In the rooms that were for banquets and balls, there were details that were amazing, but when you stepped back, you could see the whole picture! Go to the website and look at the beautiful weddings!
The next day would be my surgery. This whole surgery scuttlebutt series has been how I could be focused upon the minutia of the issue, but instead, I have been encouraged to widen my focus to see the larger picture, and in that larger picture, I have seen the hand of God.
When I widen my focus, then, when I narrow down into the details, I can see God’s hand, even in the little things.
I was unaware of doing this, until I read chapter 7 – Adjust your lens.
Christine had been encouraging me to be intentional in my healing…via the book.
We must be intentional with our thoughts and expand our vision to include the full scenery we are leaving out.
Here are a few of the things that happened while in the hospital:
Our daughter Faith was able to be at the hospital with me because of a scheduling boon with her mother-in-law, making it possible to have the children babysat. She braided my hair after the surgery. Big Picture? LOVE!
A dear friend came to visit – and one night, it was so perfect because Jim was exhausted and he felt free to go to the hotel, since our friend Suzanne was there with me! The Big Picture? God will provide for our needs!
Jim’s cancer treatment got messed up and he had to have some medicine shipped, and it arrived the day after my surgery. Jim and I had forgotten my CPAP for recovery in the hospital. The day of the surgery, our daughter Faith had been asked to bring it, but she forgot. We were able to not make this detail a bit thing. God took these details, and the big picture was that Jim drove back home for the CPAP, was able to pick up his medicine and continue his treatment while staying at the hotel near the hospital! The Big Picture? God had it under control, with all of our frailties in mind, and the possibility that Jim would not have driven home for the medicine except that he needed to pick up the CPAP!
My first roommate was apparently a very angry person. I barely remember. Jim remembers her well. He was trying to figure out how he was going to get me transferred so that I was not with her yelling angry presence. She decided to get up, pack, and leave AMA – he says she walked out of the room, yelling, someone get here and take this IV out of my arm…I’m going home! Big Picture? I know that I felt bad for her, and was praying in my drugged state, but God had already made sure that I would have a peaceful room…the woman made her own choice to leave.
I had two other roommates during the 7 days, and as they were preparing to leave, they came over to my bedside and sat down and visited with me. I was drugged, so I have no idea why they became so friendly. the Big Picture? When you pray that you will be Christ like, sharing Christ’s love no matter what, people are drawn to you. Jim says that my character was gracious, compassionate and apologetic for bothering the nurses, even drugged.
I finally discovered that if you can broaden your view – expanding the moments when your vision seems stuck – a massive shift in perspective happens.
When I think about my view, I think about this little house that God has provided us.
Out my bedroom window
Out the bay window….
On the swing and from the swing!
There are parks, and places that I can go to immerse myself in beauty. (these were taken on our 38th anniversary, less than one mile from our home!)
There are many other beautiful views…
My grandchildren, who love to come and say hi.
My friends on the internet that check on me daily, from all over the world.
I just have to look outside of myself – see the big picture, and then, I can drill down the focus and see the beauty of a butterfly, a vine ripe tomato plucked by my grandson, or a marigold that he brings me to cheer me up.
Looking at the big picture reminds me that
Even though there is pain…there is no infection.
Even though there is pain, there is no cancer.
Even though there is limited mobility, THERE IS MOBILITY!
The choice is to be grateful, to acknowledge my blessings, and then, my heart is content!
Isn’t that like looking at the stars and seeing HIS handiwork….
and after reading the whole of Psalm 19, I drill down to MY response:
Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)
14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
Part of adjusting my lens also deals with my mental illnesses – depression, PTSD, and anxiety. When I am in a ‘normal’ state, I feel – MUCH.
But I have been drugged…to help me not feel the pain.
I appreciate the “not feeling” pain, as much as the meds were able to help, but this also effects my emotional state, which is tied to the mental illnesses.
One of the concerns for this journey has been the chemical upset that the various medications will cause to my mental health. Even if one didn’t have mental illnesses, the normal mental person would have struggles with depression and being homebound and such. Therefore, we took measures to insure that I would not succumb to the enemy of my mind.
Just the other day, I read a blog by a dear lady that is also struggling with mental illnesses, and writes about her struggle. She opened my eyes to one of the things that I was experiencing…numbness. What is normal for us is to FEEL – BIG. Take that away, and we don’t feel alive. This can bring in some other issues, for me, such as cutting and bingeing…just to feel. These are some of my enemies.
Katie wrote Wait in the Middle, that so clearly explains this strange situation that effects those of us with emotional issues. I encourage you to go read this!
Back to the book, Help and Hope …I prepared.
I saw the big picture – I have illnesses that need medication.
I saw the big problem – without addressing it, I could relapse into suicidal depression.
I made small, detailed plans – meds were laid out for three weeks, photos of joy were put into photo albums, music to encourage was downloaded, a cd player was set up in my bedroom, and my medical providers were aware of the situation.
Have I had thoughts? not of suicide, Praise God – but I’ve started to have a pity party or two…and by being prepared, I was able to stop that party!
Have I gotten down? yes – and I started counting my blessings, because they were all around me…so the enemy couldn’t lie!
Have I had pain? Yes, and I was able to quote verse as things were being taken care of…to mentally handle the pain.
No matter where you find yourself in this journey, there are those that are willing to help!
In Surgery Scuttlebutt, part two, I talked about how I was afraid I’d be alone…and I have not been!
I hope that you have found something in my story to help you in yours. I have one more blog to share with you the various other things that I have learned…please stay tuned!
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Thanks for joining me in this journey, In His hands and under His wings, ~Christi Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
The Fig Tree lesson
44 This is why you also must be ready, because the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
