Tag Archives: faith

2016 Word for the Year – Prepare – Psalm 23 – MY

Psalm 23 – The Lord is MY Shepherd

I have written several posts about my meditations upon Psalm 23.

Now – I am personalizing it.
MY
Dictionary.com definition of MY

pronoun
1.
(a form of the possessive case of I used as an attributive adjective):
My soup is cold.

Full definition of MY
1: of or relating to me or myself especially as possessor, agent, object of an action, or familiar person

Possessive case. Belong to ME.

This is the crux of Christianity – in relationship to Jesus Christ.
The LORD(Jesus) is MY shepherd. Savior. Lord. King.

It’s not enough to say that Jesus is Lord.
It’s not enough to say that you believe IN God or Jesus.
It’s not enough to say you go to church, take communion, try to live right, give to the poor – and all that stuff in 1 Corinthians 13

One must take the actions of making Jesus Christ THEIR OWN personal Lord and savior – and making the Words of God their OWN guide for life – and making their lives line up with the teachings.

That includes grace, mercy and forgiveness, by faith which is a gift, and that not of our own, but from God! Ephesians 2

Ephesians 2:1-2
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,
2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.
3 All of us also lived among them at one time,gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.

I talked about gifts from God in my Arting post!

The first step to making Jesus MY Lord and shepherd has already been done. More about the first step later.

Now we are at the second step:

Recognize that we are sinners – that our lives have separated us from the Creator God!
And yet, there is even a bit more, that goes even before –

Romans 3:10-12 English Standard Version (ESV)
10 as it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
11 no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
12 All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”

Here are the Scriptures from The Biblegateway – Romans 3:10-12; Psalm 14:1-3 and Psalm 531-3

No one is immune! It does go back to Genesis 3, but we’ll just mention that here.

Here is some thoughts I’ve shared before about If you think you are are good enough.

This is the clear path that led me to know, at age 9, and many times over, that

I am not good enough to enter into the Kingdom of God.
I am not good enough to dwell in the house of the Lord.
I am not clean enough to enter into the holy place of God most high.
I have no way to make the Lord MY shepherd!

Let’s talk about sheep.
Do the sheep go out and say “I need a shepherd!” and go hire one?
No – the shepherd seeks the sheep, purchases them, and then cares for them.
Without the shepherd seeking the sheep, they would get into so much trouble, as anyone that has ever worked with sheep can tell you!
In fact, there is nothing that the sheep can do in order to get connected with a shepherd. The shepherd seeks the sheep, and purchases them.

But, do the the sheep even know they need a shepherd?
Do they know the cost of not being cared for by a shepherd?

Romans 6:23a

23 For the wages of sin is death,

This is echoed in Proverbs 11:19; Matthew 25:46 and Romans 1:32

The finality of this is written about in Revelation 20:11-15

11 Then I saw a great white throne and the One who sat on it. The earth and the heavens fled from His presence, and no place was found for them.
12 And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne.
And there were open books, and one of them was the book of life. And the dead were judged according to their deeds, as recorded in the books.
13 The sea gave up its dead, and Death and Hades gave up their dead, and each one was judged according to his deeds.
14 Then Death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death—the lake of fire.
15 And if anyone was found whose name was not written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.

A sheep, without a shepherd, eats poison, goes places it ought not go, and gets into situations that are dangerous. A sheep, without a shepherd gets lost and cannot find it’s way home. The worst case is that a sheep that is without a shepherd is prey to the wolves and other predators that want to Use it. They want to steal, kill and destroy it.

Back to Genesis 3. When Adam and Eve sinned against the one and only rule that God had given them – they were made to leave the Garden of Eden. They were sent away from paradise, where they had walked with God.

This is the cost of sin.
Separation from our Creator God, that created us, to walk in the garden with us!

So how do I make the Lord MY Shepherd? Belonging to me?

I am my beloved’s and he is mine.

I am My beloved’s

That is part 2, of Psalm 23 – MY!

Team Wildman

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries

Obed’s House Ministries

2016 word for the year – Prepare – for anything!

Note~
this post was originally written March 24, 2016
update October 4, 2016

Ah, March in Florida – blooming, mild temperatures, sunny days – and planning to go to Ohio for A NEW GRANDBABY TO BE BORN!

Faith and all three boys

King James says my verse(Ps 90:12) this way:

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

NIV says it this way:

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

New Living says it this way:

Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.

New American Standard says it this way:

So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

Each one of those has a slightly different perspective, though I do believe that they all present the truth. This is another blog! First – Preparing for Anything! Because our days are numbered!

A pregnancy has a beginning and an end.
The basic concept is 9 months, or 40 weeks(40 is a great biblical number!)
Babies don’t always adhere to these schedules! Even so, there is a time line!

Faith’s original due date was March 26, and then it was adjusted to March 29th. She and her husband wanted me here about two weeks prior to the baby coming, to get familiar with the routines, help out with the last minute efforts, and just to be here for Faith, seeing as I’m her mom.

The original date I was aiming for was March 15th.
Then Jim had a weight lifting competition on March 20th – and I wanted to attend – and, hey, Faith goes late with her babies, so, no problem. Two weeks before, two to four weeks after – no problem.

PROBLEM! Where to stay!
Last time, I stayed in our RV trailer right outside their rental house. It was like camping in a beautiful park, with the benefit of a daughter’s family right next door!
NO campgrounds open in Ohio in March that would be close enough, or even safe enough to meet Jim’s and Steven’s criteria. No one’s home had enough space for us to park the RV.

Hotel? $$$$ but we knew that the Residence Inn had long term capabilities.

So started the search for commercial temporary housing.
This process went back and forth for over a month – including if I was going to be able to go(health issues), could we afford for me to go(money issues), was I going to have surgery?
At one point, we were going to wait until Faith called and said she was in labor, and then I would fly up, and Jim would follow in the Tahoe. I would stay in the hotel for two weeks – starting when she called.

Then Jim’s schedule – Oh yes – March begins the new year for his company, travel travel travel to meet new clients, hand off old clients, get to know new partners. He was being gone 4 days out of the week! We were having difficulty talking out all the things we needed to talk out about how to get me to Ohio.

PROBLEM! How to get there?
Should I fly? Should I drive?
If I flew, I would be doing it alone, and probably driving myself to the airport! I would be lugging my own luggage, managing the service dog, all under the stress of knowing my daughter was giving birth! Thank God for Southwest Airlines! They have always been wonderful, but I was not liking this prospect – it was causing MUCH anxiety!
If I drove, again I would be doing it alone, and taking the dog AND all my stuff, so probably packing the car by myself. And how many stops? How long would it take? And, again, ANXIETY!

PROBLEM! What to pack?
Florida was just blooming for spring – 60s were becoming scarce, it was even hitting the 80’s!

Daisies from Faith

Ohio was going back and forth between snow and thaw. Oh yes, I remember the February teasers! Yet, I did not have a lot of warm clothes! Do I pack for two, maybe three seasons? This totally depended upon how long I was going to be there.

Of course, there was always the money problem looming.

A rental became the best option, and we were in the process of signing the papers, when we actually read the description of the ONE I would be staying in. Wall A/C? How old was this place? And the area was barely in the safety zone my police officer son-in-law was comfortable in. AGAIN – where would I be staying???
When would I be going?
What would I be taking?

Oh yes – would my health allow me to go at all?
Three months with no therapist?
Would my Psychiatrist be ok with me being gone for three months?
My glasses were in need of repair/replacement, but that takes time.
My chiropractor was just starting to get my back and hips working.
I had found a massage therapist that was beginning to get my muscles working from the fibromyalgia.
And then there was my marriage. Still horribly in flux from the conference in January, and I was going to leave for three months? With Jim traveling so much? How were we going to communicate?
What do we do with the cat?

So many things to prepare – so many what if’s.

Psalm 55:22New International Version (NIV)

22 Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.

1 peter 5:7 NIV gets even more personal!

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Anxiety? Who has anxiety? um, ME!

The full passage gives some insight into how to cast anxiety upon the LORD:

1 Peter 5:5b-11

5b All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,

“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Mathew 23:11
The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

Luke 18:14
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

Jesus spoke on a mountain, and his sermon, the beattitudes(attitudes upon how to be!) gives amazing depth of wisdom for our lives.
He knew the Psalms – He is a Jew!
and Peter learned this principle from Him.

Mathew 6:31 KJV
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

The NIV says it this way:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

WORRY! This is the opposite of faith, trust, confidence.
1 Peter 5 says that God gives grace to the humble!

James takes it further, that he draws near to the humble.

James 4:6-10
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”[c]
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

What am I doing? I am worrying about trip.
I am not resting in the Lord.
In my thoughts on Psalm 23, I talk about things that I put between My Lord and myself.
This hearkens back to one of the Giants in my life – fear!

The LORD has taught me over the years, to give up my fears of the world and focus upon Him. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom!

I am not alone! The Psalmist felt this way – and this is the perfect prayer and confession for attacking fear and unbelief!

Psalm 20[a]
For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your requests.
6 Now this I know:
The Lord gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 Lord, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!

Matthew 6:33-34
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This leads me to a confession: I Believe!

I
I believe
I believe God
I believe God is
I believe God is big
I believe God is big enough
I believe God is big enough to use
Me!

YES – I am to be prepared for anything – no matter what life, or the enemy throws at me.
NO – I’m not supposed to be worrying, anxious or lacking faith.

My God has provided for me, in His mercy He pours out His grace, and He has given me the gift of faith.
To trust in my own abilities (or to NOT trust in His ability to use me) is pride. And I need to humble myself – and HE will enable me!

Me and My Love

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank Blue Letter Bible and
Bible Gateway and
Bible Hub for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries

2016 Word for the year

I was given a suggestion – one little word. Based upon Ali Edwards’ One Little Word. (scrapbooking focused)

12/26/2015
We have done that in the past, but last year, I was in a mental hospital and wasn’t sure.

This year I’m hearing prepare. Maybe two words, faithfully prepare.

I tend to forget them through the year, until I look back over the year and see God’s hand. I think this year’s leading will be much more obvious as I walk 2016.

12/30/2015
Stewardship would work with the “prepare” for me, as I’m to prepare for coming storms. Stewardship fits in there. Blessed to be a blessing is our giving phrase…which works with stewardship and preparing things so that you are a blessing, not a burden.

Plans, which were supposed to be the focus of this week, and have not been, are the cornerstone of my word preparation…with bible prep being the most important. That’s where I get adding faithful.

I could snag so many of your words(from my friends), probably all of them, and though they have things in common, they mean something different too us as individuals!

Prayer – the war room was timed perfectly for one of my middle of the night needs for encouragement. My prayer life will be changing this year as I practice and prepare for battles, and attack old ones anew. But I wasn’t given the word prayer, this year! That had been my word before. As has faith. Trust. Sounds the same , don’t those two? But they weren’t for me!

Another friend recommended the site My One Word for those that don’t scrapbook.

My word is PREPARE
faithfully prepare

And the first four things I’m to focus upon are
Faith
Foundations
Finances
Food

Here we go!

Me and My Love

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank Blue Letter Bible and Bible Gateway for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries

Advent 2015 Adventures 1

This year(2015), I’ve decided to do Advent for myself. In addition, I have invited my friends to join me via this Advent blog.

New this year(2018) is a Facebook group Advent at the WildBerry Patch, where we can discuss ideas, recipes and photos of our advent preparations!

On Dec 7, I wrote on Facebook:

I woke up with a Problem in my advent devotions today. Today’s advent symbol is supposed to be the rose of Sharon. As I was looking it up, it’s obvious that the Bible does not use this to refer to Jesus Christ. It is a reference to Song of Solomon, and it is about the bride. In my faith Jesus is the bridegroom. Therefore, this does not represent Jesus Christ to me.
So that means I have to go about finding a symbol to replace this one. I would like some input from others. I will already be writing about Jesus is the Lamb, Star, Rising Sun, shepherd, ruler.
I have found a couple new options. First is a stone, as in, The Rock we stand on, our foundation, the corner stone. Or should it be the branch and vine?
I will need some input by around six pm, EST, Wednesday, Dec. 9. That way I have time to think about it and write my thoughts and create a Christmas ornament for that symbol.

I was given several new ideas, but the main vote was the branch and vine.

Now – how to create a branch and vine ornament? My dear husband went out and cut some branches off of some unruly bush, and brought them into the house, leaves and all!

Jim’s bushes

(photo)

Today(Dec 9), I went to Hobby Lobby, and bought a beautiful vine that will wrap around branches!

I was able to find some key ornaments as well! Keys of David!

Key of David

But what really excited me was a set of stones, mosaic stones, that have crosses, and the name of Jesus!

I’m not sure how I”m going to hang them, but, the Lord led me to them, He’s going to lead me how to finish!

What I really wanted was a lion and lamb ornaments. Not together, but to symbolize Jesus is the Lion AND the Lamb. All of my lamb ornaments went with Rachel, my little lamb.

I was checking out, and the cashier asked the typical question: “Did you find everything you need?”

No. I wanted to find a lion and a lamb to use to symbolize Christ on my Christ-tree.

“I know we have them! They are back with the science things!”

She wasn’t sure that there was a lamb, but she was certain of there being a lion.

I was shouting “Praise God! Thank you Jesus!”

And yes, there was a couple lions…

and there was a lamb!

This whole week I’ve been struggling with migraines – and when the migraines let up, the hip and leg pain would come back. I’m doing this blog out of faith that the Lord has called me to this, and He will bring me through this…if He calls, He will enable.

I was ready to drive to Winter Garden to buy the animal ornaments I saw there yesterday. I didn’t want to. Going out on my own, with a mild headache and right leg pain was an act of faith. Driving 45 minutes away would have stretched that act of faith. God didn’t need me to do that. He provided for the plan He has been showing me. My Father has shown me again that HE knows my frame, and HE knows what He asks of me, and if I am faithful to follow, HE is faithful to guide me, and keep me in the palm of His hand.

For this, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for calling me.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for leading me today.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the forgiveness for my sins, and the grace to live like you.
Lord, help me to over come sin, and to embrace grace, mercy and love from the Father of Lights, in whom is no shadow or turning!
Amen.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!

Copyrights and Legal-eze

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
Project Based Missions, Global
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
Compassion

Isaiah – A Kay Arthur Bible Study Introduction

Isaiah 40:31, My life verse.

The Book of Isaiah has become my favorite over the years.
I love Psalms – I sing myself out of depression by singing through Psalms.
I love the Gospels – the story of Christ is my salvation.
And yet – there is something about Isaiah!

Isaiah 40:28-31
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I am using the study guide:
Face-to-Face with a Holy God

This is a 13 week study…I’m starting it on July 21, 2014.
I will be posting my thoughts as I go through this study.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Mission

Sponsor a Child

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

how many is too many?

How much is enough?

how many

how many, how much is too much?

Starting my continuing care medical appointments feels like too much.

But, how much is enough?

We live in an RV, but have lived in 2000+ sq ft houses.
We have had a new car…but now have older cars with all the bugs worked out of them.

Too much or too little?

I want to walk

I want to swim

I want to bike

I want to do body weight exercises

how many surgeries, injuries are enough? Too many? enough to get things to work well?

If I give all to the poor – ALL – if I have not love…I am a noisy gong.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though

I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. 1 Cor 13:3

But that doesn’t answer my question. How much is too much? How much is enough?

GRACE
MERCY
FORGIVENESS
PATIENCE
LONG-SUFFERING …

The fruit of the Spirit!

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness AND Self-control.

The Love Chapter in the Bible.

love is patient
love is kind
love is not envious
not conceited
not rude

Think on these things:

whatsoever things are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.

That is a lot to keep in mind….
Then there’s

modesty,
humility,
compassion,
actions and
non actions…
how to BE MORE than you ARE!

How much is enough?

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

In the work out realm…the balanced answer is:

just do one more than you did yesterday.

But am I able to accept that what I am doing right now is enough?
Probably not.

Am I able to accept that right now, my life is revolving around doctors – helping to fix the things that have been broken?
I’m trying.

Am I able to rest in the fact that Jesus died for me – and that believing in Him is all that is needed for salvation? The Bible Tells me so:

Rom 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
(and Rom 5:9-10; Acts 16:31; John 3:16-17; 1 John 3:23)

But there are times that I think I should DO more…

And then, I think about the Apostle Paul. His life was rough.
But he writes and encourages the church to be content in all things.

Reading the list of things that he went through – I think, it is too much!
Reading the times of suffering want – I think, it’s not enough!
But, Paul says – it is enough – I am content.
HOW???

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phil 4:13

Doing all things through Christ?

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;Col 3:23

So –

If I go to the doctor because I have not been miraculously healed – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
If I workout to strengthen my body – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
If I choose to dress in one way or the other – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
And if I go to bed, and I have done all that has been presented to me, I have attempted to be better today than I was yesterday, then I can be content.

AND If I stumble and fall – I have the promise that he will forgive, and pick me up – His mercies are new every morning.

How much is too much? more than I can handle. And He promised not to give me more than I can handle.

How much is too little? less effort than I can give. Less than what I have.

I’m not done with these thoughts…but this is a good place to close this for further processing.

Apparently, I need to work on being content.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! And you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi’s Heart Mission

Sponsor a Child

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

depression digs deep with drugs

Hello.
My name is Christi.
I live with depression.
Not by choice – but by genetics and some environment, and nurture. Mostly, genetics. And training through the nurture.
I Live.
I choose to LIVE.
and yet, I’ve lived with voices in my head since I was 16, telling me that I’m not good enough for this world, and I should just take myself out of the equation and make everyone elses lives better. sometimes it’s a screaming all incompassing voice. sometimes just a quiet whisper. sometimes I recognize that it is not MY desire and I can fight it. sometimes, it can over power the other, more sensible voices in my head. But, even though it can be quieted for a while, I have found that the voice is not dead.

I Have one attempt that I have written about. In 2009, that voice was too loud for sense to break through.

But I tried to ask for help for years…and was told, at 16, “that’s normal – all teens go through that. ”
Later, I was told: “stop being dramatic, stop demanding attention.”
I knew very few people that really thought about dying, much less HOW to do it, and WHY.
I didn’t really find this group of people for which it was normal, except in a psychiatric hospital…but, those of us that need to be hospitalized are not the social norm, are we? Or we wouldn’t be hospitalized, right?

Ok – so, here’s the current situation.
I have pain – I fibromyalgia – AND I have issues with tendons at the insertion points. This has meant multiple surgeries – AND a standard set of medications that have psychiatric effects as well.
The most recent tests had me looking back to a medicine that had been prescribed to help with migraines…to relax muscles. I was supposed to take this twice a day.
Another doctor had me taking a medication that was to prevent migraines…and I was supposed to titrate that up to three pills a day.

WARNING: ALWAYS CHECK MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS, AND HOW THEY CAN EFFECT EACH OTHER BEFORE TAKING NEW MEDS! MAYBE EVEN BEFORE GETTING THE SCRIPT FILLED!

I guess that could be a spoiler.

I also suffer from S.A.D. – Seasonal Affective Disorder. In Ohio, in the winter – I used a light box to counter act the effects. But I live in sunny florida!
This winter has been very rough – much grey sky and rainy weather. Not snow – but the grey was our part of the 2014 winter.
two children moving further away, one with two grandchildren as well.
one child having scary health issues
one child having children issues
hips back and knee continued to limit my ability…I hurt my knee trying to ride a stationary bike!
moving out of an apartment back into the RV
Thinking we were getting a new RV that would address some issues of the old RV – and getting denied(actually, too high interest rate).
Jim traveling much more than we had originally planned
I broke my foot. I’m stuck in a boot, which limited my walking in the ‘sunshine’ when it was out!
And just all around malaise that comes with fibro, with the addition of migraines from the weather fronts.

Writing this up, it doesn’t sound like much…but, it added up – and I had a low level depression.
I saw doctors for the pain – and the prescribed the above treatments.
And I got depressed.
I have not had voices telling me to kill myself loud enough for a few years…until this past fall.
And, I fought them. And, usually, I won.
but I started losing more and more often.

I talked to my husband – and we agreed that there is the concern that if I went to a new psychiatrist,
a. it is going to have to start all over with the whole story…which is traumatizing to me
b. they will choose to give me more medicine OR
c. they will hospitalize me – and they will misdiagnose me again…with wrong meds that cause problems.

Several times, I was close – but last weekend – I was very close – VERY CLOSE.
Jim was going to Atlanta – we had decided not to go together – because I was so depressed there was nothing that could comfort me…
BUTGOD –
Now, lots of people say that God comes shining in and talks to them and saves them.
That’s not me.
BUTGOD –
On Saturday night – the night I told Jim that I was NOT going to Atlanta and Alabama with him, I had a perfect plan.
BUTGOD –
I have been a Christian for 45 of my 54 years.
I confess that Jesus is my Lord and Savior – and that I want HIM to be in charge of MY life.
I believe the scriptures are truth – for today – and applicable.
And as I went to sleep, talking to God as I do each night, I was explaining that I didn’t have any other choice…
BUTGOD –
“way of escape”
“what?”
“ask for a way of escape”
Oh, bleep – He’s quoting His word to me…the Word that I believe is true, and that at this moment I believe does not have any comfort for me.
1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,
but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

“Ok, Lord, please show me a way of escape.” and I went to sleep.
Sunday morning – I woke up – “go with Jim”
In my mental state, that was the last thing I wanted to do – but I prayed for a way of escape – and here it was. If I didn’t take it…I knew I would be dead, possibly in more ways than one.

I became friends with some others on NerdFitness that are fighting the same struggle.
While driving – I was useful to Jim to drive so that he could work as he traveled. Plus!
While I was in Birmingham – I met a long time friend – and had a great time. PLUS!
While in the hotel – I did a one hour water workout and remembered what it felt like to be in water! BIGPLUS!
When I got home, I found out that I had been mentioned in an article by a man that I admire – and has Jim’s ear – and could open the door for my life to help others. UBER BIG PLUS!!
In the mean time, I got an inkling that my medications were possibly iffy.
side effects – not complications of combinations – just the side effects of both were enhanced depression – which often leads to suicide thoughts!!! ARRGGHH!!
so, I stopped it.
REBOUND HEADACHE!!!
BUT – I knew what it was.
And I started laughing again. Jim commented – it’s nice to hear your laugh again!
And as the medicine left my body – my mind began to clear – I don’t want to die…I WANT TO LIVE!
And I want to touch people that are hurting – because I know about hurting – physical, mental, emotional and social.
I did not die – I did not have the tools in the hotel room!
BUTGOD – gave me a way of escape –
BUTGOD – even reminded me to ASK for that way of escape.

My life line scripture –

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, FOR YOU ARE WITH ME;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me!
Ps 23:4

I have a coin with that inscribed upon it – and I have put it back on.
will I fight this battle again? probably.
but this time, I have a few more friends that will hold my hand.
I have a few more tools.
and I have the experience that if I cry out to God for a way of escape – HE IS FAITHFUL.
If I am faithful to believe, HE IS FAITHFUL TO DELIVER!

thank you for reading this.
May you know the shepherd of Psalm 23 as YOUR personal savior!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
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28 DAYS OF GRACE – DAY 22! A NEW DAY!

Jim is doing a Level Up program through Nerd fitness….
and today’s post is AMAZING!

But it’s copy righted and for a private paid for group(I get bonus because I’m Jim’s wife).
But this is a quote that Steve quoted in this post:

Victor Frankl, author of the absolutely heartbreaking and yet incredibly positive “A Man’s Search For Meaning” once said:

“Those who have a ‘why’ can bear with almost any ‘how.”

Here’s my response:

Yes yes.yes…I’ve wanted a why for my whole life, and for our married life!

WHY?

and then, the what and how fall into place, or at least the what nots are more easily recognizable!

I’ve always had a WHY that pertains to EVERY Christian:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Eph 2:10

walk in good works to glorify God!

WHICH GOOD WORKS?????

Obviously, the good works that ALL Christians are supposed to walk in…..
The Fruit of the Spirit – Ephesians 5, Galatians 5

The Number one Fruit – Love – John 13:34

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

The Whole Law – Matt 22:37-40

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

BUT WHAT DOES THAT SAY TO ME, SPECIFICALLY?
That gets into talents, hiding them, or investing them…

I wrote about that before…but the WHY for how to live, for me, is to glorify GOD!
The HOW and WHAT is all about investing the talents God has given ME to use for HIM.

And, there is another thought hidden in here for me….
“Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.”

I HAVE SPENT MANY MANY YEARS NOT LOVING MYSELF!

Not taking care of my own health has been a self hatred behavior.

These 28 days of Grace…which was what I was begging and praying for to get through this Yeast Free program…has not just turned my body and health around…it has turned my heart and mind around.

I need to LOVE ME because HE FIRST LOVED ME!
And if GOD has decided to LOVE ME the way HE does…Who am I to argue?

Good food
Good exercise
Good prayer
Good fellowship….
Good life!

I CHOOSE LIFE!
God life!
And I pray that my life will glorify Him, as I learn my WHY, WHAT and HOW to walk in good works!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

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Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

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28 days of Grace – day 21

Today has been a very rough day.
Many things in our lives have been placed up in the air this weekend…and we are struggling as a couple to figure out what WE are supposed to be doing, in light of GOD’s plan for our lives.

In the process of MY working things out…I called upon a friend to talk things out with me…so that I could figure out my own logic, heart, mind, emotions…and be able to present my position to my husband, Jim, without all the drama of emotions that ran throughout the weekend for and from me.

DID I BINGE IN THE MIDST OF EMOTIONAL TURMOIL????

BY THE GRACE OF GOD I DID NOT!!!

Food is NOT for settling emotional issues.
Food is NOT for comforting a broken heart.
Food is NOT for answering the tough questions.

Food is Fuel
Food is good for celebrations….and no, every moment of every day is not an option for food celebrations!

This weekend, we spent time eating out.
I CHOSE PLACES WHERE I COULD MAKE GOOD CHOICES!

I MADE THOSE GOOD CHOICES…though of course, they were not as good as if I had stayed home….but staying home forever is not an acceptable concept!

I didn’t even think about deserts at those restaurants! SERIOUSLY! AMAZINGLY! BY GOD’S GRACE, I AM STANDING!

And this is with deep despair, lonesomeness and feelings of abandonment and broken promises swirling around me and my husband.
This used to be Pizza and apple pie time, with ice cream.

This time, it was talk with each other, talk with God time!

I pray that, by the grace of God, I will continue to move forward in my life, with this relationship with food…fuel…that can taste good, but isn’t the fuel to make my life good!

My life is about my choices…and I choose to make food one of my tools, not to be ruled by food!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! Or sign up for an account, and you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi's Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

28 Days of Grace – Day 15, Hope continued

I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I
hope.
Psalm 130:5 AMP

I have been participating in a 60 day challenge for T-Tapp. In these 60 days, a person agrees to only do T-Tapp, walking, and swimming.
They can also choose to do better eating, also supported by T-Tapp.
At the beginning and the end, you submit photos, and measurements, and an essay.

I shared part one. Here is my essay, part two.

Unfortunately, I still couldn’t. I was struggling under constant chronic pain exacerbated by multiple surgeries back to back with fibromyalgia. I couldn’t walk my dog the 1/4 mile minimum it would take to let him go to the bathroom. I could no longer swim because I might not be able to get up out of the pool. My ankles were not solid enough to even try a stationary bike, much less one that required balance. If I tapped, the vibration sent horrible nerve waves of pain up my leg, and would shut me down for several days. If I couldn’t butterfly or hoedown, what could I do? For that matter, physical therapy would shut me down for several days. Everyone was trying to get my mind off of ‘training’ and on to ‘healing.’ My physical therapist was begging me to forget about a triathlon, forget about 5ks, and just focus on healing. Trisch was trying to encourage me to let my body heal from all the barrage of drugs and abuse having occurred in just 24 short months. By week two, with failed pain treatments, I was ready to give up.

In order to not give up midway into the 60 days, I joined Kirsten Tucker’s 6 week T-Tapp Tight Club(tm) almost before I even signed up for the 60 day challenge. Kirsten has known me for over a year now, and I trust her to not push me too hard, to push me where I need it, and to help me keep my head in the right direction. Her eight Tight Club(tm) Rules challenged me. When we started on May 1, the only rule I had in place was “Rule #5 – Supportive Athletic Shoes are Required.”

Based on what I thought I could do, she created a workout plan for me, and I became discouraged by how much slower and lower level it was than the one she’d created just one year previous. “Rule #6 – No self-recrimination; be kind to yourself.”
When I suffered from the repercussions of pain blocking injections three different times, both Trisch and Kirsten rallied behind me, saying that this was just a stepping stone. “Rule #4 – One step at a time. Think tortoise not hare.”

Each week, as Trisch would post insights into the various moves, I would also Skype with Kirsten to discuss what was going on. I asked questions of both of them(Rule #7), sometimes repeatedly. When something was too tiring, or hurt too much, they would not let me wallow. Rule #8 is “If you fall off the wagon, get back on and don’t look back.” It could be “Don’t wallow.”

The one thing that came up again and again is my concern that I was not doing the work (Rule # 3). I have a voice inside my head that says if I don’t get it done right the first time, it’s because I didn’t try hard enough. That seriously impacted Rule #8 and Rule #6. I had to learn to believe. I had to learn to hope that I COULD get back up, and not look back. I had to learn to believe that if I could only take one step today without compromising my energies for tomorrow, then that WAS me doing the work, and doing it well! I had to learn to see that if I took a step in the right direction, I was taking a step…and Rule #4 was “One Step at a Time!”
I have done sitting hoedowns when possible. I try to do Awesome Legs every night, and OIP several times a day. I have walked with my tail tucked and my shoulders rolled. When I am driving to my physical therapy, I hear Teresa’s voice telling me to “tuck it, lift it”…and I do so. I even try to roll back my shoulders and twist my palms up on the steering wheel!

What did I gain from this challenge?
Hope. HOPE!
Hope has grown in my heart through the T-Tapp community and ‘consciousness’.
Trisch talked about healing adrenals almost as much as she talks about T-Tapp or Jesus Christ!
Kirsten encouraged me to care for myself so that I will have health — body, mind and soul. She even encouraged me to PLAY as part of my health!
Then there is Teresa Tapp. Her various Facebook posts about health and dietary issues, articles, and her research into all aspects of women’s health were foundational in preparing me to take charge of my health.
These three women gave me the pieces to my health puzzle. My new doctor looked at my pieces and gave me a plan.
By God’s grace, I have the hope and courage to put this all together for my future.

During the past 60 days, I’ve spent the first three weeks in bed from nerve block injections that failed.
During the past 60 days, I’ve received emails and posts of support, encouragement, wisdom and healthy research from all of these ladies.
During the past 60 days, I have learned to hydrate myself in order for my body to heal.
During the past 6 weeks, I have learned self care by doing skin brushing which has rolled into other avenues of self care daily.
During the past 6 weeks, I have been able to walk my dog 1/4 to ½ mile daily, to walk up and down steps daily, and to drive myself to and from my physical therapy and appointments.
In the last 3 weeks, I have found the courage to contact a medical doctor that is also a naturopath in order to take charge of my health.
In the last 2 weeks, I have been on a yeast free, God Made, food program, designed to both cleanse my system, and heal my adrenals.
I have dropped a cholesterol drug, a diabetes drug, constipation drugs, and reducing a stomach acid drug is next. I am sleeping through the night regularly, with no medications. I don’t fall asleep during the day anymore!
By Sunday, I had lost weight, and lost 7 ½ inches. I had also lost many of the health issues that had troubled my life.

This quick and total transformation is because of the T-Tapp community. Without the various products, discussions, posts and people, I would not have been prepared to understand the complex world of adrenals! Likewise, I would not have embraced the need for Magnesium, or bio-identical hormones, or B-12! Truthfully, I would not have kept trying, over and over and over again.

On Tuesday the 12th, I begin my third week into this new way of eating…God Made Meals! I will tell Kirsten that I have befriended the Tight Club(tm) rules now. I’m ready to get back up on that wagon(Rule #8)…even if it means a month or more of MORE Chair!.
I talk about T-Tapp and Tight Club all the time(Rule #1).
What has really changed in me this time, though, is Rule #2.
“If someone tells you “You can’t.” respond “Yes, I can!”“
Can I change my life, take charge of my health, and have hope for the future?

YES I CAN!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! Or sign up for an account, and you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi's Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!