Proverbs 4:23 English Standard Version (ESV)
23 Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
My notes on the bitterness post:
Guard your heart
Bitterness
On forgiveness
How did i learn i had bitterness?
By my words
Out of the abundance of my heart, my mouth spoke
I am an abuser survivor
Forgave
Healed
Didn’t wait for the abuser to apologize
It only takes one to forgive.
I am a peaceful conflict resolution teacher
I know the steps
It takes two, to do a resolution.
I’m a human
I’ve been wounded
I thought I’d forgiven
I have bitterness
Why is it so difficult forget sometimes? Is it because someone has hurt you over and over and over? And they have the potential to continue doing so? And you’re sure you fill the 70 × 7 forgiveness requirement?
Hebrews 12:15 King James Version (KJV)
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
I just completed IBBS Titus 1:10-16, and in Titus, Paul warns about those who are defiled.
Titus 1:15 King James Version (KJV)
15 Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.
I discussed how when someone chooses to go the way of the wide path, and not the straight and narrow, eventually, God gives them over to their own lusts. God gives them, or allows them, what they want. Romans 1:18-32
All I wanted to do was to discuss the concept of holding unforgiveness in your heart would cause you problems. Well, me, specifically. These posts are all written to me, I just share them with whomever is interested! HA! Such a simple task, I thought! Therefore, as God would have it, I’ve been enlightened about how much bitterness I hold in my heart!
I’ve written a few times about bitterness!
Forgiveness:
About anger:
Coming up soon, from the date of this writing, is the Resurrection Season. I wrote a series for Lent last year, and the First Sunday of Lent deals with Forgiveness!
There is a website that I refer to often, GotQuestions.org.
Here’s their write up on What is Forgiveness. The article talks about the two aspects of forgiveness – the part that is key to our salvation, or, OUR forgiveness by GOD, and the part that we are to implement, or, OUR forgiveness of OTHERS.
Another resource is from Desiring God, and here is a list of their various posts on Forgiveness…including several by John Piper. Here’s one that fits this topic wonderfully – How to Battle Bitterness!
In that sermon, John Piper brings up this verse:
Romans 12:19 King James Version (KJV)
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Isn’t that why we hold onto the anger, the rage, the hurt and such? We want vengeance?
“Revenge – it’s a dish best served cold.”
I have no idea where that came from. Wikipedia says this:
The popular expression “revenge is a dish best served cold” suggests that revenge is more satisfying if enacted when unexpected or long feared, inverting traditional civilized revulsion toward “cold-blooded” violence.[12]
The idea’s origin is obscure. The French diplomat Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord (1754–1838) has been credited with the saying, “La vengeance est un met que l’on doit manger froid” [“Revenge is a dish that must be eaten cold”], albeit without supporting detail.[13] It has been in the English language at least since the 1846 translation of the 1845 French novel Mathilde by Joseph Marie Eugène Sue: “la vengeance se mange très bien froide”,[14] there italicized as if quoting a proverbial saying, and translated “revenge is very good eaten cold”.[15] It has been wrongly credited[16] to the novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses (1782).
Its path to modern popularity may begin with the 1949 film Kind Hearts and Coronets which had revenge is a dish which people of taste prefer to eat cold. The familiar wording appears in the film Death Rides a Horse (1967), in the novel The Godfather by Mario Puzo (1969), as if from an “old Klingon proverb” in the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982). The title sequence of the Quentin Tarantino film Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003) referred to this last movie by again citing it as a Klingon proverb. After that it appeared in the 2004 version of Man on Fire.
The phrase has also been credited to the Pashtuns of Afghanistan.[17]
Another proverb states, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves”. Another version (Chinese: 子不复仇非子也) proposes that a son who does not take revenge for his parents is not a son.[citation needed]
That’s the way of the flesh.
Hebrews 12:15 says not to allow a root of bitterness to grow! And, any plant grows from a seed.
Romans 12:19 says to let God take vengeance on our behalf.
When our children were little, they often offended each other. Yes. It’s true.
If they came to me with the concern, I would sit them down, and start a peaceful conflict resolution – let’s talk it out, and come up with a satisfactory solution.
If one lied, they would be disciplined.
If one disobeyed some rule, they would be disciplined.
BUT, if the offended one took matters into their own hand, I would say
“you already handed out the punishment, I cannot punish them anymore. If you want them to have discipline and learn the lesson, you need to let me be the judge, and pronounce the judgement.”
These aren’t quite the same thing, yet I’m pretty sure these verses were those from whom I gleaned this concept.
Proverbs 24:17-18 New International Version (NIV)
Saying 28
17 Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice,
18 or the Lord will see and disapprove
and turn his wrath away from them.
Proverbs 24:29 King James Version (KJV)
29 Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work.
And a few others:
Lev 19:18
Deut 32:35
I have written about God being a Vengeful God in IBBS Nahum 1:2b
The thing is, vengeance is a release of the anger and the bitterness, from our physical, emotional and mental perspectives.
Forgiveness is letting go from a SPIRITUAL perspective.
I’ve done much study on Forgiveness as an abuse survivor.
It’s not about the other person, though, if they want to sit down and work things out, GREAT!
It’s about MY HEART!!
God says in His Word:
Ephesians 4:26-27 King James Version (KJV)
26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
27 Neither give place to the devil.
What happens if we give place to the devil?
Hebrews 12:15 King James Version (KJV)
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
And yet, Our Heavenly Father knows us so much, that he gave us a promise to help us let go of that anger:
Romans 12:19 King James Version (KJV)
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Give room for GOD’s wrath to deal with it!
Did Jesus talk about this? Yes, including instructions!
Matthew 5:21-25 King James Version (KJV)
21 Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
Matthew 5 is the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount.
Blessed are the
- poor in Spirit
- mourn
- meek
- hunger and thirst after righteousness
- merciful
- pure in heart
- peace makers
Do any of those sounds like anger, wrath, or bitterness? Nope, not to me, either.
The fruit of the Spirit are:
- Love
- Joy
- Peace
- Patience
- Gentleness
- Goodness
- Faith
- Meekness
- Self-Control
Anything look like anger, wrath and bitterness there? nope, nada!
1 Corinthians 13, in the chapter describing LOVE says this:
1 Corinthians 13:5 New International Version (NIV)
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Not only does love not get easily angered, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS.
ISN’T THAT BITTERNESS???
Before listing the fruit of the Spirit, Paul lists the fruit of the flesh.
Galatians 5:19-21 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
19 Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity,
20 idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions,
21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Even though we are forgiven for our sins, and yes, we struggle with the flesh in this life, these things are not becoming of an Ambassador of Christ! While I’m studying this, as I said above, I was also studying about what it meant to be an ambassador for and of Christ through Titus 1. IBBS Titus 1:6-9 Ambassadors
See, when someone starts sharing things, things that could be perceived as teachings, they could be perceived as teachers.
I am told, as an old woman to teach the younger women.
TEACH seems to be the key word here.
This is to the older men, but, in my Titus studies, I realize, it isn’t gender specific!
Titus 2:6-8 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
7… Make yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching. 8 Your message is to be sound beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be ashamed, having nothing bad to say about us.
It’s a warning to anyone that potentially teaches.
James 3:1-2 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
3:1 Not many should become teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive a stricter judgment,
Of course…we are all called to teach…
Matthew 28:19-20 King James Version (KJV)
19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
What does this have to do with Bitterness, unforgiveness and anger?
I HAVE NOT HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE IN YEARS WITH ANGER AND BITTERNESS TOWARDS MY FAMILY as I have since I started working on this post!
Was there anything that anyone did horrible to me?
NO!
Was there anything illegal, immoral, or of enduring effect?
NO!
I just didn’t seem to be able to LET GO of the pain!
Testimony…
Yes, I have had pains that come up, and I do have triggers because of those painful memories.
Yes, my family sometimes forgets the (long list, I’m sure) triggers that trigger me.
YES, I get hurt. Mad sometimes. Sometimes, I have to talk to them about it.
The thing is, a long time ago, I decided that I didn’t have the emotional energy, nor the mental capacity to give anger room in me! It’s exhausting!
YET NOW IT’S HAPPENING!
Maybe, just maybe, there was special grace given to me to forgive my abusers, and now, I have to seek out that grace in face of MY NEED for forgiveness.
What do I mean by that?
Matthew 6:14-15 King James Version (KJV)
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
There’s a qualification to being forgiven! Jesus said so!
I studied that when I was going through the early therapy for the PTSD, and prayed to forgive my abuser.
Years later, I went through some spiritual techniques that had you go through and forgive all those from your past. This included asking those you could contact for forgiveness where needed.
Here I am, actually writing a piece because of a few things that were bothering me…and I get hit with a month’s worth of lessons on anger, bitterness, releasing the pain, and forgiveness.
I had a diagram that I wanted to create a video of.
I’m going to share that photo here, but because of a new friend, Ebony, I’ve just been made aware of another aspect to forgiveness and bitterness that I need to work on…forgiving myself!
I’ll explain this, and maybe have a video in part two!
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
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