A Glimpse of Jesus
disclaimer –
I’m not saying that I WENT to heaven.
I’m not saying that THIS is what heaven looks like.
This is MY experience in response to a situation for which I was seeking God.
My intent is to offer comfort.
Back in the 1980’s, when we had five children, and didn’t know what we were doing. One night, our oldest son got sick. The ugly, throw up down the side of the bed, kind of sick. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I was having difficulties breathing, and I was lying down in my bed, on the other side of the house. I couldn’t move to help Jim with our son. Things kept coming into and out of view.
All of the sudden, I realized that I was walking on this beautiful green hill, with a beautiful blue sky above my head. The grass was the greenest green I’d ever seen. The river below me was babbling along, with that sweet sound of water just lazily flowing over round rocks, a musical sound that nothing can replicate. In the far distance were purple mountains rising up to meet the blue sky, with bits of white on the tops, mixing in with the white clouds so that it wasn’t obvious where the mountains ended and the clouds began.
“Hello, Christi” a warm, friendly voice spoke. The voice sounded familiar, but it almost didn’t sound at all. It was if everything, including me, resonated with this voice. I turned around.
“Jesus!” I exclaimed! “Where am I?”
“With me, child”
We seemed to take a walk, though we seemed to stay in one place. I thought I was moving, and yet, there was no effort, just a flowing, being, kind of movement. As we walked, I told Him of my concerns for my children, and them growing up to serve him. I told Him of my concerns about being good enough to be their mom. I told Him how I felt worthless as a woman, a wife, a mom and a child of God. I told Him how I felt I was failing Jim and Him.
He listened to all I said, and would interject loving words that seemed to wash away all of my concerns.
“Jesus – I have a question, please.”
“Yes…” He replied, looking me in the eyes, with more love that any mother ever had for her child.
“Am I dead? Is this heaven?”
“Almost, my dear. You are almost dead, but this is just outside of heaven.”
I started asking him questions, and I wasn’t bothered at all that I was mostly dead. I just loved hearing his voice, and feeling that love roll over me like a wave of the ocean on a warm summer day. I wanted to lie down in that green grass, feel the breeze flow over me, and enjoy the musical melody of the water. I don’t remember all that He told me, but for that period of time, nothing matter, except that I was with Jesus. I knew everything I needed to know, I feared nothing, and I was so full of love and joy that I thought I was going to burst!
As I was listening to Jesus, there came a buzz in my ear…like a mosquito that just won’t let you fall asleep. I started waving it off, and it got louder and louder. I didn’t even stop to grasp, why are there mosquitoes in heaven? I just kept swatting it away. I was getting annoyed!
I looked up at Jesus, about to ask why, and saw that He had this interesting, understanding grin on his face.
“christi” – I heard, as if it was far away, as if it were from someone on those mountains…someone yelling my name. The voice was pulling me away from standing there with Jesus. The voice was taking my attention away from focusing on Jesus and this beautiful place. It was if a pull that I could not control were trying to drag me away. I just wanted to be right there, in the sweet green grass, beside the still waters, and enjoy the restoring of my soul!
“Go away”
“Christi”
“Be Quiet!” I said…trying to wave off that pesky voice.
“Christi” – I heard it again, even louder. NOOOOOOooooooooo!
“Jesus, it’s Jim’s voice…why is he interrupting us? Doesn’t he know I’m with you? How dare he interrupt my time with You!”
“Yes, dear, he does. But he’s calling you back.”
“Jesus, NO – I don’t want to go back there…it’s beautiful here, YOU are here,” and I fell on my knees and begged him…tears falling down my cheeks.
“We agreed a long ago that if you called one of us home, we would not demand that they come back…doesn’t he remember that?”
Jesus took my hands in his, and smiled into my face. I could feel the warmth of His glory fall upon me.
“I haven’t call you home yet, my dear.”
As he wiped away my tears, He said,
“My child, you have to go back, he can’t raise the five children without you. He can’t make it without you.”
“Oh, Jesus – sure he can…he’s got the Bible, family and You…just let me stay here. They’ll be fine!”
“CHRistiiiii” – Jim’s voice was getting louder. I turned to see if he was walking up the hill to meet us.
“Lord – I want to stay here with you…please”
“I’m sorry, my child – it’s not your time to come here yet. You have work to do”
As Jim’s voice pulled me closer and closer…I realized that I was being pulled away from the presence of Jesus. It was like one of those sci-fi vortex things from which you cannot escape – crossing dimensions. I reached out for Jesus’ hands, but he was far, far away now, and was disappearing into the vision. The hills were just faded green, I could not smell the grass anymore. I couldn’t make out the mountains from the clouds anymore. The water was so distant, and so soft now that I could barely hear it. I was being pulled back, back to…..
“CHRISTIIII – COME BACK!”
I jerked, and looked up, and a female EMT was on top of me with her hands on my sternum. Her face was white, but a glimmer came across her face and she exclaimed
“We got her!”
I looked to my left, and Jim’s mouth was right at my ear – he’d been shouting in my ear the whole time.
I looked to my right, and saw another EMT, just as white as the first one, taking deep breaths.
“Good – “ and started rattling off those things EMT’s rattle off in emergencies.
I closed my eyes and tried to see the hills, the meadows, the mountains, the river…and Jesus.
They were gone.
The colors had faded.
The touch was gone.
The warmth of His glory was gone.
The peace of that quiet hillside was crashed with the noise of people, children, instructions, machines…and I don’t know what else. It was just loud.
“We thought we’d lost you” Jim said.
I don’t remember right now if I told him, or if I was even able to speak.
All I remember is that I had met with Jesus, seen a glimpse of heaven, and knew that heaven was my home.
All I knew was that I wanted to get back there.
And I knew that Jesus had told me that I was supposed to finish raising my five children.
But He left me with a memory:
Ps 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Phil 3:20
20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,
Matthew 4:17
17 From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”
My heart was filled with a song that my husband, Jim, taught me:
This World is not My Home, three ways.
Have you had a talk with Jesus?
Have you felt His presence in YOUR life in times of struggle, or times of joy?
Have you been near death, and known that Jesus was with you?
please share your comments with me!
Jim & Christi 2017
Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest
I want to thank
for the ability to search the Bible online.
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There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.
- Naomi’s Heart Ministries
- Obed’s House Ministries
- Project Based Missions, Global
- The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
- Compassion
