Tag Archives: Love

Bible open to Matthew

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew chapter 27 or MMM27

Mindfully Meditating in Matthew Chapter Twenty-seven

(c)2023 M. Christine Wildman

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew Catalogue , the collection of these studies
(First 100 days of 2023, day 58, Feb 27)

Passage Matthew Chapter Twenty-seven

It doesn’t matter which version you choose. It can be digital or paper. You can use one of those fancy coloring bibles and do a page or coloring along with the passage.

I will mostly do Holman Christian Standard Bible because of their copyright freedoms.

  • Matthew 27
    • Mt 27:1-2 to Pontius Pilate
    • Mt 27:3-8 Judas’ guilt, Priest’s guilt
      • Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,
      • cast the silver on the temple floor
      • Priests used it to by a field
        • Then what was spoken through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled: They took the 30 pieces of silver, the price of Him whose price was set by the Israelites, 10 and they gave them for the potter’s field, as the Lord directed me.[d]
    • Mt 27:9- 26 Jesus before Pilate
      • Are you the King of the Jews?
        • Jesus answered, “You have said it.”
      • Jesus or Barabbas
        • chose Barabbas
        • cried Crucify Him about Christ
        • claimed the responsibility of His blood
          • 25 All the people answered, “His blood be on us and on our children!”
        • Jesus was flogged then handed over to the soldiers
    • Mt 27:27-31 Jesus and the Soldiers
      • 28 They stripped Him and dressed Him in a scarlet military robe.
      • crown of thorns- they twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head, and m9kec him saying this is the King of the Jews29 They twisted together a crown of thorns, put it on His head, and placed a reed in His right hand.
      • Then they spit on Him, took the reed, and kept hitting Him on the head.
      • When they had mocked Him, they stripped Him of the robe, put His clothes on Him, and led Him away to crucify Him.
    • Mt 27:32-44 Jesus’s Crucifixion
      • carried the cross – but when too weak
        • Simon of Cyrene
          • Cyrenian man named Simon. They forced this man to carry His cross.
      • wine and gall
      • cast lots for clothing
      • THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
      • 38 Then two criminals[n] were crucified with Him, one on the right and one on the left.
      • Mocked
    • Mt 27:45-56  Jesus’ Death
      • 45 From noon until three in the afternoon[s] darkness came over the whole land.[
      • Elí, Elí, lemá[u] sabachtháni?”
      • 50 Jesus shouted again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit
      • 51 Suddenly, the curtain of the sanctuary[x] was split in two from top to bottom; the earth quaked and the rocks were split.
      • Temples were opened when Christ resurrected
      • when the centurian and those who were withg Him saw truly this was the son of God54 When the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they were terrified and said, “This man really was God’s Son!”[y]
      • Women followed – Mary Magdalene, Mary mother of Jesus, and Peter’s Mom
    • Mt 27:57-61 Jesus’ Burial
      • when it was even8ing there came a rich man, Joseph of Arimathea, who himeself had become a disciple of JesusJoseph of Arimathea got the body, wrapped Him, and laid Him in His tomb.
    • Mt 27:62-66 Jesus’ tomb sealed and guarded

 

Mindful Meditating

  1. choose a verse,
  2.  set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever works for you.
  3.  example: Matt 25:23
  4. repeat to yourself, and at each word, enunciate the next word in the sentence starting with the first word…

example:

Today, choose your own scripture verse that helps you meditate on the crucifixion of Christ.

and so on.  This will cause you to look at the verse more intently, and may have you memorize it before your five minutes are done.

Coloring

Matthew the Book coloring page by Ministry to Children

Crucifixion of  Christ by SuperColoring

Songs for Meditation

Broken and Spilled Out – Steve Green

Watch the Lamb – Ray Boltz

Watch the Lamb with official video

Quick Questions – if  you have time, or to think about over the course of the day, and jot down thoughts later.

  1. What was the significance of the thirty pieces of silver?
    1. GotQuestions explains how it relates to the prophet Zechariah.
    2. Crosswalk explains that and gets into personal application.
  2. Do you know how may prophecies Christ’s death fulfilled?
    1. Got Questions has a great chart with all of these.
  3. What were the words that Christ called out from the cross?
    1. when you pull all the gospels together, you get Seven Last words, and Crosswalk goes into the meanings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

Older woman with shades of coral in jewelry and sweater, glasses, silver and brown hair.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2023 My One Word – Let Go – February 1

neon letters saying Let Go!

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Let Go of assumptions of outcome

“I didn’t get all 31 days done in Wisdom and Praise”

I wanted to see a nice complete list of a month in a glance of all of the Psalms and Proverbs in one place so that others can utilize this tool.  I missed a couple of days (1 day totally, 1 day not quite right because of not having the vision, 2 days just have video and 2 days have nothing – 6 out of 31). Here’s the thoughts that have gone through my head:

  1. I’m a failure
  2. someone is going to miss a day because of me
  3. people will know that I took some days off
  4. I didn’t put in enough effort
  5. The world is going to end because I wasn’t faithful

Here’s how I’ve  talked to myself and “Let Go”,  I have checked the facts:

  • I’m a failure
    • – everyone fails – get over yourself
    • at least you tried
    • you got further than if you hadn’t tried
  • someone is going to miss a day because of me
    • The days are listed with the Psalms and Proverbs – they can read it on their own.
    • Reading these chapters isn’t bound to some date – they can grab any of them
    • People are on their own to do their own Bible study – you just provided a tool(yes, incomplete right now)
  • people will know that I took some days off
    • and very few people work 31 days in a row
    • God rested after 7 days
      • yes, His work was perfect and complete, but you aren’t God
    • Why does it matter what people think?
      • because I need affirmation and validation
        • but I need to look to Jesus for that.
  • I didn’t put in enough effort
    • You put in the effort that you had, with rest, eating, and spending time with friends
    • You kept up sleep hygiene, until tonight, and even participated in a social activity – this is balanced.
  • The world is going to end because I wasn’t faithful
    • THIS is catastrophizing
    • THIS is a lie
    • This isn’t actually a thought, I just thought it fit for drama.

Let Go Let God illustrationI need to remind myself that as long as I don’t put something between me and God, I’m not sinning, and therefore I am probably OK.

I need to remind myself that God chose an imperfect person to share His word, and that He didn’t expect perfection.

I need to remind myself that the ONE person that believes in me is God through Jesus Christ, filling me with the Holy Spirit. It’s hard, but when it comes down to it, can I settle for the validation and affirmation from the One I believe created the Universe?  I’ll get back to you on that one.

But, here’s my letting Go, starting out February, with another Bible Study Project for the month.  And here’s my promise to use grace and love, and maybe a little bit of mercy to apply to myself moving forward.  I choose Love, Joy, Peace, Patience…you get the point.

How about you?  Do you have a song that fits? share it in the comments.
~~~~~~~

Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

Older woman with shades of coral in jewelry and sweater, glasses, silver and brown hair.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Depression, Dreams, Discussion, Despair, Drama, and I ?

What do you do when dreams come up that bring the trauma of the past back into your mind, triggering the body memories, the emotions, the lost feelings, the trapped feelings, the despair that once led to suicide?

I have several outlets.
I write:

I paint – and try to create peace with the paintings:

I do Bible journaling:

Psalm 23

Psalm 23

But is that what takes care of the issues that are buried deep and come out in dreams to be dealt with?

No.

It deals with the emotions of the now…that may or may not have current issues that triggered them.

There are various types of therapy that are used to try to heal the past, and here’s one I found on Goot Theray about the 4 steps to Erasing the Trauma of the Past.

I’m going to say that yes, sometimes this works.
If it worked 100% of the time, we would not have so many Veterans still suffering from PTSD.

In the general population, the numbers are staggering, to me:

70 % of adults experience at least one traumatic experience in their lifetime.
20% of those will develop PTSD.
About 8 million – MILLION – people have PTSD in a given year
1 in 13 will develop PTSD in their lifetime.

That’s a pandemic!
Information obtained from PTSD Facts and Statistics provided by Recovery Village.

I guess I’m not so special – 1 of 8 million…

Depression is Deadly:

More than 32,000 people commit suicide each year in the United States. Additionally, there are more than half a million unsuccessful suicide attempts. Nearly 1 million people commit suicide worldwide annually, and the estimated number of suicide attempts ranges from 10 million to 20 million.

information obtained from Facts about Suicde provided by Treatment4Addiction.

The CDC lists intentional self harm (suicide) as the 10th leading cause for death in the united states. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/deaths.htm

Depression, D(T)rauma, Despair, Death.

And those hidden memories that come up out of seemingly nowhere can be the start of someone spiraling down that depression whirlpool, being sucked in by the repeated memory, the ugly thoughts about themselves, the words and actions of the other person, the negative words given by others, the ignoring of the ‘secret’, don’t tell, don’t speak, don’t discuss – JUST DEAL!

the point is that once a person is damaged from trauma…they CAN’T DEAL. That’s what PTSD is all about!

There are chemical reactions in the brain – changes – that affect the ability to “DEAL” –
How PTSD effects the brain – great article.
How PTSD and Trauma affect Your Brain Functioning – by Psychology Today.
The effects of PTSD on the Hippocampus

They key is that trauma is once.
PTSD is trauma over a period of time – usually something that happened that the person could not get to a safe place and sensed a threat to their lives. No escape.
Each person with PTSD is different because each trauma is different.
The brain is rewired.
Many times, maybe most, the sufferer is not in control of the reaction to triggers.
Medications – well, most of them dull your senses…think a medical frontal lobotomy. It depends on the medication. It depends on the person. But I have not heard of anyone that says the medication had no side effects. Sometimes it’s great – like the combo that I am on and have been for many years.

For the most part, I can seem functional.
Then, dreams stir up memories.
Then, something happens that reminds me of an undealt with wound.

Last night – I had a series of those dreams. Dreams about someone that is alive, and continues to do things that trigger my memories, and has no intention of working through those memories, much less changing any behaviors to deal with those memories or apologize.

My other traumas deal with people who are dead, or whom I have no way of knowing where they are.
I can deal with those memories with forgiveness – and letting go.
They cannot hurt me any more.
It doesn’t matter that they didn’t care that they hurt me, repeatedly.
It’s over.
It can’t happen again.
I am safe.
I am free.

But to deal with people that are alive is a different story.
Current issues – that cannot be reconciled – they continue to cause repeated wounds, bringing back up the same issues of being used, being unwanted, being a burden, not being good enough for whatever.

Old issues that were never dealt with – some that led to traumatic actions on my part, have the potential to cause the same whirlpool sucking reaction…depending on where I am in my mental health.

Healthy – I can deal with them by the above method – the 4 steps above. I can address the lies with truth – though some ‘truth’ does not align with my personal concept of truth. I will always see myself as a burden as long as people do not have time to treat me with common courtesy, concern, or compassion. It’s hard to lift your own opinion of yourself when others continue to act in ways that confirm those very self images. If someone felt ugly, and another person of high importance in their lives continued to try to hide their face, or cover their face or disguise them – those actions would confirm the person’s self image – even if words are said to the contrary.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

So So Healthy – tired of the fight, but continuing. Trying to pull up from the slippery slope to depression. I try to deal with the thoughts with positives…but positives are hard to come by. and, many times they feel a bit Pollyanna-ish. I don’t live in Disney World where everything turns happy by the wave of a wand. I don’t have a fairy godmother that will send me to the ball where I will all of the sudden be embraced by everyone as someone special. I’m still a nobody – and so many things prove it.

False compliments(proven false by actions or words afterwards, or their lack of validity) – like giving a compliment to try to appease a situation, and the compliment has no validity – thanks for doing the dishes – and I didn’t. Thanks for cleaning up the whatever – you did, not me, you just forgot. You are doing so well in thus and such – when thus and such is worse than two weeks ago. You rode your bike well – when I fell off. Your writing is amazing – what was it about? ummmmmm.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS – BUT WORDS HURT.

Depressed – I might realize that I need to call my doctor or therapist to help me out of this slide…but by this time, my mind is becoming foggy from the brain chemistry, and I can’t think straight. It has been confirmed that I am a burden – by grunts, groans, ignoring, walking away from conversations, blaming me for the problem of depression, or pain, or weakness, or being hurt by words or actions.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. WORDS HURT. IGNORING CAN BE DEADLY.

Despair – no way out, no escape, nothing matters, no one cares, no one can help, no one wants to help, I’m not worth help, I don’t deserve help, everyone would be better off without me.

At this time, I have fought and fought, practiced my emergency protocol as a last ditch effort. Above, I’ve practiced every form of therapy option that I know of to clear up this depression, destructive thoughts, and despair. Now, I’m begging for help – and no one is listening. No one wants to understand what’s going on in order to possibly help me unwind this whirlpool, much less pull me out and get reset.

This is when I’m fighting for my life – and if no one else thinks my life is worth fighting for, well, that confirms it, doesn’t it? I’m not worth fighting for. So, why fight? I have nothing left with which to fight, and no one to fight alongside me.

This is where it gets deadly.

How can someone help prevent this downward spiral?

Listen – just listen.
Work through issues – with a concern to actually work out conflict
Be present – most will not hurt themselves when a person is with them.
Help to go through the self care protocols, the self emergency protocols, the path towards a reset.
Understand the triggers – and don’t be part of the problem.

How long does it take to spiral?

I’ve done it in one day – but that time took a very deadly turn.

I talk a lot about love. What do I mean by love?

1 Corinthians 13:1-8 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Love: The Superior Way
13 If I speak human or angelic languages
but do not have love,
I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy
and understand all mysteries
and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith
so that I can move mountains
but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor,
and if I give my body in order to boast[a]
but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient,
love is kind.
Love does not envy,
is not boastful,
is not conceited,
5 does not act improperly,
is not selfish,
is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness
but rejoices in the truth.
7 It bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

8 Love never ends.

Some people think that this is not possible.

John 13:34-35 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.
35 By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Jesus commanded us to love. JUST AS HE LOVED US!!! Would Jesus give us a command we could not keep? That wouldn’t be fair.

Matthew 23:11-12 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
11 The greatest among you will be your servant.
12 Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

Jesus said to be a servant – and to be humbled. Isn’t that sort of embodied in 1 Corinthians 13?

John 15:9-14 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
9 “As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love.
10 If you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commands and remain in His love.

11 “I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.
12 This is My command: Love one another as I have loved you.
13 No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.
14 You are My friends if you do what I command you.

This describes how Jesus loved us…laying down his life for us – his friends.

Now, here’s a bit of the twisted thinking of someone with PTSD –
I love my family and friends so much that I will take my own life to relieve the burden of me from their lives.

Yes, I still have those thoughts – especially when I am in the depressed or despair levels. When I am obviously too much of a burden because of my physical, mental, and emotional illnesses, I want to relieve them of those pressures. They have plenty! They don’t need me, therefore, why continue?

Because I have worked through the whole suicide thing, and I’ve become a bit more selfish – I won’t kill myself for anyone.

This took 40 years of work to get to this place – and it still comes up.
I still get confirmation that I am a burden – because my issues do not warrant conflict resolution, consideration of triggers, compassionate understanding, when it’s at the good or so so levels. When I’m suicidal – well, even then, there’s the sense that they don’t want to deal with it again. Making it feel like I really need to make sure that if there is every another time, it will be the last and final time.

I am not a productive member of society.
I’m not even a productive member of our family.
I’m not even a productive wife.

I am just living, existing, with no benefit to those around me.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. BUT WORDS CAN HURT. ACTIONS AND WORDS CAN BE DEADLY.

How fast? I’ve known the thoughts to come almost instantly during a request for help that goes unanswered.

INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS – Albert Einstein

The very saddest part of the person with PTSD, depression or any other mental illness is how often people tell them that they are there for them, but when they ask for help, there’s no answer. After a while, why bother. The actions prove they only had words – no actual concern for the person’s welfare.

Now, I can do the Pollyanna thing here and say of course those others have their own lives, and are not responsible for helping someone with mental illness.
I can say that other people are not responsible for my choices, my reactions, my responses – my suicide attempts.

But there are two sides of the coin.
When there are triggers that can be avoided by someone, out of respect, and they continue to repeat that action…do they actually care? If they know that a specific behavior can put someone into a severe depression, possibly self harm and suicide = don’t they have some responsibility?

If someone runs a red light, and hits another car, and kills the drive – they are held responsible.
Yes, it was the other drivers choice to be driving on that road at that time.
The other driver ignored warning signs – STOP signs – and hit the other person.
Who’s responsible?

Sometimes I need help.
Sometimes I need listened to.
Sometimes I need conflict resolution to erase the wounds from the past that keep coming up and poisoning my present, threatening my future.

Does anyone care?

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Advent – day 16 – Love

Today is Advent 16
Light the 16th candle

Advent 16

Advent 16

Ornaments:

Love wooden hearts

Love wooden hearts

Love nativity

Love nativity

Love – it is the first listed fruit of the Spirit in Gal 5:22-23

fruit of the spirit - sincerelysarad,com

fruit of the spirit – sincerelysarad,com

It’s something that grows from the Spirit inside.

God is love.
1 John 4:7-10

7Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. 10In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Love is evidence of being in Christ.
And Love is a verb – it is shown by actions: God shows us His Love!
John 3:16 for God so loved…that famous passage:

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

It is love that caused God to send his son to die for us.

A good man would not die for a friend…
Romans 5:6-7

6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

This is the great showing of love:

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We didn’t deserve it. We’d done nothing to earn it. God’s love was so full towards us that it overflowed to paying the price for us. And when the world tells me that I am unlovable, I just need to go to these passages and remind myself, God loves me.

We love because he first loved us(1 John 4:19) – without him, we do not understand unconditional love.

1 cor 13…This is love – written by Paul through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
First, he mentions doing good – but if I have not love, I am nothing.
Then, instructions:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails

Then a talk about growing – and the conclusion of the matter:

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

My take on this is that the greatest fruit to display is LOVE. and with this description, one can work on growing in love for their whole life!

Jesus was born on Christmas morn because God’s heart was torn.

There are several great passages above to read about God’s love. I am amazed whenever I think about His love towards me. In His love he forgives me and gives me second, third and upteenth chances, as long as I keep turning, honestly, to him. I don’t know what I would do without God’s loving hand in my life. It is his love that has pulled me out of suicide and depression. It is his love that has kept me here. It is sharing His love that gives me great joy! And I thank God for it daily.

Lord Jesus, please open my eyes to see the love you have for me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

More Advent Devotions

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi (with Jim, 12-8-1959 to 12-18-2020)
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Surgery Scuttlebutt, part six – surgery and recovery

I’m home! It’s been over two weeks since I’ve shared anything…and I wanted to share the update! Surgery was July 17th. I was in the hospital for 7 days.

If you don’t know what scuttlebutt is, please check out

Intro, part one, part two, part three and part four

If you want a great book to help you prepare for, and recover with, please check out Healing and Hope by Christine Carter. Tell her Christi sent you!

I finally got to Chapter 7. Adjust your lens.

The day before surgery, Jim took me to a very unique hotel, the Tudor Arms in Cleveland, Ohio…just down the road from the Cleveland Clinic.

I wanted to have a restful evening with my husband, and that is exactly what we did.

The outside of the hotel is beautiful.

The history of the hotel is amazing.

The entry was intriguing!


We loved the room.

We had a great supper,


And then we went exploring.
In the rooms that were for banquets and balls, there were details that were amazing, but when you stepped back, you could see the whole picture! Go to the website and look at the beautiful weddings!





 

The next day would be my surgery. This whole surgery scuttlebutt series has been how I could be focused upon the minutia of the issue, but instead, I have been encouraged to widen my focus to see the larger picture, and in that larger picture, I have seen the hand of God.

When I widen my focus, then, when I narrow down into the details, I can see God’s hand, even in the little things.
I was unaware of doing this, until I read chapter 7 – Adjust your lens.

Christine had been encouraging me to be intentional in my healing…via the book.

We must be intentional with our thoughts and expand our vision to include the full scenery we are leaving out.

Here are a few of the things that happened while in the hospital:

  • Our daughter Faith was able to be at the hospital with me because of a scheduling boon with her mother-in-law, making it possible to have the children babysat. She braided my hair after the surgery. Big Picture? LOVE!
  • A dear friend came to visit – and one night, it was so perfect because Jim was exhausted and he felt free to go to the hotel, since our friend Suzanne was there with me! The Big Picture? God will provide for our needs!
  • Jim’s cancer treatment got messed up and he had to have some medicine shipped, and it arrived the day after my surgery. Jim and I had forgotten my CPAP for recovery in the hospital. The day of the surgery, our daughter Faith had been asked to bring it, but she forgot. We were able to not make this detail a bit thing. God took these details, and the big picture was that Jim drove back home for the CPAP, was able to pick up his medicine and continue his treatment while staying at the hotel near the hospital! The Big Picture? God had it under control, with all of our frailties in mind, and the possibility that Jim would not have driven home for the medicine except that he needed to pick up the CPAP!
  • My first roommate was apparently a very angry person. I barely remember. Jim remembers her well. He was trying to figure out how he was going to get me transferred so that I was not with her yelling angry presence. She decided to get up, pack, and leave AMA – he says she walked out of the room, yelling, someone get here and take this IV out of my arm…I’m going home! Big Picture? I know that I felt bad for her, and was praying in my drugged state, but God had already made sure that I would have a peaceful room…the woman made her own choice to leave.
  • I had two other roommates during the 7 days, and as they were preparing to leave, they came over to my bedside and sat down and visited with me. I was drugged, so I have no idea why they became so friendly. the Big Picture? When you pray that you will be Christ like, sharing Christ’s love no matter what, people are drawn to you. Jim says that my character was gracious, compassionate and apologetic for bothering the nurses, even drugged.

From Help and Hope:

I finally discovered that if you can broaden your view – expanding the moments when your vision seems stuck – a massive shift in perspective happens.

When I think about my view, I think about this little house that God has provided us.
Out my bedroom window

Out the bay window….

On the swing and from the swing!

There are parks, and places that I can go to immerse myself in beauty. (these were taken on our 38th anniversary, less than one mile from our home!)

There are many other beautiful views…
My grandchildren, who love to come and say hi.
My friends on the internet that check on me daily, from all over the world.
I just have to look outside of myself – see the big picture, and then, I can drill down the focus and see the beauty of a butterfly, a vine ripe tomato plucked by my grandson, or a marigold that he brings me to cheer me up.

Looking at the big picture reminds me that

  • Even though there is pain…there is no infection.
  • Even though there is pain, there is no cancer.
  • Even though there is limited mobility, THERE IS MOBILITY!

The choice is to be grateful, to acknowledge my blessings, and then, my heart is content!

Isn’t that like looking at the stars and seeing HIS handiwork….

Psalm 19:1 King James Version (KJV)
19 The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.

and after reading the whole of Psalm 19, I drill down to MY response:

Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)
14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Part of adjusting my lens also deals with my mental illnesses – depression, PTSD, and anxiety. When I am in a ‘normal’ state, I feel – MUCH.
But I have been drugged…to help me not feel the pain.
I appreciate the “not feeling” pain, as much as the meds were able to help, but this also effects my emotional state, which is tied to the mental illnesses.

One of the concerns for this journey has been the chemical upset that the various medications will cause to my mental health. Even if one didn’t have mental illnesses, the normal mental person would have struggles with depression and being homebound and such. Therefore, we took measures to insure that I would not succumb to the enemy of my mind.

Just the other day, I read a blog by a dear lady that is also struggling with mental illnesses, and writes about her struggle. She opened my eyes to one of the things that I was experiencing…numbness. What is normal for us is to FEEL – BIG. Take that away, and we don’t feel alive. This can bring in some other issues, for me, such as cutting and bingeing…just to feel. These are some of my enemies.

Katie wrote Wait in the Middle, that so clearly explains this strange situation that effects those of us with emotional issues. I encourage you to go read this!

Back to the book, Help and Hope …I prepared.
I saw the big picture – I have illnesses that need medication.
I saw the big problem – without addressing it, I could relapse into suicidal depression.
I made small, detailed plans – meds were laid out for three weeks, photos of joy were put into photo albums, music to encourage was downloaded, a cd player was set up in my bedroom, and my medical providers were aware of the situation.

Have I had thoughts? not of suicide, Praise God – but I’ve started to have a pity party or two…and by being prepared, I was able to stop that party!
Have I gotten down? yes – and I started counting my blessings, because they were all around me…so the enemy couldn’t lie!
Have I had pain? Yes, and I was able to quote verse as things were being taken care of…to mentally handle the pain.

No matter where you find yourself in this journey, there are those that are willing to help!
In Surgery Scuttlebutt, part two, I talked about how I was afraid I’d be alone…and I have not been!

I hope that you have found something in my story to help you in yours. I have one more blog to share with you the various other things that I have learned…please stay tuned!

 
Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2018 Lent – Good Friday – 3/30

Lent Day 39 Good Friday

My Lenten Candles for Good Friday –

Lent Devotions
Lent Week Six started March 19
Lent Week Seven started with Palm Sunday, March 25.
These will be updated as the blogs are posted.

I’m so sorry for the delay – thank you for your patience with me as we prepare to move!

I’ve included two cards that I’ve created over the years for celebrating resurrection – you may print them and share them.
Music is listed later.

Scripture

Devotion

Ever since I was little and heard the story every year about Good Friday and that this was the day that we celebrated or remembered that Christ died on a cross, I often wondered why is it called Good Friday? I mean, seriously, Jesus had a very bad day!
Peter, James and John had a very bad day!
I think there were three Mary’s at the cross, and they were having a very bad day!
The only one that was having a good day could possibly be the thief on the cross that confessed his sins and asked Jesus to remember him and was promised while on the cross as he’s about to die that he would be with him in Paradise that day! That would be a good day!

I have nothing to say that has not already been said about Good Friday. Therefore, I’m just going to share my ways of celebrating! Of remembering.  So here are some of my favorite things to do remember the sacrifice that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ gave me 2018 years ago.

I often like to watch one of the movies that have been created about Christ’s life. I have favorites for Christmas and I have some favorites for the Good Friday and Easter

You can search for all sorts of these….just beware, you need to keep your bible handy!

I also like to take some time in the morning, since that’s traditionally when we remember the cross, and based on the timeline we’re given in Scripture, and spend quiet time focusing on the fullness of the sacrifice he’s given.

Sometimes, I choose to fast.

This year, I will be traveling with my husband, and I am sure that we will take time to remember and to give God thanks and Glory wherever we are.

Some blogs for meditation

What do all of these women and blog posts have in common? They Love the Lord Jesus, and are focusing on sharing that love through scripture, their giftings, and the word!

On top of these, I’m going to list my favorite music for contemplation and worship for Good Friday.
these first ones really get me….
Didn’t he – Randy Matthews
Watch the Lamb – Ray Botz
The Hammer – Ray Botz
Broken and Spilled Out – Steve Green
The Old Rugged Cross – Jim Nabors

Via dolorosa has a special place in my heart as my daughter Anna and I sang it together one year with the second verse her singing in English and me singing in Spanish.

and to the promise….
I’ll Rise Again – Dallas Holm
Behold the Lamb – Keith and Kristyn Getty
Jesus paid it all – Newsboys
we shall always be with the Lord – Ellie Holcomb

Prayer
Man of Sorrows – Ellie Holcomb

Some other music resources:
Salt of the sound has a listing of 28 songs,
They also have a lent set and an Easter set at their website.
Jesus walk has a great list that includes hymns
This worship together link includes Crowder’s forgiven, Chris tomlin’s God of Calvary and Hillsong’s Grace to Grace

My HEart
Jesus Rainbow –

Jesus Rainbow Poem

Jelly Beans –

Jelly Bean Poem

For years, as an Episcopalian, it was my obligation to attend Good Friday Mass.
Some Churches have Good Friday vigils.
Our church here in Orlando Florida have a mission work they are doing on Good Friday.
Whatever you can find to do to honor the Lord by your own sacrifice as a thank you, do it as unto the Lord!

If you do not understand the meaning behind this ghastly remembrance, I’d recommend that you go back up to Angel’s blog post about why, or check out one of these two links:
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Fourth Sunday of Lent – I Thirst

Lent Devotions
Lent Week Three – for Catch up.
Week four started March 11, and Week five starts March 18. I’m so sorry for the delay – thank you for your patience with me as we prepare to move!

Fourth Sunday of Lent
I thirst


Music

Ho Everyone that thirsteth – Sheri Yohe
(I like the version that we used to sing, but, it’s not available!)

Scripture

John 19:28-30 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
The Finished Work of Jesus
28 After this, when Jesus knew that everything was now accomplished that the Scripture might be fulfilled, He said, “I’m thirsty!” 29 A jar full of sour wine was sitting there; so they fixed a sponge full of sour wine on hyssop[a] and held it up to His mouth.

30 When Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” Then bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.

Devotion

Jesus was giving up his life, for us.
Jesus was suffering intensely, for us.
Jesus was dying, for us.

And he says “I Thirst”

I have been meditating upon these words, and I have found a blog that explains very nicely what I’d like to present.
Adam Hamilton’s Blog “I thirst”: More here than meets the eye.”

One that I was looking for was to what prophecy did this refer? Quoting from Adam Hamilton’s blog:

At the surface, Jesus’ words, “I thirst,” John tells us, lead to the fulfillment of Scripture. What Scripture did Jesus fulfill by making this statement? Most scholars think it is Psalm 69:21b: “For my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.” When he said he was thirsty and was offered wine vinegar, Jesus was pointing us back to this verse from Psalm 69. He was saying, “Look, what I’m doing now was written centuries ago. It is part of God’s plan that was set in place long before now.”

The others being his humanity – thirsting; His reference to the drinking his blood; his reference to HIMSELF drinking of the cup; and reference to the living water.

There is a comment on this blog that talks about some other symbolism in this event, written by anonymous. It gives some food for thought:

My friend, I’m sorry but I think you missed it. “as a sponge was dipped in wine vinegar, affixed to a stick and lifted up to Jesus.” That stick holds the key to the passage which John is talking about.
Numbers 19 is the laws for purification in which a Red Heifer (Jesus) is sacrificed outside the camp, then burned in a fire with cedar wood (the cross) scarlet yarn (the robe which was put on Jesus while they were mocking him) and hyssop (the very wood used to raise the wine to Jesus.) The ashes from that fire were mixed into water from a running water source (the hebrew for running water, moving water, and Living Water is the same). It was that water which was used to purify the parts of the tabernacle worship as well as to purify the people who were unclean from touching a dead thing, they would be washed on the third day and on the seventh day then at the beginning of the eighth or new day they would be clean and allowed back in the camp. This is all a picture of how Jesus sacrifice on the cross is for our purification.
When John says that Jesus was fulfilling Scripture it wasn’t a fulfillment of prophecy, an emphasis on His humanity, an expression of finishing his suffering, or that the Living Water had dried up, but it was actually a fulfillment of the Law.
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” Matthew 5:17

Even with this comment, I believe that Adam does a wonderful job of speaking to those concepts of this very passage, therefore, I’m going to speak to OUR thirst!

Isaiah 55:1-3 King James Version (KJV)
55 Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

2 Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.

3 Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David.

When Jesus spoke to the woman at the well, he talks about a different kind of water…one that would never leave you thirsting again.
There is talk in the Bible about fresh water and that from cisterns – and that some will choose cistern water over fresh.
When Jesus talks to the disciples, He warns them of false sheep – lions that seek to devour…to test the spirits.
There is TRUE water, and there is FALSE water.

What are we to thirst after?
First – WHY???
BECAUSE water is so vital to our life.
USGS says that our bodies are approximately 60% water.
A medical article says that the body us up to 75% water, and talks about the symptoms of dehydration.

Years ago, I was struggling with my own issues with dehydration.
My electrolytes would get out of whack, and I could not function.
I was missing the signs of dehydration – I was so far PAST thirst.

Dehydration is deadly – both physically, and spiritually. I compared the two!

We are to remember Jesus’s sacrifice by eating his flesh(bread) and drinking his blood (wine) – we are to remember, so that we continue to desire HIM.

Then WHAT are we to thirst after?
We are given a promise, if we thirst after righteousness:

Matthew 5:6 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
6 Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are blessed,
for they will be filled.

When Jesus speaks, even in a very seemingly simple phrase such as “I Thirst” – there is so much to be gathered from him. It was said of Elijah that not one word of his ever fell to the ground wasted. How much MORE the words of Jesus.

He was broken and spilled out for us…and as he was breathing his last words, he gave us a reminder…a proof text…and a promise…in one simple phrase – ‘I thirst’.

Broken and Spilled Out – Steve Green

Are we willing to be broken and spilled out?

Do we thirst to be filled with the living water by turning away from the worldly cisterns?

Do we remember daily the price with which we were purchased?

Prayer and Worship
Come to the Water – Matt Maher
Come to the Water – Paul Baloche
All Who are thirsty – Vineyard

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

A Day to Remember Love – a photographic journey


dedicated to my two greatest loves:

Jesus Christ – no photos please.

Jim Wildman

 

God gives me a check list for LOVE:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 English Standard Version (ESV)
4 Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant
5 or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
8 Love never ends.

God Inspires me to Love:

1 John 4:19 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
19 We love[a] because He first loved us.

Jesus Commands me to Love:

John 13:34-35 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

God enables me to LOVE

1 John 4:7-8 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Knowing God through Love
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

God Shows me how to Love:

1 John 4:9-12 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
9 God’s love was revealed among us in this way:
God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10 Love consists in this:
not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.
12 No one has ever seen God.
If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us.

God led me to MY LOVE:

Song of Solomon 3:4 King James Version (KJV)
4 It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go,

We were created for each other:

Genesis 2:23-24 King James Version (KJV)
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Jesus confirms that we have become ONE:

Matthew 19:4-6 King James Version (KJV)
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Paul Confirms we have become one.

Ephesians 5:31 King James Version (KJV)
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

 

 

 
And our marriage is to exemplify the coming marriage of Jesus and the church…..
Ephesians 5:22-32

 

Jesus is creating HIS bride!

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.

 

 

And, we are preparing for the GREAT WEDDING FEAST!

Revelation 19:7-8 King James Version (KJV)
7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.

 

I am so thankful that My Husband loves Jesus as much as I do.

I am so thankful that we will spend eternity together, celebrating the marriage supper of the Lamb!

Jim Wildman – it’s been a wild ride…but I’m so thankful it’s been with YOU! I Love YOU!
wrinkles, warts, scabs and scars….and all things that are beautiful, too!

 

Here’s some of our wedding and love songs:

AND

AND

I prefer Jim Wildman singing this! 😉

This version of Longer with scriptures added is very worshipful!

Maranatha kids – 1 John 4:7-8

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Morning Worship – Joyful Joyful – 2/1/2018

Joyful joyful we adore thee…

the lyrics….Oh my!

The Methodist church provides these lyrics:

Ode to Joy

I love the piano guys….and my favorite christmas carol is Joy to the world!

many years ago, in the midst of my darkest depression, I wrote Oil of Joy

Jesus – the core of my Joy!

https://youtu.be/iPeVIuRjUi4

The Lyrics to Jesu, Joy of Man’s desiring.

This is my confession – that I am responsible for my joy, by leaning on Jesus!

and here is my prayer:

and my profession of Faith

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 16:24 Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

The first named fruit of the spirit are LOVE, JOY, PEACE.
Love the Lord your God, and He will fill you with Joy, and in that Joy and Love, you will find Peace!

Philippians 4:7 English Standard Version (ESV)
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace!

Psalm 16:11 English Standard Version (ESV)
11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

We have access to HIS PRESENCE through Jesus Christ!

1 John 4:19 English Standard Version (ESV)
19 We love because he first loved us.

We are able to love, because HE LOVES US!

My husband sings this song to me when I am struggling with depression…and has song this to our children.

1 Corinthians 13: 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Galatians 5:22-23 English Standard Version (ESV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Because of HIS love, I can enter into His presence.
In His presence is the fullness of Joy.
He will keep me in perfect peace because, in His presence, my mind is stayed on HIM.
Confidence that HE will complete the work HE began gives me patience.
Because of HIS great love, I can treat others with kindness, goodness, gentleness.
Because HE is faithful, I am able to believe, by grace, and through HIM, I can be faithful!
Because He lives in Me, and by Him, I am dead to sin, I can grow in Self Control.

If this is not something worth rejoicing, I do not know what is!

And I found this lovely art piece from Jan Marvin Art of Joy!

Find Joy today!
 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Glimpses of Heaven – a Glimpse of Jesus

A Glimpse of Jesus

disclaimer –
I’m not saying that I WENT to heaven.
I’m not saying that THIS is what heaven looks like.
This is MY experience in response to a situation for which I was seeking God.
My intent is to offer comfort.

Back in the 1980’s, when we had five children, and didn’t know what we were doing. One night, our oldest son got sick. The ugly, throw up down the side of the bed, kind of sick. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I was having difficulties breathing, and I was lying down in my bed, on the other side of the house. I couldn’t move to help Jim with our son. Things kept coming into and out of view.
All of the sudden, I realized that I was walking on this beautiful green hill, with a beautiful blue sky above my head. The grass was the greenest green I’d ever seen. The river below me was babbling along, with that sweet sound of water just lazily flowing over round rocks, a musical sound that nothing can replicate. In the far distance were purple mountains rising up to meet the blue sky, with bits of white on the tops, mixing in with the white clouds so that it wasn’t obvious where the mountains ended and the clouds began.

“Hello, Christi” a warm, friendly voice spoke. The voice sounded familiar, but it almost didn’t sound at all. It was if everything, including me, resonated with this voice. I turned around.
“Jesus!” I exclaimed! “Where am I?”
“With me, child”

We seemed to take a walk, though we seemed to stay in one place. I thought I was moving, and yet, there was no effort, just a flowing, being, kind of movement. As we walked, I told Him of my concerns for my children, and them growing up to serve him. I told Him of my concerns about being good enough to be their mom. I told Him how I felt worthless as a woman, a wife, a mom and a child of God. I told Him how I felt I was failing Jim and Him.
He listened to all I said, and would interject loving words that seemed to wash away all of my concerns.

“Jesus – I have a question, please.”
“Yes…” He replied, looking me in the eyes, with more love that any mother ever had for her child.
“Am I dead? Is this heaven?”
“Almost, my dear. You are almost dead, but this is just outside of heaven.”
I started asking him questions, and I wasn’t bothered at all that I was mostly dead. I just loved hearing his voice, and feeling that love roll over me like a wave of the ocean on a warm summer day. I wanted to lie down in that green grass, feel the breeze flow over me, and enjoy the musical melody of the water. I don’t remember all that He told me, but for that period of time, nothing matter, except that I was with Jesus. I knew everything I needed to know, I feared nothing, and I was so full of love and joy that I thought I was going to burst!

As I was listening to Jesus, there came a buzz in my ear…like a mosquito that just won’t let you fall asleep. I started waving it off, and it got louder and louder. I didn’t even stop to grasp, why are there mosquitoes in heaven? I just kept swatting it away. I was getting annoyed!
I looked up at Jesus, about to ask why, and saw that He had this interesting, understanding grin on his face.
“christi” – I heard, as if it was far away, as if it were from someone on those mountains…someone yelling my name. The voice was pulling me away from standing there with Jesus. The voice was taking my attention away from focusing on Jesus and this beautiful place. It was if a pull that I could not control were trying to drag me away. I just wanted to be right there, in the sweet green grass, beside the still waters, and enjoy the restoring of my soul!
“Go away”
“Christi”
“Be Quiet!” I said…trying to wave off that pesky voice.
“Christi” – I heard it again, even louder. NOOOOOOooooooooo!

“Jesus, it’s Jim’s voice…why is he interrupting us? Doesn’t he know I’m with you? How dare he interrupt my time with You!”
“Yes, dear, he does. But he’s calling you back.”
“Jesus, NO – I don’t want to go back there…it’s beautiful here, YOU are here,” and I fell on my knees and begged him…tears falling down my cheeks.
“We agreed a long ago that if you called one of us home, we would not demand that they come back…doesn’t he remember that?”
Jesus took my hands in his, and smiled into my face. I could feel the warmth of His glory fall upon me.
“I haven’t call you home yet, my dear.”
As he wiped away my tears, He said,
“My child, you have to go back, he can’t raise the five children without you. He can’t make it without you.”
“Oh, Jesus – sure he can…he’s got the Bible, family and You…just let me stay here. They’ll be fine!”
“CHRistiiiii” – Jim’s voice was getting louder. I turned to see if he was walking up the hill to meet us.
“Lord – I want to stay here with you…please”
“I’m sorry, my child – it’s not your time to come here yet. You have work to do”

As Jim’s voice pulled me closer and closer…I realized that I was being pulled away from the presence of Jesus. It was like one of those sci-fi vortex things from which you cannot escape – crossing dimensions. I reached out for Jesus’ hands, but he was far, far away now, and was disappearing into the vision. The hills were just faded green, I could not smell the grass anymore. I couldn’t make out the mountains from the clouds anymore. The water was so distant, and so soft now that I could barely hear it. I was being pulled back, back to…..

“CHRISTIIII – COME BACK!”
I jerked, and looked up, and a female EMT was on top of me with her hands on my sternum. Her face was white, but a glimmer came across her face and she exclaimed
“We got her!”
I looked to my left, and Jim’s mouth was right at my ear – he’d been shouting in my ear the whole time.
I looked to my right, and saw another EMT, just as white as the first one, taking deep breaths.
“Good – “ and started rattling off those things EMT’s rattle off in emergencies.

I closed my eyes and tried to see the hills, the meadows, the mountains, the river…and Jesus.
They were gone.
The colors had faded.
The touch was gone.
The warmth of His glory was gone.
The peace of that quiet hillside was crashed with the noise of people, children, instructions, machines…and I don’t know what else. It was just loud.

“We thought we’d lost you” Jim said.
I don’t remember right now if I told him, or if I was even able to speak.
All I remember is that I had met with Jesus, seen a glimpse of heaven, and knew that heaven was my home.
All I knew was that I wanted to get back there.
And I knew that Jesus had told me that I was supposed to finish raising my five children.

But He left me with a memory:

Ps 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Phil 3:20
20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,

Matthew 4:17
17 From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

My heart was filled with a song that my husband, Jim, taught me:
This World is not My Home, three ways.

Have you had a talk with Jesus?

Have you felt His presence in YOUR life in times of struggle, or times of joy?

Have you been near death, and known that Jesus was with you?

please share your comments with me!

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

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