Tag Archives: Marriage

Back Off! She’s MINE! Guest Post by my daughter!

I am so blessed to have children that will repeat the Bible back to me…as adults…as in, making sure I stay on the straight and narrow.
My daughter, Faith, has inspired me in so many ways with her mothering skills, her Godly focus on her marriage and her calling, and her humility.
I am so honored to share her first blog with you!
~Christi

Marriage is such a very spectacular and amazing adventure. It isn’t like anything else that we can experience in this life. In no other situation to do you come in possession of a person and in turn become another person’s possession. Not in the terms of a thing or a slave, but in a very unique and incredible way this person belongs to you and only you.

Throughout our lives we will have relationships with people who are “our people”. My mother, my friend, my son, my daughter. But in those relationships your “ownership” of those people is not exclusive. My mother is not just my mother, she is also my brother’s and sister’s mother. My friend is also the friend of other people. You get the picture. I do not have exclusive rights to these people, I share them with others. Yes they are mine but they are also part of other people’s relationships that mirror mine.

Marriage is something else entirely, in marriage I give myself to you and you give yourself me, excluding all others. My rights are not sharable or transferrable to anyone. You are mine and I am yours. There is no one else. It is because of this that I believe Christ used marriage as an analogy for his relationship with us, “I am the Lord’s and He is mine.” He is MINE! Have you ever seen a movie scene or read a book where the girl says, “Back off, he’s taken.”? You have a right of possession, a right of jealousy if you will. The Lord says He is a jealous God, he wants our hearts to be His and His alone. It doesn’t just go one way either – you have a right of possession of God. He has given himself to you as your bridegroom.

As I walk through my life I know that my husband is there to back me up, straighten me out, and lift me up. Because I belong to him, he will protect me with everything in his power and take me where I need to go. How much more so with God! I have a right of possession of Him, He belongs to me and I can believe that He is walking beside me, behind me and ahead of me, every minute of my life, constantly available to me because He belongs to me. In turn because I belong to Christ He has possession of me and stands in the way when things will harm me. He pulls on me when I need pulled. He tells Satan, “Back off, she’s taken.” How powerful is that?! “Back off, she’s mine!”

Today as you go through life stand tall knowing that not only are you fearfully, and wonderfully made, not only are you a work worthy of God, but you have a knight, a defender, a protector. This God man is actively, tirelessly, and passionately standing in the gap for you, taking the heat for you, and showering you with more love than you could ever ask for. Walk strong today because he says to you, “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

~Faith Gibson
mother of three wonderful boys
husband to my favorite son-in-law~

She is a stay at home mom, who homeschools her oldest, while overseeing the younger two.
She has asked me to move into her backyard, so I will be able to enjoy her wisdom face-to-face from now on!
I also am looking forward to grandbaby hugs and kisses and giggles and squeals!
I also think I have the best son-in-law in the world!

We love this family so much….

If you do not know if the above is true for you, here are two resources:
Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

A Day to Remember Love – a photographic journey


dedicated to my two greatest loves:

Jesus Christ – no photos please.

Jim Wildman

 

God gives me a check list for LOVE:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 English Standard Version (ESV)
4 Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant
5 or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
8 Love never ends.

God Inspires me to Love:

1 John 4:19 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
19 We love[a] because He first loved us.

Jesus Commands me to Love:

John 13:34-35 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

God enables me to LOVE

1 John 4:7-8 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Knowing God through Love
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

God Shows me how to Love:

1 John 4:9-12 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
9 God’s love was revealed among us in this way:
God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10 Love consists in this:
not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.
12 No one has ever seen God.
If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us.

God led me to MY LOVE:

Song of Solomon 3:4 King James Version (KJV)
4 It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go,

We were created for each other:

Genesis 2:23-24 King James Version (KJV)
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Jesus confirms that we have become ONE:

Matthew 19:4-6 King James Version (KJV)
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Paul Confirms we have become one.

Ephesians 5:31 King James Version (KJV)
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

 

 

 
And our marriage is to exemplify the coming marriage of Jesus and the church…..
Ephesians 5:22-32

 

Jesus is creating HIS bride!

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.

 

 

And, we are preparing for the GREAT WEDDING FEAST!

Revelation 19:7-8 King James Version (KJV)
7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.

 

I am so thankful that My Husband loves Jesus as much as I do.

I am so thankful that we will spend eternity together, celebrating the marriage supper of the Lamb!

Jim Wildman – it’s been a wild ride…but I’m so thankful it’s been with YOU! I Love YOU!
wrinkles, warts, scabs and scars….and all things that are beautiful, too!

 

Here’s some of our wedding and love songs:

AND

AND

I prefer Jim Wildman singing this! 😉

This version of Longer with scriptures added is very worshipful!

Maranatha kids – 1 John 4:7-8

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2018 first 100 days – day 3 – Priority to Love

I started this year with wondering what my word 2018 would be.

I was impressed with “the time is short” and “the end is near”.
My question to Jesus was “for what?”
His answer was “to be like me”.
My first thought was – does that mean my word for this year is “JESUS?”
Can’t be…that’s so WWJD, and cliche’.
I couldn’t pick a WORD last year, either…basically, I got a verse!

This year, I keep getting VERSES…and the word Jesus just keeps popping up!
And I kept refusing it (ok, today is only Jan 3, and I started this after Christmas, so I haven’t been sinning quite that long…it just feels like it!)

Then, yesterday, dear Ann Voscamp wrote her word for the year. Jesus.

Great – now it’s going to look like my obedience is actually imitating Ann Voscamp!
I can see it now…all those bracelets with the name JESUS on them…everyone wearing them….

GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!
HOW GREAT WOULD 2018 BE IF EVERYONE FOCUSED UPON BEING LIKE JESUS???
Ok, attitude checked.
Repentance requested, Forgiveness received.
Moving forward!

My focus this year – is BE LIKE JESUS.
And, yes, my memory word will be…..

And, today, I’m working on my priorities to be like Jesus…#5.

  1. Praise
  2. Prayer
  3. Promises (Bible READING – PRAISE FOR THE PROMISES)
  4. Purpose (writing)
  5. Priorities(those things that God brings to mind each day – family, self care, others, etc.)

Priorities – THOSE THINGS THAT GOD BRINGS TO MIND EACH DAY
Last night, God brought to mind that my husband said something very sweet to me:

Your hair is aging very lovely

I have had years of getting strange types of comments from my husband.
He has a different way of expressing himself than most.
Because of that, I’ve not accepted many of the compliments he gives me.
There is also the issue of horrible self worth, negative self talk, and all those self-condemning voices in my head that out number and out yell him!

This time…THIS TIME…I heard Jesus whisper…listen.

What is he saying?
He likes my long hair – even if I feel it’s stringy
He likes my grey hair – even if I keep trying to convince myself they are tinsel!
He likes my hair, as it’s aging, and he’s not hankering for the day when my hair was young, fresh and …well, I’ve never been happy with my hair! He, on the other hand, has loved my hair from the start!
In fact, it was my hair that almost gave away that he intended to marry me!

Story time:
It was 1979. I’d been out of the Navy for a couple of months. Therefore, I could let my hair grow!

 

I went to dinner with my best friend, Jim – my bible buddy.
He looked across the diner table and said “are you letting your hair grow?”
“yes” I replied…we talked about anything and everything, so this was not strange.


“Great, I always wanted a wife with long hair”

WAIT! WHAT???
My immediate reaction was “I’ll never marry you, it would ruin our friendship!”
Little did I know how close that was to prophecy!
Understand, I was reacting out of the mouth of a child of divorce…I didn’t know married couples could be friends!
Besides, he was the guy I asked about all the other guys that were proposing to me…”is this the one?” “No, I don’t think he is the one”

Hmmm, all along, he had ulterior motives! And, one year later, give or take a month – we were married!

 
So, a comment about my hair goes all the way to the beginning.
GOD wanted me to HEAR Jim’s heart! And I felt loved.
My love languages are quality time and words of affirmation.
His aren’t. hahaha! Isn’t that about the truth for most of everyone?
I need to hear HIS words, trying to speak to me in MY language.

Now, what does this have to do with what God led me to do today?
Remember my word for the year…yep – Jesus.

Colossians 3:23-24King James Version (KJV)
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Ministering to MY husband.
Guess what HIS love languages are?
Acts of Service and Physical Touch…
These are troubling for me for several reasons.

  • I don’t do the hold on until we melt into each other hugs…they are vulnerable.
  • I have physical issues that make hugging painful.
  • We used to live in a cold environment – and kissing too much caused chapped lips.
  • I have physical issues that cause me pain when I do cleaning, decorating, moving – acts of service.

Those who have followed this blog for any length of time, know that I am a broken mess!

I want love, but I’m afraid of it.
I want trust, but I’m afraid to trust.
I want peace, but I’m afraid…period.

So, God told me to listen to the words my husband said – so that I could hear love.
And this morning, God pointed out something that blesses Jim.
He asked me to do it way back in the beginning.
Many life organizers list it as one of the first things to do in the day.
I did it every day in the Navy boot camp – on the top bunk(and I’m short).
WHAT IS IT?
MAKE THE BED!

Yes, something my mom was always telling me how to do.
So, I know the nurses way to make a bed(yes, with flat sheet corners)
I know the Navy way to make a bed (and, no, the quarter didn’t have to bounce, but the top of the bottom sheet and the roll down of the top sheet both had to be 7 inches exactly. the distance between my thumb and my little finger spread out is almost exactly 7 inches).


I know the OCD way – lines must be straight, each side must be exactly the same distance…
I’m learning the ‘IT’S OK TO BE REAL’ way…here’s today’s work:

I lost one of the shams when I was matching colors for the house.
The pillows should not be showing…but I don’t have the strength to pull the quilt up further.
I never intended to have that many sleeping pillows on the bed…and, interestingly enough, I have a similar colored bed at our daughters, with cute extra pillows that the dog loves to walk around with!
I even cleaned up the dresser before taking a photo…
and I can go on and on and on about how this is not up to my standards.

But it is…IT IS…up to my dear husband’s standards!
THIS blesses him.
Actually, me just pulling it up and straightening a bit blesses him.

I get hung up on doing this as unto the Lord, therefore it needs to be perfect.
You know that verse?

Matthew 5:48King James Version (KJV)
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

or this one?

1 Peter 1:15-17King James Version (KJV)
15 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;
16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

I get so hung up on doing something perfect, or being holy about doing something…that I just don’t.
a quote from my earthly father:

If I can’t do it right, it’s not worth doing.

I do know that neither my earthly nor heavenly father meant for me to just quit.
I do know that OCD, anxiety, and such are Giants in my Land that I need to slay.
I do know that pain prevents me from doing some of the bigger, more impressing things I used to do for my husband(moving whole rooms while he was gone..yeah, that’s not happening anymore!).

What I needed to learn – from listening to God tell me to LISTEN to my husband’s attempt to speak my language was that I don’t have to be perfect in result…I just have to perfectly try.

Language – several years ago, I made a trip to Germany.
I created a cheat sheet of some words I thought I might need to say.
I listened to some of those language trainers to get a feel for the sound.
I was told that the nationals would be offended by me trying to speak their language without getting it right.
My experience? 100% of the time, I might get a smile, but I always got a very warm thank you, and an attempt to communicate – even if they knew no English.

I don’t speak Jim’s love languages.
Jim doesn’t speak mine.
We are as different as black and white, cold and hot, wet and dry…etc.
We’ve been hung up on the other speaking our language.
I’VE been hung up on JIM speaking MY language – and my inability to DO things…or be touched, as a failure as a wife.

I’m not perfect.
Jim’s not perfect.
Jesus IS perfect…and I don’t believe he expects me to BE PERFECT – NOT AS HIM….BUT AS THE FATHER!
And yes, there are plenty of Bible studies about this…and the word meaning and such.
But, I’m simple…this is what the Bible says…and I know that one of Jesus’s love languages is GRACE!!!

Jesus doesn’t ask me to speak the language myself.
He will be my cheat sheet!

He’s commanded me to Love!

John 13:34-35English Standard Version (ESV)
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Because HE IS LOVE!
Therefore, if I let Jesus reign in me, work on being like Jesus – I will be able to speak Jesus’s love languages of LOVE, GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, LONGSUFFERING….you get the point!
Because of JESUS in me – I can love.

1 John 4:19English Standard Version (ESV)
19 We love because he first loved us.

1 John 3:1
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

and of course:

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8English Standard Version (ESV)
8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus asks me to Love my husband.
yes, there are others, too.

If Jesus can choose to come and die for me, while I am yet a sinner, because HE LOVED ME…THE FATHER LOVED ME, THE HOLY SPIRIT even chose to MOVE ME BY GRACE…then to be like Jesus – surely I can love one that is not as ugly to me as my sin was to MY FATHER.

AND surely I can extend grace to my human husband(I have no other), as he attempts to speak love to me.

I made our bed today.
Jim – I love you, and Jesus Loves You! Thank you for loving me, too!

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission.
The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, follow me on Pinterest, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2017 My One Word – #mydays – wk6day6

Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

This is my insight for today – seeking wisdom from the Lord, and from my daily writing via 750words

marriage is conflict and anyone that says different has something to sell…

My spiritual growth and ministry is tied to his, and whether or not he decides to move forward, to prune himself, or place us in the position to be pruned – we are a tree that has been knit together at marriage…
my poison from the past is sucked up into his branches and effects him
his poison from the past is sucked up into my branches and effects me.
pruning our own part of the tree is important…but whacking off the branches of the other, is not good.
pruning is good, whacking off is bad.
especially if it exposes the other to the elements without protection.

but when there are broken branches, they need to be cut off…or bound up…and then, a protective coating put upon them in order to protect against poison and invaders.
when too many broken branches are allowed to rot because of fear of pruning, the rot starts going down the tree, and going into the roots.
so if there is poison going up the tree from roots, or not planted in good soil…the poison meets.
if the roots are not intimately drinking up the relationship with the soil, they dry up, and are going to get diseased from the inside.
if the joined tree…which has become intimately dependent upon the other tree ..draws up the rot, the sickness, poison…then, it, too will die.
Be not unequally yoked.

The thing is –

Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiasts 4:11 is nice, too!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Actually – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
fits here completely!

9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

A prayer for marriage should be:

Colosians 2:2-3
2 My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ,
3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Romans 15:5-6
5 Now may the God of endurance and encouragement grant you harmony with one another in Christ Jesus, 6so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

There are dangers of being married…especially if unequally yoked.
But there are blessings to be enjoyed as well…

Marriage is the analogy, of the mystery of the Godhead, and the mystery of Christ and the church.
if Paul couldn’t understand it, I certainly cannot.

There is a warning to those looking to be fulfilled in another.
the OTHER is Christ Jesus.
Then, you can intertwine your lives, and create and even stronger, more beautiful tree.

M. Christine Wildman, (c)2017, all rights reserved.

I find it interesting that in Jan 2016, I wrote about marriage tools!
I followed that with marriage tools 2.
In February, I wrote another about marriage.
Apparently, there is much to be learned about marriage – at least for us!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission.
The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

2016 word for the year – Prepare – your marriage

Marriage thoughts in the Valentine’s month. Of Course!
I know it’s trite – February being Valentines month(well, the first half is full price, the second is 50% off!).
Marriage is always 100%.
Sometimes it’s 150% depending on the circumstances, and events.
It never goes on sale, and the cost is never reduced. Everything. It costs everything!

There is only one relationship that merits more effort, more focus, more devotion, and more commitment. That, of course, is your relationship with Jesus Christ. Honestly, I have no idea how someone can make a marriage work without being able to lean upon an omniscient, omnipotent, all compassionate Lord.

I wrote twice so far about marriage:
Marriage tools 1
Marriage tools 2
These will help to fix a broken marriage. These came out of our time at the Smalley Institute’s Marriage Intensive REIGNITE based upon the book DNA of Relationships.

The best idea is to prepare your marriage before you get married, and Jim and I truly did.

  • We went through two premarriage counseling sessions,
  • and we spent the 9 months between engagement and wedding separated by states(Jim was at Purdue, I was working in my hometown).
  • We traded notes from our individual church services,
  • and when we were together, we were attending the fellowship where we met.
  • In fact, we were both baptized in the same river, out back from the Barn!
  • Our first time together was based around being late to a summer retreat, and we both needed to catch up on the Bible Studies.
  • After we caught up, we just continued to do them together.
  • We abstained until marriage(though we were unwise in some necking)
  • We researched marriage traditions, and threw out the occult ones, and made our wedding an evangelistic event, sharing our faith.
  • Once married, We attended churches that were preaching solid Bible,
  • and we did our own Bible Studies.
  • We prayed together nightly, and at every meal, even in public before it was “cool” to do so as Christian.

But shortly after our wedding, I knew something was wrong.
I think Jim did, too. We could not discuss things that were crucial to the running of a partnership. We didn’t realize it then, but we were butting heads and we didn’t know why. It didn’t help that in the first 10 years of our marriage,

  • two parents died(one in the first month),
  • and I was pregnant or nursing 5 babies and two miscarriages from 1981 to 1988.(five babies in 6 years)
  • Then, I had major surgery – and health issues started.
  • STRESS!
  • Jim left Purdue and the degree he was focused upon,
  • worked in various entry level jobs,
  • found a new love(computers),
  • went back to school full time,
  • and of course, there were money issues. Always money issues.

And we still couldn’t communicate!
WHY???

We didn’t know how to prepare our marriage from the beginning – and in the midst of the storms of life, the holes in our marriage ship were not getting the attention they deserved. We were sinking.

We got a hand with Marriage Encounter – we found out that we were really thinking the same thing, but we couldn’t communicate it verbally. Unfortunately, life hit us and we never had the chance to really learn the technique.

Health issues with me, with the children, and money just slipping through our hands, and we were at our wits end.

We were both counseled over and over to leave the other. Again, no help to stay together, no help on how to listen and communicate.

My heart started to change once I realized that Jim spoke a different language(Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman), and that He was a different animal(The treasure Tree, by Gary Smalley and John Trent) Two Sides of Love is the adult version.
Jim read books by Douglas Wilson that affirmed his position in the marriage. But we also got a lot of bad information from errors preached from the pulpit, and our own wounds and personalities.

We are opposites in every way. No matter what test is done on us, other than confirming that Jesus Christ is Lord of our life, we are opposites! I’m not going to list them all here. Let’s just leave it that we’ve been told by pastors that we should never have married! THANKS for the help!

After one particularly hard time, I drew this to ilustrate what was going on in our marriage. We are like onions (thanks Shrek!), and we are under attack.

opposite hearts

opposite hearts

We wanted a marriage based upon our love for Jesus Christ, but our flesh and the attacks of our life were just dragging us down. Our marriage did not have the preparation it needed, and our foundation was badly shaken.

Prepare for your marriage, and prepare your marriage for storms!

  1. base you marriage on the word of God

    2. are you going to follow the word, and not divorce?
    are you going to commit, covenant, before GOD that you will do all in your power to make this work? easy to say on day one, but it’s crucial, and this is the #1 key that has kept Jim and I together!

  2. base your faith on the word of God

    3. Your walk with God is more important than your marriage. and it is most important that you walk with God FOR your marriage.

  3. base your relationship on the word of God

    4. This sounds very obvious, but this is one that we did not do.

    • Love one another as I have loved you!
    • Esteem one another more highly than yourself
    • Submit to one another
    • Love thy neighbor as thy self
    • Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
    • If we live by the Spirit, let is also walk in the Spirit(Gal 5)
    • 1 Corinthians 13
    • Matthew 5, 6, 7
    • Love your enemies (yes, this one applies sometimes!)
  4. Base your communication upon understanding of each other

    5. This is where learn each other’s love languages comes into play.
    This is also where The DNA of relationships, and the Smalley Marriage Intensive comes into play. LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE!

  5. Base the fight on KNOWING WHO THE ENEMY IS! AND ISN’T!

    6. There was a reason that you were married. You weren’t in competition. It was you and me against the World! you and me became WE!
    It is the enemy of the saints that prowls around looking for whom he can destroy – to steal, kill and destroy. JOIN FORCES AGAINST HIM!

  6. LOVE ONE ANOTHER

    7. Here is my favorite prayer template for 1 Cor 13

    Love Check up, from Sylvia Gunter, The Father's Business

    Love Check up, from Sylvia Gunter, The Father’s Business

    This booklet has taught me how to check my own heart, and there are many prayers for the family in this booklet.

    Prayer Portions for the Family

    Prayer Portions for the Family

    It is available at The Father’s business for only $7! and no, I don’t get anything for posting this!

  7. Base your focus upon PRAYING for your spouse

    8. That little book has a wonderful set of prayers for your spouse and your children.
    Of course, there are many options for praying for your spouse online now. Just do it.

  8. Base your own walk upon Confessing your own SIN

    9. Oh, this was hard!
    If there is nothing you can think to confess, go through 1 cor 13, or Gal 5 and ask yourself “have I been loving, patient, kind…?”

    • Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God – and he will lift you up in His time!
    • Confess your sins one to another that you may be healed!
    • and then there’s 1 John…how can you say you love God whom you have not seen and you do not love your brother(sister)that you have seen!

    Very difficult to not be humbled when you prepare your heart to pray.

  9. Base your communications upon FORGIVENESS

    10. Matt 6:14-15

    For if you forgive other people when they sin agaisnt you, your HEAVENLY fATHER WILL ALSO FORGIVE YOU. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

    OUCH!! This is an eternal, life and death issue!
    and shouldn’t it be clearly practiced in our homes?

We should be examples to the world.
John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

February has been a consistently hard month for our marriage. There are reasons, but, I’m not going to share them here!
This February, I learned much about preparing for storms that would attack our security in marriage. I utilized these tools above, as well as some fasting and prayer, as spoken of by Jesus(Matt 17:21), and Isaiah(Is 58:6), to set the captives free.

Honestly, the biggest issues in our marriage has been being captive to our past, our personalities, our family culture, and our love languages. As we’ve worked through issues, we have focused on the Truth. And God promises that the truth shall set us free(John 8:32)!

Enjoy this song by Sanctus Real, and the story behind it!

Me and My Love

Me and My Love

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank Blue Letter Bible and Bible Gateway for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries

2016 Word of the Year – Prepare – Marriage tools 2

I wrote recently about how God is preparing our marriage for, well, whatever. We started repairing our marriage by attending a Smalley Institute Marriage Intensive. I shared some marriage tools in Marriage Tools 1.

I admit, I did not think that this was going to work for us. I was, however, compelled(by my commitment, and by God’s constant reminding) to do my part. We were instructed to pray 1 Cor 13, personalized for the two of us. Like this:

4 Love is patient,
I will love Jim.
I will be patient with Jim

love is kind.
I will be kind to Jim.

It does not envy,
I will not be envious or jealous of Jim.

it does not boast,
I will not boast to Jim.

it is not proud.
I will humble myself before God and with Jim.

And so on….
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

This is the NIV version.
The other versions have some additional twists….like verse 5 in KJV!

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Here’s CEB:

4 Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant,
5 it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints,
6 it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth.
7 Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.

Here is the version that will give me the most challenge:
Amplified Version:

4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant.
5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.
6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail].
7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [it never fades nor ends].

I confess, I tried to get out of this assignment by pleading to go back to Galatians 5:22-23. But the Amplified Version really convicted me:

22 But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.

“the result of His presence within us”
“unselfish concern for others”

Those amplifications of being in the Spirit and love really threw me back to this assignment – praying 1 Cor 13:4-8 over Jim, as I confessed and asked God for grace and mercy to follow His path.

What happened?
I changed.
I have heard so often that if you pray for someone, you will love them more. Yeah yeah yeah! I pray for Jim – and not for him to change. That wasn’t changing me!
This changed me.

Try it.
I dare you!

Praying God’s word is powerful…especially if you are praying it over yourself!
Warning! This could change you forever!

Me and My Love

Me and My Love

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank Blue Letter Bible and Bible Gateway for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries

2016 Word of the Year – Prepare – Marriage tools 1

This year, God has put the word PREPARE upon my heart for meditation.

  • Prepare ye the way of the Lord – as John the Baptist cried out.
  • Prepare for the storm/battle ahead – as in put on the full armor of God, as Paul exhorted the Ephesians.
  • Prepare to give an accounting for your days – as in Teach me to number my days that I may apply my heart to wisdom.

This journey is not mine alone, because I am not alone. I have been married to my husband for almost 36 years(this year). While we will stand alone before the Lord to give an accounting of our lives for Him, we do walk in this life together. What happens to me, effects him, and vice versa.

This past week, we have attended a Marriage Intensive, through the ministry of Michael and Amy Smalley. There is an online course, ReIgnite your Marriage. We decided to take a trip to the Houston, Texas area, and do one in real life. Our coach, Gil Martin, was amazing, and very well versed in the material, as well as the Life handbook, the Bible. I’m not going to tell you that it was easy. I’m not even going to tell you that Jim and I got all of our issues taken care of in this three day, 8 hours a day, session. What I can say is that these principles are based upon the Rock of Jesus Christ, and even basic conflict resolution skills and communication skills, but applied to the person in your life that can most easily get under your skin.

What I can also say is that this is preparation to move forward in our marriage. We’ve been given the tools. We’ve been pointed to the one that loves us enough to die for us, and asks us to live love for each other. By God’s grace, we can learn to move past 36 years of disconnection, and move together in HIS direction.

But that’s not what this blog is about.
As we were working through some of the material, I remembered one of the tools that Jim and I came up with years ago, and it helped us to connect. Why we stopped is probably why everyone stops doing something that works with their spouse – someone got angry, someone got hurt, and neither one knew how to get out of that cycle. While we did use this tool, we were growing together.

I’d like to share this tool with you.
P-R-A-I-S-E

  • First, we purchased a spiral notebook. I picked out some cutsey ones that had hearts on them, somewhere near valentines day.
  • Second, we chose individual colors. My color is blue, and Jim’s is red.
  • Then, we set aside time to meet over breakfast each morning.

P-PRAISE (GOD)

blue – Praise God from whom all blessings flow
I read mine to Jim.

red – Praise God who blesses us with every good thing
Jim reads his to me.
if there are questions, here is where we ask them.
(sometimes this gets even more specific, but this is the idea)

R-REVELATION (WHAT HAS GOD BROUGHT TO YOUR HEART TODAY?)

blue – Ps 15 talks about who shall abide in God’s tabernacle, ending with “He that doeth these things shall not be moved” while Ps 16 starts with “Preserve me O God; for in thee do I put my trust!” Even though the Psalmist was given a list of things with a promise, he knew he had to cry out for grace and help from God!

red – Ps 1 progression. blessed is the man that
walketh not – community circles
standeth not – social circles
sitteth not – at home

A-APPRECIATION (OF YOUR SPOUSE)

blue – thank you for coming to this intensive
red – thank you for giving me time to lie down

I-INFORMATION (SOMETHING THAT WE BOTH NEED TO KNOW)

blue – the spot on my neck is causing some headache pain
I have appointments almost everyday next week
we are meeting our friends sat at 8:30am

red – I have trips in the middle of the week
I have a presentation to prepare for
I need to study to retake a test

S-SUPPLICATION (PRAYER REQUESTS TO SHARE)

blue – healing for our ‘son’ in Ethiopia
prayers for friends dealing with cancer
Faith’s pregnancy and birth and plans

red – healing
tests
travel

E-EXALTATION (A SONG THAT THE LORD LAYS UPON OUR HEARTS)

blue – he that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high
shall abide under the shadow of the almighty…

red – the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delights in his way…

Once we have shared back and forth, we then go to prayer together over the prayer requests, and any others. When we are done, we sing praises to God with the songs He laid upon our hearts.

This can take as long as an hour(I don’t think it ever has) and as short as 20 minutes or less.

There are so many way that this connects the two of us, and keeps us on at least a close similar page.

True confession – once Jim started traveling for his job, 3+ years ago, I was inflexible about how we would do PRAISE.
We tried it via email, but I missed the interactive part, and seriously, I wanted the pretty colored pages in the book for remembrance.
Via the phone didn’t work for me, because I really wanted to look into his eyes, and wanted him to look into my eyes!
Jim has worked on setting up video chatting, and really, that didn’t work so well until recently, with technological advances.

In order for this to work, both people need to disconnect from other things, and focus upon each other. That means, no computer, no tv, and no phone unless that is the device for the discussion!

This is just our take on various other versions of how to sit down and talk.

We’ve been to Marriage Encounter – and tried to learn to dialogue – but never got the follow up group, and we just never seemed to figure that out.

In this Smalley Intensive, they talk about LOVE talk.

There are many tools out there to teach conflict resolution, negotiation, communication, and respect. Pick one. Try it.

But understand, you are preparing for battle, and a storm is coming.
You aren’t battling your spouse,
but you are entering into battle with the one that comes to steal, kill and destroy.
Gather up some tools.
Practice.
and be PREPARED!

Me and My Love

Me and My Love

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank Blue Letter Bible and Bible Gateway for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries