Tag Archives: Midnight Musings

Midnight Musings – I do not understand 3/25/18

I do not Understand

By M. Christine Wildman, copyright 2018 – all rights reserved without permission.

I do not understand
How God can give me a plan
And allow me to withstand
Pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How God can send a call
Add I tried to give my all
In pain uncontrollable

How can I be
The type of she
To honor he
With pain uncontrollable?

I do not understand
Though I confess my sin
And the spirit is within
Yet pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How to walk by faith
And yet not disgrace
By pain uncontrollable

I want to speak the words
I want to write the verse
His glory be immersed
But pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
How I am in his plan
When I can barely stand
For pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
Why God does not heal
My fruit the devil steals
Because of pain uncontrollable

How do I Rise
Without a lie
Knowing by his stripes
I am healed?

Yet in my pain
I feel such a shame
There is no gain
In pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
Yet David did decree
That though he could not see
God’s hand in Victory

David still declared
And almost he did dare
God’s promises that were shared
To be undeniable

I do not understand
God’s purpose or his plan
Please Lord hold my hand
Through pain inconceivable

I don’t like pills
I don’t like drugs
My Saviour bought
Healing on the cross

So why is there pain
That hinders God’s plan
For me to be more
Then pain undeniable

I don’t have an answer
I don’t have a clue
But I know there are blessings
I have just from you

It isn’t the pain
But causes me grief
It’s the job that you asked me
To do for your sheep

I know you are mighty
You are the all knowing
Each name that you’ve given
Your character is showing

I know you are able
I know you are here
But the difficulty comes
With guidance unclear

I do not understand
Why you called me to write
Then allowed me the trial
Of pain uncontrollable

I do not understand
I do not comprehend
But I know My Savior Lives
On that I can depend

And like the three young children
Said to the king of old
You’re able to deliver
But if not, I will hold

You are the Great Vine dresser
You are the giving King
My gifts are in your service
This pain, disrupting

Speak to me dear father
Guide me Holy Spirit
Leave me dear Lord Jesus
All to you to give it

You give me plans to follow
Then add a unique twist
Then double down with sickness
And pain does always exist

I know my pain is nothing
Compared to what you bore
But Lord your pain if ended
When the Temple curtain was torn

I’m sorry Lord for Grumbling
I am sorry that I whine
I want to serve you Faithfully
Until the end of time

But I do not understand
How this can be your plans
No matter how I stand
Pain all encompassing

I spoke to the devil
In Jesus name
I said Stand Down
I now see your game!

I Now understand
The enemy’s plans
To have me lay down
To say that I can’t

I said devil Stand Down
Release me my peace
Or staying awake
I’ll Proclaim in speech

Jesus is Lord
And I will not deny
His love and His glory
So give up, or I’ll try

With the gift of pain
I’ll stay up and write
And declare his name
In darkness, His light

I drew near to Jesus
I humble myself
I begged him for help
He poured out his wealth

The treasures of Heaven
Of Peace So Sublime
Love, Grace and mercy
From him, these are mine

The devil stood down
The pain did subside
While praying for you
My Lord sleep did provide

Oh sweet Jesus, my Lord
Into your name I hide
And you never leave me
You are right by my side

My gethsemane moment
My Cries in the night
Into my darkness
You shown your bright light!

Spirits engrave
On my heart from this night
The victory of Christ
Of my soul’s true Delight

For I lay down my head
At my Shepherds pierced feet
And the sleep that he gave me
Was so pure and so sweet

Now I understand
A little? And in part?
The point of the pain
As training my heart

I was being a victim
I was suffering by hours
Until the Lord showed me
He is giving me power!

I am more than a warrior
I am more than a voice
I am a Victor in Jesus
If I just make the choice

To remember what happened
On a cross long ago
How is death set free captives
How his life frees us so

Death your Concord
Pain you must cease
The work of the Kingdom
It’s what brings relief

We do have an enemy
Who roars at us so
But abiding in Jesus
Puts me in the know

Now I do understand
A part of God’s plan
Peace my story
In pain I can stand

The name of Jesus
A strong tower it is
The righteous run to him
He declares I am his

By standing on ground
That’s already been won
I lay down in Green Pastures
As he sings me his song

“I love you dear Christi,
And I always will stay
Close by you forever
And here when you pray”

If knowing my Jesus
Comes out of my pain
And bring on the Storm
I shall not be the same!

MCWildman (c) 2018

For More of these, go to Midnight Musings

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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Midnight Musings – The Cry of My heart – February 2, 2018

The cry MY the heart

by MCWildman

The Cry of the heart, The tear of the eye
Depression does start Though I think it’s not nigh.

I’m laughing and singing And praising the Lord
When all of the sudden My mind becomes torn.

I can find no reason, I can find no rhyme
I can’t even predict If there’ll be a next time.

The joy of the Lord it is my strength
But the truth be told Sometimes I am too weak

I know all the tools, I have Bible plans
Then I feel like a fool that is trying to stand.

It’s not on my own feet Upon which I stand
For I know and can see They are just sinking sand.

No words from a Sage, No songs from a poet
no silly do Dilly’s From memes that do show it

The cliches are so tired, The phrases so old
How I hate how I’m wired, How I hate this dark cold

I know this shall pass, I know it will end
But right in the moment for my life I do fend

I do not wish To take my own life
But I get so tired Of overwhelming strife

And then there’s the pain That no one can find
Just sad looks from the the ones that are kind

The loneliness bogs Me down to my knees
And I pray my dear God Deliver me please.

What is the thorn In the Flesh do I ask?
I don’t know that I’m up for this task!

I know that your glory will shine on me
The day that your face I will joyfully see.

The light of your face will break through all the dark
And the worth of these trials will be known in my heart.

But tonight, oh dear Jesus, please give me a sign
Please help me to know that you’ll hold me as thine.

I believe in you Lord and I trust that you’ll stay
And complete the work that you began on that day

It’s nothing of me that can do your good work
There’s no hope for me except in You, Lord

My heart it is struggling
my mind is confused
But I know I believe
And my trust is in you.

The darkness will cease, the pain has an end
As long as I believe, will my soul comprehend?

Oh Silent Night, oh distance song
Angels, please sing to me all the night long

Tell me of Jesus, tell me of he, who gave of his life that living I’d be

No pain is too great, of heart mind or soul
To equal the cross and that took its toll

You did that for me and I didn’t believe
But now that I do I can only receive
joy for my sorrow, peace for my pain
Love for my heartache, Grace for my shame

Truth has two edges, love has two sides
thy kingdom shall be in the sweet by-and-by

And when that day comes I will be ever thrilled
To stand in your presence sing to you still

So sing in the Darkness, laugh at the pain
For this is all Shadows of what I will gain!

No Darkness can take my salvation from me
no depression can Steal My Hope for to see

as it was in the beginning, is now and it shall be
World Without End ruled by God the almighty.
(c)2018 MCWildman

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.
Some artwork is from FreeClipArt Library. copyrights belong to them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Midnight Musings – How Long, Jesus? – Jan 7-8, 2018

Often, I am given things in the middle of the night. Most of the time, I just lie there and beg to go back to sleep! Recently, I’ve been convicted to share these ramblings, and I’ve had some encouraging responses. So – here goes obedience! ~Christi

This is day 6 of 100 in 2018
and this fits into my one word(phrase) be like Jesus.

How Long, Jesus?

I just want to quit,
I’m so tired of the pain,
I’m tired of the questions,
I’m tired of the shame.

YOU said to be saved
One must endure to the end,
That’s not what the banners
All say, “let’s be friends!”

Jesus will heal
Jesus will give
Jesus will bless
You with good things to live.

But what about pain?
What about doubt?
What about those
That never make it out

Out of the darkness
Of mental dispair
Out of the treatments
Or with nothing to wear?

What about those that
Never see “good”
And struggle and grab
For each morsle of food?

What about those
That pray underground?
Or those that have
Financially drowned?

Some wait for the miracle,
But the miracle does not come.
Is this the end we endure?
That we get to go home?

I know YOU aren’t Santa,
Or even welfare!
I know you are focused
On getting me where…

Where I can see
Your hand when I look,
When I can hear
Your voice when you’ve spoke.

I just want to sleep,
But my legs won’t relax
My arms want to twitch,
And my skins feels like tacks.

I know there’s an enemy,
And he’s out to destroy,
Whatever good YOU create
In my life, it’s his ploy.

I know he has to ask You
For whatever he plans,
And there’s nothing he can do,
Except it comes from your hands.

There are so many concerns,
So many deep longings,
So many heart cries,
But time keeps on rolling.

Rolling along,
Toward whatever the end,
And that’s when I’ll see
Jesus, My Friend.

YOU stand by my side,
When I whine and complain,
YOU sit near my seat,
When I can’t move from the pain.

I know in my heart,
That you would if you would…
Heal me, and free me
So that I could do good.

The issue isn’t the can
But the will,
But I’m tired of hearing,
Peace, child, be still.

You’ve given so much,
No one can compare,
To the blessings around me,
And my soul, you did spare.

I’m tired, dear Jesus,
I just want to rest,
Can you lesson this pain,
From off of my chest?

Can you tell my legs CEASE
Be STill, and at rest,
Can you tell my head,
Stop fearing the test.

What test? You might ask,
For the Christian to pass?
Yes, but it’s easy,
Because he IS the class.

There is a test
For all to take,
And it’s about Jesus
Our Lord to make.

If we choose Him,
And allow the Spirit
To be our guide to make
Us for heaven – fit.

HE says COME
HE says LOVE
HE says GRACE
Coming from above.

No matter how tired
No matter how hurt
To HIM I will offer
All of my heart.

JOB is my hero
In the midst of his trials
He cried out to God
And his tears could fill vials

Yes he complained
HE argued His case
And God reprimanded
And got in his face.

The end result
Was Job fell contrite
I’ll shut up,
You, LORD, are right!

My God is not small,
He can handle my why’s
He loves me enough
To listen to my cries.

He always wins,
Because I always give in
Sometimes it’s the hard way
Because I do sin.

He guides me, And leads me
Along my life’s way
To finish the work
Prepared for His day.

I love Him, I need Him
To reign in my heart.
So that I am empowered
To yeild to my part

My part in this grand plan,
This eternal choice
To connect with His people
And give HIM a voice.

And it’s His voice I cherish,
His voice I crave
His voice that has saved me
From a suicidal grave.

Yesterday, today
And forever the same
My God loves me always,
I am safe in His NAME.

So whether I’m tired,
depressed or in pain,
He loves me, and holds me
And whispers my name.

I love you, dear Christi,
And I came for your heart,
I know that you’re hurting,
I’ll do my part.

To hold you, and love you,
And pour out mercy and grace,
I will prepare you,
To see me by face.

My glory you’ll share,
As we reign and we rule,
Because you endured
Life’s rocky, tough school.

You’ll hear my voice say
Well done, my dear girl,
And we finish this journey,
Together and sure.

You see, I won’t leave you,
No matter your words,
I want you to know that
Your pain has been heard.

My reasons are mine,
My purposes sure,
To grow you in goodness,
And make your heart pure.

Sometimes the fire,
Gets painful with heat,
But you’ve asked to be seated
At my holy feet.

You will come out holy,
You will come out pure,
As seven times silver
Is refined to be sure.

Your face will reflect mine,
You light it will sihine,
As my love in you,
Is completely refined.

I love you dear daughter,
I won’t leave you alone,
My plans, they are good,
To bring you to HOME.

Thank you, Dear Jesus,
For letting me see,
Again, of your favor,
To meet all my needs.

I love you, dear Jesus,
I ask you to stay,
Close by me forever,
And keep me I pray.

Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And fate us for heaven
To live with Thee there.

Amen.
© 2018 MCWildman

Credit to Martin Luther for the lyrics to Away in the Manger

Home Free – Away in the Manger

 

Jim & Christi 2017

 

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

Some artwork is from me – ChristArtist. It is copyrighted – by me. Please do not share it without my permission. The same goes for my written work.
Some artwork is from ChristArt – not me! I have purchased a membership, and the art is copyrighted by them.

I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up! 
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.