Tag Archives: storms

Where art thou, Christi?

so many things I planned to do – and then, things came up.
and then, I rewrote what I planned to do to take those things into consideration – and then, things came up.

Sometimes stupid stuff, like today – I left the toilet without making sure it flushed completely, and our whole RV is flooded – water running freely from 11 p, to 8 am. This was not what I planned for today.

Last Tuesday, I was planning to walk my 10k steps a day – to keep up what I had done at camp…but, I shut my foot in the car door – yes, I had to open the door to get it out.
Apparently, feet were not made for being shut into such tight spaces without at least being bruised.

Anyway – for various reasons, specifically my eyes, I did not start the Isaiah course I planned – and therefore – it is not here.

Because of a detox program by my doctor – I stopped the Plexus stuff – and therefore, stopped writing up those thoughts – though, I will be writing up some health journal stuff to bring this up to date. I have stopped the Plexus – because I don’t need it. But, that means, I haven’t kept up my health journal.

Because of travel – and only having a tablet that does not seem to put my blogs in the right place, and is not as convenient to type on for long thoughtful things(and, I can’t switch back and forth to have blue letter bible, google and photos easily added) – I haven’t kept up anything here!

Oh, the art? yeah – it’s sitting on the easels – untouched.

In two weeks, I have surgery on my neck. Am I scared? well, let’s just say that I feel like I am choosing the lesser of two evils. And, I’m not looking forward to it, so I’m not thinking about it, I’m thinking about November…not October 13!!!

And my mental situation? This week, I start dealing with past wounds and memories – to try to eliminate the triggers and heal – and, this is the scariest thing of all.
I think I’d rather go back and let the Navy do exploratory surgery on my back than go through this wound exploration – a lot is in journals – that I refuse to read – and now, I’m going to be discussing it with a therapist for an hour, after an hour of driving, and then, an hour of driving home.

My eyes keep dripping…my heart keeps racing…and nothing that I had planned is going to happen – and while this should be the place that I put all those wonderful no fear scriptures and memos and thoughts and sayings – right now – my mind is flooded – as I said, so flooded that my eyes are leaking.

But, if there is anyone that reads this – this is my short explanation as to where I’ve been and where I am.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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how many is too many?

How much is enough?

how many

how many, how much is too much?

Starting my continuing care medical appointments feels like too much.

But, how much is enough?

We live in an RV, but have lived in 2000+ sq ft houses.
We have had a new car…but now have older cars with all the bugs worked out of them.

Too much or too little?

I want to walk

I want to swim

I want to bike

I want to do body weight exercises

how many surgeries, injuries are enough? Too many? enough to get things to work well?

If I give all to the poor – ALL – if I have not love…I am a noisy gong.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though

I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. 1 Cor 13:3

But that doesn’t answer my question. How much is too much? How much is enough?

GRACE
MERCY
FORGIVENESS
PATIENCE
LONG-SUFFERING …

The fruit of the Spirit!

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness AND Self-control.

The Love Chapter in the Bible.

love is patient
love is kind
love is not envious
not conceited
not rude

Think on these things:

whatsoever things are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.

That is a lot to keep in mind….
Then there’s

modesty,
humility,
compassion,
actions and
non actions…
how to BE MORE than you ARE!

How much is enough?

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

In the work out realm…the balanced answer is:

just do one more than you did yesterday.

But am I able to accept that what I am doing right now is enough?
Probably not.

Am I able to accept that right now, my life is revolving around doctors – helping to fix the things that have been broken?
I’m trying.

Am I able to rest in the fact that Jesus died for me – and that believing in Him is all that is needed for salvation? The Bible Tells me so:

Rom 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
(and Rom 5:9-10; Acts 16:31; John 3:16-17; 1 John 3:23)

But there are times that I think I should DO more…

And then, I think about the Apostle Paul. His life was rough.
But he writes and encourages the church to be content in all things.

Reading the list of things that he went through – I think, it is too much!
Reading the times of suffering want – I think, it’s not enough!
But, Paul says – it is enough – I am content.
HOW???

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phil 4:13

Doing all things through Christ?

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;Col 3:23

So –

If I go to the doctor because I have not been miraculously healed – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
If I workout to strengthen my body – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
If I choose to dress in one way or the other – I do it through Christ and unto the Lord.
And if I go to bed, and I have done all that has been presented to me, I have attempted to be better today than I was yesterday, then I can be content.

AND If I stumble and fall – I have the promise that he will forgive, and pick me up – His mercies are new every morning.

How much is too much? more than I can handle. And He promised not to give me more than I can handle.

How much is too little? less effort than I can give. Less than what I have.

I’m not done with these thoughts…but this is a good place to close this for further processing.

Apparently, I need to work on being content.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! And you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi’s Heart Mission

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Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

What a Week – GRACE ABOUNDS!

In the last two weeks we have gone from settled into our trailer(RV) life in Spring, Texas, to wanting to possibly move it to Katy, Texas, to rethinking everything in our lives financially, and remembering our first desire of our life….to live debt free in glory to the Lord, and honoring His command to owe no man anything but to love him.

So…here’s the progression:

June 1-15, safely secure in our current situation – living in an RV in Spring, TX
June 16-17, find out about a new RV park in Katy,TX and discuss moving there!
June 17-24, financial digging – Katy does not make sense $$$, but, what about our desire to be debt free? (rent the same, studio +$150, drive rougher)
June 22-23, hotel suite in Austin – room, room, room- even Gabriel seems happier
June 24- Looking at Wildwood Forest Apartments – love, love, love! (two patios, facing lake, East and South sun, a studio 3x the size, for the same rent as RV lot and Studio/Storage)
June 25 – apply for apartment (called PPL RV sellers, they want the trailer by Saturday, free detailing, for their 4th of July sale! very excited)
June 27 – accepted – put in to move before July 1st – avoid rent at RV park
June 29 – move in and empty trailer (added to the going away party for those leaving for the Katy RV park – some day in the future, we leave tomorrow) And God blessed with a cloudy day and less heat!
June 30 – empty trailer – and drive through driving rain storms down to PPL (appraiser declares it EXCELLENT!)
July 1 – no trailer, no bed, no living room furniture – but we are in this beautiful apartment, in this beautiful complex, in obedience to the Lord.

We are praying that the trailer sells quickly, so that we are out of debt…AND with $1,000 extra that we may use purchase a bed.
But, God is not done with us yet!

On top of all of this provision…we are on the third floor.
In January, I was in a wheelchair!
I am able to walk up and down these stairs – yesterday, I did it twice!
AND walked a mile around this beautiful property!

On June 13th, I was rearended…went to the ER, and we were unable to find the police report until a week ago.
The insurance agent set up with me to meet on Monday, July 2…since we were moving.
On top of giving me the $120 out of pocket expenses, and setting aside the amounts to cover the medical – SHE GAVE ME $1000 FOR MY INCONVENIENCE!

The Trailer wasn’t even on the lot at PPL, and GOD had given us the $1000 for the bed!!!

Last night, we were discussing whether or not we would use one of the credit cards to purchase a mattress “just in case”
What were we thinking? Oh US of LITTLE FAITH!!!
We have now gotten totally free of the debt, and things we bought with debt because we wouldn’t wait upon the Lord…and before the trailer is even set onto the lot for the sale, we are talking about putting things back on a credit card?
AND IN THE FACE OF GOD PROVIDING TWO WEEKS EARLIER WITH A ROMANS 8:28 TYPE OCCURRENCE!

PRAISE GOD FOR HIS GRACE ABOUNDING IN OUR LIVES!
God is so quick to forgive, so gracious to allow us to be human, and to draw us nearer and nearer to HIM!
We both decided that WE WOULD NOT GO BACK INTO DEBT TO PURCHASE THINGS BEFORE THE VERY THING WE ARE SELLING TO GET OUT OF DEBT IS LISTED TO BE SOLD!
In fact –
We both recommitted to:

Romans 13:8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

These weeks have been full of roller coaster rides, death of visions, renewal of visions and commitments, and connecting to each other to refine OUR vision of OUR life for Christ Jesus.
We have had to make some hard choices in order to choose Jesus instead of OUR plans.
The joy that we feel, even in this empty apartment, is indescribable!
Grace is definitely abounding to us!

Here’s some fun photos – and a youtube video!

Bye Bye Trailer, dropping it off at PPL

WildWood Forest – our apartment – top floor on the right

WildWood Forest

WildWood Forest

The fountain outside our apartment at night

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! Or sign up for an account, and you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi's Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

28 days of Grace – day 20 – Alone – emotional turmoil

AFTER SOME SERIOUS MERRY-GO-ROUND ISSUES THIS WEEKEND – THESE ARE THE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD:

Giant alone
Afraid of being alone
SA victim more than most…totally alone even in their own skin
The secret and the threat of revealing the secret keep the victim from those that should be for them more than any others.
How much worse when the secret is because of one that should have protected her from such secrets, and kept her from sharing with the only other that should have been there for her?

And then, when one knows that one is broken, not good enough for anyone that nature says should love her and want to be with her…or even for one that made the choice to be with her, that aloneness is thick like blood, matted together and stinking.

And if nature points to, and imitates and shadows the divine, and common nature doesn’t wasn’t to be with this one, why would a perfect divine choose to be with common that is unloved and unwanted by it’s own?

How can one so unlovable find a well of love to love others from, when their own cistern continues to be sucked dry, with only mud and refuse replaced?

Why lie about love, and then act out hatter, trying to pretend that the very hatefull act is love itself? When a child is taught from the first breath that hate is love, and that their feelings are only pawns in their ‘lovers’ chess game, the pawn understands that they are disposable for the good of the game…always protect the king and queen, if not the family.

And should such a pawn exclaim for some minute acknowledgment of existence or need, it is quickly sacrificed with the twist of guilt for not playing properly. The fault is fully that wicked pawn’s…for it was all a game….and the secret is a lie, and the damage is all your fault.

Disposable
abandonable
blameable

These are the thoughts running through my head….on this 21st day of the 28 day journey.
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

28 Days of Grace – Day 4 – it hits!

Ok, today I have a funky headache like thing going on…not quite painful like a migraine, but with all the pressure of a migraine.
Light and noise don’t bother me, but I am having trouble focusing my eyes.

The only thing I have right now is “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me”
And, if hanging on Jesus is the only thing I have…then I have everything I need.

Cleansing my life from toxins is painful….
For years I didn’t take getting rid of grains, sugar and dairy seriously!
Cleansing my life from besetting sins would be painful if I would work on it…seriously,
Cleansing my life from besetting sins IS painful…the reason those sins are besetting is that we are drawn to them…

So, today, I am suffering the pain of toxins washing out of my system.
Do I like it? No.
Can I see the benefit? Yes.
Will I stay the course? By God’s grace, yes I will – both physically and spiritually.
I just need to remember that this is part of the storm…and I’m supposed to be keeping my eyes on Jesus!

Not sure what else I’ll post today, but at least, I have posted for the day!

Evening Addition:]
What else?
well, we ran to WalMart, and they had a sweet lady handing out samples….and I caved!
what were the samples?
chocolate?
Cake?
no – fresh fruit! I forgot that I was not to be eating fruit yet on these 28 days….
I suppose that tiny cup with a blue berry, a black berry and two slices of strawberry won’t totally derail my program.
But, I thought it…I really did think it!
Therefore…I had to lean on God’s GRACE to let it go!
If this wasn’t these 28 days, that would have been one of the best samples to pick up in a grocery store!

In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7

28 Days of Grace day 3

Take a little wine for your stomach

1 Tim 5:23 Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.

Yesterday, I was reading about the GAPS diet.
One of the differences between the GAPS diet and the YEAST FREE diet is the fermented items in the Introduction Diet…

“Increase daily amount of homemade yogurt and kefir, if introduced. Increase the amount of juice from sauerkraut, fermented vegetables or vegetable medley.”

Dr McManus warned me that the GAPS diet was MUCH more strict than the Yeast Free diet I am on, but the principles are the same:
Heal the Gut so that the Body can be nourished.

Paul’s exhortation to Timothy may very well have been to avoid the water….as in Montezuma’s Revenge…and drink fermented grape juice(what wine was back then). The goal was to help Timothy be healed so that he could be used for God’s glory.

verse 22 says:

Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men’s sins: keep thyself pure.

verses 24-25 say:

Some men’s sins are open beforehand, going before to judgment; and some [men] they follow after.
Likewise also the good works [of some] are manifest beforehand; and they that are otherwise cannot be hid.

It’s as if, in the middle of exhorting Timothy in his ministry, Paul remembered and just said, “Oh, by the way – stop drinking that water, dude! Drink some wine and heal that stomach so that you can get over all these infirmities! We gotta get you better, man!”

I was asking God yesterday, after the whole discussion about Peter getting out of the boat, should I ask you to ask me to get out of the boat?

now, understand, I had an hour drive…and I use this time to listen to the Lord…so, He had time to deal with me!

I could hear a faint ‘yes…..here I am’
I didn’t want to ask…
I didn’t want to hear “come”.
I knew what getting out of the boat meant…
It meant moving ahead with the art and writing!
It meant challenges to face,
It meant scary opportunities,
…people saying no…
believing for funds and helpers and provisions and ideas and HEALTH!!!

I finally got quiet…
“If it’s you Lord….”
‘YOU ARE ALREADY OUT OF THE BOAT – STOP LOOKING AT THE STORMS!”

WHAT???? When did I get out of the boat?
“when you signed the lease to the studio! STOP LOOKING AT THE STORMS!”

WHAT???
“When you said you trusted me with your whole heart, now STOP LOOKING AT THE STORMS!”

Stop Looking at the storms – WHY?
THEY ARE MAKING ME SICK!!!
…WITH WORRY
…WITH FEAR
…they are paralyzing me!
…they are preventing me from moving forward to do the work that God has prepared beforehand that I should walk in them! (Eph 2:10)

What about the wine?????

Psalm 4:7 Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time [that] their corn and their wine increased.

Then, HE reminded me of this verse:

Isiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

The point is, I have a job to do, I have good works that I am supposed to be doing so that God would be glorified. I have words that God has placed in my heart that need to be shared…
I’m NOT Christ, but I am CHRISTI, AND:

The Spirit of the Lord GOD [is] upon me;
because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek;
he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to [them that are] bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all that mourn;
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,
to give unto them beauty for ashes,
the oil of joy for mourning,
the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
that they might be called trees of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD,
that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:1-3

I’m already out of the boat – it’s my old nature that is looking around at that storm…
DRINK NO LONGER WATER – don’t pay attention to the things of this world…they are NOT PURE!
TAKE A LITTLE WINE FOR YOUR STOMACH – get your body healthy, with what I say!
AND FOR YOUR OFT INFIRMITIES – One preacher defined infirmities as those things that constantly come up and we constantly struggle with.
Mine is fear.
Lack of self confidence, even in my ability to hear the voice of the Lord.

Matt 26:27-28 And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave [it] to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;
For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.

The woman at the well asked Jesus for the Living Water, from which one would never thirst.(John 4:10ff)

Here is His reply:

John 14:14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

My Father has provided, by His grace, a physical program to heal my stomach and gut. I need to follow it.
My Father, through Jesus Christ, has provided cleansing for my sins, and living water, pure and alive, for my ability to do HIS WILL to HIS GLORY.
I need to drink of HIS wine daily. I need to drink ALL OF IT!

I need to remember that sin is all around me, and always needing to be dealt with,
but in the middle of the storms of life,
God has provided me with PURE WATER – Water that HE turned to WINE by HIS BLOOD at the cross.

In a way, I need to give up my whine for HIS WINE…and drink freely from the fountain of living water!
And HE has provided the strength by HIS grace!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or ‘like’ me!

If you like The WildBerry Patch, follow me with the RSS feed.

We have email subscription! Just sign up for an account, and you can manage your subscription from the dashboard!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

Naomi's Heart Mission

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

Depression like Driving Rain

Depression comes like the darkness of night
slowly blinding, and taking your sight.
First it feels gray
in the midst of the day
then it feels thick
like mud with a stick.
for help you reach out
and to others give shout
but the sucking is on
and assistance is nought.

Darkness falls down
scary things all around
Listening for the sound
of one on solid ground
Comes driving rain
cleansing all stains
Lightning strikes again
and illuminates the pain

I kneel before the King
to whom I used to sing
I wonder where His wing
to shelter me from pain?

Muscles grow in pain,
flowers grow in rain,
Sunshine brings the heat
that on the earth does beat.
The rain will wash away
the pains they cannot stay
renewal is my way
neath my wing for you to stay.
Neath the shadow you do sing
and give praises to your King
the scary things are lies
and demons in disguise
I’ll cover you anew
just as you ask me to
give up this fear of yours
and let my love run it’s course.

I love you more than you can know
but my rain disturbs you so
will you let me love you true
and do the things I do?
Let me pour out grace like rain
Let me see thoswe pains again
Let me show you truth alone
and remove those stumbling stones

You are my chosen girl
I know your hair, your curls
I made you as you are
and I think you are a star
You love me totally
and your heart I truly see
Just look up and you will see
you are snuggled next to Me.
I allow only the pain
that will make you strong again
and the darkness that you see
is abiding deep in me
My wings provide the shadow
against the heat of your sorrow
As you snuggle deeper in
I protect you from those sins
those things that make you hurt
those things that burn
those tears that do surround
that mucky mirey ground

Come to me
my precious one
draw near to me
within the Son
Night will pass
and day will dawn
those horrors will soon
be all gone

Your mind will be renewed
and I can wash you through
My grace will set you free
My love will give you wings
And then again you’ll sing
‘neath the shadow of My wings.

written as given – 8/4/2011

To those that read this…this is my heart…please be gentle.
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 67:3 Because you are my help, I will sing beneath the shadow of Your wings.

The First 100 days- Day 85 – Like the Waves

Galveston, Tx
The Gulf of Mexico.
March 26, 2011

Waves of water
ebb and flow
with the ocean’s
push and pull.

Coming in,
lay down fresh sand
water washing
onto the land.

Flowing out,
and taking trash,
but digging ruts
with splish and splash

Ridges roll
bumps fall down
circles swirl
is that a crown?

Trials flow
in and out
cutting down
the trash of doubt

Holy Spirit
washes o’r
and the sins
are never more.

Slowly scraping
sin and flesh
and molding me
into holiness.

Things that fight
the flow of God
rip and tear
break down and fall

Flowing with
the waves of God
is peaceful, joyful,
life unfraught

Waves of God
please overflow
wash away
sin’s tight hold

Take out the flesh
that over rides
my spirit hopes,
and heart’s desires

Swirl around
my heart and soul
mold me, make me
white as snow.

As I yield to
Your ocean’s flow
renew my mind
so that I know

I know that you
are King of Kings
and you are Lord
of everything

When I’m allowed
to fall down,
it’s only to
design my crown

Your hands are always
holding me
just like the beach
holds the sea

The ocean waves
they ebb and flow
illustrate
God’s power to know

None can count
the ocean sand
But out of trillions
God holds my hand

I can ride
the waves of life
with peace from God,
and not with strife.

He has a plan
that’s just for me
If I will just
abide with HE.

Wash me with
Your water, Lord,
Help me live
life by Your word.

Thank you, Lord.

The First 100 days – day 62 – storms

I have failed to write this blog consistently…and this response is more personal…this is my life.

Life is happening here…but after reading about a friend’s life…I am reminded of the story about the woman that met with Jesus about how heavy her burdens were. He showed her the burdens of those around her, that she could not see – and everyone of those that she picked up were too big, too heavy for her. Then she saw this small burden and asked who’s that was…she was told to pick it up, and she said “it’s so light? Whose is this?” Yours, my child…

So, life is happening here…I have a disability that makes these difficulties challenging…but, I have a God that is greater than all these things…and I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

I have to remember, like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress…the lions are chained.
I haven’t been able to T-Tapp, because for some reason, my energy levels, my strength, my heart rate and my breathing have all continued down hill. I haven’t even been able to take walks.
I will be taking my walker to Germany, and we are talking about some sort of braces for my ankles.
Apparently, my Fibromyalgia is in rare form, and I’ve had to add Mobix to aid the pain issues.

Other than that, this is all I have to get done:

planning the downsizing(Katy Christian Ministries is getting lots and lots of stuff),
preparing for the trip(April 18-May 18),
doing training for Gabe in prep for Germany(classes and trainers),
preparing for the move at the end of May(which has to be ready before I leave for Germany),
planning the June trip to Ohio(where I will meet a man that wants to confirm face to face what my father was – as in, validate the memories that have ‘destroyed’ my life), and that trip needs to be planned before I leave for Germany,
plan for Faith and Daniel’s visit here in July(because when I get back, I will be too busy moving and vacation to mess with tickets then), and
prepare for medical issues that have come up – in the mean time.

I haven’t blogged.
I haven’t kept up with the scripture memorization.
I’m not T-tapping much more than once a week, though sometimes I skin brush
I’m not walking much – energy issues
I’m not checking in here, or encouraging folks on the my initiated 50 challenge, or even doing the second 50 day challenge.
My blood work came back worse…even though I have eaten better, and exercised better during that 3 months. I KNOW that becoming fully diabetic is my fault. God gave me 7 years…and I failed.
I need to find that money tree…oh right, my God shall provide all my needs….
I’m failing commitments all over.

Anxiety? A little.
Physically – things seem to have gone backwards.
Making progress? definitely…but not as fast, or as well as I’d like…see that noun?

I ‘need’ a foundation…and I have put much of my roots into certain physical things that make me feel at home. God is shaking those roots…and reminding me that my roots need to be grounded somewhere even deeper…and I KNOW that I will get through this…

BUT – in the mean time…I feel like I am going through an earthquake, hurricane, and forest fire all at the same time. Sometimes, daily. I need to remember Elijah…in the cave…God is not in all of this, I need to be still, and wait for HIS still small voice.

The problem – when I get still, and hear his still small voice…I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE!!! I want to stay in HIS presence! LOL, I don’t want to go back to the storms!!! But, they still keep raging…and I am learning that while there are times that I need to turn my back on the storms, and look into Jesus’ face…apparently, there are times that I need to face the storms…Sometimes, I need to face my enemies…knowing that HE has my back…and when it’s too dangerous, HE will command the storms to cease.

Still, I daily find myself to be human, weak, and struggling with my inabilities. Technically, in the Biblical and Spiritual world, that means that I am learning that when I am weak, HE is strong. Military Boot Camp was hard…but I learned my weaknesses, and the Navy showed me how to become strong. This is like God’s boot camp for me…and I KNOW that I will come out stronger. I KNOW that HE is with me. I KNOW that THIS is to help me put off those fleshly rags, and put on the garments that HE purchased for me.

I also KNOW that I should be counting all these things gifts, and rejoicing in these trials, testings…because HE is making me into what HE has planned for me. I KNOW that I will be better for these things. But, I also KNOW that I am human. These things hurt, like Eustace’s shedding of the dragon skin – he couldn’t do it alone – Aslan had to use his claws to cut through the layers. My God, My Christ, My Savior, My redeemer Jesus is answering my prayer to be more like HIM. right now, HE is clawing through the layers of fleshly baggage…because I can’t do it alone.

Sometimes, my heart holds on to “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”
Sometimes, I remember “I shall not die, but live to declare the glory of God.”
I’m trying to just stand – simply stand, and wait to see the deliverance of God.
Sometimes, I just acquiesce to the process…which implies some pride still.
I don’t know that I have totally yielded to this process….which probably means I’m not being still. Actually, re-reading that – duh…I haven’t’ yielded yet!

One thing I know – God knows that I am but dust, and still, He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling…and to present you faultless …FAULTLESS…before the presence of HIS glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God, be glory and majesty, dominion and power both now and ever. Amen.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,

In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment! Or ‘like’ me! Or follow me with the RSS feed.

100 days of moving challenge – day 62
100 days challenge- blog – check
25 verses in 52 weeks – Ps 15:3-5(didn’t set up verse 4)
90 days Bible Reading – Isaiah – very behind.
50 days T-Tapp – ???

Sunshine and Rain

Sunshine and rain, blue skies and gray, Our God reigns, each and every day!

Ps 147:7 Sing unto the LORD with thanksgiving; sing praise upon the harp unto our God:

:8 Who covereth the heaven with clouds, who prepareth rain for the earth, who maketh grass to grow upon the mountains.

This weekend, with our full range of sky experiences, has been glorious.

We arrived in the dark, and when you are near the gulf, and away from all lights, it is DARK! As we drove, the sky was cloudy, so there were not any stars or moon as well. We walked out to the dunes to look at the waves, and as we walked, the clouds parted. Standing on the dune, looking at the waves come in, and looking up at stars I have never seen was amazing! God’s starry show welcomed us to our beach side weekend.

Job 22:12 [Is] not God in the height of heaven? and behold the height of the stars, how high they are!

Everyone comes to God in the dark.

2Co 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

1Pe 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

We slept, with a window open to enjoy the sounds of the waves crashing, and the smell that only exists on a salt water beach area. The morning was gray…clouds covering the sky, and wind cutting through the clothing. Is this really Houston Texas? It was going to rain…we could see that. But the beach beckoned to us. And yet, we had to wait.

We sat and watched the rain as it hit the windows. The beauty of the water dripping down the glass, the splashes of water when the rain picked up, and the sparkle as light hit the various parts of rain were a delight to watch, from the inside of the RV. The percussion symphony of the drops was a song of the glory and majesty of Our God. We were protected from the rain! We were in the midst of a storm, but totally secure, warm, dry, and able to delight in the nourishing nature of the rain outside our stronghold.

Everyone has storms. Everyone has overwhelming times that just pound and beat against them, threatening to tear them down, or drown them in the emotions. But the one that trusts in God has a special protection, a special place in the midst of the storms.

Is 9:2 The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.

Is 26:3 Thou wilt keep [him] in perfect peace, [whose] mind [is] stayed [on thee]: because he trusteth in thee.

Psa 91:1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

:2 I will say of the LORD, [He is] my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Prov 18:10 The name of the LORD [is] a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.

Mark 4:37 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.

4:39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

:40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

:41 And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

Sometimes there are dark times that just seem to go on and on and on. These are the valleys where we are tested. In Kelly Willard’s song “Hidden Valley’s”, she says :

“Hidden valleys produce a life song

Hidden valleys will make a heart strong

Desperation can cause you to sing

Hidden valleys turn shepherds to kings”

Elijah endured the storms on the mountain. Isaiah endured the storms laying on his side playing with toy soldiers. Daniel endured the storms in the Lion’s Den, and his three friends in the fiery furnace.

David was so used to going through valleys, he wrote the 23^rd Psalm. The key is with whom you walk, and what happens on the other side of the storm.

The rain ceased, and the sky changed a bit, but going out onto the beach was possible. The clouds rolled in, with light from above shining through, giving us the hope that the sun was coming. We walked along the beach, enjoying watching the surf as it rises and falls, ebs and flows, fluctuating and crashing in an unearthly rhythm that only the creator understood. Mist rose above the waves, and the wind blew it in from the gulf, stinging my cheeks as I looked out upon the water. The sand was uneven, unstable, and shifting back and forth as I walked on the beach. I had to keep my focus, and I had to choose my path carefully, or I could fall, damage my ankle(again) and have a tremendous set back.

In this day of mass confusion for mankind, with crashing sound all around, wars and rumors of wars…we have a path in which to walk.

Mat 24:6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet.

:7 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

:8 All these [are] the beginning of sorrows.

Mat 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

:13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

We must stay the course, and hold on to our path. These are part of God’s plan, though it His allowing men to have their own way, turning them over to their own devices and desires. But the believers in Christ have a path.

Psalm 37 is such a comfort in times such as these:

Verse 23 says The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

:24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth [him with] his hand.

Ps 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

BUT THE SON IS COMING!!! Breaking through the clouds!

Daniel 7:13 I saw in the night visions, and, behold, [one] like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him.

:14 And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him: his dominion [is] an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom [that] which shall not be destroyed.

Matt 24:30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.

We are to comfort one another with THESE WORDS!

1Th 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

:14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.

:15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive [and] remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

:17 Then we which are alive [and] remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

:18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

Ah – the sun shining upon the waves. They were beautiful before, with the various shades of gray, but as the sun peaked out of the clouds, the water ignited with diamonds, and deep aquamarines, and blue topazes floating up and down with the undulation of the finest dancer. The water was alive!

When the Son touches our lives, even though the waves are the same, the sand is the same, and even we are the same, we come alive! He takes the unholy and makes us holy. He takes the imperfect and starts shining on the perfections. He takes the crashing of our waves and turns it into a dance of love and joy and peace and purpose.

For examples of this, read the gospels…the woman at the well, the woman with the issue of blood, the man who couldn’t walk, the man who couldn’t see, the people that could not be part of society because of their leprosy. When Jesus touches a life, well….

2 Cor 5:17 Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Our sins are covered by the blood of the Lamb – and it’s now our job to walk in the deliverance HE has purchased for us.

We can look at the waves, and the clouds, or we can look at the creator of the waves and the clouds. In Matthew 14:28-32, Peter did fall, BUT HE DID WALK ON WATER! He first was looking at Jesus, trusting in His word. THEN he saw the wind and was afraid. HE TOOK HIS EYES OFF OF JESUS.

I don’t expect to walk on water anytime soon, but we have this concept that walking on water is only for someone like Jesus. Peter is a man like you and me. Peter had yet to deny Christ. Peter walked on water! Don’t despise small beginnings!

There is a saying that has hung in my mother in law’s house as long as I’ve been in the family. It says: “I believe in the sun even when it rains.” Do we believe in the Son, even when it rains?

This seems to be a redundant theme for me, but it fits here as well. The way to be strong in the storms is to be strong in the Lord. Here’s a few verses:

Be strong in the Lord: Deut 31:6-7; Josh 1:9; 1Chron 28:20
Fear Not – the Lord will strengthen you: Is 40:27-31; Is 41:10-13
The Joy of the Lord is Your strength: Neh 8:10
HE will give us a song: Is 51:11
We must come into His presence with praises of thanksgiving, and joyful noises: Ps 95:1-6; Psalm 100
And Jesus came so that our joy(the strength from the Lord) would be full: John 15:11; 16:24

Jesus purchased our ability to have joy…the way to obtain that joy is to be filled with the Lord’s joy, which comes from being in His presence, which is only done by entering with praises and thanksgiving. And the only way we can enter His presence with praises is to make a choice about how we look at the clouds in our lives.

James 1:2-8

We must CHOOSE joy. Sometimes it’s a sacrifice.

Heb 13:15 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of [our] lips giving thanks to his name.

But the blessings are great.

Jer 33:11 The voice of joy, and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom, and the voice of the bride, the voice of them that shall say, Praise the LORD of hosts: for the LORD [is] good; for his mercy [endureth] for ever: [and] of them that shall bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the LORD. For I will cause to return the captivity of the land, as at the first, saith the LORD.

And, when we dwell in the presence of the most High, we are sheltered by the shadow of His wings…(Ps 91).

The SON cometh!

Psa 96:10 Say among the heathen [that] the LORD reigneth: the world also shall be established that it shall not be moved: he shall judge the people righteously.

:11 Let the heavens rejoice, and let the earth be glad; let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof.

:12 Let the field be joyful, and all that [is] therein: then shall all the trees of the wood rejoice

:13 Before the LORD: for he cometh, for he cometh to judge the earth: he shall judge the world with righteousness, and the people with his truth.

In the midst of the storms, comfort one another with these words!

And this is my song, my choice to sing in any time of darkness:

Psa 104:1 Bless the LORD, O my soul. O LORD my God, thou art very great; thou art clothed with honour and majesty.

104:2 Who coverest [thyself] with light as [with] a garment: who stretchest out the heavens like a curtain:

104:3 Who layeth the beams of his chambers in the waters: who maketh the clouds his chariot: who walketh upon the wings of the wind:

Ps 27:6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

In His hand and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

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