Tag Archives: walk

The Cavern

On March 8th, some things happened that really shook me, in the middle of my shook life. It was like a straw that threatened to break this camel’s back. But with the prayers of friends, and the voices from a mental health group I am part of, I got through it.

Psalm 23:⁴Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Here’s my poem, The Cavern

They say don’t move.
They say we’re going to turn out the lights
They say everything will be alright
Just don’t move.

Darkness hits.
Darkness that surrounds and envelopes your flesh
Darkness that can be felt
Just don’t move.

This is a cavern.
This is a cave.
This is a place so deep and down
Just don’t move.

No one is near,
or that is my fear.
Or am I afraid I might spin out and fall
Where was that edge after all?

Cold seeping in
It envelopes my skin
The screams I screamed in the night
Are pushed down within.

The lights will come back
The day will arise
But right now, I can’t trust my eyes
Just don’t move.

Where is that rail?
Where is that edge?
Did I place myself in the center of
This death defying ledge?

I hear someone
“Turn on the light’
We have seen what we came for,
Now just stop this fright.”

But the tour guide is gone
He’s left us alone
We realize that we are now on our own.

Where is that switch?
Where can it be?
And do I risk death to move, try to see?

Someone starts to cry
Someone else says “I’m cold”
We reach out to touch each other, to give us some hope.

Where is the light?
Where is the guide?
Why is this tour turning into a fright?

What did I do?
What did I say
That made the tour guide leave us that day?

“I have the rail” says someone in dark,
I think this is where we can get a spark.”
“I’m right behind you, I’ll hold you on land”
“We’ll do this together, and move hand by hand.”

Single file
We walked slowly along
Then someone broke into a song

But it’s dark!
It’s so damp and cold.
Being afraid to move is getting very old.

We know we are here
Together as one
The song lifted up, and
Marching on, one by one.

“I feel wires behind the rail”
The excitement caused a rustle,
“Maybe we will get out of this jail!
And some began to tussle

“The thing we need to remember,
Is we are in this all together.
Calm down, and steady on.”
While the one continued song.

It’s so dark
It’s so damp,
You can’t see your hand,
not even where you should stand.

The guide let us down.
In the cavern alone
Deep down in the ground
No idea if we’ll be found.

The tension is rising,
The hope to despair
With each adding moment
Doubts that we’ll be spared.

“Wait! I think I’ve got it,”
Says the one in the front,
And with that we hear a click,
And the light is on

The guide stood there
Looking proud as could be
“You took on the challenge
From your fears you are free.”

I stood in amazement
Full of anger, and dread
What was he saying,
Did he get in my head.

I didn’t ask for a challenge
I just paid for a tour
What is this freedom he speaks of
Terror du jour?

But wait, all those people.
Where are they, I said.
“You were the one walking
This valley of death.”

I was alone the whole time,
So who did I hear?
Did the dark point out parts of me t
That i didn’t know near?

What is this valley,
This cavern of death?
Where I could hear every heart beat
And taste every breath.

“Your heart that is wounded,
Your thoughts of the end.
You are stronger together
And over darkness you’ve won.”

“I’ll guide you and teach you,
But I’ll test you to see
If you have been listening
And following me.”

“I know where you are healed,
I know where you are strong.
You were never near the edge
You were in front of me all along.”

“I sent you those voices
To encourage your walk
And I timed the tests specifically,
So alone you won’t walk.”

“Now rest, my little one
Enjoy the sun
I’m always with you,
Even when I seem gone.”

“The cavern is your heart
With the wounds oh so deep,
But I have built a path
That will, with time, set you free.”

It was me that walked bravely
It was me that held strong
It was me that spoke encouragement
And from my mouth was the song.

I have written about suicide, but here’s my thoughts on what’s the big deal.

If you have come to this page because you are contemplating suicide, please dial 988 or 1-800-273-TALK or visit the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine. Some other Suicide Hotlines are on this page.

~~~~~~~

Hi!
My hope in the midst of despair and my joy in the face of depression is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. If you do not have one, or are not sure you will join him in heaven, please check out these links:

Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Copyrights and Legal-eze
There are many organizations that support children and families. Here are ones that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew chapter 14 or MMM14

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew Catalogue , the collection of these studies
(First 100 days of 2023, day 45, Feb 14)

Passage
Matthew Chapter Fourteen

It doesn’t matter which version you choose. It can be digital or paper. You can use one of those fancy coloring bibles and do a page or coloring along with the passage.

I will mostly do Holman Christian Standard Bible because of their copyright freedoms.

Matthew 14
- Mt 14:1-12 the story of the death of John the Baptist
  - ¹²Then his disciples came, removed the corpse,^[c] buried it, and went and reported to Jesus.
- Mt 14:13-14 Jesus tries to mourn John
  - - ¹³When Jesus heard about it, He withdrew from there by boat to a remote place to be alone. When the crowds heard this, they followed Him on foot from the towns. ¹⁴As He stepped ashore,^[d] He saw a huge crowd, felt compassion for them, and healed their sick.
- Mt 14: 15-21 Feeding the 5000
  - YOU do it
    - ¹⁶“They don’t need to go away,” Jesus told them. “You give them something to eat.”
  - WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH
    - ¹⁷“But we only have five loaves and two fish here,” they said to Him.
  - GIVE IT TO JESUS
    - ¹⁸“Bring them here to Me,” He said.
  - MORE THAN ENOUGH
    - ²⁰Everyone ate and was filled. Then they picked up 12 baskets full of leftover pieces!
- Mt 14:22- 33 Take a Walk on the Water
  - Prayer time JESUS WAS ALONE
    - ²³After dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone.
  - Danger arose- JESUS WAS WATCHING
    - ²⁴But the boat was already over a mile^[h] from land,^[i] battered by the waves, because the wind was against them.
  - JESUS DIDN’T COME RIGHT AWAY
    - ⁵Around three in the morning,^[j] He came toward them walking on the sea.
  - FRIGHTENED MORE OF THE GHOST!
  - JESUS CALMED THEIR FEARS
    - ²⁷Immediately Jesus spoke to them. “Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
  - PETER WALKS ON WATER
    - ²⁸“Lord, if it’s You,” Peter answered Him, “command me to come to You on the water.”
    - ²⁹“Come!” He said.
    - And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.
  - PETER LOOKS AT THE STORM
    - ³⁰But when he saw the strength of the wind,^[k] he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me!”
  - JESUS REPRIMANDS, BUT SAVES
    - ³¹Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
  - THEN THE STORM CEASED!
    - ³²When they got into the boat, the wind ceased.
  - Peter stepped out of the boat in faith WHILE IN THE MIDST OF A STORM!
  - ³³Then those in the boat worshiped Him and said, “Truly You are the Son of God!”
- Mt 14:34-36 – Touch the tassel
  - ³⁴Once they crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret.
  - ³⁶They were begging Him that they might only touch the tassel on His robe. And as many as touched it were made perfectly well.
    - Sounds like the woman with the issue of blood!
      - Luke 8:43-48
        
        ⁴³A woman suffering from bleeding for 12 years, who had spent all she had on doctors^[a] yet could not be healed by any, ⁴⁴approached from behind and touched the tassel of His robe. Instantly her bleeding stopped.

Mindful Meditating

choose a verse,
set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever works for you.
example: Matt 14:27
repeat to yourself, and at each word, enunciate the next word in the sentence starting with the first word…

example:

²⁷Immediately Jesus spoke to them. “Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
IMMEDIATELY Jesus spoke to them. “have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.
JESUS spoke to them, have courage! it is I. Don’t be afraid,
Jesus SPOKE to them, have courage, it is I, don’t be afraid
Jesus spoke TO them, have courage, it is I, don’t be afraid.
Jesus spoke to ME, have courage, it is I, don’t be afraid.

…and so on. This will cause you to look at the verse more intently, and may have you memorize it before your five minutes are done.

A Matthew Coloring Page by Ministry to Children – though it can be good for adult meditating.

Various coloring pages of Jesus feeding the 5000 to choose from by Coloring Home

Various coloring pages of Jesus Walking on the Water to choose from by Coloring Home

Quick Questions – if you have time, or to think about over the course of the day, and jot down thoughts later.

Peter stepped out of the boat in faith WHILE IN THE MIDST OF A STORM!
1. What does that tell us about walking through storms?
2. The Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew chapter 7 or MMM7

Mindfully Meditating in Matthew, the collection of these studies
(First 100 days of 2023, day 38, Feb 7)

Passage
Matthew Chapter Seven

It doesn’t matter which version you choose. It can be digital or paper. You can use one of those fancy coloring bibles and do a page or coloring along with the passage.

I will mostly do Holman Christian Standard Bible because of their copyright freedoms.

Matthew 7
- Mt 7:1 don’t judge
  - “Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged. ²For with the judgment you use,^[a] you will be judged, and with the measure you use,^[b] it will be measured to you.
    - John 7:24
      - ²⁴Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.
  - We have to make judgements. Proverbs is full of judgements. This is talking about judging without checking out your own heart first. Harsh judging just to put someone down. Judging to lift yourself up. Judging that doesn’t need to be done.
    - Luke 6:37, Luke 6:41, Romans 2:1, Romans 14:10, Romans 14:13,
    - Determine the difference between God’s hand and the enemy’s hand –
      - Ephesians 6:12
        
        ¹²For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
    - Matthew 10:16 Christ did give a warning to watch for those without good intentions.
      - “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues.
  - When in doubt, don’t. Because we can trust God to take care of us.
    - Romans 12:18- 20 Our response to perceived evil:
      - ¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] says the Lord. ²⁰On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
        In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”^[e]
- Mt 7:2-6 Hypocrites and Pigs
- Mt 7:7-12 Ask, Seek, Knock, give as you would be given
  - ⁹What man among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
  - ¹²Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them—this is the Law and the Prophets.^[h]
- Mt 7:13-14 Where to Enter
  - ¹³“Enter through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it. ¹⁴How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it.
- Mt 7:15-20
  - ²⁰So you’ll recognize them by their fruit.
- Mt 7:21-23 To be known
  - ²¹“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord!’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of My Father in heaven.
  - ²³Then I will announce to them, ‘I never knew you! Depart from Me, you lawbreakers!’^[i]^[j]
- Mt 7:24-27 Build your house on THE Rock
  - ²⁵The rain fell, the rivers rose, and the winds blew and pounded that house. Yet it didn’t collapse, because its foundation was on the rock.
- Mt 7:28-29
- ²⁸When Jesus had finished this sermon,^[k] the crowds were astonished at His teaching, ²⁹because He was teaching them like one who had authority, and not like their scribes.

Mindful Meditating

choose a verse,
set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever works for you.
example: Matt 7:13
repeat to yourself, and at each word, enunciate the next word in the sentence starting with the first word…

example:

¹³“Enter through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it.
ENTER through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction
Enter THROUGH the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction.
Enter through THE narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction.

…and so on. This will cause you to look at the verse more intently, and may have you memorize it before your five minutes are done.

A Matthew 7 color page by Mary Jo:

by Mary Jo

Life on the rock thoughts and Coloring page by Mary Dean

Quick Questions – if you have time, or to think about over the course of the day, and jot down thoughts later.

Do you find yourself judging in a critical way? What do you do then?
1. your answer
Does the log scripture go along with the judge scripture?
1. Why or why not? if no, what does it say to us?
Is there anything that you need to Ask, Seek, and Knock about? What does this mean?
1. GotQuestions handles this very well, though I believe that we can apply this to any need.
Do you understand the narrow path and wide path?
1. GotQuestions does well in explaining this as well.

Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew chapter 9 or MMM9

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew chapter 5

Mindfully Meditating in Matthew, the collection of these studies
(First 100 days of 2023, day 40, Feb 9)

Passage

Matthew Chapter 9

It doesn’t matter which version you choose. It can be digital or paper. You can use one of those fancy coloring bibles and do a page or coloring along with the passage.

I will mostly do Homan Christian Standard Bible because of their copyright freedoms.

Matthew 9
- Mt 9:1-8 healing and forgiving sins
  - ⁵For which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? ⁶But so you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—then He told the paralytic, “Get up, pick up your mat, and go home.” ⁷And he got up and went home.
- Mt 9:9-13 Matthew and Tax Collectors
  - ¹³Go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice.^[f] For I didn’t come to call the righteous, but sinners.”^[g]
- Mt 9:14-17 New vs Old
- Mt 9:18-26 Two healings in One effort
  - leaders daughter raised from the dead
    - ²⁵But when the crowd had been put outside, He went in and took her by the hand, and the girl got up.
  - but first – on the way – woman with the issue of blood
    - ²²But Jesus turned and saw her. “Have courage, daughter,” He said. “Your faith has made you well.”
- Mt 9:27-31 Healing two blind men
  - 28 When He entered the house, the blind men approached Him, and Jesus said to them, “D0 you believe that I can do this?” “yes, Lord” they answered Him
  - ²⁹Then He touched their eyes, saying, “Let it be done for you according to your faith!”
- Mt 9:32-34 Mute delivered and speaks
- Mt 9:35-37 The Lord of the Harvest
  - ³⁷Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few. ³⁸Therefore, pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.”

Mindful Meditating

choose a verse,
set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever works for you.
example: Matt 9:22
repeat to yourself, and at each word, enunciate the next word in the sentence starting with the first word…

example:

²²But Jesus turned and saw her. “Have courage, daughter,” He said. “Your faith has made you well.”
BUT Jesus turned and saw her.
Have courage, daughter, He said.
YOUR faith has made you well.
Your FAITH has made you well.
Your faith HAS made you well.

…and so on. This will cause you to look at the verse more intently, and may have you memorize it before your five minutes are done.

A Variety of Jesus healing people art to choose from.

Quick Questions – if you have time, or to think about over the course of the day, and jot down thoughts later.

Which do you think is easier to say – your sins are forgiven or rise up and take your bed and walk? Why?
1. your answer
2. BibleRef
What does it mean “I desire mercy not sacrifice”?
1. your answer
What similarities were there between healings?
1. your answer
What is the harvest and who are the workers?
1. your answer

Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.

Mindfully Meditating on Matthew Chapter 8 or MMM 8

Mindfully Meditating in Matthew, the collection of these studies
(First 100 days of 2023, day 39, Feb 8)

Passage

Matthew Chapter 8

It doesn’t matter which version you choose. It can be digital or paper. You can use one of those fancy coloring bibles and do a page or coloring along with the passage.

I will mostly do Homan Christian Standard Bible because of their copyright freedoms.

Matthew 8
- mt 8:1-4 Cleanses the Leper
  - ³Reaching out His hand He touched him, saying, “I am willing; be made clean.” Immediately his disease was healed.^[a]
    - leprosy was considered the outcome of sin
    - lepers were outcasts
    - lepers were unclean but Jesus TOUCHED him – how long had it been since he’d been touched.
- Mt 8:5-13 the Centurion’s faith
  - ⁵When He entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, pleading with Him, ⁶“Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, in terrible agony!”
  - ⁷“I will come and heal him,” He told him.
  - 8-9 The power of authority with faith
  - ¹⁰Hearing this, Jesus was amazed and said to those following Him, “I assure you: I have not found anyone in Israel with so great a faith!
  - ¹¹I tell you that many will come from east and west, and recline at the table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven.
    - indication that the Kingdom of God is not just for Jews!
- Mt 8:14-17 Peter’s Mother in Law
  - ⁷so that what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled:He Himself took our weaknesses
    and carried our diseases.
  - ¹⁶When evening came, they brought to Him many who were demon-possessed. He drove out the spirits with a word and healed all who were sick,
    - key – the sick came to him – James 5:14-15
- Mt 8:18-22 counting the cost
  - ²⁰Jesus told him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.”
- Mt 8:23-27 the Winds and Waves obey
  - ²⁴Suddenly, a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves. But He was sleeping. ²⁵So the disciples came and woke Him up, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to die!”
    - these were fishermen, they knew the seriousness of the storm.
  - ²⁶But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, you of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm.
  - ²⁶But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, you of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm.
- Mt 8: 28-34 Gadarene Demoniacs and Swine
  - ²⁹Suddenly they shouted, “What do You have to do with us,^[j]^[k] Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before the time?”
    - they knew who He was
  - ³²“Go!” He told them. So when they had come out, they entered the pigs. And suddenly the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and perished in the water.
    - The pigs committed suicide rather than live with demons in their heads.
  - ³⁴At that, the whole town went out to meet Jesus. When they saw Him, they begged Him to leave their region.

Image by FaithGiant from Pixabay

Mindful Meditating

choose a verse,
set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever works for you.
example: Matt 8:3
repeat to yourself, and at each word, enunciate the next word in the sentence starting with the first word…

example:

³Reaching out His hand He touched him, saying, “I am willing; be made clean.”
REACHING out His hand He touched him, saying,…
Reaching OUT His hand He touched him, saying…
Reaching out HIS hand He touched him, saying…

…and so on. This will cause you to look at the verse more intently, and may have you memorize it before your five minutes are done.

Matthew 8:27 coloring page to print

Quick Questions – if you have time, or to think about over the course of the day, and jot down thoughts later.

Why did Jesus touch the leper? the law made that unclean for a period of time.
1. I think the key is in the words “Immediately his disease was healed.” I don’t believe the leper was leprous when Jesus touched him, that the healing power was instantaneous. But the power of the at of touching the leper can be explained by Church Militants article.
Why does the Bible say that after Peter’s mother-in-law was healed that she got up and served them?
1. The Gospel Coalition has thoughts on Peter’s mother-in-law.
Why were the disciples amazed at Jesus calming the storm?
1. – your answer
Why did the Gadarenes ask Jesus to leave the region? does that make sense to you?
1. – your answer

~~~~~~~

Got Questions provides a detailed explanation of The Roman’s Road.
Billy Graham’s version of the Plan of salvation.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

M. Christine Wildman

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.

My One Word 2018 – The End is Near – or The Time Is Short – hmmmm?

Yes, that’s what I got in January!
My One Word!

Then, it was refined to Be Like Jesus!

I’ve written a bit about both.

I also wrote about Jesus Knowing my frame….and how many spoons I have!

I created a video about being poured out – I think I need to find that, edited by Jim!

Last September, I wrote about my struggles with what was occurring at that time….since then
In October, we put Gabriel Down.

In November, we rejoiced with our children Faith and Steve in their new home, that included a room in which we couild stay without a hotel!

In December, we flew back to Ohio to share in Christmas with family.

Somewhere in January, I found out I had kidney cancer.
Somewhere in January, we found out that Jim’s fight with prostate cancer was not over.

In February, we discussed with various doctors about various cancer treatments…for both of us.
I have to have most or all of my kidney removed.
Jim needs another hifu, and we are looking at the lymphoma.
Jim has had to start a medication to be a stop gap for the prostate cancer…and we’ve had to fight with insurance for one of the drugs. (And we thought we had one of those golden insurance policies…how awful it must be for those that don’t have anything!!!!)

We need to lower our costs….and Jim’s focus is in lowering our credit card debt.

Then –
2/21 I get a text from our daughter “Do you want to be my neighbor?”
Jim jumps right over my maybe to a yes…because he’s seeing the end from the beginning…

2/27 – Faith and Steve walk the house…and Faith does a video call with me, and they share the google photos with us. It’s nowhere near as bad as the zillow photos!

3/2 – we have realtors over to this Florida house to check on the viability of selling.
we also check into a program called Open Door – the amount for which we need to sell this house is viable –
3/3 we jump on a plan to fly to Ohio to check out the house ourselves.
3/4 we meet the agent and the inspector, and we ‘fall in love’ with the house and the property.

Our 7 year old grandson, when asked if he could make sure that I got plenty of hugs and kisses if I moved in said ” Oh Mamaw, I’d do anything to get you to move up here!” MELT! The 4 year old offered ideas to make the house work for me! The son-in-law discussed the fences and my dear sweet daughter promised me baked goods!

I stayed up all night finding possible professionals to get quotes on work needed on the Thurber House.
3/5 we met with the agent one more time at the house, and let the boys go inside and see the place. Then, we flew home.

3/6 The open door offer comes in $1000 less than our mortgage payoff!!!
3/7 We worked up a bid for the Ohio house, based on comps and comparisons.
3/8-9 The seller came back with a $2000 increase(which was still $18k less than the asking price). we were so shocked it was ok’d so fast, that we didn’t even consider negotiating any more and said yes!
3/9 signed the papers for the Ohio house

One of the professionals from Home Advisor is working with us to come up with quotes for all the things needed to be done…Jim likes him! YAY!

Jim would need an apartment here, for work technicalities…and he was not able to find anything reasonable. One night, I was up, and found a bunch. He liked the website I’d looked at, and found a treehouse rental. Yes, they have one opening up, for $625 a month! No, it’s not in Clermont…but it is in the general area in which he was looking. It’s based in a resort…near Lake Marion, in a very secluded area. The ride to the treehouse condos is in cattle country mixed in with Orange groves…a very restful drive for Jim!
3/9 My friend and I drove out there to see the property and turn in some papers and money orders to hold the treehouse.
3/10 Jim and I drive to see the Treehouses
3/11 we signed the papers for the Florida House with Open Door

3/16 Jim signed the lease papers for the treehouse. The house that they have given him is close to the lake, and very secluded! Great restful place!
3/16 the major parts of the Open Door inspection were done…we think everything went well.

We had need of another car…because of the rental car location issues. Our Daughte rRachel happened to call Jim on the day he was headed down to Fort Lauderdale and said “could you check out a car for me? I’ll sell you mine for cost” The car was 10 minutes out of his way, and it was a day that he had time to do the test drive!
3/15 Rachel flew to Florida this past weekend to pick up her new car.

It appears that God’s plan is to eliminate the mortgage debt!

3/19 the Septic inspection.
Upcoming – Jim will be driving a truck to Ohio 3/22-24; flying to Austin to pick up the car from Rachel, driving to Dallas for SKO then driving our ‘new’ car home to Orlando area from SKO 3/29-4/1

Closing for Florida house is set for April 19th(if all things are agreed on from the OD inspections)
Closing for Ohio house is set for April 23rd.

We have stepped down from leading the small group, and the women’s group.
We are packing like crazy…and even have the house cleared of all things on the walls.

I have a peace that is totally incomprehensible(probably similar to Peace that passes understanding!) even in the midst of the stress, anxiety and panic attacks.

If there seems to be a flurry of activity in this blog, it’s because it’s been a flurry of activity. We have sought out friends and connections, especially those that might have a reason to NOT want us to leave, and laid out the very details as they have come up. The typical response is either
“This is a no brainer”
or
“What’s the question?”

Two additional God things:

The agent in Ohio had a partial nephrectomy just two years ago and knows an excellent urology team!
The doctor that handles my back pain had a cancellation for the first part of a procedure for my back…we can do the first part, the test, which will be over the course of two months…and I can come back for the results. If it works, then, he can do a procedure that will make me pain free for ONE YEAR!!

And if that’s not enough….
My Psych is fine with me meeting with him once a quarter.
My Therapist is fine with me once a month…and one computer visit.
I think my hemotologist will be like wise!

Jim does not have to change out his cancer treatment professionals, because he will have an apartment down here.
I can come down to Florida once a month to be with Jim…because he has an apartment…or to stay by the beach!
We have the car situation settled for Jim going to and from the airport in Pittsburgh!

And I will have all the grandbaby hugs and kisses I can handle…even the potential for those that live three hours away to come and stay for a weekend!

So, yes, the time was short….for our living here!
Yes, the end is near…. for our living here!

We still need to focus upon our walks with Christ, and being like Christ…
We still need to focus on numbering our days that we would apply our hearts to wisdom…
The days are evil…and short…and the Lord will return!

This house has been a blessing and gift from the Lord. We thought we were going to be here for the rest of our lives. God had other plans. Lately, we feel like we are just holding on for the ride!

We just try to follow!

PRAISES UPDATE!
EDIT 3/19/2018 –
* Jim’s biopsy for the lymph nodes came back as B Cell follicular Lymphoma – only needs to be watched. No evidence of metastasized Prostate cancer!
* Open Door investigation came back with $700 repairs…a totally bogus claim against the carpet and pet odor…as confirmed by the many people that have come in, and a totally unrealistic claim to fix the damage to the ceiling that our repair guy charged $800 for and totally messed it up. Also, realistic maintenance repairs to the outside of the windows. The point…it cost us more to fix the ceiling(even if the guy did do a horrible job) than they have allowed for all three repairs. The difference between the check for this place and our mortgage payoff is about the cost of one mortgage payment!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Ministries
Obed’s House Ministries
Project Based Missions, Global
The son of a friend will be interning with CRU – previously known as Campus Crusades for Christ. If you’d like to support someone I can vouch for in this area, please consider going to Matthew Plant’s donation page.
Compassion

2016 word of the year – prepare – when you can’t prepare!

In the last 18 months, my husband and I have been walking a path that we were not prepared for. How do you prepare for hearing the “C” word, when there are no noticeable symptoms?

Once you prepare by researching treatments, and choose the best option for 99% cure, how do you prepare to find out that you are one of the 1%?

The answer for us has been, we couldn’t.

I was in the midst of a depressive breakdown, and I was an inpatient in a wonderful mental health hospital.
Jim was in the midst of a mental and emotional stressful time. His wife was in the hospital, and he had just found out that the reason for the elevated PSA was cancer. The procedure was not yet approved in the States, and he needed a companion to accompany him to Cancun for the procedure. We had to schedule my release from the hospital program with the date for the procedure.

98% cure rate(though they cannot use the term ‘cure’).

Fast forward almost one year – and the PSA was coming up again.
The cancer was back.

We had to rearrange our thought process – because we were not planning on dealing with Cancer again!

When God is with you, to guide your steps, there is peace.

Jim went for his MRI.
We set up an appointment with the Doctor.

and God told me that I was to set up my life in order to assist Jim to grow in strength, and spirit, and to lessen his stress where possible.

This meant travel with him as much as possible.
First, I had worked out a system with my counselor to do our visits via Google hangouts. This was arranged while I was in Ohio to assist our daughter with her third child.

Second, we had a situation with our cat. She could not be boarded, because she did not trust anyone. In Ohio, we had her with us. One day, she slipped out, and instead of going and exploring the fields on three sides of us, she ran to the multi lane road a mile+ away, and was hit and killed. Sad, yes. This event did set us free from that concern.

Next, how to travel with my service dog.
He went deaf while being treated for an ear infection. He stopped being able to alert to my medical issues. And, he was depressed with no friend to spend time with.
His hips were getting so painful that he was having difficulty getting up into and down out of a vehicle. Lying on the floor of an airplane had become painful, and stiff.
He had also aged, and was no longer always able to let me know if he needed to go out. There had been several accidents in places that it was imperative that he did not have accidents!
Enter in a new boarder, that loved Gabriel, and Gabriel loved her.
I discussed with her my concerns for Gabriel, and my concerns that Gabriel would no longer be able to train the next service dog, because of the deafness.
Then came the ‘call’ that I was to travel with Jim.
Our new friend agreed to be Gabriel’s caregiver, giving him a small farm to run around, other dogs to play with, release from the anxiety of not being able to serve me, and a job to comfort his new handler, Dana.

Another sad, but important part of this preparation.

Treatment Preparation!

I went with him to Sarasota in order to research the cancer treatments, and discuss things with his doctor.
My presentation(not having studied anything prior) impacted the doctor that was against all biopsies in such a way that he performed the biopsy on Jim, so that if we beat the odds again, with the second procedure, we would have the biopsies in order to know how to treat the cancer.

Now, the travel part!

Jim earned a companion pass for me to fly free with him. That came just as this situation was unfolding.

I needed TSA precheck in order to get through the security with Jim.

Set up an appointment?
Next morning was open!
Wait for the TSA number…30+ days.
Email came in within three days!
Luggage needed to arrange my travel needs.
Macy’s had a sale – and the luggage was available at the closest store the next day! As Jim says – in my weird color!

These things all came about within days of a two week trip.

MY art and writing
I am held to continuing that set of callings. How?
The laptop. WordPress.
And, I need to make sure that drafts do not get published!

Travel sets of art – acrylic, watercolor, colored pencils.
I even found a portable easel!

And when the enemy distracted me and I left my camera in a rental car – (Arting at Stone Mountain) – Jesus had already prepared Jim’s schedule to take him by the house in order for him to pick up another camera. That was only important, because we were going to be back in Atlanta the following week, and we could retake the photos.

Weather? Photos?
The Lord Jesus prepared the timing, the lighting, and the schedule for the pavilion so that we were able to get there, and take the exact set of photos again.

stone mountain, georgia

Ephesians 2:10
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Our Creator God had prepared this path for us, before we even realized that we needed to say YES to Him.

I hope you are enjoying this journey!

Team Wildman

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I want to thank

for the ability to search the Bible online.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

I’d love to hear what you think – please leave a comment!
Or choose to LIKE me on facebook, or other social media!
I’d love to stay in touch with you – we are working on email subscriptions…sign up!
Soon, we will have a gallery for the art I have created by the hand of God.

There are many organizations that support children and families. Here is one that we are blessed to be a part of. Please consider sponsoring a child – the life you change could be your own.

Naomi’s Heart Ministries

Obed’s House Ministries

Simplify

This was my post on Facebook on October 31.

simplify simplify simplify….which may mean I thin out my fb list of friends!
I only have 325 – so, hmmm – but next year is going to be MUCH simpler – and I am focusing on what My Lord and Savior wants me to do….for me…as for me and Him…and me…and Him…and Jim Wildman, too – but, I need to get back to the one on one faith that has brought me through so much…so, as I simplify my life – I am planning next year to do an experiment – 365 days of Biblical Womanhood and Faith( combining the experiences of two books I will add here).
Focus on the gifts God has given me – writing and painting.
And focus on the responsibilities that God has given me – wife and mother and friend.
That should be simple enough.
I don’t know what travels will be in my path, or trials, or triumphs!
But, I want my friends to know that if I thin things out, don’t post on your page, disappear for long periods of time – it’s not because of a lack of love for YOU, it’s because I am growing my love for myself, My God, and my husband. If anyone does not understand this – please unfriend me now – it will save me time l later! see – simplify!
Also, if you do not like me posting scriptures and Christian based faith things on my page, go ahead and unfriend me – It’s my page, but, you have the choice to not look at it.
So – this is my fair warning – I’m putting things into place for finishing up 2014, and starting 2015.
There are many holidays for many folks that are occurring from today, until Jan 1 – I hope that everyone that I love enjoys some time together with the ones they love!

I am working on simplifying my life – to focus on only those things that are important.

In the book A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans – she talks about a prayer life, a bible reading life, and then, she discusses Mary and Martha – the quintessential dichotomy of being a Biblical woman in the home, and being at the feet of Jesus.

THIS HAS BEEN THE BASIS FOR MY STRUGGLES BETWEEN MY CALLING AND MY RESPONSIBILITIES!

When we were first married – and I had no urgent responsibilities, and only the fresh memory of being single – and desiring to read the Bible, I read the Bible for hours.
We chose NOT to have a TV, because of the distraction it would cause Jim in his studies, but that ended up allowing me to have the freedom to study the Bible.

My first love – when I first understood my salvation I thirsted, and hungered for the Bible. I read the Bible to understand this man that had given his life for me, and how to be more like him. I read the bible to understand the roots of the religion I was now embracing. I read the bible like some eat bread and drink wine. It was my sustenance.

My first love in our marriage was to please Jim in all ways – cleaning, cooking, sewing, decorating, and pleasing him by meeting him at the door with a smile and a kind word when he returned home.

In Revelation 2:4 Jesus says to the church:
Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.

This is after he praises them for their good deeds.
His counsel is this, in Rev 2:5

Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.

I need to repent so that I can simplify.
I need to return to my first loves.
I hope that it is not too late!

update Nov 5, 2014
Of course it’s not too late – I am not dead, I have not been raptured, Christ has not returned, and I have not faced the white throne of judgement. By grabbing onto the horns of the mercy seat, and crying out for mercy, and grace – I can change my life to glorify God. It’s not too late as long as I have breath!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Mission

Sponsor a Child

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

The end of the year starts now!

Out of surgery

Cleaned up and going home!

One week out – They say it looks good!

Maybe having your throat sliced open in order to replace a damaged disc with a state of the art artificial disc caused me to have early end of year reflections…but, for whatever reason – I am.

The upside is that I have the ability to plan out next year, before Dec 26 – Jan 1! This could be a great new pattern!

I’ve been having Deep thoughts – based on the book “The Happiness of Pursuit” by Chris Guillebeau

What really makes me tick? Not ticked! or ticked that I can’t tick! 😉

Last night, I watched a movie/tv series from BBC called “The Bletchley Circle”. It’s kind of gruesome for that genre time, but not for murder mysteries for 2012 and on.

Anyway – they were cracking a murder code by looking at patterns – and one of the characters said

” when you are given corrupted code, you backtrack to the known pure code”.

This goes hand in hand with this summary of Chris’ book –

Everywhere that Chris visited he found ordinary people working toward extraordinary goals, making daily down payments on their dream. These “questers” included a suburban mom pursuing a wildly ambitious culinary project, a DJ producing the world’s largest symphony, a young widower completing the tasks his wife would never accomplish, and a teenager crossing an entire ocean alone – as well as a do-it-yourselfer tackling M.I.T.’s computer-science course, a nerd turning himself into real-life James Bond, and scores of others writing themselves into the record books.

The more Chris spoke with these strivers, the more he began to appreciate the direct link between questing and long-term happiness — how going after something in a methodical way enriches our lives — and he was compelled to complete a comprehensive study of the phenomenon and extract the best advice. In The Happiness of Pursuit he draws on interviews with hundreds of questers, revealing their secret motivations, their selection criteria, the role played by friends and family, their tricks for solving logistics, and the importance of documentation.

Equally fascinating is Chris’ examination of questing’s other side, including questers’ acute awareness of mortality, their struggle against monotony, and their wistful feelings once a quest has succeeded. What happens after the summit is climbed, the painting hung, the endurance record broken, the “at risk” community saved?

A book that challenges each of us to take control – to make our lives be about something while at the same time remaining clear-eyed about the commitment — The Happiness of Pursuit will inspire readers of every age and aspiration. It’s a playbook for making your life count.

I have always wanted my life to count…but at 51 – I started wondering what counted!
I have begun to realize that from all the messages given to me from social media, tv, movies, others(friends, family, strangers), philosophy, theology….I have had my code corrupted.

I need to go back to when the code was the most pure – and start again.

This is NOT going backwards, but rather – finding my true path – the true essence of me – who I am, what I believe, how I like to dress, what I am here for in this world.

In a sermon that WildRoss shared with me on a podcast –

the question in Genesis Chapter 3 – God asking “where are you?”
It’s not God hiding from us so that we have to seek – He KNOWS right where we are – He’s right there with me, when I’m hiding behind a tree – and He’s waiting for me to realize – I’M HIDING FROM HIM! and my relationship with HIM is more important than any relationship in my life.

That is where the code was purest…though there was plenty of corrupted messages back then – but life had enabled me to unravel some of those corrupted messages – and now – I need to go back to the beginning with new eyes, and reprocess.

There are scripture verses, quotes from THOP, another book I’m reading, about a woman that walked the AT at a very old age – Gramma someone – of course, Gramma Moses painting late in life…and some very old writers.

I’m no longer 51 – three more years have funneled through the hour glass – and I want to be about my Father’s business – whereever and whatever that may be.

Another thing I am looking at is three books about living Biblically for a year.

A year of living Biblically – by AJ Jacobs – I think this one is from the Jewish perspective
A year of Biblical Womanhood – by Rachel Held Evans – a woman’s perspective
A year of living Like Jesus – by Edward G Dobson – obviously the Christian Perspective

As well as finishing the book – The World is my Cloister – by John Michael Talbet

Faith
Art
Family
Adventures

I have also been challenged by posts from a man named Steve Kamb – like this one: Does it Really Matter?

I guess that is the next challenge in my life…how to focus my life on these things – and drop those that don’t fit.

This morning, I just read this blog by Steve Kamb – About an Epic Quest. Life is a Game.

I want to make a difference?
Epic Quest time –
My epic quest is to be completely victorious over childhood sexual abuse, genetic chronic depression, and self destructive patterns.
This will not end until my life is over – so, it doesn’t have a date attached to it per Life Is a Game.

But, I have accomplished several things:

No longer under the power of the abuser.
No longer under the power of self blame and shame.
No longer under the power of self hatred.
No longer under the power of worthless burden mentality.
No longer under the power of other’s placing blame on me for their own choices.

one of three major damages to my body from a fall in the Navy is taken care of – artificial cervical disc!
Damaged tendons in my feet and ankles have been repaired or rehabbed.
I am no longer limited to a wheelchair! or a walker! or a cane.
My bloodwork and vitals are constantly improving – and my liver is finally allowing me to take off weight!

I completed one practice sprint triathlon – with the help of a physical therapist, helping to train me during my rehab!
I have had my book outline reviewed by a main company editor – with promising reviews – and told to write it out longer.
I have had my art seen by galleries – with promising reviews.

I have been able to reach broken children and families and women through various avenues.

BUT – what is my passion, what is my quest?

To combine my art, my writings and my experiences to help broken women and children to reach their highest potential.

What does that look like?

My blog
An Art site
My book
speaking
and getting my hands dirty to work with those that the world has forgotten – under the bridges, behind the buildings, in the dumps, in the stores, in the schools, in the churches…where ever I can reach out a hand – and offer help.

I was given the title of a wounded healer – and it’s time that I get about walking into that calling.

I was told by someone that in RPG games – you always protect your healers.
In the RPG group on NerdFitness, I have set myself up as a healer.
In Real Life – I never really thought that anyone felt that my healing ‘powers’ were of much worth – they didn’t bring in money, they didn’t put food on the table, they didn’t cloth anyone – and instead, they often COST something.

Therefore – a side quest is to find a way that I can be this wounded healer, and provide for this ‘ministry’.

My books?
My paintings?
speaking?

Another side quest is to find out how to utilize tools.

Learn WordPress – and social media in order to gain some visibility to my writing that adds up to my book and studies.
Learn FASO
Learn e-publishing
FineTune my skills – art courses, writing courses, abuse counseling type courses. and Bible counseling courses.

And, an all encompassing side quest is to continue to build strength, physically, mentally and emotionally.
These will have their own pathways.

My goals for the rest of the year (hence, this next challenge) is to set up for the following year with a master Epic Quest Goal – and sub goals.

At this time, I don’t know what this will look like – but I have to start walking my path, my quest – to my end goal of being all that I can be(though, that is the Army, not the Navy).

Now, I need to put these two trains of thoughts together –
what is my purpose (Faith, Art, Family, Adventures) and what quest does that line up with?

So, that’s my focus for the rest of the year – though there will be adventures, and family thrown in – starting tomorrow – by flying to Ohio, to see family.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

Naomi’s Heart Mission

Sponsor a Child

Help a child in need. Check out Naomi’s Heart Mission or Compassion International. The life that changes will be your own!

Isaiah – A Kay Arthur Bible Study Introduction

Isaiah 40:31, My life verse.

The Book of Isaiah has become my favorite over the years.
I love Psalms – I sing myself out of depression by singing through Psalms.
I love the Gospels – the story of Christ is my salvation.
And yet – there is something about Isaiah!

Isaiah 40:28-31
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I am using the study guide:
Face-to-Face with a Holy God

This is a 13 week study…I’m starting it on July 21, 2014.
I will be posting my thoughts as I go through this study.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest