I have failed to write this blog consistently…and this response is more personal…this is my life.

Life is happening here…but after reading about a friend’s  life…I am reminded of the story about the woman that met with Jesus about how heavy her burdens were.  He showed her the burdens of those around her, that she could not see – and everyone of those that she picked up were too big, too heavy for her.  Then she saw this small burden and asked who’s that was…she was told to pick it up, and she said “it’s so light? Whose is this?”  Yours, my child…

So, life is happening here…I have a disability that makes these difficulties challenging…but, I have a God that is greater than all these things…and I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

I have to remember, like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress…the lions are chained.
I haven’t been able to T-Tapp, because for some reason, my energy levels, my strength, my heart rate and my breathing have all continued down hill.  I haven’t even been able to take walks.
I will be taking my walker to Germany, and we are talking about some sort of braces for my ankles.
Apparently, my Fibromyalgia is in rare form, and I’ve had to add Mobix to aid the pain issues.

Other than that, this is all I have to get done:

• planning the downsizing(Katy Christian Ministries is getting lots and lots of stuff),
• preparing for the trip(April 18-May 18),
• doing training for Gabe in prep for Germany(classes and trainers),
• preparing for the move at the end of May(which has to be ready before I leave for Germany),
• planning the June trip to Ohio(where I will meet a man that wants to confirm face to face what my father was – as in, validate the memories that have ‘destroyed’ my life), and that trip needs to be planned before I leave for Germany,
• plan for Faith and Daniel’s visit here in July(because when I get back, I will be too busy moving and vacation to mess with tickets then), and
• prepare for medical issues that have come up – in the mean time.

I haven’t blogged.
I haven’t kept up with the scripture memorization.
I’m not T-tapping much more than once a week, though sometimes I skin brush
I’m not walking much – energy issues
I’m not checking in here, or encouraging folks on the my initiated 50 challenge, or even doing the second 50 day challenge.
My blood work came back worse…even though I have eaten better, and exercised better during that 3 months. I KNOW that becoming fully diabetic is my fault.  God gave me 7 years…and I failed.
I need to find that money tree…oh right, my God shall provide all my needs….
I’m failing commitments all over.

Anxiety? A little.
Physically – things seem to have gone backwards.
Making progress? definitely…but not as fast, or as well as I’d like…see that noun?

I ‘need’ a foundation…and I have put much of my roots into certain physical things that make me feel at home.  God is shaking those roots…and reminding me that my roots need to be grounded somewhere even deeper…and I KNOW that I will get through this…

BUT – in the mean time…I feel like I am going through an earthquake, hurricane, and forest fire all at the same time.  Sometimes, daily. I need to remember Elijah…in the cave…God is not in all of this, I need to be still, and wait for HIS still small voice.

The problem – when I get still, and hear his still small voice…I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE!!!  I want to stay in HIS presence! LOL, I don’t want to go back to the storms!!!  But, they still keep raging…and I am learning that while there are times that I need to turn my back on the storms, and look into Jesus’ face…apparently, there are times that I need to face the storms…Sometimes, I need to face my enemies…knowing that HE has my back…and when it’s too dangerous, HE will command the storms to cease.

Still, I daily find myself to be human, weak, and struggling with my inabilities.  Technically, in the Biblical and Spiritual world, that means that I am learning that when I am weak, HE is strong.  Military Boot Camp was hard…but I learned my weaknesses, and the Navy showed me how to become strong.  This is like God’s boot camp for me…and I KNOW that I will come out stronger.  I KNOW that HE is with me.  I KNOW that THIS is to help me put off those fleshly rags, and put on the garments that HE purchased for me.

I also KNOW that I should be counting all these things gifts, and rejoicing in these trials, testings…because HE is making me into what HE has planned for me.  I KNOW that I will be better for these things.  But, I also KNOW that I am human. These things hurt, like Eustace’s shedding of the dragon skin – he couldn’t do it alone – Aslan had to use his claws to cut through the layers.  My God, My Christ, My Savior, My redeemer Jesus is answering my prayer to be more like HIM.  right now, HE is clawing through the layers of fleshly baggage…because I can’t do it alone.

Sometimes, my heart holds on to “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”
Sometimes, I remember “I shall not die, but live to declare the glory of God.”
I’m trying to just stand – simply stand, and wait to see the deliverance of God.
Sometimes, I just acquiesce to the process…which implies some pride still.
I don’t know that I have totally yielded to this process….which probably means I’m not being still. Actually, re-reading that – duh…I haven’t’ yielded yet!

One thing I know – God knows that I am but dust, and still, He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling…and to present you faultless …FAULTLESS…before the presence of HIS glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God, be glory and majesty, dominion and power both now and ever. Amen.

Thanks for joining me in this journey,

In His hands and under His wings,

~Christi

Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

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1. 100 days of moving challenge – day 62
   
2. 100 days challenge- blog – check
3. 25 verses in 52 weeks – Ps 15:3-5(didn’t set up verse 4)
   
4. 90 days Bible Reading – Isaiah – very behind.
   
5. 50 days T-Tapp – ???