or…
For whose joy am I responsible?

I have spent my life trying to make
my husband happy,
my children happy,
my mother, father and brother happy,
friends happy,
my church happy,
and even my GOD happy.

I just realized this:

I have believed it’s wrong to allow myself joy when those around me are not, that I have not provided joy in the lives of those closest to me.

this is what a therapist labeled STINKIN’ THINKIN’!

I am only responsible for MY OWN JOY!
If that which brings ME JOY, also brings others joy, then that is the joy that is within me, spilling out upon others.
By embracing the things that bring me joy, I will have more joy to share with others.
But, I am not responsible for them picking up the joy – taking in the joy…THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN LIVES!

I wrote this in 2003:
Oil of Joy

I have posted multiple posts on depression, suicide, and struggling with such things.

I have admitted that the opposite of Joy has been a Giant in my Land.

All of this, plus years of therapy, and I couldn’t enjoy JOY. I couldn’t hold onto Joy.
But right now – I am realizing that I KNOW how to live in Joy – I haven’t given myself permission, because I have been focusing on giving joy, creating joy in others.

It’s time for a definition.
My definition!

Joy is not dependent upon the things going on around me. It depends upon the Joy that is within me –

And in John 16:22 – Jesus said that No man could take it from me….
My JOY is dependent upon MY Faith, and My time with Jesus Christ.

Happiness is about happenings – and it comes and goes.
There are times of sorrow – grieving….

Eccl 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Eccl 3: 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

But this is not JOY. That is dependent upon the happenings around you.

Faith Gateway posted Bible Verses about Joy: 25 scriptures

I believe that JOY is about my heart beating in time with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I didn’t think I deserved to have joy – when I had not given joy to those I love. The problem with this thought is that if I don’t have any joy, how to do give joy to others? If I am not allowed to enjoy the things that bring JOY – what does that say to others?

And the truth is – Jesus gives me joy – and wants my joy to be full!

John 15:11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

John 16:24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

These words are in red in the Bible – because these are the quoted words of Jesus Christ.
Jesus came so that I would have Joy.
To refuse Joy, in a way, is to refuse the gift that Jesus gave me.
To not enjoy Joy, in a way, is to not enjoy Christ in me.
To not receive Joy from Jesus, is like someone offering me a gift of great price, and I refuse it – putting a disparaging ungrateful response in the face of such a gift.

Jesus meant for me to have Joy.
Jesus meant for me to GROW in Joy(The fruit of the spirit is Love, Joy….)
So I have the RIGHT to have Joy, to be Joyful, to embrace JOY!
And I am not responsible for the Joy of others!
I am responsible for ME, Myself and I.

And by God’s grace – I have been given the tools for JOY!

Thanks for joining me in this journey,
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi
Ps 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

“The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear.
If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation.
If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.” – from My Utmost for His highest

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